//------------------------------// // In the Event of a Crash, the Toilet is the Safest Place on an Airplane // Story: My Little Warhammer: Friendship is Heresy // by evilsoup //------------------------------// There was another loud bang from the sky; Applejack flinched, then trotted a little faster. She looked up: she could just about make out some shadowy objects, too large to be flying by wingpower, and they were moving too fast to be balloons. Over the morning she had seen some flashes on the horizon, and they had been getting closer; she had seen dragons and things that might have been pegasi. She had also seen little points of fire falling to the ground, and she didn't want to think what they might be. Rainbow Dash, she thought, ah hope ye're okay ... "Sis!" -- Apple Bloom's cry snapped Applejack's attention back to the ground. The filly was standing outside the barn, and from the way she had her left foreleg lifted and the slight tremble in her voice, Applejack could tell that something was wrong. Applejack increased her pace and called down the hill: "You alright, Apple Bloom?" "Ah am, but ... well, ah don't think she is." Applejack slowed a little as the ground levelled out, careful not to tip the cart full of apples she was hauling. "Who are ya talkin' about, sugarcube?" "Well, Big Macintosh found a pegasus fallen outta the sky, and she's pretty hurt so he took her into the barn, and Granny told me to wait out here for you to get back." Applejack came to a halt a few feet in front of her sister. "Fallen from the sky? Apple Bloom, help me outta this harness, ah'll go an' have a look." "Can I come in too?" The little points of fire played across Applejack's mind, and her stomach lurched. "No, Apple Bloom. You take this cart up to the house 'n' put the apples in the cellar, alright?" "But Applejack, I wanna see-" "Ah said no. Ah don't reckon this is something you should be seein'. Now, scoot!" Apple Bloom opened and closed her mouth and then pouted, but Applejack ignored her and walked to the barn door. As soon as she was past the threshold a smell hit her. Something burned, badly. Big Macintosh walked towards her, head held low. She could see a tear in his eye. "Big brother, what's wrong? What's this ah hear about a pegasus you found? Is ... is she alright?" He looked up at her and blinked; the tear in his eye rolled off his face and onto the ground. "Nope," he said. Granny Smith was beside him now, and put a hoof on his shoulder. "We did what we could," she said, "but it ... weren't enough." Applejack walked past them, slowly. It's her, she thought; Oh, Celestia, let it be somepony else, not Rainbow Dash -- and then she felt a pang of guilt at wishing ill on some stranger. She had to see. There was a blanket covering the body. The smell of burning -- of burning flesh -- was stronger here, almost overpowering. Applejack lifted one corner up and saw feathers charred black on a wing bent in the wrong direction; and the base of the feathers were green. She sighed and put the blanket down again, and then turned to leave the barn. Just as she was leaving, there was another boom, louder than anything she had heard all day. The walls of the barn shook, and she looked up at the worn-out old roof warily. She went up to where Big Macintosh and Granny Smith were standing; they were both looking up. "Ya'll alright?" Big Macintosh glanced down at her, and then looked up again. Applejack turned around and saw a sight she had seen twice before: there was a multicoloured explosion in the sky. A sonic rainboom. "Well now," muttered Granny Smith, "Ain't that a thing ..." There was something else in the sky: a giant, ugly, wounded metal beast falling down and towards them. Applejack backed away a little, but it passed clean over them. The three of them turned around to watch it head on over their farm, until it dipped too low and was cut off by the tops of the trees. They all stared into space for a few moments, until the sound of a crash to the east snapped them out of it. "Ponyville," said Applejack. She started cantering off -- they've got to be okay, she thought; Ah've got to see that they're okay. -- and she called back to her brother and granny: "Ah'm just gonna -- ya'll check Apple Bloom's alright, ah'm gonna see what's what." And then she broke into a gallop. "Hold still, Sweetie Belle." "But, sis, I-" Rarity snorted and narrowed her eyes, focusing on the seam of the dress. "If I am to complete this dress in time for your school recital, I need to concentrate, so please stay still. It's hard enough working with all that commotion in the sky." "Gah! Rarity, don't you want to see what's going on?" What is going on? Nothing good, thought Rarity, and she said: "Never you mind about that, I'm sure the pegasi have it under control." "But- OW!" "Well I'm sorry, Sweetie Belle, but if you insist on distracting me when I'm working on this dress then you just might end up getting jabbed with the needle." Sweetie Belle sighed and lowered her head. "Fine." Rarity continued in blessed silence -- punctuated by the occasional thunderclaps -- for a good five minutes, tentatively closing up seams and experimenting with different gemstones. Sweetie Belle was a good model when she wanted to be, and Rarity was just getting into the zone when the door slammed open behind her and an unmistakable high-pitched voice shouted: "Rarity! Are you alright?!" Rarity shuddered, placed the needle down on the floor, and breathed out through her nose. She turned to face the pink party pony and smiled. "Pinkie Pie. Don't you have some cupcakes to bake?" "Oh, no, no, no," she trilled, clip-clopping across the shop floor; "Well, I was trying to make