//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Purgatory And Back // Story: The Dimensions Uniting Multiverse Bureau // by IceColt //------------------------------// The explosion happened on impact. Jack’s head split apart upon meeting Cyborg’s laser like an overripe melon that had made the accelerated acquaintance with a sledgehammer. Pieces of skull and teeth flew everywhere, and cerebral matter plastered the wall and Twilight. Jack’s body was dead before it even noticed that its lack of auris interna - the inner ear -, as well as the immediate eviction of its brain disallowed for it to continue to stand upright. The lifeless corpse gave a last sign of protest in gushing forth a geyser of blood, which plastered the paralysed Twilight even more with bodily fluids, before slowly keeling over and landing on the floor with a thud. As his convulsing carcass bled over Fluttershy’s floor, Jack opened his eyes. He quickly looked down, only to curl his lips when hooves appeared in his gaze. Determined to not sacrifice his hope so easily though, Jack raised one of his forehooves and waved it back and forth on trial. Instead of dissolving into ethereal dust, the hoof stayed a hoof. The corners of Jack’s mouth dropped further. Seemed like he was confined to this ridiculous pony form even in death. Heaving a sigh and dropping the hoof back to the ground, Jack turned his attention to his surroundings. They quickly, although only briefly, made him forget about the pony-formed prison of his soul. Hell surrounded him. Or at least, that which passed as hell in the common perspective. Jack stood in a cave made out of black stone and filled with fire. Jagged stalagmites were sprouting all over the place, and likewise threatening looking stalactites reached down all the way from the shadowy ceiling. Giant flames flickered out of countless shadowy paths, licking hungrily at the stonewalls and towards Jack. As Jack turned his head, he could see a depression behind him, which snaked all throughout the cave and along the walls, serving as a creek for boiling lava. The magma’s shine mingled with the deep-red flames’ light, casting the entire chamber in an unsettling red glow. The dancing of the fires caused long shadows to sprout and jump all over the walls, as they used the stalactites and stalagmites to paint frightening silhouettes. The view left an impression on Jack. Not that it was a positive one. “Oh come on, what is this? ‘Build your own non-threatening parody of hell’-kit, the cheapskate version?” The brown earthy pony stallion snorted. “Besides, if this is supposed to be hell, where are the--” Suddenly, a loud wailing picked up. A moaning choir of tormented souls sang its suffering throughout the cave, letting their mournful song reverberate from the walls until the lamenting reached every corner. Screams went off in the far distance, followed by cruel, inhumane laughter of an unknown torturer. Jack clicked his tongue. “Great. Now it’s cliché and annoying.” He groaned and shook his head. “Well, better get to it. The sooner I find this fucking rabbit, the sooner I can get out of this shithole.” Rising up with those words, Jack walked deeper into the abyss of shadows, flames, and wailing. “I just gotta bare with it for now,” he mumbled. A minute later, Jack’s patience was entirely spent. “Shut your goddamn mouths, you fucking assholes!” Jack screamed against the continuous lamenting and crying. “Some are trying to work here, you lazy bums! Suffer your eternal punishment quieter, or I swear to god!” As Jack was trying to think up a good threat that victims of hell hadn’t heard before, the mourning only grew louder. Instead of just suffering, pleadings for help now also echoed throughout the chamber. “Help me!” “Please, I’m sorry!” “Get me out of here!” “Please... kill me!” “Oh believe me, I’d love to,” Jack growled. Instead of following his desire though, he turned around and kept walking. “Fucking lazy bastards. This is what sixteen percent of my wage is financing? That’s bullshit.” Jack kept on mumbling to himself, complaining about taxes and unfair wage to workhour ratio, until suddenly something white appeared in the corners of his eyes. He raised his head. There, just fifty meters away from him, stood Angel. Or at least Jack hoped that it was Angel. All those rabbits were just looking the same to him, to be honest. Nonetheless, Jack couldn’t just sacrifice a chance to get out of this here as quickly as possible. Immediately, he