//------------------------------//
// Ch. 06: Because I Got High 
// Story: Good Griff! 
// by Von Snootingham 
//------------------------------//


Good Griff!



 



Part 1 – Interesting Times




Chapter 6 – Because I Got High




(In Which Surly Bonds Are Slipped)



 
Is that a pegasus flying over head?
 
Bones and I turn to each other, our jaws hanging open. Wait, do I even still have a jaw? Maybe just her jaw and my beak, or- Gah! Not the time! Focus, Gayle! I mean Gilda! I mean Gayle!
 
We both look back up and spot the flying shape again. Its gotta be a pegasus. I jump up and together, we both start yelling up at it.
 
“Hey you! Hey, pony! Hey! Hey!”
 
“Ho, the pegasus! Hello up there!”
 
The flying shape slows down to a hover and looks like maybe it’s looking around. Shit, it really is a pegasus! Bones and I look at each other again, then look back up and start screaming and waving like crazies. I jump up and flap my wings wildly.
 
“Come on, you! Down here!”
 
“Look! Here we are!”
 
The pegasus turns its head in our direction and it suddenly stops moving completely. Its wings freeze up and it starts to drop out of the sky. Then, just as quickly, it starts flapping again, even harder than before, to stop its fall. Once it’s stable, It angles the rest of its body in our direction and holds out its wings to glide down to us. The whole thing screamed "amateur".
 
I turn to Bones. “What was that about wings being too small?” I ask smugly. I look back up at the approaching pony. “Can’t fly, my ass.” Bones just snorts.
 
The pony lands in front of us, looking more excited than a kid on Christmas. It’s a little hard to make out details in the low light, but I’ve got pretty good night vision now, so that helps. He’s a he for a start. At least, from the, like, maybe seven episode I saw, he looks like a guy pony. His hair and tail are short and spiky and bright orange; the color of a, well, an orange. His hooves are the same color, but his coat is a golden yellow. And he’s wearing a backpack. I guess it doesn’t fuck with his wings. Anyway, he’s dancing around too much to get any better a look than that.
 



 
“Oh my god! Holy cow you guys, I can’t believe you’re here! I thought I was the only one, and I had no freakin’ idea what was going on, and I was the only person this happened to but you’re here so I’m not alone in this trainwreck, and you- oh hey you’re a mare you’re looking pretty good, baby, you wanna- oh man look at you you’re a griffin, they make em big nowadays, huh, oh my god, are you Gilda? You are! It’s an honor to meet you, I’m a big fan dude!” The guy spewed the entire rant in one long breath and now just stands there panting. “Wow, you’re quieter than on the show, huh?” he follows up.

I blink. I blink again. My brain is trying to catch up to what I just heard.
 
“Did you catch the number of that freight train that just went by?” Bones asks from beside me. I look at her and she looks just as stunned as I feel.
 
I turn back to the Pegasus. “You wanna run that by us one more time?” I ask.
 
He takes a deep breath.
 
“Slowly,” I add.
 
“Sorry,” he apologizes, “It’s just that I transformed into this and I thought I was the only one in the world. But when I saw you I knew there were more ponies around and I wasn’t the only one. Well… pony and griffon. It’s just a big load off my mind.” He sighs in relief.
 
His eyes light up and he fixes them firmly on me. “So are you really Gilda? Did you guys come over from Equestria? Did Twilight accidentally miscast a spell and that’s why I changed and you came to get me?” he asks excitedly, his wings shooting out.
 
I clear my throat. “Um, yeah, I’m Gilda. But I’m not, like, the real Gilda. We turned into this, just like you did,” I explain.
 
The pegasus visibly deflates, his ears folding back and his wings drooping down to the ground.
 
Bones stands up. “I’m not even done yet. See?" She holds out her arms.
 
The pegasus cocks his head. “Oh hey, you’re not. I was done when I woke up yesterday morning. You look like you’re pretty close, dude. I don’t recognize you from the show, though.”
 
Bones slaps her palm to her forehead. “Doh jeez!” she exclaims, “We never introduced ourselves. I’m Lazy Bones, and this is Gilda.” She gestures at me.
 
I give a little wave and a, “Sup.”
 
The pegasus looks between us, confused. “Lol. You’re calling yourselves that?” he asks.
 
I try to ignore the fact that he actually just said “lol”. “My real name is Gayle, and she’s Steve,” the pegasus looks surprised by that. I continue, “but for some reason the mindfuck we’ve got going on has us thinking by our, um, pony names. So we’re just been going by those. So, who’re you?”
 
“Oh yeah. I’m Dave,” he says.
 
He doesn’t seem like he’s going to expand on that, so Bones asks, “Just Dave?”
 
“Dave Watson? I don’t think I have a pony name,” he shrugs.
 
