Chapter 7: It's Serious Business, Yo.
I’d only been home for a few moments when I’d passed out. Finally being in my own place with nothing to do gave me the perfect excuse to fall over. Yesterday had been totally freakin’ crazy. I had like, no idea what to make of it.
So I slept for a few hours. I probably would have slept longer, but my body decided I needed to be awake for some reason. I wish I knew. I’d tell it to knock that shit off and let me sleep. But no. I was awake. Still exhausted, but at least a little closer to feeling rested. So I just lay on the floor where it just so happened I’d passed out earlier, thinking. Ever do that? Just like, stare at the ceiling and let your mind wander for no reason whatsoever?
If you ever need proof that your brain hates you, try it. I spent the entire time thinking about all of the crazy crap I was doing my damnedest not to remember. And not just yesterday, either. The last year, as a whole. Yeah, surprise. My life didn’t exactly start three days ago, I’ll tell you that. Though at that point I kind of wish it had. Would make things easier.
I spent a lot of time remembering why I’d moved out of Ponyville. Sure, having the bits helped, but honestly, I could have just stayed there and used all the extra cash to get me places. But what the money really did was give me the perfect excuse to leave. Not that I don’t love that town. But some of the ponies in it? I could do without, thanks. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friend, but when you’re a... an enthusiastic dater in a small town, you see almost all of your exes everyday.
Yeah, how’s that for Tartarus on earth?
There was a bunch of stuff aside from that, too. Of course. That’s how it works. But then I got to thinking about how my life was turning out in Canterlot, and I’d only been here like a week or so. I’d waited till the last possible minute to move before it would have screwed with the rehearsal, just cause I’m still the best there is and not doing what I don’t want to do. I mean sure, I needed to get out of Ponyville. That doesn’t mean I actually wanted to move. But I think it was the best choice.
Anyway, sidebar, back on topic. I’d been here all of three days and already my neighbor was using me for sex and I was on the front page of the tabloids. AGAIN. Hell, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a normal date.
Just dinner. Maybe a movie. Walking around and talking. All that sappy romantic stuff that nopony cool would ever admit that they like but secretly all of us want. I mean, the last time that happened was years ago.
When Spitfire still lived in Ponyville.
Yeah, how lame is that? The last decent romantic encounter I’d had that wasn’t about cheap sex and parties was a goodbye date with my best friend. All in all, it was a good memory. We’d done it weeks before she actually moved, so that neither of us would have to put the two together and spoil the memory. More of that sappy crap. It worked, I guess.
But I honestly couldn’t remember any other time I’d had just a normal dinner-and-movie date. I knew why, obviously. I didn’t want to feel like I was replacing Spitfire. Every time I’d thought about doing the same thing with somepony else I’d felt guilty.
I mean, I could probably call her up and we could go out on a date again whenever. She’d probably be down for it. I don’t know if she still liked me the same way, but if yesterday was any indication she was at least physically attracted to me.
Then that little voice in the back of my head popped up. You know, the one that hates you? ‘What if that’s all she wants? What if it turns into every other girl you’ve had in the last three years? What if...’
So I stared at the ceiling and thought about that for a while. And I tried to remember why I hadn’t just gone out with her back when I knew she liked me. I mean, I knew she was going to leave. Everypony knew: she was the rising star. No way she wasn’t getting into the Wonderbolts. I’d told myself that I didn’t want something so awesome to just get cut off like that. All the usual excuses cropped up, too. Like, ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship.’ Or ‘What if she’s just teasing and she doesn’t really like me?’
See, this is why we cool people don’t think. It gets all serious and broody. I think this is how emos are made.
So I tried being positive. I started talking to myself out loud, to get that voice in my head to shut up. “Well, she lives close now, right? I mean, she literally got here in like 4 minutes. And it’s not like she’s going anywhere. Or me. I just got here. Why would I leave?” My inner voice spoke up again. “No, I don’t just want a cheap date and some girl to roll around with.”
I stopped for a moment. Really? Cause that’s all I’d been going for for the last few years. That’s why I hit on Tavi. She was just some pretty mare I happened to run into. Really pretty, mind you, but still. And look how that turned out. Even if the sex was decent, I usually felt like crap right after. Probably because there wasn’t anything to it.
And then it clicked. “Wait, holy shit. Is that what I’ve been DOING to ponies this whole time? Just USING them?” Not cool. That was it. That was why I didn’t enjoy it, even if it was just cheap, decent sex.
I didn’t like being used. I mean, I know I’d been using other mares like that, but truth be told, nine times out of ten it worked both ways.
So here I was. Sitting on my floor talking to myself, in an new apartment I’d sprung for to get away from all the drama and bad taste I’d left in Ponyville, basically doing it all again. I didn’t want to let that happen. I wanted to have like, a normal relationship for once. New town,new life, new gigs. Maybe time for a new Vinyl.
Sweet Celestia, how tired was I?
And I tried to think, who could I possibly know that would still want to hang out with me like a normal mare? Spitfire. Who do I know that could keep up, and PUT up, with me and the crazy shit I did? Spitfire? Who was still into me, even a little, after all these years? Spitfire. Who did I miss like crazy? Spitfire. Who was the most stable, competent, rock awesome mare I knew? Spitfire.
“Oh for... pick up the phone, Vinyl.” I scolded myself, dragging my less-than-half-dead body over to the phone.
I was about to call the hotline when I remembered Spitfire had given me her direct number so that I would stop harassing her teammates. I dug it out of the nightstand drawer, one of the few places I could put stuff and remember where it was, and called her up.
“Hello, thank you for calling the Wonderbolts, this is Captain Spitfire speaking.”
“Greetings, Admiral Fireflank. Got a moment?” I always made sure to give her some guff when I called her. She’d probably think something was wrong otherwise.
