One Year Earlier…
Once the giddy sugar rush had worn off, John found himself trying to figure things out. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was supposed to feel like to become a pony, but it certainly wasn’t this. The entire procedure had felt like his body was being rotated around itself, like a tesseract of sorts. As his human body pulled inward, a pony body wrapped around him on the outside, squishing and prodding everything into position in a mildly ticklish fashion. The whole issue provoked a horrible surge of nervous tension that left his with a mild level of stir-crazy induced insanity.
It had been roughly 10 minutes before the guards managed to calm him down, and demand that he go back to his cell. It would not do to have unicorns running around an army facility, especially hardened criminal scum like John.
To be fair, he didn’t feel like such a rebel. He just wanted to help! Oh well, he got a prize out of it. He was still quite little even by pony standards, though this seemed to be more due to some sort of age reduction rather than any biology. Everything here was huge, though his legs were capable of propelling him dramatically around the place, with his tail wagging like a little dune-buggy flag behind him.
Hmm… these legs worked very well even without much practice, but… he wanted to try Everything. All the things. He’d gone running, but…
There was nothing for it. He would have to hop.
Oh goodness! That was… even as top heavy as he was, he easily regained balance at the lightest touch of the ground. And the force of the spring, it was easily sending him a body height above the ground! He hopped again, and a smile began infecting his face.
Outside the cell, a nameless night guard wandered up, wondering what all the tomfoolery was about. He stared with a dull glare of exasperation at seeing Little John Coltist bouncing about the detention block like Bambi of the Forest. “You gonna be doing that all night, major?”
“Yes!”
John stopped, blinked a few times, and realized where he was again. “I, um… I-I’ll be quiet.”
“Thank you.”
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The present day…
“Are you sure this is okay, Twilight?” Spike was a bit nervous about empowering Angel so, as if this were to hand a loaded assault rifle to a perpetually petulant brat. Angel shot a dirty look though, and he was quiet.
“Of course! Fluttershy was very insistent, and Angel deserves to enjoy the benefits of modern magic.” This was very true. Fluttershy had been a bit worried about handing Angel such power, but in the end, she couldn’t withstand the cuddly prospects of having a bunny person around the cottage. It would be so adorable! “And unless you have another test subject to volunteer, Angel’s our prime candidate!”
“If you say so.” Spike did have to admit she had a point, but only because she had been making him file all the prospective Uplift Subject paperwork that was currently scattered around their Canterlot tower. In any case, only Owlowiscious met the criteria from creatures they knew, and there was no way Spike would let his rival get the upper hand in this battle. Not today.
He sighed, put on some blindfolds, and relaxed back in the chair as a horrible light show filled the apartment. He couldn’t understand how Twilight could bear to handle such glowy magic, but perhaps pony eyes were weird. It certainly blinded the heck out of him whenever he tried to watch. Thus, he would have to miss the image of Angel floating in mid air and raising his hands in a maniacal evil villain fashion, though the dragon surmised he wasn’t missing much.
“And done! How does it feel, Angel?” Spike took off his blindfold to see a humanoid bunny rabbit of similar size to himself, standing there. He looked much like Angel had before, except with thumbs, a more humanoid set of legs, and a general expression of delight and exuberance. Arms raised high, the pooka cackled maniacally!
…or he would have, but no noise came out. He stopped, poked his throat as if it were about to explode, then glared at no one in particular. This… this was unacceptable. He tapped his foot impatiently, looking at Twilight’s confused expression. Get to fixing this, pony! What do we pay you princesses for if not magical mystery cures?
“Well that’s odd. There should be muscle memory in that regard, and I made sure to not carry over the throat defect. Perhaps it didn’t take?”
Spike walked up, thinking deviously. “Well, there’s one way to find out. Yoink!” He pinched Angel very hard on the arm, but was forced to cover his ears as the pooka cried out in a mixture of a yell and a lapine squeak. When the cacophony ended, Spike grinned, pleased with himself. “That answers that! He can speak just fine.”
Twilight was lost in thought, and not paying much attention to Spike’s screams of terror as Angel chased him around the tower in a huff. “Then it’s a problem with the muscle memory… perhaps it didn’t take? Language might be different. Or perhaps it was a mental disorder in the first place.” Angel shot a look of disgust at the suggestion that he was insane, but quickly returned to charging after his prey, bounding over bookpiles and chairs with excessive grace.
“Maybe… he just doesn’t… know how to do it? Practice!” Spike’s suggestions were labored, in between breaths and leaps. There was a killer rabbit after him, and he did not want catching. He knew that even if he had the upper hand in a fight, Twilight would not forgive him for setting her test subject on fire. Evasion was necessary here.
“That would work. We shall just have to teach Angel properly.” Angel stopped at this suggestion, bounded over to the stack of paperwork, and waved a pamphlet in her face excitedly. It was the little brochure she had commissioned for Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Mages. She was no good at the artwork stuff, but these humans had such a wondrous talent for it. Photoshop! She would have to explore this wonderful tool further once she had a source of electricity in the tower to power a computer with. Celestia had gotten something of the sort to work with her horrible noise creator, but insisted that the power output was too small for a computer.