some soufflés, but the sky's all like boom! Whoosh! -- and the soufflés all collapsed. And then my tail started a-twitchin' -- what're you doing, making a dress?" "Well, this is a dress shop-" "Yeah," said Sweetie Belle, "She's making me a dress for the school recital!" "Oh wow," said Pinkie Pie, dancing around behind Rarity and looking the dress up and down; "It looks really good!" "Well, thank you, Pinkie. I want it to be as beautiful as Sweetie's voice, and to do that I need to concentrate, so could you please come back later?" Pinkie Pie stood there thinking for a few moments, and then said: "Okie dokie!" -- and she started trotting off towards the door. Rarity smiled and levitated the needle once more; she was just about to continue with her work when Pinkie Pie piped up one last time: "Oh! I almost forgot -- my tail's been a-twitchin' all day, so look out for stuff falling out of the sky. It's gonna be a real doozy. See ya!" Rarity started again with the dress and bit her lip. Things falling from the sky? With everything that is happening up there? "What do you think that was all about?" "Hm? Oh, I'm sure it's just Pinkie Pie being herself. Don't ... don't worry about it." Sweetie Belle sighed. "Sis, I know what you're doing. You're trying to distract me, but I want to see what's going on!" "Sweetie -- darling -- you just stand still. We're having fun, aren't we?" Just as Sweetie Belle opened her mouth, there was another boom, louder than anything that morning. All the bits and bobs on the shelves rattled; Rarity could feel the vibration going through her bones. Before she knew what was happening, her little sister had jumped down off of the fitting podium and was trotting towards the door. Rarity gasped. "Sweetie Belle, don't you-" -- but the filly was already at the door. Rarity burst into a brief gallop to catch her up; with her magic she grabbed the hem of the dress, but her sister was not moving. She was looking up at the sky. Rarity tracked her gaze and saw a huge metal monster swooping down at them, spewing smoke and fire from its sides. It flew overhead, and she could feel heat bearing down on her, and she could hear a crack as it smashed through the very top of the Carousel Boutique. The two of them turned and watched as it glided over Ponyville; a few seconds later there was a loud crashing sound, and black smoke started spewing up into the sky. "What was that?" said Sweetie Belle, and started walking towards the crash. "No, Sweetie Belle. Stay here." "But -- Rarity, I want to see what that was!" "No! I absolutely forbid it! Sweetie Belle, it could be dangerous. I'll go and check if anypony is hurt, but I need you to promise to stay here." Sweetie Belle looked at her sister for a few moments, judging whether she could push her luck, and then she looked at the ground. "Okay." "I need you to stay safe, and stay indoors, alright? I'll be back soon." Sweetie Belle nodded sullenly and walked back indoors. Rarity used her magic to close the door and then looked to the pillar of smoke. This is crazy, she thought, and broke into a gallop. Moondancer drifted back into consciousness. For a moment she wondered why she wasn't in her bed; then she remembered. Moondancer moved her leg experimentally -- it was fine, so far as she could tell. She looked up -- the room was very dark, and small, and smelled of an unhealthy mixture of chemicals. She lit up a very small light on the end of her horn and got up on all fours. It was some kind of storage room. She was hidden behind a large rack holding multi-coloured metal cones; some kind of weapon..? She let the light fade and sat down. She could send a message to the team leader, but that would risk exposing him. Not doing so would mean she would be on her own -- she had missed the meet-up, so he would have no idea where she was. Or if she was alive. She would have to improvise. There was a quiet clatter from beyond the rack. Moondancer stood and looked; she could just about see a figure in the distance, a silhouette broken up by half a dozen intervening weapon-racks. And another, and another -- at least four humans were creeping up on her. Moondancer concentrated hard -- she felt light-headed and empty-stomached, but she still managed to cast the invisibility spell on herself. "I tell you," came a male voice that Moondancer recognised but could not quite place, speaking in a hushed but excited tone; "She's here, and we've got to-" "Are you sure about this, Dutal? If Travis finds us-" "Or anyone! This is a bad idea, do you know what they'll do to us if-" "Shh!" A familiar face peered around the corner: it was the human who had helped Moondancer, who had hidden her when she was injured. What in Equestria is he doing? she thought, and nearly laughed because she wasn't on Equestria. "M- my name is Dutal," he said, walking slowly towards her, looking from side to side; "Are you still here? I helped you, um." Two more men came round the corner. Moondancer glanced around; this was a dead end, but if she dropped her invisibility she would be able to manage a teleport to the other side of the weapon rack -- and then what? She was too weak to run. "I- I hope you don't mind, but I told these -- my ... we share a cabin, and I've never really talked to them before, but I told them about how your friend helped me, and how she made Travis be nicer to us, um. I hope that's okay. Are you there?" Celestia, thought Moondancer; Oh, thank you, princess. She had an idea -- an inkling of a shadow of a plan -- and she committed before any niggling doubts could creep up on her. She dropped the invisibility spell and spoke. "I'm here, Dutal. Thank you ... for helping me. I am glad that princess