Season 2 Episode 14 – The Last Roundup
The Mayor’s Office, Ponyville
The Agenda:
1. Securing Our Promised Cash. [ ]
2. LONG TERM - Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]
Town Hall was always busy at the best of times –let not anypony insinuate otherwise! – but today was going to be busier than most. It was that time of term again.
The daily agenda fluttered out of Mayor Mare’s grip as a rogue gust surged into the room. “Ma’am,” Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon bowed at the doorway.
“Mr. Ribbon.”
The bureaucrat proceeded immediately to business. “Legislative Council has just declared recess for the remainder of the term. Election season is beginning.”
The tan pony snorted derisively. “LegCo hasn’t done anything for a month now.”
Only a shrug in response. “Non-incumbents have already begun their campaigns half a year in advance, Mayor. A Councilor who is stupid enough to stay on the job is a Councilor who is definitely going to lose his seat.”
His superior sighed. “Sure, sure. Come to think of it, I need to start thinking about election as well.”
“That’s political business, Ma’am, and has got nothing to do with the Government.”
“I need cash, Mr. Ribbon,” the gray-maned pony overrode the Secretary for Administration’s protestations. “And have needed it ever since Filly Buster’s Equestrian Party turned traitor on me.”
“As I said, Ma’am, that’s political business, and has nothing to do with- “
“Election?” Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow quizzically. “What election? Oh, no no no, this cash isn’t for the election, Mr. Ribbon. This cash is for rebuilding Town Hall!”
The gray stallion’s slapped a hoof to his forehead. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “Yes, we do indeed need the cash for Town Hall! Well-remembered, Ma’am.”
“It isn’t that hard to remember.” The gray-maned pony glanced at the hole in the ceiling above, barely covered by a few loose planks. “In any case: I want to push a couple of ideas past you, Mr. Ribbon.”
“As you wish, Ma’am.”
“So I was thinking of this two-pronged solution regarding our funding,” the tan pony proposed. “Firstly, we hold a public donation drive to fix Town Hall. Then we’ll also ask Ms. Applejack for the money she promised.”
A sly smile spread across the bureaucrat’s face. “Good ideas, Ma’am. Though I was wondering if this meant getting double of what we need to fix the building… ”
“Budgets inflate, Mr. Ribbon,” the tan pony remarked. “It definitely has nothing to do with my election campaign whatsoever, I assure you.”
The bureaucrat chuckled, a willing – or at least, not-opposing – partner to this little charade. “Of course not, Ma’am. Of course not.”
*
Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville
“Sorry, Mayor,” Applejack denied the request out-of-hoof. “But I don’t recall sayin’ anythin’ ‘bout repayment.”
The Mayor frowned. “Ms. Applejack, you’re known for your honesty! How could you possibly tell such a bare-faced lie as- “
“I didn’t promise to bring back cash,” the orange pony hastily noted, very sensitive to any criticism of her integrity. “I said ‘you betcha I’ll bring it back’ or somethin’ like that. Now if I had the money, Celestia knows I’d give it to you in a heartbeat. But I don’t.”
The tan pony shook her head. “’You betcha’ is basically promising, Ms. Applejack.”
“You can make bad bets, Mayor. Else Las Pegasus wouldn’t be so rich.”
The gray-maned pony could only grimace frustratedly in response.
“Now to be fair, Mayor.” The country pony was willing to reconcile. “It’s not like I fulfilled my real promise either. I didn’t do Ponyville proud.”
“Oh, don’t say that,” Mayor Mare lied. “You did your best.”
Applejack looked towards the distant hills, a pensive mood coming over her. “Serves me right for runnin’ my mouth, I guess,” she mused. “Had no idea that the others were so strong!”
That made Mayor Mare furrow her brows again. “So strong?” she asked. “Ms. Applejack, you’re no wet noodle!”
“Urgh, I thought that too.” The farm mare groaned, unpleasant memories rearing their ugly heads. “But you should have seen those Manehattan cowponies, Mayor! Sweet Celestia, they threw those bales twice, three times as far as I did! And the races… oh, the races… ” Applejack drew her Stetson over her face, the shame of her weak performance too much for her to bear.
Motherly instincts got the better of the Mayor. “Oh, come now, Ms. Applejack,” she cooed, patting the country mare on the back. “You did your best… we’re all proud of you- wait.” A thought suddenly struck her head. “Are you saying that the winners were all from Manehattan?”
“Most of them,” Applejack sniffed. “Includin’ all the events I was in.”
“But that’s impossible!” Mayor Mare responded in astonishment. “Manehattan doesn’t even farm!”
Logic was beyond the orange pony at this moment. “Oh, I really am that useless, am I?” She began to sob.
This contrasted with the tan pony’s euphoria. “Never fear, Ms. Applejack!” Mayor Mare swung a foreleg in determination. “The Government will make sure that justice is served!”
*
Town Hall Atrium, Ponyville
Mayor Mare’s suspicions were confirmed as soon as the first members of the Manehattan Rodeo Squad got out of the carriages.
