“So, what, exactly, is our plan, then?” Rarity asked as the party headed down the stairs, the way lit by the Unicorn’s horns and the Doctor and Dinky’s screwdrivers. They’d found Blueblood and Crackle lying in a daze about halfway down (Well, Blueblood was dazed, Crackle was trying to eat his mane), and the royal couple were now lagging behind, Blueblood already wondering what in Equestria he’d been thinking deciding to come down here and pondering whether he could possibly turn back without looking like a colossal coward. Crackle wasn’t thinking anything at all, but this was hardly unusual.
“You do ‘ave a plan, right?” Fleur asked.
“Of course I have a plan. I always have a plan,” the Doctor said.
“Don’t you usually make it up as you go, dear?” Derpy asked.
“Still counts as a plan,” the Doctor grunted. “But this is not one of those occasions. Here is how we are going to deal with the Autons. First, we will try diplomacy.”
“Diplomacy?!” Blueblood screamed incredulously. “They’re evil alien robots who want to destroy Equestria! There’s no reasoning with them!”
“Isn’t this country supposed to be the land of harmony and friendship?” the Doctor asked. “No matter how hostile they might seem, we should at least try to see if a peaceful solution can be found. After all, your kind wouldn’t have made peace treaties with the griffons, the diamond dogs, the dragons, or the changelings if you hadn’t given them the benefit of the doubt, eh?”
“The griffons only made peace with us because they’re too busy constantly fighting each other to bother with us, we terrified all but the stupidest and greediest of diamond dogs into leaving us alone, the dragons didn’t even have a nation until recently and before that they were so greedy and lazy they didn’t even deign to notice us unless they thought we had something they wanted so kept to themselves, and technically we’re still at war with the changelings even though we have a sizable number of refugees from several hives living within our borders,” Fancypants pointed out.
“…Right. Well. Still, we’re going to give peace a chance,” the Doctor said, looking disgruntled.
“While I am loath to forgive those horrible creatures after living right under my nose for so long, I suppose you have a point,” Rarity said reluctantly. “But what sort of peace could we possibly broker with them? Don’t they want to destroy us and plunder our world?”
“The Autons lost their food supply due to several of their planets rotting away, hence why they’re invading other worlds,” the Doctor explained. “However, I know of plenty of uninhabited planets chock-full of the materials they need to survive, so if I can convince the Nestene Consciousness to leave this world alone, I can transport them all there in the TARDIS and give them a fresh start.”
“And you really think they’ll accept that offer?” Blueblood scoffed.
“I’ve made that offer to countless invading species,” the Doctor said, miffed.
“Uh-huh. And how many actually took you up on that offer?” Blueblood asked.
“…Far fewer than I would like…” the Doctor said quietly. Derpy put a consoling wing over her husband’s shoulders.
Shooting Blueblood a glare, Rarity asked, “So what do we do if they refuse?”
“We brought a compound my dad whipped up called ‘anti-plastic,’” Amethyst Star said, patting her saddlebags, still full of gemstones. “As the name implies, it destroys plastic.”
“Which the Autons, and presumably this Nestene thing are made of,” Fancypants guessed.
Amethyst Star nodded. “That’s right.”
“All we have to do is dump it in the Consciousness, and the Autons are done for,” Dinky said. “When it dies, so do the Autons.”
“And we aren’t doing this right off the bat because…?” Blueblood asked.
“Because I already have enough blood on my hooves as is, and don’t want to add anymore to them if I don’t have to,” the Doctor said grimly. Derpy nuzzled him, and he managed a faint smile.
“But they don’t even have blood, they’re made of plastic…” Blueblood grumbled to himself. Everyone glared at him, and he shut up.
“I see a light up ahead. We must be almost at ze bottom,” Fleur commented.
“Right. Everyone, get ready. This might get messy…” the Doctor said as the nine of them reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped into the light…
And found themselves in a massive cavern. The first thing Rarity wondered was how the Autons had managed to carve such a huge space out beneath her home without her noticing. The second thing she noticed was the hundreds of ponnequins standing about the chamber, who turned their heads towards the ponies (and dragon) as they entered the chamber. The third and final thing she noticed was the source of the light in the cave, a giant pool of what looked initially like lava but was, in fact, molten plastic. It was bubbling and seething and churning, and Rarity couldn’t help but get the unsettling feeling that something in it was looking at her.
“Th-that’s a lot of Autons,” Blueblood said nervously.
“More than I’d anticipated,” said a concerned Fancypants. “Too late for retreat now, though.”
“What do you mean, ze exit’s right…zere…oh,” Fleur said, noticing that the Autons had closed ranks behind them, preventing them from escaping.
“Nopony or dragon panic, just follow my lead,” the Doctor murmured. He cleared his throat and loudly said, “I seek audience with the Nestene Consciousness under the peaceful contract, according to Convention 15 of the Shadow Proclamation!”
There was a pause. Much to the astonishment of everyone who didn’t interact with the Doctor on a regular basis (but not Crackle), the Autons directly in front of them moved to the side, clearing a path to the big pool of plastic. “That actually worked?!” Blueblood said in disbelief.
“Told you diplomacy was worth a shot, mate,” the Doctor said with a smirk. Addressing the pool, he said, “Thank you. May we have permission to approach, please?” There was no response except for an increased bubbling of the pool, but that seemed to be good enough for the Doctor, who nodded at the others. “All right, you lot, stay close to me, and whatever you do, don’t antagonize the Autons.”
“He’s talking to you, Blueblood,” Fleur said to the Prince as they cautiously walked down the aisle of eerie, faceless automatons.
“Hey! How do you know he’s not referring to Crackle?” Blueblood asked angrily.
“Actually, I was referring to both of you,” the Doctor said.
“There, you see?” Blueblood asked smugly. There was a pause. “Wait…”
It took a few minutes for them to cross the cavern. Once they’d reached the center, the heat rising from the molten plastic was sweltering. Sweat rolled down their flanks, and Rarity’s hair got all stringy, much to her dismay. Fleur, on the other hoof, seemed to be positively glowing, much to her frustration and envy. “Am I addressing the Consciousness?” the Doctor asked the pool.
“Who is he talking to?” Blueblood whispered.
“The Consciousness is in the pool,” Derpy whispered back.
“It is?” Blueblood asked. Abruptly, the surface of the pool churned and a large mass of liquid plastic rose upwards, an extremely crude face forming on its front, nothing more than a mouth and a pair of depressions that might have been eyes. “Oh,” he said weakly. “So it is.”
“Oh my…” Rarity said faintly.
“Huh. I’m getting flashbacks to that lava demon we ran into when we vacationed in Haywaii,” Fancypants commented.
Fleur nodded. “Yes, but at least ‘is minions ‘ad faces.”
“Thank you,” the Doctor said to the plastic. “If I might observe, you infiltrated this civilization by means of warp-shield technology, so may I suggest with the greatest respect that you shut it off?”
The plastic roared, causing everyone but the Doctor’s family and Crackle to jump in surprise. “I’m guessing that’s a no?” Rarity asked faintly.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Amethyst Star said, a glow building around her horn in preparation for her task.
“I didn’t even know plastic could make that sound,” Fancypants commented. “Huh. Learn something new every day.”
“Eeeee,” Blueblood squeaked in terror.
“Oh don’t give me that, it’s an invasion, plain and simple!” the Doctor chided the Nestlene Consciousness. “Don’t talk to me about constitutional rights!” The Consciousness roared and thrashed about angrily, causing roiling waves of molten plastic to lap at the edges of the pool. The ponies took a few steps back to keep from getting any of it splashed on them.
“That thing has constitutional rights?!” Blueblood demanded. “Since when?!”
“Not your constitution. It’s a space thing. Be quiet,” Dinky hissed.
“’ow did he get all zat from one roar?” Fleur wondered in amazement.
“My Raggedy Doctor’s fluent in millions of languages,” Derpy said proudly.
“Really? That’s quite impressive,” said the impressed Fancypants. “I only know a few dozen myself.”
“Well, actually, he doesn’t use his polyglot skills so much as relying on the TARDIS’s telepathically-based universal translation system,” Amethyst Star clarified. “But even when that’s not working, he’s still able to understand pretty much everything he comes across. He’s been around long enough, after all.”