“Trust us. You have it; we just don’t know it yet,” Bones reassures him.
 
“So, if you’re just normal bronies like me-”
 
“I’m not!” I interrupt. “I couldn’t give two shits about that show.”

Bones rolls her eyes at me. “Really? Was that helpful?”

I hold my talons up in defense. “Hey, we just met this guy. I don’t want him thinking I’m as lame as you.”
 
Dave looks back and forth between us. “Okay. Um. So if you’re just normal people like me who got changed, you don’t know what’s going on either?” he asks.
 
We take seat and spend the next few minutes explaining to Dave what we know. That it started the second we turned twenty five (big surprise; he just did too, the day before me), and that we think that there may be a real Discord out there who’s caused this, though Bones still doesn’t want to admit that. Another big surprise: Dave had the same kind of vision. And that we felt a strange connection to each other even before this started, which could mean that there were more random people turning into ponies out there.
 
“So, how’s about you?” Bones asks Dave, before yawning, “What’s your story?”
 
Dave shrugs, or at least as much as a pony can shrug. “Not much to tell, man. I was working, tending the plants. Oh yeah, I didn’t say. I run a greenhouse.”
 
“So you’re, what, some sort of gardener?” Bones asks.
 
“Yep! Best crop east of the Hudson,” he answers.
 
“Hey, we’re from New York too,” I interrupt.
 
“That’s cool. So, I was working in my growhouse and same thing happened to you happened to me.  Started to change a few days ago, freaked out. I thought maybe I’d accidentally, like, eaten some.”
 
“Eaten some what?” Bones asks.
 
“Of the crop! Keep up,” Dave says and stomps a hoof in annoyance.
 
“What do you grow?” Bones asks, “Organic lettuce and heirloom tomatoes and the like?”
 
“Nah. Pot,” Dave says casually.
 
“Pots of what?” Bones questions, “Like, potted flowers?”
 
“Nah, dude. Pot. You know, weed,” he says like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
 
Bones and I look at each other, then Dave in disbelief. “You’re a drug dealer?” I ask, stunned.
 
“Nyaaa,” he waves me off. “I don’t sell it. I just grow it. I got a knack for it, you know? Just the right amount of light from the UV lamps, not too much or too little water, time it all right… What can I say? I have a gift.” He shrugs. “My boss pays me, I grow it, he takes it. It’s just like any other job.”
 
I scowl at him. “Yeah, and I bet you take some free samples for yourself, you stoner.”
 
Dave looks honestly offended. “What!? No way, José! What are you, nuts? I’d never do that crap! What am I, stupid? That stuff’ll mess you up. I’m super scared of getting The Fear.”
 
“The what?” Bones blurts out.
 
“The Fear, man! The Fear!” Dave cries, “When you take drugs and you get all crazy and paranoid and scared and you cook a baby in the microwave!”
 
I shake my head. “You’re an idiot.”
 
“Or, I’m just so smart you think I’m an idiot!” is his response. “I’m too smart to risk The Fear, dude. I’ll stick to growing, thanks.”
 
The three of us sit and look at each other awkwardly for a few seconds. Then, Dave seems to remember what he was talking about before we got sidetracked, “Oh, so anyway, I was kinda  freaked for a while, but then everything seemed okay until the next day. When I woke up I, well, you know. I freaked all day and hoped it was temporary or it was all just a dream or, I don’t know what. But then the next day it was worse. You’ll never guess what I did,” he says with a goofy giggle.
 
Bones sighs and rolls her eyes. “You freaked?” she answers, sounding more tired than amused.
 
“You’re damn right I did!” Dave shouts. “So, like, I spent most of the day like that, but I realized I had to get out because my bosses were going to come over eventually and see me and then I’d be F.O.R.”
 
“F.O.R.?” Bones asks.
 
“Fucked over royal! Come on!” Dave explains, like everyone should know that. He continues, “If my bosses saw me like this, they’d have sold me so fast yer head would spin. Then, I’d be all chopped up in a lab somewhere.”
 
“That’s what Bones here said,” I say and wave my head at her.
 
“Yeah, you’re like me. You know the truth. I mean, I want to find out what they’re doing in Area 51 or Hangar 18, but not like that,” Dave smirks.
 
“Whoa, hey now,” Bones waves her hands, “I just said the government or some science lab would want to study us, not that there’s some big, sinister conspiracy involving some shadowy extra-governmental paramilitary organization. Don’t lump me in with you nutters chasing Big Foot and little green men or trying to disprove the moon landing.”
 
“Hey, my friend knows a guy who talks with someone online who saw the moon landing set. The truth is out there, man! Whatever,” Dave shakes his head and continues, “Anyway, so I shoved some shit in a couple bags, waited until it was dark, and borrowed my neighbor’s car.”
 