turned around and galloped towards the white bunny rabbit, who was looking around with a rather confused expression on his face. Yet just as Jack was only five meters away from him, the flames behind the rabbit flared up. The fire whooshed loudly, growing twice as large as before, and turned into an unnatural purple. The wailing and moaning grew louder, more frantic, and even more fearful, Jack believed to notice. All the while the two flames had grown larger, easily overtowering Jack three times his size. Suddenly, they bent towards each other, forming an archway out of purple flames, which now drew the focus towards what was between them. Jack and Angel stared into it. It was darkness. Then, something sounded. At first, Jack was surprised that he could hear so easily the sound, but then he noticed that it was perfectly logical. The wailing had silenced. An involuntary shudder ran across Jack’s back as the unnatural silence filled the cave, giving the sounds which came from the darkness beyond the flame archway all the more impact. The thundering nature of the sounds made Jack take a bit of time, until he realized that it were hoofsteps. Hoofsteps which were slowly coming closer. Jack noticed out of the corner of his eyes how Angel took a step backward. He couldn’t blame him for doing so. Jack himself had to muster all his concentration to not shy backwards. The powerful nature of the hoofsteps made it impossible to tell how far away their owner was, making the wait all the more unnerving. Suddenly, they fell silent. A moment of silence passed without anything happening. Jack noticed that he breathed heavily. Then, a skull appeared. Framed by flames, a horse skull protruded out of the darkness, staring at Jack and Angel with its empty eye sockets. Jack raised his head to return the stare, noticing how high up in the air the skull was. It almost reached the flame archway’s top. It was so high up that Jack almost didn’t see the hoof stepping out of the shadows. A giant, pure white hoof treaded on the cave’s floor, followed by another one. Their steps revealed that the legs attached to them were only bones, completely void of fur, skin, or even muscle. Yet the vision was only brief, as soon a long, thick, black curtain fell over them. No, not a curtain. A robe, Jack realized, when he looked back up. The skull was now also moving forward, in coherence with the hooves, not only proving that it was indeed one body, but also now showing that a black hood rested on it skullcap. Jack needed a moment, before he fully comprehended that before him stood a giant of a pony, devoid of any organic tissue, and clad into a heavy, black cloak. There was not a single possibility of doubt as to who Jack and Angel were standing in front of. Death looked down on them with his eternal grin and empty eyes. Then he opened his jaws. “MORTAL SOULS.” A deep, booming voice burst forth, reverberating from the walls and shaking the cave in its foundation. “YOU HAVE ENTERED MY DOMAIN. I AM DEATH.” There was no mercy in his eye sockets as he stared down on the earth pony and the rabbit. “YOUR FATE IS IN MY HOOVES. I ALONE DECIDE WHETHER YOU SHALL ASCEND TO HEAVEN OR...” The manifestation of the inevitable end let the last words hang ominously in the air. At least that’s what Jack thought. A moment later, he noticed that the skull’s jaws still had not closed. Instead, the skull was doing a weird back and forth motion, pulling suddenly back only to softly nod forward, over and over again. Jack believed to hear agitated breathing. “ACHOO!” Death’s skull shot forward. A moment later, he lifted his head, sniveling loudly. “DAMN DRAFT,” The grim reaper mumbled thunderingly as it, at least for its size, inconspicuously pulled up the end of its cloak with a hoof and wiped the non-existent snot from its bony nostrils. The cloaked skeleton froze in the middle of wiping when it noticed that Angel and Jack were still staring at it. Death quickly let go of the cloak and cleared its non-existent throat. “AHEM. I ALONE DECIDE WHETHER--” “Oh for fuck’s sake!” Jack rolled his eyes. “Can we skip that? I don’t have all day for this shit!” The flame archway flared with a swoosh. Death raised its skull and stomped forcefully on the ground with one hoof. “SILENCE, PUNY MORTAL! DO NOT DISRESPECT ME! I AM DEATH! I AM THE END OF ALL THINGS! I AM THE INEVITABLE! I AM--” “Yeah well, I’m from The Bureau, fuckface!” “WHAT?” The lack of skin and muscle tissue gave