//------------------------------// // My Little Crush // Story: My Little Scrubs: Medicine is Magic // by Bombastic Bookpony //------------------------------// It began normally enough. There were the random patients waiting to be admitted in the lobby and Dr. Kelso tormenting Ted, this time by using Ted's toupee to wipe some mud off his ass. Classy. Carla and Turk were talking, Carla doing that leaning over the counter thing, so I figured it was perfect time to play one of our favorite games. "Hey, Turk! Let's play Find the Saltine!" Turk, being the good bro he is, instantly accepted, and turned to face me. "Dude! You know I'm always up for Find the Saltine!" Turk put his game face on, scrutinizing my body with the keen eye of a detective. "JD! Me and Turk were talking about something important!" Carla never understood the beauty of this game. "Pshh, no we weren't baby! We were just talking about sex!" Carla hoofpalmed for no apparent reason. It seemed to me like Turk had his priorities in order. He returned to scanning me, completely focused. I took that time to stick my tongue out at Carla. After all, we all know Turk would always choose me. He's known me longer after all. Turk's face lightened up, and I knew that to mean he had, indeed, found the saltine. "On the left side of your tongue." "Darn, I thought I had you that time!" I then gave the victor his spoils, the saltine was now his. A distinct ringing hit my ears. It was the sarcastic squeeing of my mentor, Dr. Cox, and a common segue to one of his trademark rants. "Why would you look at the happy couple! And Carla. Playing that adorable game again? I bet at home it's a lot more risque. Hulk there probably lunges for that thing while it's still in your mouth, doesn't he Glinda? And I bet the location of that cracker is a lot more naughty, am I right?" See, Cox had this way of shielding his true feelings by calling you a nickname, in my case a girl's name that constantly rotates or Newbie, and in Turk's case, Hulk for his greenness and his perceived lack of intelligence, but it really meant he loved you, or at least he loved me. He better not love Turk, or shit about to go down. I gave Turk a glare to make sure he knew that Cox was my mentor, and wouldn't in a million years be his. I threw my attention back to Cox. "Anyway, I hate to interrupt you two's lovefest, really I do, but there's two new patients we've got to focus on, Newbie. Kelso did his usual intimidation spiel, and we've got to put all our attention on the Princess' student and her dragon pet. Sorry, that's not politically correct. Her dragon 'assistant'. Despite the fact that the dragon's been dumped on Barbie and the dragonology expert, Kelso still wants us to check in on that dragon too. First stop though, the student. Now, before you get giddy and ask Celestia to autograph your personal diary with her on the cover, Elphaba, she is sadly not here." Damn it. I really wanted that autograph. The other members of the official Celestia fan club, The Solar Empire, would be so jealous! "But I'm sure you can gush about her wonderful luxurious hair and how she is such a powerful woman and a good role model for mares everywhere with her protege. *whistle* Come along Belle." He beckoned me like a dog. For some reason, I always followed quickly. I paused to consider this, tilting my head to the left while I walked. "Come along boy! *whistle* We gotta check on miss Colgate!" I was a blue dog with black spots in a doctor's coat. Awesome! We quickly made way to Colgate, where my acute animal senses picked up the beeping of the medical monitors. "Ruh Roh Dr. Cox! Colgate's coding!" "Quick boy, what do we do?" J Dog(that's my dog name, obviously) was shivering in his cute little doctor boots. "I don't know!" "Well, can you stabilize her for a Dorian snack?" Cox asked, waving the illusive treat in my face. I immediately leaped into action, burping loudly in her face. Cue laugh track! "Good boy, J Dog! I should've known your burp could push any patient away from the light!" "Hehehehehe!" Then all the female dog doctors come up to J Dog. Cause J Dog gets all the bitches. "That would be an amazing TV show," I said to no one in particular. It would be called Dogtor, PHDog. I filed the idea right behind Dr. Acula. I should explain. I have a very vivid imagination, so to liven up the humdrum of hospital life, I go off into my own little wonderful world, where dogs can talk, Celestia takes me in as her own personal student, and I find out what dye she uses to get that wonderful rainbow mane. Anywho, me and Dr. Cox walked into the elevator as our patient was on the second floor. As we waited in the elevator, Cox elaborated about what he said earlier. Sadly, it was not about how he loved me like a son and he only called me mean names so he could distance himself from his true feelings, rather, it was about his theme naming of the day. "See, I'm calling you the names of musical females. I find it embodies both your dramatic, overly sensitive attitude and your femininity. Plus, you singing while you pee still cracks me up." He flashed me a cheeky grin as the elevator door opened. So what if I occasionally