Celestia was able to help you. And hello to your friends." Dutal mouthed the word "friend" a few times, as if it was new. He turned to his companions. "Are we friends?" The tallest one answered and took a little step forward. "I guess ..." Moondancer smiled; she couldn't have planned a better opening. "I would ... like to be your friend, if that's alright. Please -- tell me about this Travis -- you say he was not being nice?" The creaking-metal sound had ceased, and Madrin opened his eyes. How am Ii still alive? he thought, and moved his arm. His chest and neck hurt when he moved, but he didn't seem to be injured. Madrin fiddled with the straps around his chest for nearly a minute, trying not to panic. Smoke was starting to fill the area; the man next to him coughed. Madrin looked and saw that Ginyard Salsot had coughed up blood. He managed to detach the safety belt and stood; he nearly fell over, but balanced himself against the seat in front of him. The man sitting in it didn't say anything; Madrin could see a deep gash cut into his neck. Salsot was trying to undo his own belt, but his hands were moving clumsily. Madrin leaned down to him and did it for him; Salsot smiled, and stopped moving. "Shit," said Madrin; just before he squeezed past, he remembered to grab his lasgun. There was moaning emanating throughout the cabin; both from the injured passengers, and the more mechanical whine of the dying engines. The smoke was thickening by the minute; Madrin could see no more than a foot in front of him. "Casari!" he called, looking from side to side -- seat to seat; "Vimel Casari!" "Madrin-" He stopped. The voice had come from his left. "Are you there, Casari?" "Yeah," came the reply, and Madrin could just about make out an arm waving up at him. He leaned down and saw his friend's smashed face. His seat belt was unclipped, but he was still sitting down. "Are you hurt?" Casari nodded and winced. "My leg," he managed. Madrin hesitated for a moment -- he'll slow me down, he thought -- but then he leaned down and looped his arm around Casari's shoulders, and pulled him up. They staggered slowly, trying not to breath in the foul, acrid smoke. Madrin could see a few other figures stumbling blindly around. There was a hiss and a creak: a corridor of light shot through the smoke. Someone had opened a hatch. Lieutenant Del-ban-Barley opened and closed his fists. How am I still alive? he though, and moved his toes. He could feel blood slick all over his face, and he could barely hear anything over the booming sound of his heartbeat echoing in his ears. His eyes and nose were stinging from the smoke that was streaming out of the landing-craft. The floor beneath him had been ripped away during the crash-landing; the only thing holding him in place was his safety harness, and it was a fairly long drop to the ground. If he was careful and lucky, he might survive it. He sighed: all the instruments of control were gone. He could not even open the hatches in the rear compartment. Poor bastards are probably going to choke on the fumes, he thought, and fished under his chair for the emergency landing kit. No such luck: it had been ripped away along with the floor. Del-ban-Barley sighed again, shifted as best he could, and released the safety harness. He fumbled the landing and shouted: "Emperor's teeth!" -- his ankle twisted around, and he became aware of the gash in his side. He stayer there, on his knees in the mud, for a few seconds; then he got to his feet and staggered over to a rock. He sat facing the landing craft, wondering what to do next. The communications devices on the craft were beyond his ability to repair, he was sure, and with his emergency kit gone there was no way to get in contact with anyone. If victory came quickly, there would be a rescue effort mounted, but that was seemed unlikely given how the aerial battle had been going. "Hey! You the fucking pilot?" Del-ban-Barley looked to the side. Two men in shoddy uniforms were walking towards him, around the side of the landing-craft. He felt relieved and scared in equal parts. He stood up. "Yes, I am-" He felt the punch hit his gut before he saw the shorter of the two men move. "You call that a landing, you fucking stupid cunt?" he said, and then headbutted the lieutenant, sending him sprawling on the floor. "Shit," he gasped; "By the throne, stop!" "What? You don't tell me what to do, you fucking piece of shit!" -- he emphasised his point by kicking Del-ban-Barley in the side. "Fier," said the other man, "I think that's enough-" "Oh fuck off, Larak! This bastard nearly fucking killed us!" "Yeah, but -- listen, I think maybe he can help us, right?" "You two!" -- it was another voice, one used to being obeyed. Del-ban-Barley sat up and looked -- it's one of those ... prison warden officers, he thought; Emperor's skull, why couldn't I have crashed with some Cadians instead of a fucking prison regiment? "C- Custodian! We were just ... helping the pilot to his feet." Del-ban-Barley could see more men -- maybe a dozen out of the hundred and fifty he had been transporting -- walking and shambling in his direction. He closed his eyes for a second, and then looked past the opposite side of the landing-craft. A pair of xeno were standing at the top of a hill, watching them. One of them was wearing a hat. The two men grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him to his feet. The custodian looked at him. "Are you hurt?" Del-ban-Barley blinked. The two men still had their hands on his shoulders. He shook his head. "I'll live. But -- over there." The custodian turned to look where Del-ban-Barley pointed. "Oh, shit," he muttered, drew his laspistol, and fired.