Prompt: Diamond Tiara gets babysat by one of the Mane Six.
Filthy Rich had his face buried into his hooves, his eyes closed tight and his ears pinned against the sides of his heads. This was all a dream. This was all a bad dream.
“Mr. Rich,” the albino stallion opposite said, “We have no choice at this point but to give up on the park, and the breeding facility has been completely wiped out. I’m sorry.”
“I invested so much into this crazy idea of yours,” Filthy Rich said, removing his hooves and opening his eyes to reveal his annoyance. “Mr. Hammond, this ‘Jurassic Park’ of yours was supposed to be a sure-fire thing. You guaranteed its success, and I trusted you.”
“I assure you, I will do what I can to return as much of your investment as I can. But first, we must cover the legal aspects, regarding the deaths of three ponies on the island. I have no doubt that InGen lawyers will soon be here to buy your silence regarding the park’s existence, but I was hoping you might-”
“How much we talking?” Filthy Rich asked, his ears perking up at the possibility that he might be able to make even more money than what he wasted on this foolish venture.
“Mr. Rich, I-”
“DADDYYYYYYYY!”
Filthy Rich sighed. “Uh, please excuse me… That would be my daughter…” The stallion excused himself, leaving his guest to his tea as he journeyed upstairs to see what was wrong.
“DADYYYYYYYY!” Diamond Tiara shouted, her back against the bathroom wall as she kept her eyes on the horror in front of her.
“Diamond? What’s wrong?” Filthy Rich asked from the other side, some concern in his voice.
“Daddy, help!” Diamond Tiara shouted, and mere seconds later the door was pushed open, her father rushing into the bathroom to see what was wrong. “There! Get it! GET IT!”
Filthy Rich followed his daughter’s hoof to the tiny spider that she was pointing at sitting on the side of the bathtub. “… That’s all that this is about?” he asked with a sigh, a smile forcing its way onto his face as he was reminded of his daughter’s softer side. “Diamond, it’s barely the size of a pea.”
“Germs are small, but they’re still dangerous!” Diamond argued as she quickly ran and took cover behind her father’s leg. “And what if it’s poisonous?”
“So you’d have your dear father risk his life against it instead?” he asked jokingly.
“Yes!” Diamond answered. “That’s your job!”
Filthy Rich couldn’t help but chuckle as he walked over towards the toilet, grabbing some of the paper beside it and then turning towards the bathtub. “Anyway, there are no poisonous spiders in Equestria. No living ones, at least. Up in Canterlot, their corpses and venom sacs sell for a pretty penny to studious Unicorns.”
Diamond Tiara retreated outside of the door and watched as her father grabbed the spider in the toilet paper and proceeded to flush it down into the sewers. “Okay, now out already!” the filly shouted as she ran back into the room, ushering her father out. She could feel her bladder about to burst. “Out out out!”
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” he responded sarcastically as he was pushed out of the bathroom, the door slamming shut behind him. With a sigh, he returned downstairs to his guest.
“Now, Mr. Rich, I understand that you have suffered a great financial loss from all of this. But, if I could just ask you, to think of the moral aspects regarding this incident-”
“DADDYYYYY!”
Filthy Rich sighed and climbed out of his seat. “One moment.”
“Yes, Diamond Tiara?” Filthy Rich asked as he entered the kitchen.
“We’re out of milk!” Diamond Tiara said with an angry frown and half a cup of milk in front of her.
“… Well, it will have to wait. You father’s in the middle of a very important talk right now.”
“Ugh!” Diamond Tiara picked up her glass and stormed off out of the room, grumbling under her breath about how unfair this was.
“I’m sorry,” Filthy Rich said as he sat back down. “Now, you were sayi-”
“DADDYYYYYYYY!”
“Oh for-” Filthy Rich was only a mere mortal. His patience was very limited, and whilst he loved his daughter more than anything in the world, he could feel his blood starting to boil.
