Have you ever been inside a pitch black room? I don't mean one where there's some hint of light from under the door, or the moon's light fighting with the clouds to come through your window. I mean the point where there's a new moon, you can't see a single star, there's not a single light source, and you're lucky to see your hand scant inches from your eyes.
That's exactly how I found myself. Thinking that maybe my eyes were closed, I tried to open them, but the darkness persisted. I tried thinking about what I remembered, and it all came back to me. The last few awkward days since my arrival. Awkward and, well, somewhat enjoyable now, I had to admit. The last thing though was pranking Celestia, then the faintest sensation of wetness and that damned ringing... Ah, and blood! I couldn't forget the fact that my back had somehow become drenched in it.
Did Celestia blast me after I removed the inhibitor from her horn? Somehow, I really doubted that, as whatever the cause was, it felt like it came from within me. Plus, I didn't get the vibe that she'd do something so petty. No, I should be expecting a massive retaliatory prank, not a blast to the back from her.
A light appeared off in the distance, a beacon of blue. It rapidly approached, and I began walking towards it, hand outstretched. I had no idea what it was, but something told me it was both familiar and friendly. As it got closer, I made out a shape, and it was that of a pony. Blue, shape of a pony, and familiar... There was a nagging sensation in the back of my mind.
"Elam!" It called out to me, and everything snapped into place. That was Luna! She came closer, and the mist solidified into her form. "I must say, your mind is an odd place, as well as complex. I thought I would find you amidst the chaotic portion of it, but instead I find you in the calmest and darkest corner. Are you well?"
My mind? I attempted to process what it was she was saying. I've had some pretty spot on dreams before that lined up with life rather closely, and then I'd also heard of lucid dreaming. I experienced the latter once or twice, although those could've been really bad acid trips. Kind of indistinguishable, truth be told. But I'm in my mind?
Rather than reply to her, I'd read enough books to know that one should be able to control what's around them in one's mind. I mean, if it's in fantasy books it should apply here, right? Focusing really hard, I thought of the bridge from the Star Trek film, complete with its view of space. Cause hey, space is fucking awesome! Slowly, the darkness began to retreat, lightening and changing as it began to shift towards what I imagined.
Luna looked on in surprise as the last of the details came into focus, and I plopped down in the captain's chair. "Fucking awesome!" I noticed the stunned look on Luna's face. "Oh hey there, Luna. 'Sup?"
Luna looked at me, impressed. "I must say, Elam, this is most amazing. How long have you been aware that you were within your mind? I'm assuming this is something from your prior home, yes?"
"I wish, this is actually from a movie. And I wasn't aware I was in my mind till you clued me in to be honest. So, what's going on? I assume it's safe to say that Celestia didn't blast me in the back or anything equally crazy, right?" I walked up to Luna and poked her, somewhat surprised when my hand went into her.
Luna laughed at my puzzled reaction before answering my questions. "In one's mind, visitors typically are not solid, Elam. And no, my sister did not get her revenge, although I would suggest you stay light on your hooves around her for the next ten or so years. She is probably planning something to get back at you." She paused, a slight shudder traversing her form. "As to what is going on, it seems that, for some reason, your body has accelerated its changes and your wings came in rather violently. Since you passed out, we have kept you in a dreamless state of sleep."
Huh, that kinda makes sense. Wings are pretty fucking awesome, too. Still miss my dick, but wings are another step in the right direction for now. "So, how long have I been out, then? And how did you get into my– actually, scratch that second question. Magic, right?" I rolled my eyes, causing Luna to laugh once more.
Luna's laughter finally calmed down enough for her to start talking again. "It is now early evening, I actually just raised the moon prior to delving into your mind. And one day, Elam, you will be able to understand that some things just are a result of magic, and do not need to be questioned." She stuck her tongue out at me. It really is amazing just how long they are, and the things they can... Okay, back on track, mind! "I would like to show you yourself, if you agree. I can project it into your mind, but only with your permission."
"Yeah, that's fine by me, Luna. I'm kind of curious just how fucked up I look right now." Luna closed her eyes and her horn glowed for a few moments before an image of me appeared in the air. I simply whistled, looking at the projected image closely. "Wow, yeah... I really look fucked up."
"Indeed, you are not a pretty sight to look at right now, Elam. However, at the accelerated rate, Twilight claims you will be fully changed by midday tomorrow at the latest. You will sleep through the rest of it, basically." Luna spoke as I continued to examine myself, and I mutely nodded my head every so often to show I was still listening to her.
I got a rather silly idea, and reached out with my hands. At the moment, the projection was about one half to one third my size, and I tried grabbing the image with both of my hands. Bringing them apart from each other, I grinned like a madman as the image enlarged yet loss none of its detail. I then used one hand to swipe at it and maniacally laughed as it quickly spun in place, easily completing a half dozen revolutions.