“Hey, you’ve got to be kidding. Why does Angel get to go to magic school?”
“Spike, cmon. I haven’t decided yet. It would be a good way to examine how it affects magical applications. Rabbits have a low output of mana compared to pooka, and I’m interested in…”
“That’s not the point!” Angel gave another glare at Spike. Did he want the chase to resume again? This was totally within Angel’s power, you know. “I asked you earlier about trying my hand at it, and you said you weren’t sure!”
“I’m not sure about Angel either.” Twilight pondered, then came to an idea. “Well, we’ll just have to see if you’re motivated enough.” The two quickly lined up in front of Twilight and nodded cheerfully. They could be motivated! Goodness yes! Magic was on the line.
Their motivation wavered when she tossed a textbook at each of them, easily 1500 pages thick. This thing was less a book, and more a stool to sit on. “Uh, pardon?”
“Pages 1-274.” She smiled as their jaws dropped. “By next week, if you could. That’ll get you all caught up with the rest of the class. You don’t want to be behind, do you? If you can do that, I’ll let you try out the classes.”
Spike sighed, but realized he wasn’t going to be able to wiggle out of this. In any case, it was better than no chance at all. “Do I get to wear a wizard hat?”
Twilight scoffed at this, as she walked over to the kitchen area. “Absolutely not. That’s just a horrible stereotype perpetuated about mages, and very out of date. We don’t go parading around in wizard hats in this day and age, no matter what tales Rarity might be deluding you with.”
Spike didn’t care whether it was a stereotype or not. He just wanted to wear a silly hat. Angel obliged him in this desire, placing a tea cozy on Spike’s head so that he could be a proper wizard. All was well, except for the homework.
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One Week Later…
Rainbow was leaning back in her seat, twiddling her wings. Sam was quite amused to see such a thing, but he reminded himself that pegasus wings were weird. “So what’s that thing Twilight had you working on anyway?”
Sam looked down at the notebook he had brought in. Celestia Academy, Induction Class, AH 1272. Twilight had briefly claimed that AH was After Harmony, or some other such colorful name. It apparently corresponded to the forceful transfer of political control from Discord to the Celestian sisters, which would make it the official founding of New Equestria. No one used the word New anymore, because it was quite old at this point, but since people didn’t like to think about the Discordian times, this was perfectly fine to omit. In any case, he seemed to be far more amicable as a court jester than a despot.
He slid the book over to Rainbow, who flicked it open idly. “It’s a directory. Student profiles and so forth. She wanted a roster of her students, starting with our class, and since it’s easier for me to get at a printer than she can…”
“What’s a printer?”
“Loaded question, hun. Let’s just say it’s a lot better at writing out all these pages than I am.”
“So a printing press?”
“Times a billion levels of awesome, yes.” The profiles were rather barebones, but they seemed respectable. Sam was greatly amused by Twilight’s rankings for aptitude, noting that the students were rated much as an RPG character might be. Rainbow Dash quickly found her entry, and scoffed at the hexagon graph of her stats. Above average Strength, obscene Dexterity and Charisma, below average Wisdom and Intelligence, and absolutely pitiful Constitution. “Congratulations. You’re not an egghead.”
“Gee, thanks. Way to advertise to the class who’s bottom of the pack.”
“Well, you’re not dead last in intelligence. And besides, who else gets to have Princess of the Skies as their occupation?”
This was true, and Dash was pleased by it, along with the Alicorn racial designation. Height and weight were a bar approximation, as Twilight didn’t actually have their medical records. Birthplace was Cloudsdale, Equestria, and there was an age of 21. Sam was not sure how Equestrian years matched with Earth ones, given that the rulers of Equestria were active meddlers in their planet’s orbit. However, it seemed to match up reasonably well, and the exact level of variance would be a matter of academics. Magical talent was Skies, of course, and other notes pointed out that emergency Wonderbolt activity took priority over classwork, much as an emergency worker would have such permissions on Earth. One did not deny the Air Force the right to go dragon fighting. “So you went through everyone’s stats? Who’s a standout?”
“Me, of course!” Sam stuck out his tongue, and pointed at the bottom of the page. Sam Calisson, age 20! The picture was horrible, but ah well. Above average Strength and Intelligence, Average Charisma, Excessive Constitution and Wisdom, and Dexterity was in the crapper. Sam sighed as he looked over the Equestrian Ambassador to Earth occupation, and idly wondered if any pony would know where Ann Arbor, Earth was. Probably not. Magical talent was noted as Travel, though it lacked a cutie mark. Sam had suggested that this wasn’t the best thing to add, given that some students wouldn’t have one, but Twilight insisted. Ah well.
“That’s not very nice.” Rainbow was annoyed at the Other Notes section, where Twilight had added that Sam would be good at keeping Rainbow Dash on track with her homework.
“Well, it’s true, hun. Whatever happened to reading the textbook?”
“It’s boooooring. There’s no adventure there!”
“Don’t let Twi hear you saying that. She’ll adventure your face.”