“Mr. Rich, I’m afraid I cannot stay for long,” Mr. Hammond told him, “But perhaps we can meet for lunch or dinner tomorrow and discuss this then?”
Filthy Rich put a hoof to his chin. “Yes, I think that would be for the best. I’ll have to find a sitter for Diamond Tiara, but I’m sure that won’t be too difficult.”
“What do you mean you can’t sit for her?!” Filthy Rich shouted in disbelief at the white mare sipping tea from her cup. “You’re always available to sit for her!”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Rich,” Rarity said as she placed her cup down, “But Sweetie Belle and her friends are going to be visiting tomorrow, and I can’t afford to have my workshop become the site of a battleground between those four.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me… Miss Fluttershy, could you-”
“Oh, no. I couldn’t,” Fluttershy said with a solemn look on her face. “Discord is coming over for tea, and I don’t think he and your daughter get along very well.”
Filthy Rich sighed. “… Applejack?”
“Sorry Mr. Rich,” Applejack said. “Big Mac an’ ah are gonna be mighty busy workin’ the orchard all day tomorrow, and Granny Smith’s got yoga classes.”
“I would offer to sit for you,” Twilight began, “But my brother is coming to visit tomorrow, and we haven’t seen each other for so long. You understand, right?”
“Ooh! I can watch her for you!” Pinkie Pie shouted, hopping up-and-down on the spot. “I’m already watching the twins anyway, and this would be a good way for them to get to know each other!”
Filthy Rich shot the pink mare a smile.
“No, wait, that’s next week’s tomorrow. This week, I’m Dungeons and Dragonsing with Trixie and Lyra!”
And the smile collapsed in just a few short seconds. Desperate, Filthy Rich turned to the only remaining mare in the bakery.
“Ohhhh, no no no no no,” Rainbow Dash said as she saw the stallion’s gaze on her. “Sorry, but I don’t do foalsitting. It cuts in the way of flying and napping. Not to mention how that’s a job for teenage fillies, and I’m-”
“I’ll pay your fifty bits per hour,” Filthy Rich said, “To sit her for at least six hours. That’s three hundred bits at the very least.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened and she quickly ran up to the stallion, shaking his hoof so fast that their two hooves became a blur. “Sir, you’ve got yourself a deal!”
“But Daddy!”
“Now Diamond, I’ve already told you that this meeting is very important, and Silver Spoon is still too ill for you to visit her house.”
Diamond Tiara pouted as she followed her father to the house’s front door. “But why somepony I don’t even know? What if they try to hurt me or don’t know about my allergies or something?”
“Rainbow Dash is a local hero in Ponyville, and friends with Applejack, whose word I trust. You have allergies to dogs and cats, and I doubt she has any intention of bringing pets over. And if ‘something’ comes up, you know that Mr. Turner is just down the road.”
A knock came at the door just as the two ponies had reached it. “This is so unfair! I’m a big filly, I can take care of myself.”
“Stove’s on fire, what do you do?” Filthy Rich asked.
“Whuh? Uh, I, uh…”
“Aaaaand the house has burned down,” Filthy Rich said, turn around and kneeling down to his daughter’s eyelevel, “And Equestria is down one Princess,” he added, booping his daughter’s nose, which caused her to back up and knock his hoof away.
“I’ll just order takeout!”
“I have no doubt. That you’ll order only from their desert menu and eat nothing but cake and ice-cream.” Another knock at the door came from behind Filthy Rich. “Yes, yes, I’m coming already.” Turning around, he opened the door to find Rainbow Dash on the other side. “Glad you could make it.”
“You kiddin’? Three hundred bits to watch some kid play around for a few hours?”
Filthy Rich frowned. He was starting to have second thoughts, but it was too late now. “Daddy, why can’t I just go with you?”
“Because the last time I let you come along to a business dinner you complained the whole night about how bored you were.”
“… I’ll be more quiet this time?”