“Borrowed? Sounds like you stole it,” I accuse.
 
“Nah, man, ‘sall good. She said I could borrow it in emergencies, and this def qualifies. I just haven’t brought it back yet,” he tries to reassure us. “But I only got, like, an hour or two away before I got too tired to drive, so I stopped at a motel. The car’s still there.”
 
“You just left someone else’s car at a random motel?” Bones asks in disbelief, then yawns. What’s with her being so tired? It’s just weird.
 
“Well duh! When I woke up the next morning; that was yesterday; I didn’t have hands anymore, so obviously I couldn’t drive it. I gotta explain everything to you?” Dave lectures.
 
Bones just sighs and rubs her face with her hands.
 
“So yeah,” Dave continues, “I’ve been hoofing it since then. Get it? ‘Hoofin’ it’!” He giggles again. “Spent yesterday and last night tromping through the woods and taking naps. Tried to stay out of open areas, or at least hurried across them. Then last night, I accidentally found out I could fly and I covered a lot more ground,” he rattles off like finding out you can fly is the most normal thing in the world. “Went to sleep about dawn, slept all day, woke up, took off, flew some, heard two people yelling at me, landed, started talking to them, told them what I’ve been doing, and stopped talking.” He stops talking. Now he’s just looking at us.
 
Okaaaay… This guy confuses me. Bones just yawns. “If I may ask, where are you heading?” she asks.
 
“My sister’s place up in Vermont,” Dave answers, “I been there before. She’s got a big house all to herself. Wooded backyard. I figure I can hang out there ‘til this thing blows over.”
 
“How did your sister react to the news that you were turning into a Technicolor pony?” Bones wonders.
 
“I dunno. Guess we’ll see,” Dave shrugs.
 
“You haven’t told her yet!?” I gasp.
 
“Nah. But she’s cool. She lets me pretty much get away with whatever, so I figure I can just drop in and it won’t be too big a deal,” he tries to reassure us again.
 
It doesn’t work. “I would think ‘I turned into a pony’ would be the situation in which you’d want to announce yourself ahead of time,” Bones says.
 
“Alright,” Dave rolls his eyes, “you two are so smart, what’s your master plan? I’ll just come with you.”
 
“Um, yeaaahh. About that…” Bones squeaks.
 
“We maybe kinda have nowhere to go,” I chime in, embarrassed.
 
“Ha!” Dave barks, “I win!”
 
“It’s not a contest,” Bones scolds, but then asks, “How long would it take to get to your sister’s by car?”
 
He rubs his chin with his hoof. “Hmm… I’m not sure exactly where we are right now, but I’ve got this, like, crazy pegasus sense of direction now, so I can make a guess from how far I’ve gone so far. I’d say it’s, like, 100 miles or so, so maybe two, two and a half hours.”
 
Bones looks like she’s made up her mind. “Alright, I propose a merger. You have a destination. We have a faster, safer means of transportation. I suggest we join forces. We ponies have got to stick together, and all that.”
 
I turn to her. “What? You want this loser hanging around?” I ask in disbelief.
 
“Hey!” Dave protests.
 
“Not now!” Bones barks at him.
 
“Mommy and daddy are talking,” I dismiss him. He “hmphs” and crosses his forelegs.
 
“I say fuck ‘im. We don’t know this douchenozzle. He already seems like trouble,” I whisper to Bones.
 
“I agree with you he’s unseemly. But you must admit we need a place to stay and after tonight we’re homeless,” she argues, her voice also a whisper.
 
“Yeahhh…” I admit.
 
“He’s got a place to stay, we don’t. It’s as simple as that. And presumably his sister is still human, so we’ll have someone on our side that can actually go out in public,” Bones reasons.
 
“Okay, okay,” I give in.
 
“Plus, come on. We just happen to run into another pony out in the woods? What are the odds? I say this is providence,” she says with authority, “This is some serious shit we’re in. We ponies- and griffons- need to stick together no matter what.”
 
“Alright already! You convinced me,” I loudly whisper. Oh wait. Ohhhh, I think I know what’s going on here. I give Bones a sly look. “I getcha. You just want Mr. Pony to stick around. You switched sides along with your sex. Someone’s got a cruuuuush.”
 
For a split second, Bones simultaneous looks surprised, embarrassed, and disgusted. She quickly turns to Dave. “Yes. Well. Now, we’ve rented a cabin for the night. You’re welcome to stay the night with us and we’ll set out by car in the morning.”
 
Dave furrows his brow and says,“I got bad news for ya, babe.” Bones looks like she’s just tasted something awful. Dave continues, “You’re not going to have hands by morning. How you planning on driving?”
 
I cut in, “If you hadn’t noticed, I DO have hands, so there you go.”
 