She observed one particularly… interesting specimen. She – or he? – was a white pegasus, though one would be tempted to classify otherwise on account of her/his improbably tiny wings. Improbably muscular, built and compact, there was no possible method by which she/he could have attained such a body mass, not even counting for the fact that she/he had a dumbbell Cutie Mark on her flank.
But the bespectacled mare needed proof. “Remember, Ms. Sparkle,” she muttered. This time round, the Mayor was sharing her hunches with her protege.
The lavender mare winked. “Ready when you are.”
“Here goes.” The tan pony took a deep breath. “Welcome to Ponyville, Manehattan Rodeo Squad! I’m Mayor Mare, and let me just say: what an honor it is to receive you all!” She stepped forward and shook the hoof of the lead pony. “Truly an honor, Coach Hoofner!”
“Thank you, Mayor. An honor indeed!” the normal-looking stallion – but then, he wasn’t an athlete – returned the greeting as he guided his team into the atrium, now converted into a temporary dining hall. “Most places get a bit… turned off by our ponies, you see. And the athletes’ don’t like talking much, because… well, they just don’t like talking much.”
The bespectacled mare fully understood what he meant. “I see. Well, a celebratory dinner first, and then we’ll go out and meet the citizens!”
“Thank you, Mayor,” the stallion bowed as he took his seat on the Head Table. The Mayor, Twilight and Applejack followed suit.
The Manehattan Rodeo Squad filed into seats set around other tables, with not a single word being uttered in the process. The seats creaked ominously under their incredible masses.
Ding ding! “Welcome again, Manehattan Rodeo Squad!” Mayor Mare put on her cheeriest voice. “And once more, what an honor it is to receive you here in Ponyville! Now, I know we’ve had our rivalries before- “ she gestured in the direction of a blushing Applejack, “ –but trust me, we’re not out to steal your secrets tonight!”
She paused for effect. The only effect that bounced back was a sullen quietude.
Unwelcome cold sweat at her nape, the bespectacled mare turned uneasily towards Mr. Hoofner. “Was my joke that bad?” she whispered.
“They just don’t like laughing,” came the apologetic reply.
“Uh, right.” The gray-maned pony turned back towards the audience. “Anyway, I hope you’ll have a great time in Ponyville, and I wish you the best of luck in your future competitions!”
Polite applause as waiters streamed in with steaming plates of the Apples’ best. Mayor Mare saw her cue. “Now, Ms. Sparkle.”
The purple pony nodded and got up from her seat. “Uh, sorry everypony!” she announced. “I need the washroom: excuse me!” And before anypony could stop her, she had already teleported off.
The gray-maned pony facehoofed. Twilight was not the best of spies.
Coach Hoofner’s quizzical expression was rapidly soothed by the appearance of hot crumble. “Oh lovely, Mayor!” he exclaimed as he tucked in like a ravenous timberwolf.
The tan pony chuckled. “Only Ponyville’s finest for the- “
“Pah!” Coach Hoofner suddenly spat out the pastry, his face whitening precipitously as he did so. He swiftly grabbed a napkin to dabble his brow, bits of undigested crust still on his lips.
“Oh, by Celestia, Coach!” Applejack dropped her meal and scrambled towards the seemingly-paralyzed stallion. “Is it our food? Is there something wrong? Answer me, Coach…!”
Wide-eyed, the orange pony looked up and realized that she was the only one speaking in an utterly, utterly soundless room. The Manehattan Rodeo athletes were as still as Coach Hoofner was, eyes widening with every repeated chew.
Mayor Mare dared not say anything, hoping against hope that Manehattan wasn’t about to accuse her of foul machinations against the Squad. Well, to be fair, she was setting up machinations – after all, Twilight was now busy casting steroid-detecting magic in the johns – but they weren’t foul, not by a long shot!
The atmosphere was still pretty much dead. “C-coach?” Applejack approached the trembling and sweating stallion on tiphoof. “Coach, you okay?”
Coach Hoofner moaned in agony and sank further into his seat.
The athletes were still chewing, apparently struck dumb by the taste. The bespectacled mare darted, with increasing dread, between the surreal scenes occurring in front of her.
At this critical juncture, the deep, low boom of a voice broke the horrible tension, saying aloud the thought that was on every athlete’s mind. “You know, this tastes different.”
Mayor Mare swiftly turned towards the source of the deliverance, barely managing to stifle a surprised yelp as she did so. It was a mare. A mare!
Of all the ways to confirm her suspicions, this unintended method was by far the most embarrassing, the most nerve-wracking, and just generally the worst.
But there was no going back. The athletes’ tables broke into an uproar as mares and stallions – though one could hardly differentiate – began sharing the information over and over again, as if it was the passcode to Tartaros. “Tastes sweeter than normal!” “Best crumble I’ve eaten in ages!” “I knew the food back in camp was off!” “Wait, does that mean Snowflake’s theory was- “
As abruptly as it began, the tables fell silent again as another common thought shot through every athlete’s mind. Coach Hoofner’s audible hyperventilation, once concealed by the tumult happening before him, became painfully evident.