“Too late, Rainbow Dash has already taken the time out of her day to come and sit for you,” Filthy Rich said before turning back to the mare standing in the doorway. “Here’s a list of things you’ll need to know. I’ll be a whole town away so if any problems arise, see the back for a list of emergency contacts. I can’t guarantee when I’ll be back but it will be sometime past ten at the least. Diamond’s bedtime is at nine, and you’re welcome to anything in the fridge until I return.”
“Man, this’s a lot of stuff,” Rainbow said as she read over the list. “Heh, but don’t worry. I’ve got it all covered!”
“Well then.” Filthy Rich turned to his daughter and leaned down. “Could daddy get a goodbye kiss from his favourite filly before he leaves?”
Diamond Tiara was still pouting, but she leaned up and gave her father a quick peck on the cheek regardless. After that, Filthy Rich left the house, leaving the two alone to stand and stare at each other in awkward silence.
“… Soooo… what d’you do for fun around here?”
“Hmph! Nice try,” Diamond said. “I know that daddy put on that list that I should be studying until dinner! You’re just trying to trip me up.”
“Oh, come on,” Rainbow said. “What’s one day of not punching numbers into a calculator gonna do?”
“I’m supposed to be studying History today.”
“Well, are you gonna be a historian when you grow up?” Rainbow Dash asked. Diamond Tiara shook her head. “Then what’s the problem with missing one day? ‘Sides, I know jack squat about History, so I wouldn’t be able to help ya out anyway.”
Diamond Tiara looked up at Rainbow Dash with a sceptical look on her face, wondering if this was really some kind of ingenious trick or not. She decided that this pony didn’t seem smart enough to trip her up and just went along with it. “Well, after dinner I usually go into my room to play video games.”
“Oh, cool,” Rainbow Dash said. “What, like the Mario Brothers, or Duck Hunt?”
“Well, lately I’ve been playing Equidor Wars.” Rainbow Dash blinked. “An MMORPG.” She blinked again. “Massively multiplayer online role playing game?”
“Oh! You mean like one of those dungeon exploring things, right?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“Cool! Can I take a look?”
“Okay, so right now our world is battling another world,” Diamond Tiara explained as she focussed on the screen. “The ponies we’re battling are actual ponies.”
“Wow. That’s a lot of ponies,” Rainbow said as she watched Diamond’s character sneaking around behind a rock. “Why are you hiding? Why not just go out there and do that fire thing that that guy’s doing?”
“Because I’m not a mage,” Diamond said.
“Oh. What are you?”
“I’m a thief. I sneak around behind the enemy and steal their sh- stuff.” Diamond Tiara gulped as she realised she had almost slipped up. “And then I attack them from behind.”
“Ah. Well, I’m more of a heads-on kinda pony myself,” Rainbow Dash said. “And by the way, you don’t have to watch you language around me.”
Diamond stopped paying attention to her game and turned to Rainbow Dash with wide-eyed surprise. “W-What?”
“I dunno how your dad feels about it, but I could really care less what you say around me. As long as you’re not saying it about me.”
“… So, I can say buck?” Diamond asked, receiving a nod from Rainbow Dash. “And damn?”
“Yep. I’m not quite as uptight as some of the other ponies in this town.”
“… Fuck,” Diamond whispered, before feeling her face heat up and turning away to hide her blush. She heard Rainbow Dash giggling beside her.
“Okay, try not to overdo it. Remember, this is just a special privilege while I’m sitting for ya.” Diamond Tiara nodded before going back to focussing on her game. “So, any chance I can play, too?”
“Uh… yeah, there’s a spare laptop under my bed,” Diamond said, having her character hide in some nearby shadows as she turned around and searched around for the device. “Here it is. It’s a little slower, but it should manage.”
“Sweet! I’m gonna hop in there and kick your butt!”
“Oh please,” Diamond scoffed. “I’m level eighty-nine and have dragons-bane daggers and legend-tier armour. It’ll be a cold day in Tartarus before some newb is able to kill me.”
“That sounds like a challenge,” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her hooves together as she switched the laptop on, “And I love challenges.”