“Oh sure, Noise Pollution. What do you want?” And that’s something I always liked about her. No matter what anypony dished at her, she was ready.
“I want you to go out with me.” A slight pause, and then...
CRASH.
“Spitfire? Spitfire!” I waited for a moment while I heard a whole bunch of noise on the other end, then somepony picked up the phone and said, “She’ll have to call you back..” Then he hung up.
I sat there for a good five minutes or something (or years, I couldn’t tell. I was panicky) before my phone rang. “Hello?!”
“Vinyl, never, ever, do that again. You made me fall out of my chair.” She sounded a little pained. It must have hurt.
“Do what? All I said was-”
“I know what you said, Vinyl. Not funny.” Pained? Hell, she sounded pissed.
I took a deep breath. Coming from me, it probably did sound like a joke to her. And given... yeah. “I’m not joking, Spitfire. Look, when you have some time, call me. Or come over. Or something. We need to talk.”
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Now, Vinyl has done some pretty strange and not-cool things for laughs. Most of them either involving me, aimed at me, or somehow I’d hear about it and help clean it up. Either way, she’s done some stuff.
But this was new. I wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t joking, mostly because I didn’t want to believe she’d kid around about something like this. She knew how I felt when I had to move: it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And she wasn’t the kind of pony to go for a week spot when pulling a prank. She’d go right for the hardest part of your armor and crack it.
So I took the first chance I got to go home, and went straight to Vinyl’s instead. I knocked on her window, and it opened right away. Apparently she’d been waiting for me.
“Look, Spitfire, I just want to-”
“Vinyl, shut up for a moment. Now, you’ve done some pretty risky things for a laugh, and I try to believe you when you say you’re not joking, but you’d better tell me right now if you are. Because if you don’t... and this turns into some big laugh...” I wasn’t going to cry. No.
She gave me a hug, and I almost did. “No way, Spitty. I wouldn’t laugh about this.” She let go, and led me over to the couch, or what part of it wasn’t covered in records, anyway. “Like I said, we need to talk. Or rather, I think I should talk, and you listen for a bit. Or something...” and she went off. Not Like she was mad. She just started talking. About how she’d felt when I left. About why we never went out when she knew I liked her. And the last three years. All the stuff I didn’t know about.
I’d never seen Vinyl so serious about this kind of thing. Yeah, I’d seen her pretty serious, when it came to work or family. She wasn’t always the kind of pony that laughed her way through everything. But she tended to avoid romantic problems like back bluegrass. (Or, any bluegrass.)
Then she started to talk about Octavia. How she’d only known her for three days and already it was Ponyville all over again. How She’d made the front page of the tabloids again within a week of moving. She sounded exhausted.
“...and I can’t do it anymore, Spitfire. I woke up this morning and I could barely move. And I wasn’t even the first one up, or whatever. I’ve never... woken up alone. Not like that. I didn’t like it. And I tried to go home and sleep for like a bazillion hours and I got like two and I laid on my floor and thought for a whole bunch more hours. And I thought about you.”
I really didn’t want her to be joking. I didn’t. She wouldn’t go that far. But at the same time, it didn’t sound like Vinyl. It was kind of scary. “What did Octavia do to you?”
Vinyl sat and thought about that. “She... I guess the best way to say it is she used me. I mean, I’ve been used before, done my fair share of using, but this was different. At least before me and the other mare were just looking for a good time. Octavia, she... it’s like a fix. She just goes total Jekyll and Hoof on me. At first I thought it was kind of cool, cause hey, I’d done angry sex before. But I’ve never had sex with somepony that outright couldn’t stand me. I mean, she takes her time to remind me that ‘we don’t like each other’. She left me a note this morning saying we need to talk. That should be fun. I can’t say it was rape or anything like that, cause I never really turned her down. I mean, it’s still kind of exciting. But I don’t like how I feel afterwards. I don’t know how to describe it. It really... lonely.”
I looked at her for a bit before I said anything. She’d obviously been through a lot in just a little amount of time. Octavia probably had, too. But I didn’t know anything about her aside from what Vinyl told me. “So, what did you want to do?”
She looked at me with what could only be called an earnest expression. Something I wasn’t used to. “I just want a normal relationship. I want to be with somepony who doesn’t just want to leave when she wakes up. Like, dinner and a movie and all that normal stuff. And to be honest... I’ve been thinking about this all afternoon, too...” which is a pretty long time for her, I thought. “And I can’t think of anypony anywhere that isn’t you that fit in there, you know? Like I think about all this stuff I’d rather do instead of how I’ve been doing it, and I just keep seeing you there, you know? I don’t know if that makes any sense...”
I had to stop, and laugh for a little bit. Then I laughed harder. I wasn’t trying to be mean, I just couldn’t stop.
Vinyl looked a little hurt. “Hey, Spitfire! I’m being serious here!”
“I...I know. That’s why it’s funny. I mean, when was the last time you were this serious? It’s just so not like you!”
I think she sat there and thought about it. Cause she started laughing. “Ok, yeah. I guess I was a little bit totally not cool there for a moment. But anyway, what do you think?”
“Well.” I stopped, and thought about it. “It’s not like we can’t try, you know?”
“Right?!” She got all exited. THERE was the Vinyl I knew. “See, that’s the awesome part. We could just like, test it out! A dry run, or something-”
“Vinyl, NOTHING about the two of us going out would be dry.” I chuckled, thinking about it.
She blushed, and smiled. “Yeah, ok. Anyway. Shut up. Like I was saying, we could try it out, and if it doesn’t work, or if I’m just being all emo and stuff, we can just look at each other and go, ‘Nope.’.”
I nodded. “Alright, Vinyl. We can give it a try. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
I like to think the following events were not my fault.