Death a perfect poker face. Luckily for Jack, the shocked surprise in the grim reaper’s voice told him all he needed to know. The giant skeleton raised a hoof and waved it hectically from one side to another. “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! THIS IS NOT RIGHT! I STILL HAVE THREE YEARS UNTIL MY PERFORMANCE REVIEW!” Jack groaned and planted a hoof on his face. “I’m not from the Sentient Resources Division, I’m a field agent, retard! Didn’t they teach you check every soul?” The grim reaper’s hoof halted in mid-air. Had the skeleton eyelids, it would have squinted them as the skull was brought forward a bit to spy at Jack. “OH YEAH, THERE IT IS.” The hovering hoof placed itself behind the skull and scraped over the parietal bone. “SORRY, I’M STILL LEARNING THE ROPES.” “Just get out of that stupid form and get down here,” Jack mumbled past the hoof which was still on his face. “HM? OH RIGHT, SORRY. HANG ON FOR A SECOND.” Death pulled its hoof back under the cloak and lowered its skull, causing the hood to completely conceal it. Suddenly, the cloak fell in on itself, as if the giant body under it had just vanished. Then the cloth itself began to shrink, receding further and further, until it was only a fraction of its original size. It all happened very quickly, and a moment later, a pony stood where the giant skeleton horse had been. The differences were only in size though. The pony was still clad in a heavy, black cloak and the hood hid most of the face, letting only a snout protrude. Unlike the previous form, this muzzle was covered with living tissue, its coat a faded, dull white. The pony raised a hoof and fumbled around under the cloak. “Alright, let’s see. Ribs are normal size, abdominal skin is there, no apparent anatomical errors... right on! Seems like I’m getting the hang of it.” With the overtowering figure, the booming voice had also apparently vanished. In its stead was now a young-sounding, male, nasal voice coming out of the cloaked pony’s muzzle. It was quite less impressive than the thundering words of a humongous skeleton. After the pony had finished the provisional check-up, it shifted its attention and walked up to Jack, who was impatiently tapping his hoof. The pony gave him a nervous smile. “Sorry for the hold-up. Err, I mean,” the pony raised a forehoof in an unsure and amateurish salute, “Grim Reaper, Death for Equestria. At your service, Sir.” “About goddamn time. I-- Wait. What’s your name again?” “It’s, uh, it’s Grim Reaper, Sir. Well, actually it’s Grim Percival Theodore Reaper the XLth” Jack raised an eyebrow. “Parents didn’t much care for you, did they?” “Uh, Sir?” “Nevermind. I need an immediate resurrection for me and this--” “What the hell is going on?!” “... unfortunately not anymore silent bunny.” Jack heaved a sigh and turned his head. Angel, who stood beside him, still looked completely overwhelmed by everything that surrounded him. Yet apparently the first shock had now subsided enough for him to find his voice again. Or rather, find his voice for the first time. “Wait, was that me?” Angel asked as he clutched his throat, staring down at himself in disbelief. “I can talk?” “Yes, unfortunately.” “How can that be?” Angel stared up to Jack helplessly, who looked back with frustrated disgust. “modern Purgatory policy, all souls need to have the ability for freely expressing themselves. Now shut up, I’m trying to get us out of there.” “Purgatory? Wait, does that mean I’m really--” “I said shut up! Don’t you know how to take a hint, you goddamn walking meatloaf?” “Hey, fuck you, buddy! What did I ever do to you?” “More than you know,” Jack growled, choosing not to wonder how the bunny rabbit acquired such a coarse vocabulary. He ostentatiously turned his head away from Angel and focused anew on Grim. “Anyway, like I said, I’ve got a job right now and it requires that I-- Ow!”  Jack pulled up his left forehoof reflexively. Apparently Angel hadn’t taken the end of their conversation very well, because he had now buried his teeth in Jack’s foreleg. Jack shook the leg wildly. “Get off me, you fucking psycho!” At last, Angel flew off the leg and landed on the cave floor. