//------------------------------// // Twilight is Going to Figure This Out // Story: Cauldron Club // by Biplane //------------------------------// It was the darkest part of the night. That was good. The night is the ninja’s ally. Three black-clad ponies silently leapt from roof to roof, signalling to each other with hoof gestures as they went. Either unaware, or forgetting that they had wings trapped inside their ninja gear, the two pegasus ponies leapt and bounded like grasshoppers. For the earth pony, leaping came naturally. The three finally came to a crouching rest on a rooftop overlooking Sugarcube Corner. The structure rose up from the square like a monument; a towering structure that resembled an enormous dessert. Clearly, this was the armory of the treacherous Daimyo, who held these lands in her sway through treachery and force. “Pinkie-Kage, you will enter silently, and attempt to gain the trust of the guards. See if they can be persuaded to abandon their loyalty to the Daimyo,” said Master Flutter-Riko, a steel edge to her voice. “Sore wa anata no komando to shitedenakereba naranai! Shōgun no meiyo no tame ni!”[1] said Pinkie-Kage, her voice sounding deep, dark, and serious. “Master! Allow me to enter and seize the place by force! It will take me only seconds!” said the third ninja, boastfully. Master Flutter-Riko glared reproachfully at the brash young warrior, “You forget your place, Dashisamu! The time is not right for violence! Remember that the viper strikes only once, and must choose that moment carefully!” Dashisamu was cowed by her master’s harsh rebuke, and nodded, gritting her teeth beneath her mask. The matter settled, Pinkie-Kage was gone without a whisper, the other two ninja left silently watching the fortress from the shadows. . . . “Hey, can I sleep over here tonight? My house is on fire,” said Daisy, an earth pony with a bright magenta coat, a bright lime green mane and tail, and a pair of daisies (appropriately enough) for her cutie mark. Her tone suggested she was at least slightly weary. Perhaps it had something to do with waking up in the middle of the night to find your house on fire? We cannot be sure. “Again?” replied her friend Lily, still bleary-eyed from being awoken by the knock at the door. This pony was a pink earth pony with a lemon yellow mane and tail, and a three lily cutie mark (also appropriately enough). She also happened to be Daisy’s best friend. I swear... this town... ...right? I mean... these very ponies used to freak out and faint at the sight of a bunny stampede. Have they truly become so desensitized to chaos and destruction while living here that now half of Ponyville catching fire was considered an average day? What is it like to sell insurance here, I wonder...? Anyway. I wonder if bears half mutated into sharks will shock them out of their apathy? I have a feeling it might. "!!!" said Lily, as something emerged from a shadowy alley behind Daisy, into the firelight. Well, okay, she didn't so much say it, but the look on her face as her eyes shrunk to pinpricks, her jaw dropped, and the color drained from her normally-quite-colorful face effectively said it for her. Besides, how would she even pronounce that? Daisy, being practiced in that look herself, instantly recognized it, and felt her heart stop a beat. She slowly leaned close to Lily, making no sudden movements. "The... horror?" she whispered, inquiring if the look heralded a situation appropriate to their catchphrase of blind panic. A barely perceptible nod was her reply. Slowly, Daisy began to turn around to look. She felt her heart beating at an odd cadence as she did. Bum... bum... her heart pounded as she started turning around. Bum... bum... halfway there now. Bumbumbumbumbumbumbumbum... her heart started hammering. BumbumBUM! And there it was! "[CENSORED]!!!" said Daisy. That... that wasn't your catchphrase, Daisy. The thing before the ponies had the legs, body, and arms of a bear, but where the head and neck should have been, a large shark sat. The head and jaws protruded further forward than a bear's jaws would have, and the "body" and tail pointed straight back behind it, like a windswept hairstyle. The shark part was connected to the bear part where the necks of both animals would have been. The coarse brown fur appeared to stand up on end all over its body, making it look even larger and more threatening. The