Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.
Onboard the Minotaur warship Helios were many minotaurs.
Within the <CANTERLOT SECRET CHAMBER> there was plodding exposition.
Inside Blueblood's room there was a compass.
Hidden away on the Moon's dark side... there were more craters.
Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.
Far to Equestria's south an army marched in secret, to destroy the ponies and their homeland.
Far to Equestria's East a fleet sent by King Minos was approaching in secret, to destroy the ponies and their homeland.
Far to Equestria's west the invading Gryphon Forces regrouped with their main force, in order to destroy the ponies and their homeland.
Far to Equestria's north, beyond the Crystal Empire, a dark presence stirred.
It's purpose?
To destroy the ponies and their homeland.
Deep within the Everfree Forest there was a tree.
All around this tree was a dark, ominous silence.
Until that silence was shattered by the approach of a dark and sadistic entity.
Angel Bunnie hopped to the base of the tree, looking about innocently.
"So you've finally arrived," the collected voice of Wilhelm prevented a silence from falling again, "to be honest, I was surprised you didn't come sooner."
"Cut the dramatics Wilhelm," the voice of King Sombra intoned darkly from the little bunny rabbit, "I don't know what you're plotting, but I won't allow you to stop my plans."
"I think you're operating under false assumptions," Wilhelm's voice took on a curiously dark edge, "you see, our goals are not so different as you may think."
"All I desire is the power that was taken from me!"
"And I aim to see you returned to full strength."
"Hah!" Sombra's laugh was mocking, mirthless, and... other m-word, "You actually want me to regain my lost power? Please, I'm not fool enough to believe any of you would hesitate to take my strength for your own."
"Perhaps that is true for the rest, but I have no interest in power or strength, all I seek is to return."
"Of course, the enigmatic Wilhelm certainly doesn't want to interfere with anyone else's plans," Sombra scoffed, "What's your angle Wilhelm? What do you gain from helping me?"
"All I need you to do is make your revival known, I will enact my own plans in the ensuing chaos."
"Do you really think I'll be enough to shake those ponies up?" Sombra laughed mirthlessly once more, "After everything that's happened I doubt even Discord making a triumphant return would surprise them."
"So you're telling us we've got another Discord on our hooves?" to say that Twilight Sparkle was surprised would be an understatement, "How did this even happen without us noticing it first?"
"To be fair Twilight Sparkle," Luna piped up, "Equestria is not all that different even without a so-called 'reformed' Spirit of Chaos."
She had to give Luna that one, Equestria tended to err on the side of lop when it came to logic and reason, Discord was just the frosting under the crazy cookie.
"Regardless, we need to spend the next six hours explaining how Chaos energy functions," Embryous turned to the three less informed immortals, "I trust you've brought notebooks?"
Unsurprisingly, Chrysalis hadn't.
Unsurprisingly again, Twilight had.
Unsurprisingly a third time, Luna hadn't.
Unsurprisingly for the last time, Twilight brought extra.
And then they discussed boring things.
Ghirahim suddenly awoke, apparently having remembered that he was a character in this story.
He then suddenly vomited blood, apparent having remembered the above lethal dose of poison he had ingested.
Following that he suddenly noticed a frightened Rainbow Dash covered in blood, apparently freaked out over her designated love interest covering her in his innards.
Thankfully Nurse Redheart was nearby, since we all know that only Nurse Redheart can handle plot-relevant illnesses.
And then medical stuff happened.
No, I'm not going into further detail.
Dammit Jim, I'm a writer, not a doctor!
Onboard the Minotaur warship Helios there were many minotaurs.
But among those minotaurs, two were wrapped in forbidden love.
Ajax The Strongarmed and Theseus The Headstrong, their families had been feuding for so long that no-one save Chrysalis knew why anymore.
It was Chrysalis.
But to Ajax and Theseus their families' feud did not matter in the slightest!
Gripping one another in a furious embrace of passion they tumbled upon one another in the rapture of love.
TheseusxAjax OTP!
Meanwhile, in the Ponyville General Hospital and Psychiatric Clinic:
Rainbow Dash sat by Ghirahim's side, worry etched into her face.
Things weren't looking good for the unicorn, or Demon Lord, or whatever he was.
Rainbow Dash was well aware of how bad things were going for her newfound...
Acquaintance? Is that the word? the polychromatic pegasus pony was thinking herself into a fugue again, I mean, it's not like he said one way or another if we're friends or not, I'm not sure what he really thinks of me, or anything about him really.
What is his deal anyway? Rainbow thought idly as she drifted off, What does he feel about...
Rainbow Dash couldn't complete her thought before sleep took her.
Anyway, this story is turning into a soap opera for some reason, so we're gonna skip to Ghirahim's recovery, we all know it's coming, so TIME SKIP!
Ghirahim blearily opened his eyes, and a distinctly not blood-covered Rainbow Dash met his sight.
"Hey, you're up," her voice was raspier than usual, and a quick glance revealed her bloodshot eyes and even messier-than-usual mane, "you had everypony worried, uh not me of course," she added after a pause, "but it wasn't looking too good for you for a while there."
"What happened?" Ghirahim rasped out, more than a week of hospitalization and coughing blood isn't exactly a treat for your vocal cords.
"What happened is you being an idiot," Rainbow replied tersely as she passed him a glass of water, "I mean, what kind of bonehead goes and scarfs down three poisoned Pinkie Pie pastries?"
Ghirahim downed the whole glass before responding in a marginally less raspy voice, "It shouldn't have affected me, I've eaten plenty of poisoned pastries in the past."
"Well then I guess that's what you get for underestimating Pinkie's personal poison mix," Rainbow seemed smug for some reason, "If you remember I told you not to eat her cupcakes."
"No, that's not it," Ghirahim struggled to get up, but gave up after the roaring pain hit him, "It seems that this body is even less sturdy than I'd imagined."
"What do you-" Ugh, this is so boooring!
I know, Pinkie, but I have to establish a platonic bond between Ghirahim and Rainbow Dash for their romance to be believable.
It doesn't make it any less boring.
I know, but it has to be done!
Oh come oooon, who's reading this far in and even expecting a believable romance?
Well... That's a fair point.
You bet your biscuits it is! And besides, we both know that no matter how much characterization you do, you're probably just going to wrap up the romance with some surrealist punchline anyway.
You know what, Pinkie? You're right!
You're difficult to read on a white background, but you're right!
That's the spirit!
Screw all this 'believable' bull, three chapters ago I turned a gryphon into egg salad for no more reason than I was eating potato salad!
Exactly, so really, there's no reason to get all serious now.
Thanks Pinkie, for reminding me that people don't read this story for it's characters or plot, but simply to see what weird thing I'll do next.
And with that, I end the chapter WITHOUT FINISHING THE HOSE PETAL SCENE!