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Jack yelled, still softly waving his leg as if he could also shake off the pain like that as well. Angel sat back up, looking just as angry. “I want answers! What is this place? Am I really dead? And who are you? Why did you follow me here?” “You want answers?” Jack sat down the hoof in an angry stomp, trying to ignore the pain that shot through it in response. “Fine! Purgatory, yes you are, I’m the guy whose job you made a lot more difficult, and I’m here because I need you alive, although I am really starting to think twice about it. Happy now?” Angel didn’t look happy. In fact, he looked quite baffled. “So... I’m really dead?” Jack gave an angry nod in response. Angel stared at him for one moment longer, then lowered his gaze. “I don’t... feel dead.” “Oh, because you know all about how it feels to be a soul in the afterlife.” Jack snorted. “I’ve been in more afterlifes than you can count or believe in. Believe me, I know dead.” “Now, if you’ll finally give me a moment,” he turned back to Grim, though he kept looking at Angel, “I am trying to get us two a ticket back to the worldly existence.” As no response came, besides a disbelieving stare, Jack then turned his attention completely to Grim. “Now, as I was saying, I need a revival for me and the bunny here, pronto!” “Oh. Uh... about that. Could you, maybe, um, just... wait a little bit with that?” “Wait.” Jack repeated the word flatly. Grim nodded eagerly. “Yeah. Not long, just about half an hour, maybe an hour. I’ll just need to, uh, talk a little bit with... the bunny.” “Talk. With the bunny.” “Yeah. Just a talk.” Jack stared at Grim vacantly. Grim replied with a shaky grin. Jack then looked up and pondered the flaming archway. While still towering over them, it looked quite less impressive now, since the flames seemed to have used up most of their fuel and were only sluggishly flickering about. Jack then thought back to Grim’s first appearance. He also started to remember Angel’s unusual way to perish. “Grim?” “Yes, Sir?” “Did you make this bunny die before his time?” “What?” Grim’s indignation had the authenticity of a smartphone bought on a chinese flea market. “Of course not! Well, I mean, not strictly... if you take into consideration the possibility that all times are happening at once somewhere in the existence...” Jack’s hoof once again made itself comfortable on his face. “W-well, it wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it anyway.” “Hey!” Angel interjected. Grim ignored him. “Besides, I had very good reason for what I did!” “Really?” Jack lifted the hoof from his face to shoot Grim a sceptical look that would have made Sextus Empiricus proud. “And what, pray fucking tell, kind of ‘good reasons’ did you have to let a bunny rabbit choke on a salad leaf?” Grim opened his mouth, only to close it again. He shifted his weight from one hoof to another, and back again. His gaze wandered between Jack and Angel, his teeth grinding against each other. The count of sweat beads on his muzzle increased exponentially, and his entire body began to shake like a paper cup under which a wasp had been trapped. Jack took a step forward. “Well?!” “Alright, fine!” Grim threw up a hoof in exasperated surrender. “I killed him because he was mean to Fluttershy!” The cave fell silent. Even the crackling of the flames and the blissfully unaware of its lethality gurgling magma hushed for a moment. Everyone and everything seemed to take a timeout to collectively turn towards Grim and stare at him with wide eyes of disbelief, existent or not. Finally, Jack broke the silence. “I’m sorry, what?” Grim sharply pointed at Angel in response. “This guy has been way too mean to Fluttershy! She always cares for him, always makes him his food, and he only just wants more, more, more. He doesn’t even say ‘Thank You’! I ask you, is that the way to treat one of the nicest, kindest, most gentle, most loving, most beautiful, most understanding ponies in the world?” Jack stared at Grim with a furrowed brow. Was he really hearing this? Grim, all the while, was only getting started. “He does not appreciate the gift he has been given! So, that’s why I decided to get him down here and give him a stern rebuke. I mean, how can one be so ungrateful?” “Sooo,” Jack finally found his voice again, carefully choosing his words, “you decided to kill Angel and get him down here... because you got a hard-on for his owner?” “Yes!” Grim gave a triumphant nod. A moment later, his smug satisfaction crumbled to reveal embarrassed confusion. “Wait, I mean, no! I mean, err... It’s not that simple, okay? Besides, I am doing this not for my satisfaction! I am only doing this for her!” “Uh-huh. So if I go into your office, I will not find it