“How long?” Rarity asked.
Amethyst Star shrugged. “Well, when you’re a time traveler, it gets a wee bit difficult to actually keep track of your age, especially when you spend so much of it in a vessel where time doesn’t quite work the same way it does in the rest of the universe. Dad says he’s around nine hundred years old, but he never said years on which planet—they aren’t all the same length, understandably--and we’re pretty sure he’s just guessing or rounding down to make himself seem younger.”
“Nine hundred years old?!” Rarity said in astonishment.
“I don’t suppose I could get some of whatever treatment ‘e’s getting to make ‘imself keep looking so young and virile?” Fleur wondered enviously, echoing Rarity’s own thoughts at the moment.
“What?! He can’t possibly be that old!” Blueblood said incredulously. “Why, he doesn’t look a day over sixty-five!”
“…Seriously?!” the Doctor said, rather insulted.
“I don’t know…Princess Celestia is thousands of years old, at the very least, but she doesn’t look it in the slightest, does she?” Fancypants said.
“…True…” Blueblood admitted reluctantly. “But this ‘Doctor’ isn’t a living goddess!”
“No, but he’s an alien, and everyone knows they sometimes have…very strange biologies,” Fancypants said.
“All right, I guess that’s true…but if he’s an alien, why does he look like a pony?” Blueblood asked.
“I don’t look like a pony, you look like a Time Charger! And I AM TALKING!” the Doctor shouted as the Consciousness kept roaring, causing it to abruptly shut up.
Blueblood stared at the stallion in amazement. What kind of pony is this, who can make a horrible monster stop just by yelling at it?! Or was it us he was yelling at?
“This planet is just starting,” the Doctor continued. “These magnificent little ponies have only just learned how to fly-“
“Pegasi have been flying for thousands of years-“ Rarity protested until Derpy shushed her.
“They’re capable of so much more, and I’m asking you, on their behalf, please, just go,” the Doctor said. The Consciousness roared again. The Doctor frowned. “I’m here to help. I’m not your enemy! I swear, I’m not!” The series of angry roars the Consciousness uttered seemed to indicate it didn’t believe him…and from the startled look on the Doctor’s face, it seemed as if it was saying something else as well, something he didn’t want to hear. “That’s…that’s not true! I should know, I was there! I fought in the war, it wasn’t my fault!” The Consciousness roared again, loudly and angrily enough to shake the cavern. “I couldn’t save your world, I couldn’t save any of them!” the Doctor cried. Derpy, Amethyst Star, and Dinky exchanged alarmed looks when they saw tears starting to form in the Doctor’s eyes, and they quickly closed ranks around him, leaning close to him and sharing their body warmth with him.
“What is he talking about?!” Blueblood hissed.
Fancypants frowned, a grave look on his face. “The stories say that the Doctor is the last of his kind, that his people and planet were destroyed in a horrible war spanning entire galaxies…a war that wiped out entire civilizations and peoples. I guess these Autons were affected by it as well.”
“What? A war? How come it never touched us?” Blueblood asked.
“It’s a very big universe, and you were very lucky,” Dinky said. “There are more worlds out there than Equestria. Most of them don’t even know this planet exists. Pray that they continue not to know. You might not like it if they came knocking. They’d want a lot more than a cup of sugar.”
The Consciousness roared some more. The Doctor sagged in defeat. “…I see. You will not leave. In that case, you leave me no other choice.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Amethyst Star, use the anti-plastic.”
Amethyst Star’s horn glowed and a vial full of a dark liquid floated out of her saddlebags. The Consciousness reeled back in horror as she hurled the vial at it…
And then a forked tongue lashed out, snatched the vial out of the air, and yanked it into Crackle’s mouth, who happily swallowed it.
Everyone stared at the dragon in horror. “No,” the Doctor whispered.
Blueblood squealed shrilly. “NO! GIVE THAT BACK! WE NEEDED THAT, YOU STUPID DRAGON!” he screamed, rushing over to Crackle, prying open her jaws, and sticking his head in her mouth to see if he could find the anti-plastic before it was digested. Naturally, Crackle’s jaws slammed shut on her husband’s head, and she started flailing the screaming Unicorn prince about like a ragdoll before spitting him out, causing him to fly through the air and smash into some of the Autons, bowling them over. “Ow.”
“I don’t suppose you had a second vial?” Rarity asked hopefully as the Nestene Consciousness bellowed and the Autons advanced towards them, growing horns that began to glow.
“It’s very difficult to make anti-plastic. We only had time to make the one vial,” Amethyst Star said bleakly.
“Can’t you do whatever trick you did with those screwdrivers of yours to melt the thing?” Fancypants asked.
Dinky shook her head. “There’s too much plastic. Our screwdrivers aren’t strong enough to break down the chemical bonds of something that big.”
“Ah. Then…what do we do now, exactly?” Rarity asked timorously.
“Why, isn’t it obvious?” Fancypants said with a smirk.
“We fight!” Fleur agreed.
“…Heh. I guess that’s as good an option as anything else,” the Doctor said, a fire of determination lighting in his eyes. “All right, everyone! They want this planet, they’ll have to pry it from our cold, dead hooves!”
“Um, I’d really rather not die, if it’s all the same to you-“ Blueblood said meekly.
“ALLONS-YYYYYYYY!” the Doctor shouted as he charged the Auton horde, followed closely by his family, Rarity, Fancypants and Fleur. Crackle blinked out of sync, farted, then waddled off aimlessly.
“DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEEE!” Blueblood screamed, chasing after the others as the Autons he’d knocked over started to get up and shoot at him.
The next several minutes passed in a blur as the eight ponies and one dragon (okay, seven ponies and one dragon, since Blueblood spent most of the time running and screaming his head off) engaged the Auton forces in battle. “Haha, can’t catch me, can’t catch me!” the Doctor taunted as he dashed about, using his (apparent) Earth Pony physiology to run tirelessly all over the place, zigging and zagging and taking sharp turns that caused the pursuing Autons to keep tripping over each other and falling and getting trampled by their fellows, who kept firing laser blasts from their horns. “Ha! Too slow! I’m the best at running from monsters there is! Well, except for this one chap who lives on a disc-shaped planet on the back of four giant elephants on the back of a giant sea turtle drifting through space. Bit of an ill-fortuned bloke, always finding himself in trouble no matter where he goes. A bit like me, I suppose, except I enjoy it!” the Doctor shouted as he nimbly sidestepped the blasts, firing short bursts from his sonic screwdriver and causing the nearest Autons to melt.
An Auton lunged at him from behind, but he rolled out of the way and lashed out with a foreleg as he rose to his hooves, knocking the robot’s head off its body and sending it flying. The decapitated body still rose on its legs, only to fall back down in a puddle when the Doctor melted it with his screwdriver. Four Autons charged at him from either side, lowering their horns to gore him. The Doctor crouched down and pushed off with his legs, launching himself into the air, causing the Autons to collide, getting their horns stuck in each other. He brought his full weight down on them as he landed, smashing them into the ground and splattering them into goo. Shaking his coat to get the plastic off, he whirled about in a circle as a ring of Autons charged him, screwdriver buzzing as one by one, they melted into goo. The next wave of Autons kept out of range of the Doctor’s screwdriver, lowered their heads, and started firing lasers from their horns. The Doctor twisted and undulated wildly through the air to dodge the lasers, looking not unlike Twilight Sparkle whenever she tried to dance. “Hoo! Ha! Huh! Ho!” the Doctor hooted as he jumped and spun and extremely inelegantly evaded the blasts, causing the shots to fly right by him and strike Autons on the opposite side of the ring, swiftly reducing the number of robots as they kept wiping each other out through friendly fire. “Is that all you’ve got? Come on, Imperial Stormtroopers have better aim than that! Well, okay, not really, and in all fairness it is actually extremely difficult to hit a moving target, and I’ve heard that the average soldier in most conflicts needs to fire two hundred rounds for every hit scored by an enemy, and you aren’t even listening to me rambling, are you?”