“Oh yeah, a griffon driving around in broad daylight. That’ll go over real well,” Dave snarks. Yeah, because that’s what I need; sarcasm from this assclown.
 
I’m about to tell him off, but Bones sighs and says, “Fine. We’ll wait until nightfall, then we’ll set out tomorrow evening.”
 
“Why not right now? It’s dark now,” Dave argues.
 
“Because,” counters Bones, “we already paid for the cabin. We’ve been awake all day and we’re exhausted.” What? She slept all day and she’s the only one who’s tired. I’m fresh as a daisy.
 
“Actually-”
 
“We’re BOTH very tired,” Bones hisses at me through gritted teeth. Yeesh, what bug crawled up her cooch and died? They’re both acting like little bitches.
 
“Yeah, well,” Dave whines, “I feel fine and I think we should go right now. We gotta keep moving, sweetheart.” He cocks his head at me. “Whatsa matter, Gilda? Your master here don’t let you speak for yourself?”
 
Alright, that fucking tears it. I’ve had it with this little shit. I, in my infinite generosity, offered this dick the privilege of tagging along with us. You try to help a guy out and he throws it back in your face. I spring to my feet, snarling. He cowers backward.
 
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I shout, “We were trying to do you a goddamn favor, cockbite! But now the deal’s off the table. You really want to walk a hundred miles? ‘Cuz now you have to! Lots of luck to ya!”
 
I turn away from him. “Come on, Bones. We’re outta here,” I command. I start to storm off.
 
“Wait!” Dave calls after me. I stop, but I don’t turn around. “Do you have food?” he asks. What? Wow, this guy does NOT get it.
 
“Yes, we have plenty,” Bones answers from where she hasn’t moved. I glance over at her. She’s wearing the most devious shit-eating grin. “All of it griffon-tested and pony-approved. Weeks and weeks worth.”
 
I look at Dave. He’s practically drooling. Ohhh, I see what’s going on here. She’s got him right where she wants him. “Okay. Sure, fine, whatever,” he quickly agrees, “We’ll do it your way; just please let me come with you. I need real food.”
 
I walk back over to him and Bones. She asks, “Didn’t you pack any food?”
 
Dave furrows his brow. “I thought I was only going to be driving, like, six hours!” he says in huff,

“I wasn’t expecting a week-long nature walk. Plus, I had to leave my other two bags in the car. All I got left to eat in here,” he throws his head back, gesturing at the pack on his back, “is my last bag of Funyuns and some Red Bull.”
 
Bones and I look at each other. Her “eeEUUugh” expression mirrors what I’m feeling perfectly. We both shrug, silently agreeing he’s just pathetic enough. I scoot over next to Dave and slap him on the back. “Okay, sonny, you’re official. Welcome to Team Gilda.”
 
Bones rolls her eyes, then yawns. “I’m too tired to even argue that name,” she mutters. 

“So yeah, about names.” Dave mumbles. “You said I’m probably going to get some pony name, even though my guy wasn’t on the show?”

I can actually see the transformation as Bones goes into lecture mode. “Well, technically speaking, you already have a pony name. We’re just not aware of it yet. The mental aspects of this transformation are insidious in their subtlety. You don’t even realize anything has changed until someone else points it out to you.”

“Um. Okay.” Dave looks about as lost as, uh, a first grader in a rocket science class? I’m not good at analogies.

Bones looks thoughtful for a second, then suddenly shouts, “Dave, quick! Answer as fast as you can! What’s your name?”

“Dave Watson!”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty Five!”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Green!”

“How many inches in a foot?”

“Twelve!”

“Elvis or Beatles?

“Beatles!”

“Boxers or briefs?”

“Boxers!”

“What’s your name?

“Sunny Daze!”

“There you go,” Bones says smugly and crosses her arms.

Dave looks absolutely baffled. “Holy crap, how’d you do that? So wait, my name is Sunny Daze? Weird.”

Bones stands up. “Okay, now that we’ve got that settled, let’s go back to the cabin. I’m so tired even that rock-hard mattress sounds like heaven right now.”
 
“Shit. Don’t remind me,” I moan, “Those beds are awful. I was all sorts of numb this morning.”
 
“Why don’t you just sleep on-” Dave- err Sunny starts, but interrupts himself, “Oh, that’s right, you haven’t-” If this were a cartoon, a lightbulb would have just appeared over his head. “Oh man, just wait ‘til you- You’re not gonna beli- Hold on! I’ll be right back!” He holds up a forehoof like he’s trying to do a “one second” gesture, but it doesn’t really translate without fingers. Suddenly, he jumps, and with a mighty flap of his wings he zips straight up into the air.
 