plastered with some questionable posters of said owner?” “That, uh... depends...” “On what? Whether I look at the walls or not?” “Woah, hang on a minute!” Angel hopped up to them, his expression of one that had not only received a package he hadn’t ordered and had to pay for, but also of one who had to find out that said package was filled to the brim with fishing utensils. For space crabs. While spaceflight hadn’t even been invented yet. “You can’t just kill me because of my attitude! That’s unfair!” “Unfair?” Grim had opened his mouth, but Jack had beat him to it. “That’s hardly unfair. Maybe inconvenient, but not unfair. Unfair is if you pit a Transdimensional Chewing Beetle against a Nazi Robot Spider. It is against the working regulations though,” Jack continued as he turned back to Grim. A nasty grin played around the corners of his mouth, as Grim flinched under these words. “Now that isn’t very good, is it, Grim? Abusing your position and power for personal affairs? I wonder how the Reaper Labor Union would react to that. Especially if it involves someone from the founding family directly. Mommy and daddy wouldn’t be very happy to hear that, now would they?” Grim had taken up shaking again. This time though, it had lost the resemblance to an angry wasp and was more akin to a shaved Chihuahua that had been splashed with a bucket of water and then put inside a fridge. It was difficult to see that he actively shook his head to this, when ‘mommy and daddy’ were mentioned. “Please, no! Don’t say a word to my parents! They’re gonna kill me!” He fell to his knees and robbed towards Jack, tightly grabbing his foreleg. “I just got this job. They expect me to completely ace this! If I only have one black mark, I’ll be the disgrace of the family!” Jack lifted the one hoof that wasn’t held tight by a shivering, near crying Death, and tapped softly against his chin. “Hmmm. I can see your problem. I guess I could just let it go, but...” “Yes? What is it?!” “Well, if I’m going to do something for you, I need you to do something for me.” “Anything! Anything!” Jack grinned. “Very good. Now, the first thing I need is an immediate resurrection for me and this bunny here.” Grim immediately jumped up, put a hoof under his cloak, and began rummaging again. After a while, he pulled out a small crystal ball, not bigger than a marble. He raised his hoof and threw it at the ground beside him. Immediately, the ground collapsed, forming a perfectly round hole. When Jack looked inside it, he could see a maddening swirl of images, colors, and forms. The usual signs for a dimensional vortex. “Okay, done!” “Very good, Grim!” Jack nodded and padded the guide of souls on his shoulder. “Now for the other things...” Jack bend forward and whispered something into Grim’s ear. Even with Grim’s expression only readable on his muzzle, the furrowed brow could somehow still be seen. “Er, okay, I guess I can do that. But the third one... are you sure that’s legal?” “Asks the guy who killed a rabbit out of jealousy?” Grim sighed in defeat and put his hoof into his cloak one more time. When he pulled it out again, a black box with an antenna and a bright, red button lay on it. Grim handed the remote control Jack. “Just... don’t overdo it.” “Hey, relax.” Jack took the remote control and shot Grim a smile. “I just need this for emergencies. I probably won’t even use it.” “If you say so...” Grim still looked uncomfortable, but Jack no longer took notice of that. He turned to Angel. The bunny rabbit was standing on the hole’s edge and peered into it. “What in Tartarus is--” Angel didn’t get any further. In one swift movement, Jack turned around and kicked the rabbit’s backside, pushing him over the edge and letting him plummet down the hole. “Alright, let’s do this. Jeronimo!” And with a jump, Jack had followed after him. Grim waited a moment, then he waved his hoof over the hole. Immediately, the hole snapped shut, leaving no trace of its existence. Grim himself was the only evidence of the meeting that had transpired. The young Death stared at the ground and heaved a sigh, shaking his head. It had been his first real interaction with an agent from The Bureau, and he could honestly say that he did not enjoy it. He still had an uncomfortable feeling gnawing away at him, because of the remote control he had handed over. What really puzzled Grim though, was the second request. “Why would he need an immunity to alcohol-induced deaths?” he mumbled absentmindedly.