The Autons responded by having six of their number get together, touch their horns, and combine their power to fire an absolutely massive laser at the Doctor. “Ah. Yeah, that’s a problem.” He quickly brought up his screwdriver and pointed it at the laser blast, the energy waves it emitted slowing the blast down…but it kept coming, and from the sweat rolling down the Doctor’s sides as he struggled to keep it at bay, it was clear he couldn’t hold it back much longer. And to make matters worse, more Autons were approaching from behind him, their own horns glowing as they powered up their lasers. This might get a bit dicey, he thought to himself. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, shut off his screwdriver, and rolled to the side. The massive laser blast shot by him, passing so close that it singed some of his coat and caused him to wince, and kept going until it plowed into the Autons behind the Doctor, vaporizing them, and several dozen more behind them, in a flash as the beam kept going until it struck the wall, shaking the cavern and causing rocks to start falling from the ceiling, crushing several Autons, including the ones who’d fired the giant laser in the first place. “I meant to do that!” the Doctor shouted in case anyone was listening. They weren’t. He scowled. “What’s the point of being clever if there’s nopony to notice me doing it? Bah. Oh well.” He wandered off to go and be clever somewhere else. Maybe one of the others would be there too and could see him doing it.
Shouting incoherent battle cries, Derpy plowed through the ranks of Autons, swinging her war flail, lashing out with fore- and hindhoof, and whipping her wings through the air, her surprisingly sharp wingtips slicing through Auton plastic like a hot knife through butter. Several Autons tried to attack her from behind or the sides, only for her unusual eyes to spot them before they could strike, allowing her to take them out with furious and punishing blows from her flail or hindlegs. Realizing she was too dangerous to fight in close corners, the Autons backed off, lowered their horns, and started firing lasers at her. Derpy wildly spun about, swinging her flail through the air, the spiked ball at the end somehow managing to intercept every blast before it could strike her and deflect it towards one of the Autons, knocking them back. It was astonishing how she always seemed to be able to swing the weapon just right so that it could catch and return a laser blast just before it could strike her. It was almost as if she was always able to know ahead of time where and when an attack would be coming from…but surely that was impossible, wasn’t it?
It was impossible. Well, impossible for someone whose eyes hadn’t stared directly into the Untempered Schism and gained the power to see in more than one dimension, anyway. As more Autons marched up to replace their fallen comrades, who were lying on piles on the ground, melted from their own laser strikes, Derpy spread her wings and flapped down hard, both launching herself into the air and generating a massive burst of air which blasted the Autons back. Lifting herself far above the battlefield, she channeled her natural Pegasus magic into her wings and started flapping even harder, each downstroke of a wing generating a hurricane-force gust of wind which blew the Autons back, smashing them against the walls and each other. When they regrouped and stared firing lasers up at her, she started juking and dodging through the air, her flight pattern looking almost nauseatingly erratic and yet somehow allowing her to evade each laser blast only milliseconds before it could strike her. Tilting her wings so she was flying almost sideways in the air, she started turning in a wide circle around the Autons on the ground, going faster and faster and kicking up more and more wind until she generated a tornado, with the plastic robots in the center. The wind raised the Autons in the air, spinning and bashing them about as they frantically fired lasers, only to hit each other or nothing. There was a flash of gray, and Derpy entered her own whirlwind, flowing with the wind currents and smashing into every Auton that got in her way, her speed and strength so great they were splattered to pieces on impact with her hooves and flail.
Eventually, the winds died down, and the Autons were hurtled all over the cavern, thrown with such force they splattered upon impact with the ground. Derpy smirked…
And yelped as a laser blast nearly struck her from behind. She whirled around to see that a number of Autons had sprouted wings and had flown up to engage her. Derpy’s eyes narrowed. “Huh. So you’re trying to emulate changelings, now? Or maybe Alicorns?” She grinned. “Well, you made a big mistake coming up here to fight me. I may not be as great a flyer as Rainbow Dash…but I’ve learned a trick or two from Commander Hurricane, the greatest warrior who ever lived, and I’ll show you why you should never have gotten off the ground to fight me!” Shouting, she charged the airborne Autons.
Amethyst Star calmly walked through the Autons, a casual smile on her lovely features as dozens of gems spun around her, dazzling and glittering magnificently as the robots fired lasers at her, only for the blasts to be refracted and reflected through the gems and back at them. Any Auton that gave up on shooting at her and tried charging quickly regretted it when the outer rings of jewels orbiting her started spinning faster, their finely-cut edges slicing through the robots and turning them into plastic ribbons in seconds. “Ha. Pathetic. Cyberponies put up more of a fight than these things.” With a flick of her horn, several of her gemstones shot outwards, burying themselves in the chests of the Autons. They staggered back, and then exploded as Amethyst Star sent magical charges into the gemstones, obliterating them.
Her horn glowed again, and most of her gemstones peeled off, leaving her with about half a dozen left rapidly orbiting her for protection, and arranged them in a dome-shaped lattice caging several dozen Autons. She fired a blast from her horn at one of the gems, and the jewel refracted the spell, causing beams to shoot at the gems surrounding it, causing beams to shoot from those gems, and the gems surrounding them, and the gems surrounding them, and so on and so forth until the entire dome was now a web of light. A web that turned inwards, beams of energy firing from every gem and bathing the Autons in a massive blast of light that reduced them all to ashes.
Behind her, about a dozen or so Autons joined their horns together, trying to combine their power and form a laser big and strong enough to overwhelm her gems. Sensing the buildup of power, Amethyst Star quickly pulled her gems back, arranged them in a complex circular pattern in front of her, and fired a blast from her horn into the one at the center. The central jewel refracted the blast into all of the surrounding jewels, causing them all to glow and fire lasers in unison, melding together into an absolutely massive beam at the same time that the Autons fired their own, equally massive beam. The two beams collided with each other, energy crackling outwards and pulsing across the floor as they struggled to overcome each other. At the moment, they seemed evenly matched.
Amethyst Star wouldn’t have any of that. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw more Autons had formed up behind her and lowered their horns. She waited until they fired, then quickly had her half-dozen defense jewels intercept the blasts and deflect them into her larger gem array, adding the energy to the laser she was firing and giving it just the boost it needed to overwhelm the blast the Autons were firing and obliterate them, and every Auton behind them all the way to the edge of the cavern, in a blinding flash. “Diamonds really are a mare’s best friend,” she quipped as she disassembled her array and turned her attention to the Autons that had tried to sneak attack her. “And rubies, and emeralds, and sapphires, and topazes, and amethysts, and opals, and citrines…”
Dinky was the smallest and (appearance-wise, anyway) the youngest of the ponies. One could easily be led to believe she was the weakest and most vulnerable.
They would also be wrong. “Hmmph. I’m not impressed,” she said as she casually walked through the ranks of the robots, her screwdriver held aloft in her magical field and constantly twirling around, emitting frequencies that liquefied every Auton that got too close in seconds. Autons that kept their distance and fired lasers always seemed to miss, even when she didn’t look as if she was actually dodging. It was very strange…it often looked as if she got hit, but then her horn glowed, and then she hadn’t been. She didn’t heal herself. The Nestene Consciousness controlling the Autons clearly remembered the shots impacting…
And then they didn’t, because they’d missed. They’d always missed. Except that they hadn’t always missed before five seconds ago. “Hmm. This is taking too long,” Dinky commented, an annoyed look crossing her face as more and more Autons kept coming. “Let’s do something about that, shall we?”
Her horn glowed…
And suddenly, a purple and yellow streak dashed through the Autons, the robots feeling several light, but still quite forceful blows impact against several spots on their forms in rapid succession. After ten seconds, the streak resolved itself into Dinky, standing right where she had been at the start. The robots twitched and shook and suddenly splattered all over the floor. “Heh. Love that trick.” She raised her eyebrows when several dozen Autons formed up in a ring around her and lowered their horns. “Oh? Time for another trick.” She waited until the last second, and then, just as the Autons fired, her horn glowed…
And suddenly, the lasers froze in place. As did the Autons, and everything else in the cavern. Her time freeze in full effect, Dinky walked to each suspended laser blast and tapped it with her horn, causing it to flip around in the air so that it was pointing back at the Autons. Once she’d done this to each projectile, she walked back to where she’d started and released her spell. The lasers shot forwards…
And struck the Autons who’d fired them in the first place. “Heh. That one never gets old either,” Dinky chuckled as the robots collapsed to the ground. “Now, who’s next-“
Without warning, a winged Auton dropped down from the sky and drove its hooves into her back, smashing her into the ground and breaking her spine. The Unicorn filly cried out in pain as the robot raised a hoof, preparing to bring it down on her skull…
And her horn glowed.
