//------------------------------// // Chap 1: New Arrivals // Story: My Little F***wits: Friendship is Weird // by Captain Princess //------------------------------// It was what could be called the most generic of beautiful days in Ponyville. Birds were singing and flying, solo and in groups, to and fro above the thatched rooftops of the rural and rustic town, while it's residents bustled lazily below, getting to their various daily deeds. The town's stallions were nowhere to be seen amongst the homes, save for a select few, who were not in the fields or skies, working. Fillies and mares then were what roamed the town for the most part, tending to their window sill gardens, or getting daily groceries, or even spending leisure time amongst one another. There was nothing that deviated from the standard routine and monotony of the place, and that seemed to be how the residents liked it. And then a train arrived at the town's station. There had been no train activity for some days, and so the platform was completely unoccupied. Not even the ponies whose jobs it was to attend the platform were there, the lull of repetition having given them and their bosses the idea that taking a day off work would do no harm. And so it didn't. Only two ponies emerged from the train, amidst the steam it caused, and were anypony there to witness it, they could easily have been conversing the entire journey, as they entered Ponyville, mid-conversation. "And did you see the look of it? I could SWEAR I'd seen one before, but less...glittery. It looked like something out of a goddamn nightmare. A nightmare for children. Little children, with squishy hands and tubby faces and eeuuugh, drool..." "Idunno, I've seen glittery balloons before. Alright so they were smaller ones, and I was huffing laughing gas out of them, but I tell you what man.." "What" "Breathing laughing gas from a balloon is a unique experience and...oh. Noone's here. Shouldn't there be someone here?" "Isn't it somepony?" "Yes but fuck you I'm not doing it. I already have reservations about even coming here." "It was your idea!" "This isn't Idiocracy okay!? I'm not the smartest man on the planet here, you are!" "What? Me, smart? Are we sure about that?" "No, but I'm rolling with it. Let's get into town atleast, the steam is making my fur matt." "I'm surprised we even have fur. The things I've seen where ponies are drawn as being shiny...god, the things I've seen..." "I know. You consistently show them to me." The two finished their conversation without taking a single step further into town, and decided only to move once they were done talking. Since nopony was there to show them into town, they immediately got lost and found themselves entering the bathroom. The mare's room, to be exact, but they were unawares of this. The two new arrivals in Ponyville seemed oblivious to the bathroom facilities of mares and stallions. After making their way out, unabashed and seemingly confused, they managed to encounter the town proper, and it was an entirely different story. The structure of the station platform had wonderful sound-absorbancy, because the town itself, at-least the quarter closest to the train station, was busy. There were stalls and their attendees, selling their wares, and customers looking to buy. Various curiosities and foodstuffs on display, with their sellers exhibiting a great display of patience and not shouting to the heavens above about the perfection and wonder that could be found in their apples or cherries and other fruits and vegetables. Not many were selling baked goods, however, and so the stall with a selection of pies and cakes stood out, and drew the attention of the newcomers, who in turn caught the eye of the orange freckled pony attending it. Looking to make a sale, she immediately waved a hoof at the two approaching her stall, making sure it was her wares they were headed towards. "Howdy! Y'all get off the train? Ain't been no trains in-er-outta Ponyville in some days now! Y'all must be hungry an' ah reckon the train's eats ain't none too good!" Applejack's excitement was mostly fake, afterall she was only selling apples and pastry, but on the other hoof, there was some genuine excitement in meeting new ponies. They had saddlebags, so they looked to be staying for some time. "Wha-...I thought they were okay..." said one "Haven't eaten" said the other, throwing some bits onto the stall table and sliding a pie toward him. Applejack then noticed him have a little difficulty attacking the pie, as at first, he dangled his hoof above it, like he was going to poke at it. Then his companion, his friend? His friend jabbed him in the side and told him "No you just eat it like this" and drove his muzzle into the pie, taking a bite and licking his face clean. "I didn't know our tongues could do that" said the other, just before taking his first bite and doing the same. "Neither did I" said the first, and it was in this time that they ate where Applejack got a good look at the two, ignoring their bizarre conversation. The thinner