"You are one strange individual..." I heard Luna mutter over my shoulder as I stopped the projection from spinning and started doing finer manipulations of the image. I noticed something halfway between my sides and shoulder blades. "Blech! Those supposed to be my wings?" I pointed towards them, "It looks like a damned plucked chicken!"
"Yes, those are your wings, however your feathers have not started growing in yet which is why they look so odd. Plus the fact that they are migrating to your sides as your body finishes its changes." I looked at the area closely, and had to agree. My chest area was becoming more akin to the barrel of a pony; and from looking at Celestia, Luna and Twilight, I knew the wings were meant to be on one's sides and not between the shoulder blades.
I started moving the image around a bit more, taking my time. My face was really weird looking, one eye was much larger than the other, and my face was basically that of a pony's now. Most of my body seemed to have a coat of fur, even if a bit thin in some places. I was also officially a quadruped too, as I discovered when I started poking at the hooves that were now present at the end of my feet.
"Luna, watch this!" I couldn't wait to see her reaction as I grabbed ahold of a hoof in the picture and moved it around. I began to manipulate it, moving it around and side to side. It reminded me of some of the Bethesda games where you could pick up a body from any point, and then throw it around like a ragdoll.
After a few groans from Luna, I took one last look at the changes that had happened so far. "Hey, my boobs! Luna!" It seemed to be getting harder to keep her attention; I have no clue why though. "So, these are... crotch boobs?"
I was enjoying this way too much as Luna snorted and threw up her hooves in exasperation. "Damnit, Elam, why must you be... you!? They are teats, not 'crotch boobs' you dimwit." Once more I laughed, thoroughly enjoying just how well I was getting underneath Luna's skin.
Overall, I looked a pretty hideous thing, and my curiosity was now thoroughly sated. I shrunk the projection down to only a foot in stature, holding my hands over it. Strings formed from my fingertips and connected with it as I began to treat it as a literal puppet. I was never very good with this though, and only managed to make it jerk around a bit. "Come on, move how I want you to!"
Luna stepped into my view, a rather angry look on her face. "Enough, Elam. Never mind the fact that treating a projection of yourself as a marionette is creepy as can be, I only have a few more minutes before I must end this spell. I primarily wanted to let you know not to panic when you next awaken, but perhaps I should not have bothered."
I hugged Luna, or tried to anyways as I simply passed right through her. Giving up on that, I simply smiled at her. "Chillax, Luna, I was just having a bit of fun. I can't let your sister have it after all! Speaking of, how'd it end up going? I think it was perfect, myself."
"It was great; you did a most excellent job of pranking her. If it were not for the fact you collapsed right in front of her, she probably would have gone to her room and disappeared for the next week. Again though, I warn you to tread lightly around her for a while, you never know what she may scheme up." Luna looked around and began to fade. "I shall see you when you next awake, Elam." Luna faded from view, and everything slowly faded out as my consciousness sunk into the tender embrace of sleep.
I don't really recall what I was dreaming about; it was something to do with cocaine and some Eastern European country I think. All I know is that it seemed like Luna was coming again, as I definitely wasn't awake yet. "What do you want now, Luna?"
"I am not Luna." A female voice clearly called out, and a black mist approached this time. I had no clue who it was, as the voice wasn't familiar to me. It solidified into a pony that looked pretty fucking awesome, what with the draconic pupils and fangs. Oh, she was also an alicorn. Maybe this was the fifth one Celestia had mentioned?
"So who are you then? You that mysterious fifth alicorn Celestia mentioned?" I took a closer look at her and noticed how she shared a very striking resemblance to Luna. Her coat was black and the eyes and fangs, sure, but she also had a moon as her cutie mark. "You sure you aren't Luna, and you're just trying to fuck with me? You look really similar."
The mysterious alicorn groaned and brought a hoof up to her face. Facehoof? Sure, let's go with that. "No, I am not Luna, no matter how many Celestia forsaken times I get asked that question!"
I noticed just how easily annoyed this alicorn got and decided to push just a bit more. "You sure you aren't Luna? I mean, sure you're a bit more roasted than her, but you've got a moon on your ass. Maybe a distant relative?" I tried my best to keep from laughing as I imagined a massive vein throbbing on her forehead.
"Humans..." I heard the mysterious mare mutter under her breath, and with a fair amount of anger too. She took a few deep breaths and then looked at me before speaking. "My name doesn't matter. What does is that I come to you with an offer I think you'll find most enjoyable."
Well, color me intrigued, I was genuinely interested as to what miss mysterious mare could possibly offer me and why she'd be doing it, presumably, behind Luna and Celestia's backs. "Do go on, I'm listening."
She smiled and rubbed her front hooves together. It felt very Bond Villain-ish to be truthful. "What if I told you I could get you home, in your original body, so long as you helped me with something? Would you be interested?"
Shock ran through me at her words, and I felt partially numb. Something told me that there was a lot she wasn't saying, but the chance to go back home? Sex as a woman was nice, hell it's very nice, but I'd love to be able to resume my normal life if given the chance. ""What's the catch? There always is with something like this."