claws at the end of its mighty limbs gleamed in the firelight. The shark tail whipped back and forth behind it constantly, as if swimming through the air. Its hideous gray fish head was rippled with flaring gills on the side, and positively FULL of teeth on the front. Rows and rows of razor-sharp, crooked teeth, just filling that gaping mouth, like a horrible open-mouthed smile. But the worst part was the eyes. Lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. . . . “Twilight?” Spike yawned as he stumbled across the floor of the library, carrying a mountain of checklist-making materials that kept increasing in size as Twilight piled more on top of it. “What are we doing?” “The town is in chaos, Spike! We have to figure out what's going on, how it happened, and how to fix it! We're going up to the hill to get a better view!" "Well, yeah Twilight. I know all that. But... shouldn't we let the Princesses know what's going on, first?” Twilight gave an exasperated sigh. “How can we tell the Princesses what’s going on, when we don’t even know what’s going on, Spike?” “I could just try writing ‘Help! Help! Help! Help!’ over and over. That usually works.” Twilight glared at him. “...Or we could go up to the hill. Yeah, now that I think about it, I like that plan better," Spike said appeasingly. “Ugh. I just know everypony is going to find a way to blame this on me again...” Twilight muttered to herself as she grabbed another inkwell with her telekinesis. . . . “That... that is not normal, Berry,” said Cidery the Talking Cider. “...Whaaat...?” replied Berry. “The... things growing out of your hooves. Not normal.” “Iz fiiiine. Ita prollly goway evenchulally,” Berry slurred, not concerned with the mutations in her present, “happy” state. “I don’t like this. I wish we could’ve found some regular old hard cider or something. This is... weird. And alarming. This is weird and alarming. And since I’m a figment of your imagination, you should really be as concerned about this as I am.” “Nah,” Berry hiccuped. Berry didn’t really know where she was, but she was pretty sure it was either somewhere in Ponyville, or some kind of house farm that grew houses. Cidery, being a mere figment of her imagination, likewise had no idea where they were. Things were hazy, and came in and out of focus around them. Fleshy claw-like appendages were growing out of Berry’s hooves. Those things monkies had... fingies or whatever. The two had been wandering for what Berry was pretty sure was either exactly one hour and six minutes, or possibly somewhere between 35 seconds and thirteen and a half hours. How precisely Cidery the Talking Cider was “wandering” is not a question Berry contemplated, so he merely did. Despite the lack of legs. Out of the haze, a concerned face appeared. It was saying something. Berry squinted, leaning forward. It was definitely a pony, or pony-like face, and it was saying... “-a r e y o u o kay? Do you need help? There’s a fire, can I help you get somewhere safe?” Berry kept squinting. Familiar face. “Ber r y ?” the face and voice went in and out of focus constantly. Oh, that’s who it was! “Chleerilily?” Cheerilee blinked. Close enough. “Yes, Berry. It’s me. Listen, you are wandering into a fire area. I’m not sure where the fire brigade is, b u t it’s n o t s a f e . . .” Berry laughed. “Funny voice.” Cheerilee sighed. “Come w i t h me, dear. Stay close. I’ll take you s o m e w h ere safe.” “Caan Shidery... um. Um. Cun Shydery come tooo?” Not missing a beat thanks to years of experience with children and their imaginary friends, Cheerliee replied, “O f c o u r s e Cidery can come too, now come a l o n g .” “Thhhhhanks, palll! said Berry, clumsily holding out her mutated hoof for a hoofbump (handshake?). Cheerilee looked down, noticing the hideous fleshy growths for the first time. A surprised look just flashed across her face for an instant before she recovered. “We’d b e t t e r find Twilight S p a r k le.” . . . “Come on, Bon-Bon, we’ve got to get out of here! Looks like the fires might be spreading!” “But Lyra, where is Berry?” “I don’t know, but we’ve gotta go! She’ll be fine! She’s like a cat, she always lands on her drunken feet somehow.” “Where are we going to go? What are we going to do?” “You are going to get somewhere safe. Maybe the hill outside of town, or Sweet Apple Acres or something.” “Me? What are you going to do?” Lyra, who