pony was slender rather than athletic, sporting a unicornian build but lacking the horn and sporting wings. His coat, a rusty brown, was complemented with a dark-chocolate mane and tail, both in a rather straight and standard fashion, though his tail appeared to be sporting a feathered hairstyle at the rear side, giving it a slightly jagged look from the profile. Thick rimmed glasses sat on his muzzle, the temples and earpieces sitting below his actual ears, but adhereing firmly to his head all the same. His cutiemark was that of a rusted cog and nothing else. The cog was clearly brass, while the rust almost matched his coat. He barely walked, rather he simply trotted at walking pace, as if he were restraining himself on a constant basis. From his muzzle protruded some considerably large incisor teeth. It wasn't quite an overbite, but when his lips were parted, the word "goofy" would certainly cross your mind. His eyes, though partially obscured by his glasses, shared the colour of his mane and tail, and seemed to be the brightest part of him, save for his wings, which had outer-feathers of a brighter shade than the rest of him, and he kept them tightly folded agianst his sides. His accent was somewhat similar to her own, but still far closer to what she'd heard in a place like canterlot. It had hints of her home but was ultimately the big-city kind. His companion, the thicker pony, was of a more vivid nature. Covered in a coat of bright yellow, close to the colour of a lemon's peel, he wore a purple vest with the back cut out, leaving plentiful space for his wings, which he didn't seem to keep fully folded. Though he was walking, his wings were kept atleast slightly flared. He too had the air of somepony keeping themselves under restraint. His mane and tail were two shades of green, with a leaf-like shade predominant and a lighter, paler highlighting running through in a single thick strand. They were also what some might call of a "feminine" look, but still giving him a somewhat brash appearance, with his tail curving at the tip but hanging just above the ground, and his mane hanging over his face and around his neck like a damp cloth. Overall, he looked almost wet somehow. He was also among the few of Equestria's stallion population with hooves of a different colour to his coat. His hooves were dark gray, and somewhat shiny, his fur clearly ending an inch or two above the tips of his legs. His purple vest featured dark pinstripes, three golden buttons, and a single small pocket, containing celestia-knows-what. His eyes were a pink-ruby colour, and aside from their colour, looked dull. Almost like he was always tired, or bored, despite his vocal and bodylanguage saying otherwise. He had a far more interesting accent to complement his surprisingly powerful voice. Even when he spoke softly, his voice almost boomed. His accent was curious, too. She'd not heard that accent very often at all, and only once recently, at one of those nightmare night celebrations. Didn't a colt from Trottingham sport that accent? What was his name? Squeaker? His cutiemark was slightly odd, too. It was what looked to be a glass of some kind. Thin below and wide at the top, with something blue in it, and an olive on a toothpick. Just as the two had finished their pie, Applejack cleared her throat and caught their attention. For reasons she could not fathom, the two seemed stunned by this, and stared at her, wide-eyed and silent. "Y'all got a place to stay here? Ah don't mean ta pry but ya look to be packed fer stayin' a while is all" she asked, already thinking of introducing them to her 5 friends for no other reason than all 6 of them had barely any new friends. Princess Twilight had insisted on staying in Ponyville after the crown debacle with that Sunset Shimmer mare, and all 5 others had agreed that, at the very least, the elements would definitely be safer back here in good ol' Ponyville. She rarely came out of her Treehouse nowadays though, and handled her current royal duties from there, opting to stay out of the public view for some reason or other. Scared of publicity, probably. Applejack did not expect the immediate response however. "NO FUCK YOU" blurted the rusty pegasus, at which point his yellow companion sat down and began to howl with laughter. His low booming voice was gone, replaced with a high-pitched, downright creepy cackle. Shortly after that outburst and laughing fit, the rusty stallion stuttered an apology and explained "I'm so sorry! I have that on a reflex right now." Applejack was only surprised, and not offended. "Whut's 'fuck'?" she asked, amused by the insane laughter of his friend, and even moreso by the surprised releif on the face of the rusty one as she asked it. "Ah! Uhm, it's...it's a made up word! Yep! I made it up! Totally!" "No he didn't!" shouted the yellow pony, getting up from the ground and shaking the dust off, but still chuckling. "YES! Yes I did! WE did!" growled the rusty one, glaring knives at his friend. "Yes. Ok yes we both mde it up. Credit where it's