She just smiled at me in response. "Oh, nothing too major. Just let me ride along in your body so that I can get back at Celestia when the time is right." I raised an eyebrow at her and leveled my gaze. "Oh fine. I'd utterly humiliate her hopefully to the point she'd want to go and hide on the sun for a few decades. That's my goal."
I filled with joy, it sounded like this alicorn wanted to prank Celestia even worse than what I'd just done. Given the fact that she and I would most likely end up swapping pranks for the foreseeable future, it didn't sound too bad a deal. Although the whole riding along in my body bit, that might be the cause of some alarm. "Say I go along with it... what exactly do you mean by riding along in my body? I kind of like it, you know? It being mine and all that, even if it is mostly a pony at the moment."
She laughed this time, a very mirthful sound which proved a heavy contrast to her look. "Oh, I'd just ask to do a thing here, a thing there, nothing more, I promise. It should prove most enjoyable being able to humiliate Celestia whenever I get the chance; as it stands now it's extremely difficult for me to do so without any help."
"Ah sure, why the hell not. I have a feeling I'll need the help soon; I kinda just rode her around the castle and the sky in front of a lot of ponies. She's probably trying to come up with something to get back at me. Plus, they do say two minds are better than one!"
"Most excellent... sucker!" She shouted out, an ominous crackling sound rapidly approaching from a far distance. "I am Nightmare Moon, and your body is mine now!" Oh boy, so she was a clichéd villain type. Talk about some major disappointment; I seriously thought I was going to end up with a partner in crime to help with Celestia.
"So... that whole spiel about going back home and whatnot, that was just a bunch of lies?" The sound was coming closer, but I wanted to know for certain before I decided to beat her ass.
She just cackled maniacally like a villain, rearing up. "Indeed, I just needed to buy some time so that I could take over your body. Now, I just need to subdue your mind! And since you're just a puny human, I have no doubt that this will be over rather quickly."
"Pffft, I think not." I focused my mind and brought up the image of a wide open grassy plain. "I was hoping you weren't some bad cliché, but since you are I suppose I'll have to teach you a lesson! No one fucks with my mind, bitch." I decided on how to best approach this and closed my eyes.
When I opened them once more, I was decked out as a true American icon. I was still female, sadly, as that was one thing I couldn't circumvent, but the rest... oh yeah. I had a skirt on that was striped red and white running horizontally. My long sleeved red shirt was partially covered by a blue vest, and atop my head was a white top hat that had a blue stripe with white stars in it.
"Let me show you how it's done in 'Murica, bitch!" I hollered at the top of my lungs. Roaring from nowhere, a very familiar orchestral piece began to play. Ride of the Valkyries rang out through my mind as my imagination began to work on the next part of my plan.
I pictured the factory worker women from the posters during World War Two, yet another piece of iconic American history. I then gave them a cowboy hat for added measure, and envisioned a bomb for each of them to ride. As the music reached its peak, a dozen such bombs, women riders included, blasted off towards this Nightmare Moon.
Like the total badass I was, I didn't even look at the ensuing explosion. I simply crossed my arms and kept my back to Nightmare, the slight pressure of the backblast and the massive noise almost overpowering the music the signals that they had detonated.
"'MURICA, FUCK YEAH!"
I let my focus on the music fade and I turned around to see a very pissed off Nightmare Moon. "Aww, what's wrong, Moony? Didn't get enough Americana?" I just laughed as literal steam poured out of her ears and I schemed up my next move.
"Why you little–" Nightmare had to stop talking as she jumped to the side, a small object falling where she had just been standing.
"Weather forecast for you, Moony! Cloudy... with a chance of meatballs!" I just laughed as larger and larger chunks of meat fell from the sky, all focused on her location. She managed to get airborne for all of a few seconds before her wing was clipped, sending her right back to the ground. I bent over from how hard I was laughing within seconds of watching the expression on her face as she was buried with meat.
Finally straightening myself, I focused and she was unceremoniously dropped at my feet, bit of meat sauce all over her. "So, I'll stop if you get out and say one thing... Who's a bitch now, Moony?" She fixed me with a gaze, and I couldn't help but laugh again. It might've been intimidating, but as she glared at me, a piece of sauce had picked that moment to drizzle down between her eyes which completely ruined it.
Without another word, she disappeared from my mind, and I let out a disappointed sigh. "Damn, I wanted to have a bit more fun... Oh well, only one thing left to do now!" Still dressed in the Uncle Sam outfit, I imagined one last song, which began to play within moments.
Hail to the Chief began to reverberate through my mind as I snapped to attention, offering up a mock salute to no one in particular. After a few moments of holding it everything shook, and I realized I was starting to wake up. Dropping my salute, I figured my last action in my mind should be something amazing, something momentous. Opening my mouth, I bellowed out the following phrase.
"Hail to the mother fucking chief!"