had been rummaging through a dresser turned, revealing a red plastic firepony’s hat suspended in her telekinetic field. Bon-Bon remembered that she’d gotten that at last summer’s Ponyville Fireponies’ Field Days, alongside several schoolchildren (she had, as usual, been the only adult in the line). It said “Official Junior Firepony” on the sticker on front of it, which was tilted at a slight angle, as though the pony applying it had not taken a great deal of time making sure it was put on straight. There was an insane gleam in Lyra’s eyes as she pulled the elastic strap over her chin, fixing the comically tiny firepony hat behind her horn. “I’m joining the fire brigade.” . . . “Problem One,” Twilight dictated, peering through her telescope, “Fires.” “Duh?” Spike muttered, but he wrote it down anyway. “Possible solution: Ponyville Fire Brigade,” “But...” “Problem Two: Ponyville Fire Brigade,” Twilight continued, cutting off Spike’s reply. “Fire brigade ponies appear to be under the effects of an enchantment of some kind... it almost looks like... is that a want-it-need-it spell? And,” she peered closer, leaning forward with her telescope, “The effects appear to be centered around... Trixie?” “Possible solution:” Twilight paused, thinking, “...We’ll get back to that one.” “Princess Celestia could fix that. She did last time,” Spike rightfully pointed out. “Yes, but wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to wake the Princess up in the middle of the night to fix this problem?” Twilight said, giving the dragon a crazy-eyed response laden with frustration and anxiety, complete with a too-wide smile. “Ahem. Problem three?” Spike inquired. “Problem Three!” Twilight said, recovering a bit, “Problem three: seemingly random magical blasts shooting into the sky. May be connected to the fires. “Solution: identify source of blasts, analyze data, react accordingly.” “That... doesn’t sound very... specific, Twi’.” “Problem Four! Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy appear to believe they are ninjas. Hmm... oh. Looks like Pinkie Pie too.” “Whoa, really?! Awesome!” Twilight shot him a look. He continued to write. “Problem Five: large impact at Sweet Apple Acres. Will have to get closer to identify the situation.” “Is that it?” “That’s all I see so f-” “THE HORROR! THE HORROR!” screamed Daisy and Lily as they ran screaming down the street. Twilight could hear them even way up on the hill. Twilight fixed her telescope on them quickly, looking for what they were freaking out about now. When she spotted it, she sighed. “Problem Six: Bear-sharks.” . . . The Midnight Special Manehatten-Canterlot (by way of Ponyville) clicked happily down the tracks. The engineer, Iron Horse, smiled. They were making excellent time. An hour stop in Ponyville for rest and refuelling, and they’d be in Canterlot a full half-hour early. This was one of those nights where everything was going right. His boilerpony, a hilariously, if unfortunately, named unicorn, threw another load of coal into the fire. “Perfect run, eh, Shovel Face?” said Iron Horse. Shovel Face nodded, leaning on his shovel. “Couldn’t ask for better, Iron. We’ll be home early tonight!” As they rounded the last hill before Ponyville, their mood suddenly changed. “What the...” said Shovel Face, as the chaos now familiar to you, dear readers, unfolded before his eyes. “Should we pass through? Should we stop?” asked Iron Horse, even though that was ultimately his decision. “We have passengers, we can’t stop here.” “But we’re almost out of coal. We’ll never make Canterlot on what we’ve got left. We either stop here, or we stop in the middle of nowhere.” Shovel Face knew Iron Horse was right. They would have to stop. It didn’t make the decision any easier. . . . “Possible solution number 57... uh.... um... the reverse gravity spell!” Twilight was desperate now. “I... don’t see that turning out in any way that will end well, Twilight,” Spike said flatly. “Possible solution... um... apple into orange?” Spike gave her a level stare. “We have to get in touch with the Princess, Twilight. I don’t doubt you can solve this yourself, but remember what you taught Applejack: sometimes you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help!” Twilight sighed. “I know. I know. You’re right, Spike. I just hope she doesn't wind up blaming me for this. ...Take a letter.” “Dear Princess Celestia...”