…lluks reh no nwod ti gnirb ot gniraperp ,fooh a desiar tobor eht sa niap ni tuo deirc yllif nrocinU ehT .enips reh gnikaerb dna dnuorg eht otni reh gnihsams ,kcab reh otni sevooh sti evord dna yks eht morf nwod deppord notuA degniw a ,gninraw tuohtiW
Her horn stopped glowing.
Without warning, a winged Auton dropped down from the sky. Dinky quickly sidestepped it, causing its hooves to smash into the ground, then drove her screwdriver into its side and fired it at point-blank range, causing it to dissolve instantly. Dinky grimaced as the robot melted away. “That trick, on the other hand, I wish I didn’t have to do so often.”
Fancypants and Fleur were back-to-back, surrounded by murderous Autons, and having the time of their lives. “This brings back memories, doesn’t it, dearest?” Fancypants said as he grabbed two Autons, smashed their heads together so hard they splattered, and fired a blast from his horn at an Auton about to do the same thing, causing its head to explode.
“Yes, of our zird date,” Fleur said as she gracefully danced about, lashing out with hoof and horn and knocking her assailants back, her lithe form elegantly twisting through the air to dodge the hoofs and laser blasts of the Autons, not even a single hair on her body or long mane getting scratched.
“We were attacked by…what was it, mobsters? Diamond dogs? Changelings?” Fancypants tried to recall as he levitated an Auton in his magical field and turned it on its comrades, using the laser from its horn to mow the robots down.
“Your evil ex-girlfriends,” Fleur said as she leaped on an Auton’s back, wrapped her arms around its neck, and spurred it in the sides, sending it running about, frantically firing lasers from its horn and blasting whatever Fleur wanted it to, namely, other Autons.
“Right, them,” Fancypants said as he ripped an Auton’s head off with his forehooves, charged it with his horn, then punted it at a group of Autons charging at him, causing it to explode and rip the robots apart. “I’m glad that we were able to come to an amicable arrangement with them rather than you having to kill them all.”
“You know I would ‘ave, right?” Fleur asked as she snapped an Auton’s neck and lashed out with a hindleg at one sneaking up behind her, putting a hole through its chest.
“Yes, and I would have found it very alluring,” Fancypants said as he telekinetically ripped a rather sizable chunk of rock out of the ground and used it to start smashing Autons to death. “Even so, I’m glad that we were able to settle things like civilized ponies, and only put five of them in the hospital, and sent no more than two of them into comas from which they might never wake up.”
“Actually, I zink one woke up last week, I received a deazh zhreat written in blood saying she was coming for me,” Fleur commented as she gored an Auton on her horn and fired an energy blast that blew it to smithereens and wiped out the robots behind it as well.
“Is that so? Huh. Guess we’ll have to watch out for her at the wedding,” Fancypants said unworriedly as he punched the Auton he had in a headlock until its face caved in. “Hmm…there are still rather a lot of them…Fleur, care to try out that move we’ve been working on?”
“Certainly, darling,” Fleur said. Both of their horns lit up, and the nearest couple dozen or so Autons were raised into the air, suspended in place. The Unicorns crouched down and sprang upwards, launching themselves at the floating robots. Demonstrating an amazing level of choreography, they jumped from Auton to Auton, punching or kicking or blasting them so hard they went flying, often twirling past each other or spinning one another around as they danced about through the air with grace many Pegasi would be envious of. Eventually, they met in a kiss, embracing each other as they landed on the ground, the glow from their horns fading and causing any remaining Autons in the air to explode spontaneously. They parted their kiss, looked each other lovingly in the eyes…
And then Fleur said, “Your form was off. You almost crashed into me ‘alf-a-dozen times.”
Fancypants rolled his eyes. “Yes, well, it’s still a work in progress. And not everyone can have your grace, Fleur.”
“You might, if you stopped packing away the carbs and started running again,” Fleur said accusingly.
Fancypants gave her an indignant look. “Look, I don’t have as much time to jog anymore with my workload, and after a long day at work I feel like I’m entitled to a snack or two, and I still keep in good shape and my goodness are we really talking about this now?”
“So it would seem,” Fleur said with a smile.
Fancypants burst into laughter. “We really are perfect for each other, aren’t we Fleur? Come on, let’s go kill some more Autons.”
“Very well,” Fleur agreed.
And then they killed some more Autons. And made out while doing it. Because they’re in love and stuff.
Rarity did not have the same gear or temporal manipulation abilities as the Doctor’s family. She didn’t have Fleur or Fancypants’s fighting skills. She’d done very well in her martial arts classes, but she wasn’t nearly as good a fighter as, say, Rainbow Dash. Her magic was good at manipulation and fine control, but lacked the raw power of Twilight Sparkle. On the surface, she did not seem like the sort of pony you’d want to bring into a fight, especially since she had a tendency to get all weepy if she got the slightest bit dirty or chipped a hoof.
Normally, you’d be right. However, right now, Rarity had a lot of anger, and a very large couch that had come when she called it, and as such was currently a force to be reckoned with. “You took up residence beneath my shop without telling me or paying me rent!” Rarity screamed as she swept her couch across the ground, knocking several Autons away. “You were sitting right under my nose and could have killed my sister or I at any moment, and in fact were planning to!” Rarity shouted as she slammed her couch down on some Autons again and again until they were reduced to goo. “You wore my clothes without paying for them!” she yelled as some Autons fired lasers at her, and she flipped her couch on its front to use it as a shield, and then sent it flying forwards, bowling the Autons away. “But worst of all, you intended to replace me and our leaders…and if there’s anything I absolutely can’t abide in this world, it’s a cheap knockoff!” she shrieked, hopping on top of her couch and sending it sliding forwards across the floor with a spell, plowing through every Auton in her path. “Do you know how much money I lose whenever a two-bit seamstress tries to mimic my designs–and poorly, at that--and sells them with my brand on it? I don’t see a single bit, and ponies think less of me if they believe I had anything to do with it, and those horrible despicable thieves just laugh and laugh at my misfortune while cashing in on my fame! Do you know what it feels like?! DO YOU?! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!” She laughed insanely.
There were many Autons running about to engage the intruders. Rarity was the only one they were running away from.
Crackle waddled around, a blank look on her face. Autons fired lasers or struck at her with hooves or divebombed her from the skies, but she never seemed to notice. Sometimes she breathed fire that melted the attacking robots into goo. Sometimes she didn’t. Other times she farted so powerfully that the gas dissolved the Autons, and much of the floor behind her, instantly. Sometimes she didn’t. Eventually, she felt like sitting down, which she did, and then rolled over on her back, flattening the Autons that had climbed on top of her and were hacking ineffectually at her scales. She waggled her feet in the air, admiring those little wriggling things at the ends of her legs, oblivious to how she was knocking away several Autons rushing at her in the process. Then she threw up noisily, melting an Auton that had been trying for whatever reason to pull out her tongue, and went to sleep, snoring so loudly that rocks fell from the ceiling and crushed the robots around her. Eventually, she stopped snoring, and more robots crept up, but then she started writhing and shrieking and thumping the ground very hard with her tail, flattening an Auton that had gotten too close and causing more rocks to fall from the ceiling. Eventually, she settled down, and the Autons dared to approach once more…
And then, with a bloodcurdling scream, she surged to her feet and started charging all over the place, bellowing and breathing fire and crushing and incinerating every Auton in her path…all with her eyes closed. She was still asleep. She was currently doing something certain dragons did called ‘sleep-rampaging’ in which they went on a berserk rampage in their slumber and nobody dared to wake them up while they were doing so because apparently something bad would happen if they were woken up in the middle of their slumbering frenzy, though it was unclear what, exactly, was worse than a dragon going on a rampage while its eyes were closed. Prince Blueblood, after countless nights where Crackle would suddenly get up and begin tearing their room—and him—apart, was strongly considering trying to wake her up just to see what could happen, reasoning it couldn’t possibly be that bad. (Naturally, he would be wrong.)