Bones and I just stare at him in awe. “That doesn’t make sense!” she whines, “He shouldn’t be able to fly. How is it possible?” I just thought he looked amazing, but I guess she was thinking something other than “awe”.
 
I wave my hand in a throw away gesture. “I dunno. Magic?”
 
She gives me a dirty look. “I thought we agreed we were going to assume more rational theories before resorting to ‘magic’.”
 
I roll my eyes at her. “Whatever.”
 
Finally, Sunny glides back down to us. It looks like he’s holding something between his front hooves. He sets the thing on the ground, then lands. Wait, it’s floating just over the ground. Is that…?
 
Bones’ eyes narrow, “WHAT is THAT?” she growls, her voice barely containing a simmering rage.
 
I inspect it. It’s round-ish. It’s white. It’s fluffy. “It’s a cloud!” Sunny confirms.
 
“NO!” Bones erupts. Her face is all twisted up, left eye twitching furiously. She looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm. “NO! That’s not possible! How is that possible!?”
 
Sunny nudges the thing and it moves a couple inches. He shrugs. “Magic?”
 
“GRAAAAHHH!” Bones screams “There! Is! No! Such! Thing! That CAN’T be a cloud!” She paws at it with her palm and it goes right through. She looks astonished. She turns and points her hand at me. “You! You do it!”
 
I reach out and poke the cloud with one finger talon. It doesn’t go through…
 
Holy shit, it feels amazing! I push on the cloud with my whole palm and my hand sinks in lightly. It’s so cool and soft and has a lot of give and just a little bit of firmness. I press the cloud between my hands. It feels like squeezing uncooked biscuit dough. I don’t want to let it go. If this is possible, then…
 
My face is absolutely lit up in complete joy and Bones’ is the exact opposite: stunned horror. “But. But. But,” she stammers, “But that can’t be. That’s not how physics works. You can’t just… Physics… How…?” she trails off and slumps to the ground. She brings her hands up toward her face and breathes in deep, but she doesn’t say her mantra, instead just letting out a shaky breath.
 
“Bones. Oh my god, Bones, holy shit,” I chatter excitedly, “I gotta go up there. I can fly. You saw him. If he can do it, I can fly too. I can feel it. Oh my god, Bones…” the thought it almost too much to keep in. “I- I’m gonna do it,” I tell her and start wildly swinging my wings around, flapping them every which way.
 
She’s just looking at the ground in shock, but then her eyes catch my pleading gaze. Almost imperceptibly, she gives me a tiny nod. “Ten minutes,” she whispers. I let out a whoop, leap straight up, and start flapping my wings with wild abandon.
 
…I instantly fall back down straight on my ass. Sunny is watching us both with a goofy smile. “Nah, Gilda, you got to flap them in sync. Push down on the air as hard as you can, right when you jump. Like this,” he instructs. He leaps into the air and then hovers there. “Then you just gotta keep ‘em synced and you got it.”
 
I raise my wings straight up to try again. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My legs are coiled like springs until I let loose and leap with all my strength, simultaneously bring my wings down as hard as I can. I open my eyes. I’m not on the ground, maybe 15 feet in the air, but I’m falling fast. Instinctively, I throw my wings out beside me and they catch the air, starting me gliding downward. I flap them again and I shoot back up. I flap again and I’m in the treetops.
 
I... can fly. Holy fucking fuck! I CAN FLY! I keep pumping my wings and I let out a primal roar, crying my ecstasy to the sky.
 
I look down at the other two. Sunny is standing there grinning up at me like an idiot. Bones is still slumped up next to her log seat, but she’s staring up at me. Even from this high up, I can make out the expression on her face. It’s awe, bordering on worship, and why not? I’m a fucking goddess. I’m why cavemen painted on walls. I’m the most beautiful fucking creature in the entire world, finally let loose from my bonds and allowed to fly free in my natural element like I’m supposed to.

I am Gilda.
  
Right now, I’m just hovering in one spot, but with some experimenting with tilting my body and angling my wings different ways, I figure out how to move around in the air. Sunny comes up and joins me, giving me some pointers. I start off with some slow laps above the edges of the clearing, mirroring my run from earlier, just to get my bearings. Sunny flies circles around me at first, literally, the whole time giggling like an idiot, and it’s a little annoying. But pretty soon, I’ve gotten the hang of things and the tables are turned and he can barely keep up with me.
 
Now it’s time to really open up and see what I can do. I start climbing, heading north-northeast. Don’t ask me how I know the direction; I just do. Sunny’s following behind me. We’re thousands of feet up now and he’s looking pretty nervous and he shouts something at me. With the wind rushing in my ears, all I can make out is, “-so high! We should-“
 
I don’t know what he’s saying and I don’t care. I feel more exhilarated, more alive than I ever have before and he’s barely an afterthought in my mind. I pick up the pace, climbing even higher. Sunny slows down to a hover, falling behind. I keep increasing my angle until I’m flying straight up, then I’m doing a flip and my aerodynamics or whatever are all screwed up and I lose lift. I catch myself with my wings, and for a split second, I’m weightless. Then I tuck them tight against my body, pointing myself back groundward.
 