Rainbow skimmed through a few more of the pages, taking note of some of the more active members of the class. Night Wing(Age 11, darkness talent) was noted as having traditional unicorn translocation magic, as if he weren’t really a thestral at all. Twilight had added a reminder to herself to investigate this further. Science!
Shu McDonavagh(Age 15, comprehension talent) was apparently from Liverpool in Great Britain, and had been chosen specifically because of his talent. It was much easier to take classes in Equestria if you could supernaturally read the language, something that was beyond most of the translation spells available to the ambassadorial staff. Sadly, he could only read the language, not write it, and so had to have an Equestrian dictionary with him when he worked. He could read that, and so figure out what the word was he was supposed to be writing. Sam, for his part, just presented homework orally. The two would have to merge their talents like Voltron to learn Equestrian writing properly, but it would not be this day.
There were a few others she spied. Crystal Star(Age 13, terramancy, specifically crystals) was super smart, but lacking in Wisdom. Spirit Walk(Age 8, astral projection) wielded Gummy levels of zen calmness about him, but had the constitution of a crumpled cheesecake. Twilight herself was at the front of the roster, and the two took great joy in poking fun at her. Top notch intelligence and charisma, average dexterity, low constitution and wisdom, and rock bottom strength. Princess of Magic and Professor of Magic were listed as titles, as well as a Magical Talent of Magic. They sensed a theme going on here, but didn’t want to nag too much. Wait. Yes they did. What else were they good for?
Sam’s eyes opened a little as he saw Rainbow going towards the back of the book. “You probably don’t wanna see those.”
“What? Why not? Are they not done?”
“Well, it’s not that, it’s just…” Too late. Rainbow’s mouth had fallen open in despair as she opened it to the last page, and the two newest members of the class.
“Class! I have an announcement for you!” Twilight had arrived, and was bouncing eagerly. “We have two new students joining us today. They’ve worked very hard to catch up to where we are right now, so I’d like you to welcome them as you would any other pony!”
Sam ‘shoosh’ed and papped Rainbow calmly while he looked over the profiles, having gotten used to her terrible nerves. Angel Bunny was first, proudly declaring himself to be a 7 year old Pooka(uplift) from Ponyville, Equestria. The mental stats were nothing new, though the pitiful strength and average dexterity/constitution were certainly an upgrade, even if they were still rather unimposing. There was only so much a 3.5 foot tall bunny person could achieve in physical prowess. Occupation had Assistant, Ponyville Animal Clinic(on hiatus), which was better than most of the other unemployed bums in the class. Magical talent was… self-transmutation? Oh dear, that sounded cthulian. The notes pointed out that this was prime evidence that the first large use of magic on somepony helped shape their magical talents later, even if it wasn’t a guaranteed definition(see: Sam and dimensional travel).
Spike's picture was adorable, Sam had to admit. He had done his best for the camera, and Rarity had been just elated at the prospect of giving him a little wizard’s hat, even if he knew Twilight would never let him wear it to class. Average strength, low dexterity, obscene constitution, average intelligence, above average wisdom and charisma. Not a bad spread for what appeared to be a tiny dragon. Sam recalled the little secretary from his visits to Twilight’s tower, but didn’t know that he was to be enrolled until he had gotten the assignment to fill out the roster. This was sudden, though he suspected that it was a recent decision for Twilight as well. Occupation of Secretary to Princess of Magic, birthplace Canterlot, Equestria, age 13. Magical talent of pyromancy, with a sub talent of discorporative message travel? These were large words, and Sam would have to look them up to be entirely sure, but it sounded like he Spike was some sort of living email machine. That would be super cool, though he wondered how such a talent would even work.
Turning his eyes back to the front, he saw the two little urchins vying for attention. Angel was wearing a comfortable little hoodie and an expression of “You’ll never be safe!”, while Spike was trying to look a bit taller than the pooka. This didn’t work very well, as they were both roughly the same size, and still smaller than Twilight. Ah well. Spike would one day be the size of the room in centuries to come, but patience was not a very enjoyable past time.
“In any case, Angel and Spike here have done their homework, so I hope you have too.”
“Wait. Angel? That Angel?!” Crystal was aghast. This was not the cute bunny rabbit that had accosted her last week. It could not be.
“Indeed! Since you’ve got us on topic, we’ll start today with a followup on your questions about the Uplift process, since as you can see, it is by an large a great success!” Angel waved and smiled for his cheering fans. Victory was his, and no pony would stand in his way.
Rainbow shuddered in her seat, as Sam sighed. “There there. If things go wrong, you’ll just have to save the world. Wouldn’t that be a blast?”
Her terror was absolute. “No! I’m bad at saving the world! And now I’m going to fail at saving it from Fluttershy’s pet bunny rabbit… everypony will be laughing at me!” Angel, taking his seat in front of Rainbow Dash, nodded and approved. Rainbow understood the situation very well, it seemed. No need for longwinded explanations, then.
Twilight rolled her eyes at the scene. “Well then, you’ll just have to put in more effort on your schoolwork, won’t you Rainbow Dash? We’re all counting on you!” The evil grins exchanged amongst everypony but Rainbow made it clear they knew that they would never live this down.