Eventually, Crackle stopped rampaging, belched, and woke up. She blinked her eyes out of sync for a moment, threw up, ate her vomit, defecated, then waddled off aimlessly, leaving the remains of hundreds of destroyed Autons behind her.
And as for her husband…
“AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAH!” Blueblood screamed as he ran from his pursuers.
“Prince Blueblood-“ Fancypants said.
“AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAH!” Blueblood screamed as he ran from his pursuers.
“Prince Blueblood-“ Rarity said.
“AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAH!” Blueblood screamed as he ran from his pursuers.
“Prince Blueblood!” the Doctor shouted.
“AAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAAH! AAAAAH!” Blueblood screamed as he ran from his pursuers, until he ran into Crackle and bounced off her armored hide. “Ow. Hello, dear.” The dragon responded with her usual greeting; namely, grabbing the prince in her mouth, shaking him vigorously, and then spitting him out. “Unnnhhhh…”
“Prince Blueblood, you can stop running now, the Autons are all dead,” Amethyst Star said.
“Huh? They are?” Blueblood blinked and looked around. There were no signs of any Autons, just lots of piles of plastic. “Oh. So they are. I knew that.”
“No you didn’t,” Dinky said.
“SILENCE, PEASANT!” Blueblood shouted, flushing in embarrassment.
“DON’T YOU SHOUT AT MY DAUGHTER!” Derpy roared in the Prince’s face.
“Eeep!” Blueblood squealed, jumping in the air and landing in Fleur’s forearms. She promptly dropped him to the ground. “Ow.”
“Phew! I must say, that was quite a workout,” Rarity said, wiping a stray lock out of her face. “Are we done, then?” That’s when the Nestene Consciousness roared angrily, causing the chamber to shake. Blueblood screamed and tried to jump into Fleur’s arms again, but she took a step back so he just landed on his face. “Ah. I guess not,” Rarity said.
“This was just a minor victory-“ the Doctor began as the Consciousness’s surface started bubbling.
“Minor?! We slew hundreds of robots!” Blueblood cried.
“’We?’” Amethyst Star asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Once this is all over, I intend to tell everyone that I killed the manticore's share of the Autons while you lot stood around being useless and needing to be rescued,” Blueblood said.
“Nopony will believe you,” Dinky said.
“It’s my word against yours, who do you think everypony is more likely to believe?” Blueblood sneered.
“Ahem,” Fancypants said.
“Dammit!” Blueblood swore.
“We took out ze army, but so long as zat Consciousness exists, it can make more, right, Doctor?” Fleur asked.
The Doctor nodded. “Precisely. It’s beginning the spawning process as we speak. If we can’t take it out before it’s finished, we’ll have a whole new army of Autons to deal with!”
“More Autons?!” Blueblood squealed.
“Another army?! I don’t think my pony-pedi can take another round of fighting!” Rarity moaned.
“All right. How do we kill it?” Fancypants asked.
“…I have no idea,” the Doctor admitted sheepishly.
Everyone stared at the Time Charger in disbelief. “What do you mean you have no idea?!” Blueblood screamed.
“The anti-plastic was our best bet! I’m not sure we have any way of defeating it without that!” the Doctor said.
“Maybe we could just…I don’t know…attack it with everything we have until it dies?” Rarity suggested tentatively.
“…I guess we don’t have any better options,” the Doctor said with a sigh. “Come on, then! Let’s give it everything we’ve got!”
They rushed to the Nestene Consciousness’s pool and let loose with everything they had. The Doctor and Dinky trained their screwdrivers on the plastic life-form and hit it with their plastic-dissolving frequency. Derpy flapped her wings repeatedly, bombarding the monster with wind blasts strong enough to rip houses apart. Amethyst Star buried exploding gems in its mass, blowing up bits of it at a time, and fire amplified lasers through her other jewels. Fancypants and Fleur fired spell blasts from their horns. Rarity hit it repeatedly with her couch. Crackle breathed fire…on Blueblood, until he shouted at her and turned her head so it was pointing at the abomination. The Prince himself was helping…
By trying to provide motivation. “Kill this monstrosity, or I’ll have you all locked in the dungeon for treason and incompetence!” he shouted. “Defend me with your lives! It’s all you’re good for! I am a Prince and will not die this day so long as there are other ponies to die for me!” To be fair, it was motivating them. Except the motivation was to brutally kill him rather than the Nestene.
Unfortunately, despite their best efforts, they didn’t seem to be doing a thing to the alien horror. While the power of the screwdrivers was able to melt parts of it, it was so big that it was easily able to reconstitute whatever they broke down. The bits of it Derpy blew off and Amethyst Star blasted off or vaporized grew back as well. It barely seemed to acknowledge Fancypants and Fleur’s spells or Crackle’s flames, and Rarity’s poor couch, which had already taken far too much abuse from being used as a weapon against the other Autons, shattered into a million splinters and bits of fluff after hitting the monster’s head one too many times. “No! My couch! Do you have any idea how much that cost?!” Rarity shrieked.
The Doctor cursed under his breath. “It’s no good! It’s too powerful!”
“And the new army is about to be unleashed!” Derpy said in alarm as buds looking like featureless pony heads started to swell from the surface of the Consciousness’s body.
“What do we do, Doctor?” Fancypants asked in concern.
“…Damn it all! We have to fall back! There’s nothing more we can do here!” the Doctor said angrily.
“We’re just going to run away?!” Fleur cried indignantly.
“I’m all for that idea!” Blueblood said eagerly.
“By now, Sweetie Belle should have called for reinforcements,” the Doctor said. “It’ll take the Autons a while to get up the stairs, and not all of them will be able to come through at once due to its width, so the military can use it as a choke point while I rush back to the TARDIS, whip up a new batch of anti-plastic, then come back down here and finish the Nestene off once and for all. It’s not the best of plans, but right now it’s all we’ve got.”
“…I suppose a tactical retreat is our best option right now…” Fancypants reluctantly agreed.
Derpy nodded. “Okay, everypony, let’s get out of here before-“
“No,” Rarity said icily, glaring at the Nestene.
“Rarity?” Fancypants asked in concern.
“No,” Rarity said through gritted teeth. The molten monster was looming over them, a smug expression on its unfinished face. It looked like it was laughing at her for being small and weak and insignificant, for thinking she could stand and make a difference. Laughing at her like all those high society snobs—and Prince Blueblood--who mocked her behind her back, saying she didn’t belong there because she came from a dirt town and was the child of a retired Hoofball player and was only successful because she’d used connections and road on the coattails of her betters, as if they hadn’t done the exact same thing! “I will not run! This abomination has invaded my home, threatened my friends and family, intended to use my store as a front for its invasion of our fair Equestria…I will not flee and let others fight for me! Am I not an Element of Harmony, and friend and consort of Her Royal Highness Twilight Sparkle? Am I not the greatest up-and coming designer in all of Equestria?! Am I not devoted to spreading beauty and fabulosity to every corner of this land?! No, I shall not flee…I shall stand and fight, and prevail, for I! AM! RARITY!”
Screaming “FROM TARTARUS’S HEART, I STAB AT THEE!”, the white Unicorn, without thinking, grabbed her couch from next to her and hurled it at the Nestene Consciousness, wanting nothing more than to shut its big, fat, laughing mouth up. It was only after she let go that she remembered her couch was destroyed and realized that her projectile was, in fact, Prince Blueblood. “Oh dear. I do believe I have just committed regicide,” she said faintly as the screaming prince hurtled through the air and vanished into the Nestene Consciousness’s mouth, the molten plastic swallowing him up without a trace.
“Don’t worry, if anyone asks, we’ll all say ‘e valiantly zrew ‘imself at ze monster to buy time for ze rest of us to escape,” Fleur said.