I’m shooting back toward the earth like a bullet, faster and faster. I scream past a terrified looking Sunny, who has to dodge to avoid getting clipped. I even get a yellow feather in my face for my stunt. This feels familiar. The roar of the wind is deafening, my eyes are watering from the speed, and the ground is getting closer and closer. The sea of treetops is coming fast, and at the last second, I flare my wings and pull up, turning my velocity into forward speed.
 
The countryside flies by at a blinding rate. Literally. I’m going so fast, even with my super eagle eyes I can barely see anything before it’s already past. I let out another roar or pure bliss.
 
This… This is what I was meant to do. I always thought I loved to run because it made me feel so great. But now I realize that it didn’t. Not really. It’s just that it was the closest I could come to flying, and I didn’t know it. To say that running made me feel good is like a person saying that raisin bread is delicious when that’s the only desert they’ve ever had and they don’t know they’re missing three layer fudge torte cake.
 
I don’t know if that makes sense. Probably not. There’s not really any way to describe it. I just feel too amazing right now. I’m speeding along, I’m howling at the moon, the wind in my feathers, pumping my wings as hard as I can, feeling the muscles burn so good. I just feel so… I can’t. There are no words. I can’t even think right now. My brain is going into overload. I’m… just going to ride it.
 



 

»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»~»


 
Eventually, I come back to my senses and realize I should be heading back. I don’t know how long I’ve been flying around up here, but it’s probably longer than Bones’ ten minutes. It feels like it’s only been a moment, but oh, what a moment. I soared and dipped and looped and banked and corkscrewed. I even did a barrel roll. I basically tore the skies over upstate New York a new asshole and made them my bitch.
 
But now I lazily make my way back to the clearing where I left Bones. Somehow I instinctively know where I’ve been and how to get back to where I started. I spot the opening in the trees and glide in for a landing. I don’t see Bones at all. I see Sunny laying against the log in the middle of the clearing, looking up at the sky, and he’s got another pony with him. The hell? Did he find another pony?
 
I land right in front of him and he motions for me to be quiet, gesturing at the pony sleeping against the opposite side of the log.
 
“’Bout time you finished,” Sunny whispers.
 
“What do you mean?” I whisper back, “How long was I up there?”
 
“Few hours. It’s midnight.”
 
Crap, that’s surprising. I guess time flies when I do. Yeah I definitely think I may have missed Bones’ ten minutes by a little bit. She probably got tired of waiting and went back on her own. But then who’s this new pony? “Who’s your friend?” I ask Sunny, pointing at the new guy.
 
“Whatcha talkin’ about? She’s your friend, not mine,” Sunny answers.
 
My friend? But that means… I flap a couple times and leap over the log. Sure, I could have just walked around, but walking’s for chumps when you can fly. I may never walk again. Anyway, I take a closer look at the sleeping pony. My special eyes let me get a good look, even in this low light. She’s a navy blue unicorn with purple and light blue hair and tail, practically drowning in  poorly-fitting guy’s clothes. Holy shit, it’s Bones.
 



 
I look over at Sunny. Before I can ask, he says, “Hey, I don’t know. I was flying around trying to follow you, then just trying to find you. When I came back, she was like this. I guess she fell asleep and then finished changing while we were up there.
 
I inspect Bones again. Her hair is ridiculously curly and messy, she’s got these little blue freckles all over her face, and she’s got the most peaceful look on her face as she sleeps. She’s actually really cute. Um, for a cartoon pony, I mean. Hoo boy.
 
“We should go back,” I tell Sunny. He nods and stands up. Hmm, I don’t want to wake Bones up and make her learn how to walk just so she can go back to sleep. Instead, I gently slide in next her and try to roll her onto my back. Sunny sees what I’m trying to do and helps out, to his credit. Eventually, I’ve got a sleeping unicorn safely (but not prettily) sprawled across my back and we’re walking through the forest back toward our cabin.
 
When we get to the edge of the woods, I suddenly stop and hold out an arm to catch Sunny. He turns to me and opens his mouth, but I stop him by putting a finger to my beak. We wait there a minute, listening, and me scanning for people out in the open. When I’m satisfied we’re clear, we rush the door to the cabin. I turn the knob, but it’s locked! Shit and goddamn! Oh right, Bones had the key, it’s probably in her pocket. As gently but quickly as I can manage, I fish through her pockets for the key. I find it and pull it out just as I hear a branch snapping up the path, then another. Someone shouts, “Oh hey, is that you, neighbor? Glad I finally caught ya!”
 