Redoubtable Applejack decided to try again. “C-coach… ”
The stallion gave a sudden yelp, to which the startled orange pony quickly added her own scream as she scampered back into her chair. Coach Hoofner’s back jolted further into his seat, unbalancing him and sending his bulk crashing onto the ground in a dramatic faint.
Despite every instinct to the contrary, nopony could react in any other way than to gawp impotently at the improbable scene, their brains desperately trying to make sense of the situation-
“I knew it!” a stallion shouted from the athletes’ table. “Coach Hoofner, you total… ”
His irascible profanities were drowned out as the athletes’ table burst back into life, the ponies’ indignation increasing with each additional second, their volume propelling upwards with every new conversation… “He doped us!” “Snowflake was right!” “I can’t believe Manehattan would do this to us!“
“Ponies! PONIES!” Mayor Mare shrieked vainly amidst the developing din. “Get me a megaphone, Applejack!” she ordered to the confused orange pony, who quickly obliged. “Ponies! Ponies! What, in the name of Celestia… what is going on?!”
These Manehattanites are sure receptive to authority, the Mayor thought as the hall quietened down almost immediately on her word. “Manehattan Rodeo Team, can somepony explain to me what just happened?”
That white pegasus that the politician had earlier observed suddenly stood up. “They’ve betrayed us, Mayor!” she/he roared, eyes bulging out in fiery hatred. “I told all you ponies! Manehattan sold us out!”
“Betrayed? Sold you out?” Like an actress in a play, Mayor Mare dutifully played out her part. “Whatever do you mean, ponies?”
“They’ve doped us!” Another athlete bellowed, eyes brimming with hot tears. “Roids in our food, Mayor: Snowflake was right! They’ve turned us into these… these freaks just to win a few blue ribbons- “
“Hang on!” Applejack’s mind suddenly skidded to a halt. “You mean, you ponies cheated?”
“W-we didn’t know!” These Manehattanites were actually surprisingly thin-skinned for their size. “It was o-only w-when we… we ate this s-stuff that w-we r-realized!”
Now it was Mayor Mare’s brain that skidded to a halt. “You didn’t… know?”
“We didn’t, Mayor, we swear!” the white pegasus fearfully screamed out again. “They blamed it on the smog and the food budget!”
“Well… I… ” the tan pony lowered her head in contemplation as her heart did a little happy jig inside of her. “Well this is unexpected… we certainly will discuss this with Manehattan after we send you back- ”
“NO!” the table shook as the Manehattan athletes all imposed their decision on the gray-maned pony. “No! We are not going back to Manehattan!”
It took Mayor Mare a few seconds to recover from the reverberations. “Ok, ok!” she backpedaled as she made calming gestures to the audience. “I was just thinking that Manehattan was your home, and you would… ”
“What kind of home does this to its own ponies?!” the white pegasus thundered again. “Celestia as my witness: Manehattan is not my home!”
“Yeah! Yeah!” the other members of the team stomped and clamored in incensed agreement. “Manehattan is not my home!”
The already-shaky foundations of Town Hall creaked and groaned under the stupendous assault. Mayor Mare fearfully eyed the spidery cracks racing up the walls. “Alright, alright!” she quickly deployed another soothing gesture. “We won’t send you back to Manehattan. You can- “
“Please, Mayor!” the white mare/stallion rushed towards the tan pony and prostrated herself/himself as low as she/he could go, which was still not very far on account of those well-grown muscles. “Please, only Ponyville’s been willing to play fair at all!” Please, please, Mayor; please accept us into your town!”
Mayor Mare smiled. “Of course, uh... ”
“Snowflake,” the mare – that was definitely a mare’s name – replied. “Or Roid Rage- “ that was definitely a stallion’s name – “ –if you don’t mind.”
“Of course, um… Ms. Snowflake. Uh, no,” Mayor Mare backed off as she saw Roid Rage ready to pounce on her in pure gratitude. “Just, um… I think you might have a few words to say to our Ms. Applejack…?”
“Aw, shucks, Mayor,” the orange pony chuckled, always somewhat embarrassed to be at the center of attention. “No need. I reckon these ponies have had enough today… ”
“Ms. Applejack.”
“ …oh! But I was wonderin’ about the prize money that you ponies won. And the ribbons.”
“Of course, of course!” Snowflake slammed her/his head on the ground a couple more times, simply glad to just have a new place to call home.
Mayor Mare smiled, gingerly extending a hoof of friendship. “In that case, I hereby welcome the former Manehattan Rodeo team as the newest citizens of Ponyville- “
A sudden burst of purple magic as Twilight Sparkle suddenly re-materialized from the ether. “Phew, Mayor; you wouldn’t believe how long it- what?!” the unicorn’s eyes dilated at the strange scene in front of her: the Mayor about to shake hooves with an androgynous pegasus; the Manehattan Rodeo Team quivering and shaking with anticipation behind him; the coach fainted on the floor some ways to the side of all this, unnoticed and uncared-for by anypony… “What in Celestia’s name happened?!”
Applejack giggled like a small filly. “Oh, Twi’; you are in for a hay of a story!”