“Dear, nopony will believe that,” Fancypants said.
“’mm, quite right. Okay, ‘ow about zis: ‘e tripped while running away like a coward and fell in?” Fleur suggested after a moment’s thought.
“Yeah, I’d buy that,” Amethyst Star said.
“Dinky, why didn’t you use your Reset spell to stop that?!” the Doctor demanded.
“Mom said not to,” Dinky said.
The Doctor blinked in surprise and looked at his wife. “What?! Derpy, I know he was a bit of a cad, but that doesn’t mean we should let him die-“
“We had to let Rarity throw him in because of what happens next. Look!” Derpy shouted, pointing at the Consciousness.
They looked. Something seemed to be going on with the plastic monster. It was writhing about, incomplete mouth bellowing in agony, more and more bubbles popping across its surface as the Autons it had been creating melted away. “Wh-what’s going on?!” Fancypants cried as they stumbled back, the cavern shaking and rocks starting to fall from the ceiling.
“It looks as if the Nestene Consciousness’s chemical bonds are coming apart,” the Doctor said in confusion. “But that’s not possible, we lost the anti-plastic…unless…” He gasped, grabbed Rarity, and kissed her on the lips, much to her surprise and Derpy’s bemusement. “Oh, Miss Rarity, you brilliant, beautiful mare, you! How did you know that Prince Blueblood’s conditioner must have the same chemical makeup as anti-plastic, which is why Crackle ate the vial, because she smelled it and it reminded her of her husband’s mane, which is also why she likes chewing on his head so much?!”
“I did what now?” asked the confused Rarity.
“Wait…zat doesn’t make any…” Fleur started.
“Don’t question it,” Amethyst Star advised. “Just…don’t.”
The Nestene Consciousness howled in pain and started swelling outwards. “Doctor, I do believe that thing is about to explode!” Fancypants cried. “We need to get out of here!”
“But there’s no way we can possibly reach the surface before it blows!” Rarity said, before a thought struck her. “Wait…explode? Down here? Beneath my store?!”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got this!” Dinky said, squeezing her eyes shut and concentrating. There was a flash of light from her horn, and then suddenly the Nestene Consciousness stopped moving and screaming. Falling rocks froze in midair. Nothing moved in the cavern at all, except for seven ponies and one dragon.
“What…how…how are you…” Rarity stammered.
“I’m half-Time Charger, and a Unicorn at that, so I can do time magic,” Dinky said through gritted teeth. “But I can only stop time for so long, and it’s even harder to do it and bring other ponies with me, so we have to get out of here now!”
“Well, that’s good enough for me,” Fancypants said. “Shall we?”
“Allons-y!” Fleur shouted.
“Stop stealing my line!” the Doctor yelled.
They quickly started running for the exit. They had to double back briefly to grab Crackle, who’d been staring dopily at the Nestene Consciousness, but after that they crossed the cavern with blinding speed and started running up the stairs. Partway up Dinky cried in pain and collapsed, the strain from maintaining the time freeze getting to her, and her mother had to scoop her up and carry her in her forelimbs, whispering that she was a brave little muffin and that she was so proud of her and assuring her that she could do it, she just had to keep it up a little longer, that’s her girl.
After what felt like several minutes, but couldn’t really have been since time wasn’t actually flowing, they reached the top of the stairs and found themselves back in the Boutique workroom. Rarity, gasping and wheezing and thinking to herself that perhaps she should have taken up Applejack’s offer of endurance training after all, paused to catch her breath, and noticed to her alarm that everyone else was heading for one of the big holes in the wall. “Wait, where are you going?!” she cried.
“The Nestene Consciousness is about to explode! Do you really want to be nearby when that happens?!” the Doctor yelled.
Rarity’s eyes widened in horror. “But…then my store…”
“Stores can be rebuilt! Ponies can’t! Well, okay, they can be, but they need enough parts, and they won’t be able to find enough of you to fit in an ashtray if you don’t get out, now!” the Doctor shouted.
Panic giving her legs new strength, Rarity staggered to her hooves and dashed for the exit, joining the Doctor’s family, Crackle, and Fleur and Fancypants outside. Time had stopped outside the Boutique as well, and there was a rather sizable ring of armored soldiers wearing Twilight’s livery standing at attention around Rarity’s home, with the Princess herself and Rarity’s other friends standing at the forefront, a worried Sweete Belle by their side. “Okay,” the Doctor said as he skidded to a halt in front of the soldiers. “I think this is far enough. Dinky, you can stop now.”
Gratefully, Dinky released her spell. Instantly, motion and sound returned to the world, specifically, the motion and sound of the soldiers and Rarity’s friends jumping and crying out in surprise as seven ponies and one dragon appeared out of thin air. “What the…Rarity, how did-“ Twilight started.
“Twilight! The Boutique is about to explode! Contain it! Now!” the Doctor yelled.
The youngest Alicorn didn’t argue, didn’t stop to think. Her horn lit up and suddenly a big purple dome of magic formed around Carousel Boutique. And just in time, too, for the building was disintegrated in a tremendous explosion that shook the earth, filled everyone’s vision with spots, and filled their ears with a rather annoying ringing noise. After several moments passed, and the sound and fury was over, Twilight released her spell, allowing the smoke trapped inside to billow out, which the Pegasi soldiers dutifully blew away with their wings…
Revealing that there was nothing left of Rarity’s home except for a very large, very deep crater. Rarity heard someone screaming and crying at the top of their lungs. It took a moment for her to realize it was herself. Forelegs and wings wrapped themselves around her, and she realized that her dear, beautiful, wonderful friends and sister had wrapped her in a hug.
“Don’t worry, Rarity,” Fluttershy said gently. “It’s over now. You’re safe.”
“M-my house…my boutique…my beautiful dresses…” Rarity wept.
“Those can all be replaced, sugarcube,” Applejack said kindly. “You, on the other hoof, can’t be.” Weeping, Rarity gratefully nuzzled her friend.
“And hey, maybe you can move back in with me and Mom and Dad until you can get a new Boutique!” Sweetie suggested happily. Rarity started wailing all the louder at that. Sweetie pouted. “I’m guessing that’s a no…”
“Don’t worry, Rarity, you can stay with me for a while!” Pinkie said, her grin a little too wide.
“Or me,” Fluttershy said, licking her lips.
“Or me,” Applejack said, glaring at the other two.
“Or me!” Rainbow Dash said, lasciviously waggling her eyebrows.
“Rainbow, she can’t walk on clouds,” Fluttershy pointed out.
“…Oh. Darn,” Rainbow grumbled. “Well, maybe Twilight could cast that spell-“
“Girls! I can’t believe you’d be thinking of that now of all times!” Twilight scolded the others, who gave her appropriately chastened looks. “And besides,” she purred, leaning closer to Rarity, a look of pure greed and lust that would frighten even the most avaricious of dragons in her eyes, causing Rarity to shiver in terrified delight. “Seeing as how I own her—own all of you—body and soul, if she were to stay with anyone it would be me.” A normal smile on her face, she pulled back and said, “Fortunately, that won’t be necessary, because I prepared for just such an-“
There was a sudden scream. “Somezing’s coming out of ze crater!” Fleur cried, pointing a dainty hoof at the edge of the crater, where something was levering itself up out of the chasm. It was a grotesque, shambling form, moaning and covered in molten plastic.
“An Auton survived? But that’s impossible! The anti-plastic in Blueblood’s mane should have killed all of them when the Nestene Consciousness was destroyed!” the Doctor said.
“Wait, where’s Prince Blueblood anyway? Shouldn’t he have come up with you guys?” Sweetie Belle realized.
Rarity smiled uneasily. “Uh, well, Sweetie…the thing is…”
“He’s dead,” Dinky said bluntly. Sweetie gasped, and Rarity shot her a look. “What? He is. He tripped and fell into the Nestene Consciousness, and certainly wasn’t thrown in by anypony who had a particular reason to despise him for crushing her foalhood dreams of romance.”
Rarity’s friends slowly turned to look at her. “…There something you want to tell us, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
“Noooooo…” Rarity said nervously.