due, chumley" chuckled the yellow one. "Whut's it mean?" asked Applejack, eager to get in on the joke. The two seemed at ease now, and their responses weren't as stifled and nervous. "It's uh, it's it's its help me out man I don't know what to call it here" pleaded the rusty stallion, tapping his chin with a hoof. "It's like bucking, but done with your rump instead of your hooves." which was technically true. Applejack didn't find the humour in this, but she assumed it was pegasus humour. She would bring it up with Rainbow at some point, and if it wasn't then it was clearly a Trottingham thing. They way they were speaking was odd, however. What to call it here? Did they speak another entire language? Twilight had told her some weeks after they first met Zecora that Zebras spoke another language, which had something to do with why she spoke in rhymes, but Applejack barely remembered any of that. It was part of Twilight's generally uninteresting and inane barrage of chatter about the rest of Equestria. "Well alright. I'm Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres! What're yer names fellas?" This seemed to elicit some apprehension from the two. Were they nervous about giving their names? That would be a silly notion, names were nothing more than a signifier as to who you were. "Zegram?" said the rusty coloured stallion, offering his name with a quizzical tone. "And this here's...Lemon?" he said, gesturing towards his yellow friend. "Zegram and Lemon?" asked Applejack. Okay, those names were slightly strange. She had no idea what a Zegram was or what it had to do with a rusted cog that sat on his flank, nor what lemons had to do with the drink-and-olive on the other. Then again, 'Lemon' did kind of look like one. "Yeah...Yep that's us" said Zegram, and Lemon chimed in with a "Yeps". "So, Y'all lookin fer a place ta stay? Or ya got plans already? Ponyville ain't that big a town, ya can hardly get lost." Applejack said with a chuckle. "No, we've got no real plans. We're just..." said Lemon before Zegram cut him off. "Lookin' around. We're just lookin' around." "Lookin' around huh? Well, ah'd sure love ta give y'all the grand tour of the town, but ah gotta man this here Sweet Apple Acres apple stall. can't jus' leave it here ta show you fellas around now can I?" "Unexpectedly non-cliche" said Zegram quietly, as the two trotted off into the town proper, leaving Applejack to tend to her apple stall. They passed by Big Mac, and resisted the urge to pester him as he was walking with quite some speed for a stallion of his size and temperment. As the two turned to watch him go, they stopped to notice him talking to Applejack, who then proceeded to canter over to them, rejoining them. "See this is how they all start. Can't have it not start like this" said Lemon quietly, just before Applejack reached them. The almost smug, expectant looks they gave her were slightly jarring, as she ground to a halt just behind the two stallions. "Got mah brother ta hold the stall fer me. Ah reckon ah know who y'all should come visit. 'Specially if'n y'all ain't got plans on where ta stay." she said, as she trotted ahead of them and led the way. "So Lemon" said Zegram, quietly again, the two of them hanging some distance behind Applejack. "You've said you dig the southern accent right?" "Yeah, one problem there mate" he replied. "This 'ere is the mare version. The real version." "What do they even call it here?" "Colt-cuddling." "Isn't that basically pedophilia though?" The two paused for a moment, and stared at eachother, a realization dawning on their minds. "Horsepun is homophobic?" they said in unison "What's homowhatnow?" asked Applejack, who had stopped also, her attention caught by their less than subtle revelation. "Nevermind! Nevermind!" stuttered Zegram. "It's gu-stallion stuff" he ventured. "Say whut now?" she huffed, now annoyed, and immediately Lemon jumped in. "Yeah uhm, what he means is that we're just embarassed to talk about it to a mare is all!" It looked like Applejack was atleast sated by this, and her annoyance was replaced, though she was clearly not amused. As the three continued their trot, they reached Rarity's boutique, and immadiately Lemon huffed. "Oh wonderful." he knew what was likely to be coming, if the cliches continued to work. Atleast Zegram was effectively colour-coded. "Wait here fellas, ah'll go in an' see if she's around" said Applejack, and trotted off into the building. "She's not gonna dig your vest there." taunted Zegram. "Fuck you I'm stylin' all over these country bumpkins" retorted Lemon, with just a hint of vitriol. "You so stylin' you make my eyes hurt." "'least I'm not naked." "I'm a fucking horse, why the fuck am I going to wear clothes." "Sex appeal motherfucker" said Lemon with a dramatic wing-flare. "Do you even know how to fly?" asked Zegram. "Do you?" "nneeeeeehhhh!" "Fellas! C'mere!" came from the doorway, and the two pegasi noticed Applejack infront of the doorway with the marble-coloured unicorn they both knew, and Lemon dreaded what he felt was coming.