SHITSHIT! It’s that nosey asshole again! Why now? I fumble with the key (stupid fucking bird talons!) trying to get it into the keyhole. Sunny is looking at me like, “Come on, hurry the fuck up!” I swear, it’s like every horror movie I’ve ever seen. Finally, I get the door open and we practically fall inside, slamming and locking it behind us.
 
“Hello?” the man calls. I don’t think he saw us.
 
“Sorry! We’re very tired! Good night!” I yell back.
 
“Oh, okay,” he says suspiciously, “Good night.” I peek out the shades and see the guy standing by our car, just looking at the cabin with narrowed eyes. He looks into our car window, then turns and walks away.
 
I let out the breath I was holding. Whew, that was close. I walk over to Bones's bed, pull down the sheets and manage to kind of dump her onto it. Then I pull the sheets over her. See? I can put a friend to bed when they’re out of it too. Who says I’m not the nicest fucking person ever?
 
Sunny’s standing there, looking awkward. “So are things always this interesting around you people?” he asks.
 
I roll my eyes. “Top bunk’s mine,” I tell him. I flip the light switch and with a couple beats of my wings, I’m up to my bed.  Ha, who needs a ladder? Sunny’s rolling around, making himself comfortable, but as soon as my head hits the pillow and my eyes close, I’m out.
 


☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁


 
I’m in a big room made of clouds, filled with pegasi: the staging area in the Cloudsdale City Guard headquarters. I look down and see my silver armor and my spear in one hand. In front of me is my unit, twenty hard-flanked pegasi decked out in bronze armor polished to a shine. To our left and right are a number of other units, my fellow lieutenants in silver armor and their subordinates in bronze. The troops are all looking at a pegasus over to my right in gold who’s giving a speech, the Captain-Commander. This is it. The big one.
 
Captain-Commander Storm Shield finishes his big, inspiring speech and everypony cheers. He asks, “Now, are we going to lie down and let this monster destroy Cloudsdale!?”
 
Everypony answers in unison, “NO, COMMANDER!”
 
The Commander asks, “Or are we going to protect our home and buck his sorry flank back to Tartarus!?”
 
“YES, COMMANDER!!”
 
“Now let’s go get this son of a hydra!” Storm Shield roars.
 
The collected Guard lets out a cheer that shakes the cloud floor. The Captain-Commander turns and says something privately to his Captains, who then split up and come to us lieutenants. Captain Spring Breeze gathers me and four other lieutenants. “The Commander wants to stress that this is a top level operation,” she tells us seriously, “Defense of civilians is to take priority over attacking the target. There’s going to be a lot of carnage and confusion out there. Tempers are going to be taxed to the breaking point. It’s up to you to keep your units together. A unit that loses discipline and lets its feelings take control is a liability. Do you understand?”
 
“Yes, Captain,” we respond in unison.
 
With that, we take our positions and our units take their spears in their mouths and stand at attention. The lieutenants about-face just as the clouds that make up the wall of the room parts to reveal the cloud city and the night sky. One by one, each unit marches to the edge of the room and leaps out, flying toward the battlezone.
 
My unit is one of the last to leave. As we fly toward the far end of the city, everything is chaos. Even though it’s night, it’s oddly bright. The moon is brighter than it should be, but that’s not it. There are flashes of bright light all over the city and here and there are clouds actually on fire. A good part of the city has been changed to cotton candy. Another part is something else pink and fluffy, but the ponies there are rolling around itching uncontrollably. I see a hole where a building used to be and look down. Way down below, I see it. It looks like it changed into stone and fell all the way to the ground, where it shattered. I hope the ponies in there got out.
 
And oh, the ponies. Some seem like they’re unchanged, but who knows? Some only look changed a little. Turned all grey, or wings three times too big or small, maybe some donkey ears here or there. There’s a pink, fluffy pony that looks like it’s made of the same cotton candy as the clouds dancing around in the wreckage of the rainbow factory. But then there are the bad ones. I see a little mouse with regular sized pegasus wings, flying around confused. Here and there are Earth Ponies clinging desperately to benches or streetlights.  Or at least they look like Earth Ponies. I’m afraid they were pegasi whose wings were taken away. I hate to take a detour, but we were told defending civilians came first. We pick any up any of these ponies we find and bring them safely to the ground.
 
Then we see something really nasty. There’s what looks like a pegasus, except it’s turned completely inside-out. And worst of all… it’s still moving. One of my troops breaks rank and vomits.
 
Eventually, we arrive at the site of the battle, if you can call it that. The entire Cloudsdale Guard has been deployed to fight a single enemy, and we’re losing.
 