“Gosh, Rarity, I knew you didn’t like Blueblood, but throwing him into an alien is a bit much, don’t you think?” Fluttershy asked. “I mean…if that’s okay…”
“I DID NOT KILL PRINCE BLUEBLOOD AND THERE’S NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTS THAT I DID OTHERWISE, AND EVEN IF I DID KILL PRINCE BLUEBLOOD, WHICH I DID NOT, NO COURT IN EQUESTRIA WOULD CONVICT ME!” Rarity screamed. “And shouldn’t we be focusing on the fact that an Auton apparently survived than how Prince Blueblood died right now?”
“You’re right, Rarity, we can talk after this monster is dealt with,” Twilight said, standing in front of her friends and spreading her wings. “Everypony, ready! If that thing takes another step forward, I want it sent on a one-way ticket to Tartarus!”
“Er, do you mean you actually want us to banish it to Tartarus, or-“ a Unicorn guard asked.
Twilight facehooved. “Just deal with it, okay?!”
“Y-Yes, Your Highness,” the guard, who was clearly a rookie, said nervously.
Groaning, the heap of plastic slowly turned the misshapen mass that might, possibly, be a head, scanning the worried and angry ponies arrayed against it. It paused when it saw Rarity, hiding behind Twilight’s wings. Its eyes, if it had any, narrowed. Its horn glowed, though it was impossible to tell through all the plastic. Its sides crumbled, and what looked like the top of an extremely torn, burnt, and battered saddlebag opened…
And an apple pie floated out.
Applejack blinked. “Wait a second…that pie looks like one ah baked to sell this morning…what would an alien robot be doing with one o’ those?”
Rarity gasped, recognizing what little of the saddlebag the creature was wearing through the plastic. “It cannot be! But my fashion accessory memory is never off! Twilight, call your guards off, that’s not an Auton, it’s-“
“IT’S ARMED! KILL IT! KILL IT NOW!” a rather trigger-happy guard, nerves already rather frayed from the explosion and facing off against an actual alien invader, screamed.
“NO, WAIT, IT’S PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!” Twilight yelled.
In the debriefing of the event after the fact, every soldier present would claim that none of them heard this order, even though Twilight shouted it in the Royal Canterlot Voice, citing that they had gone temporarily deaf from the explosion of the Carousel Boutique, even though this made no sense because otherwise they couldn’t possibly have heard Twilight’s earlier order to standby and attack the supposed Auton if it did anything threatening. Regardless, what all the reports, and eyewitness accounts, agreed upon is that after Twilight shouted, the Auton that would later be confirmed as not being Prince Blueblood threw its pastry projectile in Rarity’s direction, only for a forked tongue to lash out and snatch the pie out of the air and vanish down the gullet of Princess Crackle. The Auton that would later be confirmed as not being Prince Blueblood then screamed and fell to the ground, bursting into tears just before getting hit by several dozen stun spells, freezing it in place and allowing the several dozen Pegasi that descended on it moments later to beat it to a pulp without a fight. It was unclear how the Auton that would later be confirmed as not being Blueblood had fallen back into the crater and hit the bottom afterwards. The Pegasi all claimed that it had ‘tripped,’ even though it’d been paralyzed at the time, and its legs had probably been too broken at that moment to pull it anywhere near the lip of the crater.
On a completely unrelated note, all of the soldiers present at this incident had either been former bodyguards of Prince Blueblood, were related to former bodyguards or servants of Prince Blueblood, or been victims of or related to victims of Prince Blueblood’s attempt to reform the Guard after the rather humiliating defeat they’d suffered during the Changeling invasion by altering the glamour enchantments on their armor so that they’d all permanently look like him, which he reasoned would increase their morale tenfold by making them look like someone whose life was actually important other than to die bravely to protect those in power. The Guard therapy and plastic surgery bills following the incident had been staggering, and the number of assassination attempts on Prince Blueblood tripled. There were also a few near-divorces and suicide attempts. Thankfully, none of them went through with it, but it was very dicey for a while.
On an even more unrelated note, all of the guards involved received commendations for ‘thwarting an alien invasion’ and ‘preventing an assassination of a royal consort,’ and no mention of their possibly attacking a royal personage or disobeying a royal order (after all, the Auton was confirmed to not be Prince Blueblood, and they’d been temporarily deaf, so it wasn’t their fault they hadn’t heard their mistress’s command) ever made it into their permanent records.
The official reports would also state that a horribly injured Prince Blueblood was later discovered at the bottom of the crater, surrounded by fragments of broken plastic, and that the surviving Auton must have shattered when it landed on him. The case was pronounced closed, and no further inquiry into the incident was ever called for, except by Prince Blueblood, but all his shouts for retribution and execution of the guards whom he claimed had tried to murder him were ignored and deemed the crazed babbles of someone suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome from being caught in an exploding Nestene Consciousness and surviving. No charges were brought against Rarity for throwing him into the Consciousness either (Well, they were brought up, but completely ignored), since after all, he hadn’t been thrown, he’d tripped, as all eyewitness accounts corroborated. Prince Blueblood would later receive a medal for accidentally saving Equestria from an alien invasion, which mollified him slightly, even though the award ceremony was very private, nopony was invited, and it was only mentioned in a short article buried in the back pages of the Equestrian Inquirer. And Crackle ate the medal later.
But that’s in the future. In the present, everyone looked on as trained medical practitioners rather haphazardly loaded the broken and twisted and burnt and horribly mangled body of Blueblood into a chariot and took off for Canterlot General, ‘forgetting’ to strap him down so he wouldn’t slide all over the chariot and bump into the sides (which had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Prince Blueblood had tried to slash the budget for the hospital several times and attempted to get motions passed to deny free healthcare to the lower class because he figured their backwoods hoodoo and potions were just as good a placebo as the real thing and would free up more resources to treat the wealthy). “It’s amazing he managed to survive getting swallowed and blown up inside an alien life-form,” Fluttershy said quietly as she watched the white carriage with a red cross on the sides fly off towards Canterlot.
“And gettin’ beaten up by a buncha guards, and thrown into a giant crater-“ Applejack said.
Rarity laughed nervously. “Whatever are you talking about, darling? That was an Auton, not Prince Blueblood. Don’t be silly.”
“But Rarity, you said-“ Sweetie Belle started.
“I was wrong,” she snapped.
Sweetie Belle frowned at her. “I think you’re lying. I thought telling lies was bad.”
“Do as I say and not as I do, okay?!” Rarity pleaded. Sweetie Belle scowled, as did Applejack, who was no happier about the blatant deception than the filly…even if she did have a bit of a grudge towards Blueblood for publicly decrying apples as the worst fruit and saying pears—which everyone knew were the evilest fruit in all of Equestria—were his favorites, and for being a total flankhole towards her and her friends whenever they ran into him, and for trying to buy Sweet Apple Acres and tear up the farm so that he could build a game reserve where he could hunt poor ponies for his own amusement and maybe she should stop this line of thought before she started thinking that maybe those soldiers were in the right in beating up Blueblood and throwing him into the crater even after they’d heard he wasn’t an Auton. Which they hadn’t. Since they’d been temporarily deaf, and that wasn’t Blueblood, but an Auton. Apparently.
“I think he survived because of his latent Alicorn blood,” Twilight said. “It’s not enough for him to ever Ascend or even become immortal—thankfully--but it does grant him a degree of resilience to things that would kill just about anypony else.”
“Huh. Maybe that’s why nopony’s succeeded in killing him yet,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy cried, horrified.
“What? I’m not the only one thinking it,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I must say, despite everything I’m relieved he survived,” Fancypants mused as he watched the chariot recede into the distance.
“Yes, it means we don’t ‘ave to go to a funeral and pretend we’re sad zat ‘e’s gone,” Fleur agreed.
“I’m sorry about your house, Rarity,” Derpy said apologetically. “The Doctor didn’t know the explosion would be that bad…did you, Doctor?”
“What? Oh, uh, no. No, I don’t,” the Doctor said quickly.
Rarity sighed. “It’s all right…I suppose my magnificent palace of beauty and fashion was a…necessary sacrifice to keep Equestria from being destroyed…” She didn’t look like she believed it, though. “I shall simply stay with somepony else, and then rebuild Carousel Boutique, twice as fabulous!”