“Hey! You stole all our cannonballs!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“Oh boo hoo! Go cry about it to your dead Warlord!”
“Oh, it is on!” Rainbow began mashing buttons furiously on her laptop.
“Hey, you’re just spamming attacks!” Diamond Tiara protested. “Eat poison-spikes!”
“Son of a- I died again!” Rainbow threw her forelegs up into the air in a fit of rage, only to then let out a loud yawn as she stretched her limbs. She looked over to the nearby clock and her eyes widened as she saw the time. “Oh no! I was supposed to make you dinner half an hour ago!”
“What?!” Diamond also looked over at the clock, and then felt her stomach rumbling as she noticed the time. “You idiot! You were supposed to be paying attention!”
“Chill! I got this.” Rainbow picked up the list left for her by Filthy Rich and looked for the part that mentioned dinner arrangements. “… Man, this guy sure gives you sucky dinners.”
“I know,” Diamond said, rolling her eyes. “Daddy says it’s healthy and will help me grow up big and strong, but I think he just doesn’t know how to cook anything else.”
“Well, I think I can fix up somethin’ better,” Rainbow Dash said as she opened up her saddlebag, pulling out a bag of ready-made pancakes and a tub of chocolate spread. “I brought this along for your desert, but I guess there’s enough for it to be your dinner, too.”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped as she stared at her sitter. “Wow, really?!” she asked in an excited voice, receiving a nod from Rainbow Dash. “Well, perhaps this night won’t be so bad after all.”
“When does this game start being fun?” Diamond asked with a frown as she scooped up some of the candy from the bowl beside her and shoved it into her mouth.
“When you start winning,” Rainbow said as she placed two cards down and picked two up. “Maybe I should ease off, before I take all your allowance or somethin’.”
Diamond Tiara placed three cards down and picked three up. “Shut up…”
“Okay, I raise!”
Diamond Tiara groaned. “Fine, bet!”
“Hah! Too bad! A full house!” Rainbow Dash reached her hooves towards the pile of bits in the centre of the table, only for a pink hoof to block her path.
“Four of a kind,” Diamond said with a grin.
“What?!” Rainbow watched in disbelief as suddenly Diamond Tiara’s meagre pile of bits had grown considerably in size, and a huge chunk was taken out of her own.
“Heh, you’re right. This is fun,” Diamond said as she scooped another pile of candies into her mouth. “I think I’m going to like making you poorer than when you started.”
Rainbow Dash grinned as she cracked her hooves together. “Oh, it’s so on!”
“I don’t get it,” Diamond said as she watched the screen with a bored look on her face, reaching over for her bowl of candy by her side.
“Just keep watching,” Rainbow said as she reached for her bottle of cider. “Good part’s coming up.”
“Why doesn’t daddy let me watch this stuff? And what are they all talking abou-“ Suddenly, something appeared on the screen that made Diamond Tiara jumped. A grotesque pony-like creature jumped in front of the characters that she had previously been watching and began to claw one of them repeatedly in the face. “AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”
Rainbow Dash laughed so much that her stomach hurt as she watched the frightened filly throw her candy at the screen before jumping over the back of the couch and running up the stairs of her house. “Oh man, that was great! You never forget your first scare,” Rainbow said as she wiped a tear from her eye.
She suddenly heard crashing and banging behind her and jumped to her hooves at the noise. She turned towards the direction of the stairs and heard a filly’s scream, before seeing a filly-sized silhouette come tumbling down the stairs and landing on the floor.
“Oh crap!” Rainbow Dash got up and raced towards the pink lump on the floor, sweat dripping down her head and her heart beating madly as she stopped to check if Diamond Tiara was alright. Before she could reach a hoof forward to check her pulse though, she felt something touch her flank.
Turning around quickly, Rainbow Dash was greeted to the sight of a small pony standing behind her, wearing a black veil to obscure their face and wielding a large knife in their hoof. The pony lunged forward without warning, causing Rainbow Dash to scream as she tumbled backwards onto the floor, covering her face with her hooves and shaking as she waited for her end to come.