burst out in song while I was alone in public restrooms? Who doesn't? It's so quiet when you're in there alone! I quickened my pace as we neared the patient's room. She was the Princess' personal student! She must have so many good stories about her! But when I entered the room I was blinded by her beauty. She was a sleek violet, her mane was a beautiful dark purple with lighter highlights, and her eyes glowed like the night. Plus, her cutie mark was so pretty and sparkly! Alright JD, play it cool. Just pick up her charts, learn her name. "Twilight Sparkle? Huh. I bet you get jokes about that name all the time, huh?" She let out the cutest groan. "Ugh, don't remind me. I hate those books." Of course, Cox had to put in his two cents. With a girly voice. Why not? "Oh, I know girls! Those books are just so demeaning to mares! Why, it's just awful!" His face hardened. "Now listen, our boss, the unrivaled Prince of Evil, so evil I'm positive he meets Nightmare Moon and Discord every Tuesday for tea and crumpets to brag over evil deeds and wins every time, well, he has got us focusing on you because you're 'important,'" How does he do airquotes without any fingers? "See, treating the Princess' student is a big deal. Imagine all the donations to the hospital from her. Kelso has no heart, it's all about the money for him, and I know your type. Smart alecky, entitled, superior. If we don't treat you juuuust right you'll try your darndest to pull some strings and get us fired. So let's find that likely two bit problem any hack doctor can find but you 'important' people saddle-see what I did there, horse puns are fun- on great doctors who are trying their hardest to keep sweet Mrs. Foster, who runs an orphanage for fillies and colts and isn't a heartless tyrant like you see in your books, from going under and breaking her poor little ponies' hearts. So please, cut out the pleasant small talk bullcrap and let's fix you up so we can save some real ponies." Cox has a little problem with authority, if you can't tell. I was stunned, but I wasn't the only one. Twilight's eyes flashed with indignation. "Excuse me! I didn't ask to be coddled! I just want to be fixed up and get back to my library. But I don't want other ponies to suffer because of me. Please, if this is a small problem, then focus on other more serious patients. But don't rag on me for being sick when it wasn't my fault, for your boss for being a complete suck up, and for whatever trauma you've gone through that makes you need to rag on other ponies just to feel smart!" She huffed and crossed her hoofs. I couldn't resist. "You go girl!" Cox sent me a death glare, but then turned to Twilight with some respect. "Why, look at this, an 'important' patient with a heart and a backbone! Why, I think I just might like you, Ms. Sparkle! Joanne, since you seem to be smitten with her, you read up on her and see what's up, then check on that dragon of hers. Now that I have permission from Celestia's faithful student, I'm going to check up on Mrs. Foster. Love and Tolerance, everypony! I'm a new stallion!" Cox then made his departure. "Believe it or not, that actually is his nice side. He likes it when patients stand up to him." She rolled her eyes. "Well, now that he's gone, let's talk a little. You already know my name. What's yours?" "JD. Now," I started as I looked though her charts, "your charts say you suffered from a magical overload. As the Princess' student, you must have a lot on your load. Have you been stressed lately?" Twilight shook her head. "I've actually been cutting down on my work. After a certain... incident of mine, the Princess suggested I relax a bit. My friends have taken up most of the spotlight lately. I'm just glad I was mostly alone when it happened. But Spike..." Her eyes saddened, and she looked down to the floor. I placed a hoof on her shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine. And if he isn't, we will do all we can to make him fine. The key thing here is to remember that this is not your fault. These things happen all the time." Though not quite as explosively. Apparently, she left magical scorches all over that Everfree Forest area. Luckily that zebra was there to get her here. But still, dayum, girl! Anyhow, she faced me again, her eyes appreciative. "Thank you, JD." I nodded. "Well, I'm going to check these some more and get back to you." As I trotted through the door, she called out. "Wait!" I turned back. She looked sheepish as she realized she had yelled. "Do you have any books?" "I do have some Judy Blume books. I read them all the time-" Judy Blume books, really? You're revealing your sissiness JD! Abort! Abort! "I mean-" But Twilight just giggled. "It's okay. I love them too! I swear, I don't think I would've made it through Magic School without them." I gasped. "You too? I became the stallion I am today thanks to those books." She giggled again. Celestia, did I love that sound. "I'll make sure to get you some." "Thanks, JD. I'd appreciate it." She had a lovely smile. I walked out her room "smitten" as Cox put it. Not that crazy yet, I know, but that's because her visitors hadn't visited yet. Her friends are crazy.