“Oh, that won’t be necessary, Rarity,” Twilight said, perking up.
Rarity blinked in surprise. “It won’t?”
“No, before Prince—I mean, that Auton attacked, I was about to tell you that I had it covered,” Twilight explained. She whistled, and Earth Ponies wearing hardhats and orange vests appeared towing massive carts full of dirt, stone, and concrete, which they began to pour into the crater. While this was being done, Twilight shot a flare into the air with her horn. “Bring it in, colts!”
The armored Pegasi overhead flew off in formation and came back a moment later…carrying what looked an awful lot like Carousel Boutique hanging from a number of ropes and pulleys, nearly taking off the roofs of the houses below as it gently swung in its harness, clipping a chimney or two as it went. Rarity gasped in disbelief. “My Boutique!”
“But that’s impossible, it blew up! We all saw it blow up!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Or did we?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh, it blew up, all right,” Twilight said with a smirk. “This isn’t the original Carousel Boutique, it’s a scale replica I made in case of emergencies.”
“…You made an exact duplicate of Rarity’s house just in case it exploded?!” Applejack asked incredulously as Rarity squealed in delight and pulled on her mane, stars in her eyes.
“I made exact duplicates of all of your houses in case they exploded,” Twilight said smugly. “It was Pinkie’s idea.”
“Huh. Suddenly I’m not surprised anymore,” Rainbow Dash said.
“I am! I don’t remember telling Twilight she should make exact duplicates of all our houses in case they exploded!” Pinkie Pie said. She frowned. “I wish I had, though, because it’s brilliant!”
Twilight laughed. “Well, it wasn’t Pinkie’s idea so much as something she inspired me to do. She has caches of eyepatches and balls and trampolines and balloons and medical kits and food and fireworks and all sorts of other things scattered across Equestria in case of emergencies. I figured it might not be a bad idea to make preparations of my own in case something bad should ever happen.”
“That’s remarkably foresighted of you, Princess,” Fancypants complimented Twilight.
“And, uh, kind of frivolous…” the Doctor said with a frown. “Is this what our tax money is going towards, then? Making duplicates of your friend’s houses?”
“Honey, we don’t pay taxes,” Derpy said.
“Ah, right, so we don’t. Never mind, then,” the Doctor said, cheering up.
“How do you not pay taxes? I’ve been trying to figure that out for years!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Careful exploitation of loopholes in the tax law,” Dinky said.
“Darn. I can’t even read that thing without falling asleep…” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“I’d be happy to explain it to you, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight offered.
“I can’t even listen to you explain that thing without falling asleep,” Rainbow Dash muttered. Twilight scowled.
The forestallion of the construction workers trotted over and tipped his hat. “We’ve finished filling in the big hole, Your Magisty, and got the foundations, plumbing, and magilectricity ready. All we need is to put the house down and it should be good to go.”
“Wow, that’s some really fast work,” Applejack said. “And here ah thought mah family could build barns in record time!”
“We’re the best in the business, ma’am. Royal Engineering Corps,” the stallion said, proudly showing off a badge on his vest.
Twilight nodded at the stallion. “Good work, Solid Foundation. All right, gentlestallions, put her down!” she shouted at the Pegasi. The guards nodded and gently lowered the new Carousel Boutique down on its foundations, sighing in relief once it was safely on the ground and they could untie themselves from the incredibly heavy building. The Engineering Corps scurried around and inside the building, hooking everything up and making sure the structure was secure before giving the Princess and her entourage the go-ahead to head inside.
Squealing in delight, Rarity raced for the door of the towering structure, slamming it open and rushing around the workroom, gibbering and shrieking with incoherent delight. “I take it you’re satisfied, then?” Twilight asked as she and the others trotted in after the white Unicorn. Opalescence entered a moment later, glanced around in disdain, gave a sniff of grudging approval, then padded over to a pillow identical to the one she’d been napping on earlier and lay down to sleep.
Crying tears of joy, Rarity grabbed Twilight and smothered her with kisses. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she shrieked giddily. “It looks exactly like it did before that horrible business with the Autons began!” She paused, and slowly looked around, taking everything in. “…Actually…it looks exactly the way it did…right down to the dresses on the mannequins, and the fabric on the shelves, and the exact number and types of pins in the pincushions, and the furniture and the books on the shelves and that magazine Fancypants left lying on the couch and that scorch mark in the kitchen from where Sweetie Belle tried making breakfast this morning-“
“It was an accident,” Sweetie Belle muttered. “I said I was sorry…”
“And the dress Crackle ate and Twilight how is this possible?!“ Rarity asked frantically.
“Eheheheheh, I’d reaaaaaally rather not go into it,” Twilight said nervously. “So, why don’t we just celebrate the fact that your shop is back exactly the way it was less than an hour ago and not go questioning how I would be able to keep this duplicate up-to-date with the original.”
“But-“ Rarity protested.
“Pinkie Pie, we need a party, stat!” Twilight screamed desperately.
“Oh boy! A PARTY!” Pinkie screamed giddily, reaching into her mane and pulling out a cannon on wheels that should not possibly have been able to fit in there.
“Wh-what…how did she…” Fancypants stammered.
“Don’t question it. Even I haven’t figured that out,” the Doctor said wearily as Pinkie Pie pulled a string on the back of the cannon, causing it to fire and shower the room with its contents.
Instantly, confetti was covering the floor, streamers and balloons were hanging all over the place, some tables with cake, chips, and a bowl of punch with an alligator swimming in it appeared along a wall, and a banner proclaiming, ‘CONGRATULATIONS ON THE CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE’S GRAND RE-OPENING AND DEFEAT OF AN INVASION OF ALIEN PLASTIC ROBOTS’ stretching across the ceiling. Also, everyone was now wearing party hats.
Pinkie Pie poked her head out the door and shouted, “Everypony, come on in here so we can get a conga line started!” She stepped away from the door as the remaining members of Twilight’s Guard and the Royal Engineering Corps danced into the room in a straight line, slightly baffled looks on their faces, as if they weren’t sure how they’d gotten into this situation, which was a common feeling for anyone who spent any period of time around Pinkie Pie. “Woohoo! Dance party!” Pinkie whooped as she joined the end of the line and started shuffling around the room.
“Come on, Rarity, let’s dance!” Twilight said, dragging Rarity towards the end of the conga line.
“But…but…oh, very well, I suppose there are some things I’m better off not knowing,” Rarity said reluctantly as she joined the line with Twilight and the rest of her friends.
“…I have no idea what’s going on, but it looks like fun,” Fancypants said, poking his party hat. “Shall we join in?”
Fleur smiled and said, “Allons-“ She paused, noticing the Doctor glaring at her. “Er, I mean, let’s go.”
As Fancypants and Fleur tried their hoof at a game of ‘Pin the Anti-Plastic on the Nestene Consciousness,’ the Doctor smiled as he watched Dinky break open a piñata that looked like an Auton, causing candy to spill out…only for Crackle to quickly eat it all, prompting the angry filly to use her Reset spell to try again, in hopes that she could get the candy before the dragon could eat it. Much to her consternation, she couldn’t. “Well, that’s another adventure concluded without anyone getting too seriously hurt or dying. (Well, except for Blueblood.) I love those. Strange how I seem to have more of those when I’m here at home than when I’m off-world.” As always, he felt a thrill in both his hearts when he said the word ‘home.’ For a good part of his life, he hadn’t really had a home aside from the TARDIS, always going here and there in time and space, never staying long enough to settle down anywhere.
And then he’d met Derpy, and had his daughters, and found at last what he thought he’d lost and could never have again after the Time War: a home, and a family.
“Equestria’s just a magical place, I guess,” Derpy said, nuzzling against her husband.
“It certainly is. It gave me you, didn’t it?” the Doctor said. They kissed.
“Blech. Old ponies making out,” Amethyst Star said, sticking out her tongue as she helped herself to some chips and salsa. She paused and frowned at the alligator in the punch bowl. “What are you looking at?”
Gummy blinked one eye after another at her but said nothing.