Instead, she heard laughter. Opening her eyes, Rainbow Dash found Diamond Tiara standing over her, laughing to herself as she dropped the rubber knife onto the floor and tossed the black veil to the side. Turning her head, Rainbow Dash found that what she originally believed to be Diamond Tiara was in fact just a golf bag covered by a pink sheet. Simple enough to fool somepony in the dark, and it certainly impressed the now-calm Pegasus pony.
“You little brat,” Rainbow said with a grin as she reached up to grab Diamond Tiara in a headlock, before rubbing her hoof into the filly’s mane. “You’re not half-bad, kid! Might make a good prankster someday!”
“L-Let me go!” Diamond Tiara said as she struggled, eventually breaking free of the headlock and straightening out her mane. “And of course. I get lots of practice.” ‘On those stupid blank flanks.’
“So, back to the movie?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Diamond Tiara froze up and slowly started to back up towards the stairs. “Uh, I-I think I should probably be going to bed now…”
“Tch, spoilsport. Alright, whatever. You want me to read you a bedtime story?”
“What? No! I’m not some helpless little kid!” Diamond Tiara protested. Recalling everything else she had been able to get away with today, Diamond Tiara decided to take a chance. “Hey, do I have to brush my teeth?”
“If you want to,” Rainbow said, “But hey, what’s one or two nights skipping your brushing? I did it, and my teeth are great!”
Diamond’s smile widened as she turned towards the stairs and started to run up them. “Wow, you’re the best sitter ever!”
Rainbow Dash grinned at that. “Heh. Yeah, I’m pretty great…”
“Hey Rainbow Dash, I heard you did a good job foalsitting last night,” Spike said as he sat down with Rainbow Dash and Rarity at a table in Sugarcube Corner. “Guess I owe Twilight five bits…”
“See? I told you she’d be just fine,” Twilight said as she joined her friends. “You have to trust your friends, Spike.”
“I did trust her. Just, not in a good way.”
“Heh. Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I think I may have made another admirer with my awesome sitting last night,” Rainbow Dash said with a cocksure grin.
“Sure sounds like bragging to me,” Spike said. “Hey, isn’t that Filthy Rich coming in now?”
The group turned around to see the stallion approaching, his daughter walking by his side, a not-very-amused look on her face.
“Good morning Mr. Rich,” Rarity said as he stopped in front of the group. “How are you today?”
“Not too well,” Filthy Rich said, his brow furrowed and his eyes focussing on Rainbow Dash. “Diamond Tiara woke up with stomach pains today. And tooth pains, too.”
“Oh?” Twilight asked, an uneasy feeling creeping into her mind.
“I had to rush her to the dentist first because her tooth was in so much pain, and Miss Minuette found a cavity that needed to be filled right away.”
The group’s attention turned to Diamond Tiara as she walked up to Rainbow Dash, an angry look on her face, and then she turned around and bucked Rainbow Dash’s hind leg, causing the Pegasus to yelp and shoot into the air.
“Now now, Diamond Tiara,” Filthy Rich said as he pulled his daughter away, “Violence never solved anything. I’m sure that Miss Rainbow Dash will be more than happy to cover the cost of the dental bill.”
The stallion took out a sheet of paper and handed it to Rainbow Dash, who gasped at the number she saw written on there. “B-But that’s-” A glare from Filthy Rich stopped her, and she turned to her friends for support. When none of them seemed willing to step in for her, she sighed and nodded her head sadly. “Fine, I’ll pay you…” She took out the bag of bits she had received the previous night and returned it to Filthy Rich.
“Thank you. Diamond Tiara?” The filly nodded as she followed her father out of the store, her face turning green as her stomach began to rumble again. Filthy Rich leaned down to carry his daughter on his back as she left the store.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash grabbed her milkshake and began sipping on it as she pouted at her loss, whilst Spike gathered Twilight’s attention by nudging her side and shooting her a smug grin. “So, guess you owe me five bits.”