Even though most of the other guardsponies got here before us, I can’t see very many of them. There are some armored pegasi scattered around, but there’s not a single other unit even in sight, much less running any regular attack pattern. There are flashes of magical light blinking all around, probably the monster working his chaos.
 
I turn around and address my unit. The expressions on their faces look like we’ve already lost. Time to work the old Gilda charm. “Alright, colts and fillies, this is it. This is what we’ve been training for. I know it seems like the odds are against us, but this plothole’s never seen US! By the time we’re done with him, he’s going to beg to be turned back to stone! Now, let’s go show him why we’re the best!” My little speech seems to lift my ponies’ spirits and we fly toward the enemy in the distance with a mighty battle cry.
 
We’re charging the spirit of chaos himself, Discord. Jeez, he’s an ugly bucker. Being a griffon, I’m used to two very different types of bodies in one. But this guy takes the cupcake. It looks like he stole something from every kind of creature in Equestria. His grey horse head attached onto his long brown body and arms from a- HOLY BUCK! Suddenly in a flash, he’s right in front of us!
 
Oh look what we have here,” Discord snickers, “new toys for me? I promise not to break them this time. And look at this one! A pretty little bird.” He guffaws loudly. “She looks lonely. Let’s give her some little birdy friends.” He snaps the fingers on his lion paw and there’s another bright flash. “Oops! I think I broke them! What ever will you do now?” he asks. l look down at myself, but I’m okay. I look back to check my unit.
 
They’re gone.
 
Great Garuda… They’re not gone. Half of them are still there, but he’s… he’s changed them into birds; little chickadees and woodthrushes and mockingbirds in little suits of bronze bird armor. They fly around in confusion, and then scatter. I…
 
But what happened to the other half? I look around, and finally see them below me. They’re still ponies, but they’re falling and screaming! He took their wings! I grip my spear in my beak, tuck my legs and wings and break into the fastest dive I can, dive-bombing to catch my ponies. I catch up to the closest one, Twinkle Hooves, and in one smooth motion, tuck her close to my chest without coming out of my dive. I veer over to the next pony, Cumulo Stratus, and nab him in the other arm.
 
I dive for the ground as fast as I physically can, only pulling up at the last second; cutting my speed enough so that when I drop my two soldiers they may have a rough landing, but should be okay. Then I’m flapping for all I’m worth and speeding back up like a firebat out of Tartarus. I grab Bright Eyes and then change directions. Three down, seven to go. That’s when I realize something horrible.
 
I’m not going to be able to catch them all.
 
But, I’ve got to try. I streak down after Drizzle Drops, trying to reach her before she hits the ground. I inch closer and closer, but I’m not gaining enough speed to be able to catch her in time. She’s flailing and screaming and reaching up for me, a pleading look in her eyes. I keep reaching for her as long as I can, longer even than I should without risking crashing myself. But there’s not enough time. I’m only a few hoof lengths away from her when I have to veer up. I look away, but I can hear it. My ponies’ screams suddenly stop and there’s a series of loud, wet bangs.
 
I pulled up too late myself, and end up grazing the ground, having to roll into a controlled crash, losing my spear. Bright Eyes and I roll to a stop and I let her go. “Are you okay?” I ask her.
 
She looks at me, but doesn’t answer. She looks like she’s in shock. I look around and what I see is terrifying. It looks like my unit isn’t the only group Discord did this to. Oh Garuda, the ground is littered with-
 
No, don’t think about it. I spot Twinkle and Cumulo wandering around in a daze. Cumulo looks like he’s trying to flap wings that aren’t there anymore. I don’t feel much better. I’m pretty battered from the crash, but it’s not my body that’s hurting the most. 

My unit was twenty strong, proud pegasi. I knew them. They had lives. They had families. Double Time dreamed of being a Wonderbolt like her brother. Rumbler was being inducted into the palace guard in Canterlot next month. Wind Shear’s wife was having a foal soon. Now, they’re gone. There are only three left. Three and me.

My despair starts to give way to anger. My temper begins to come out. My temper that, once upon a time, drove me away from my nation, my clan, my younger sisters. My temper that lost me my one and only friend, the mare I secretly loved. I never got to tell her. My horrible temper that sent me into a downward spiral of drunken ciderhouse brawls, petty crimes, and one-night stands. I lashed out against the world, like a chick throwing a tantrum.
 
That tide of rage eased off when I woke up that morning in that cell and the Guard Captain shook his head at me and asked me why I was wasting my life. I couldn’t answer him and enlisted on the spot. My burning anger was replaced by the discipline of the Guard, the mutual respect of my comrades, and the pride of defending ponies in need. I used that drive to work my way up to First Lieutenant.  I had been a selfish hen, considering no one in any way but myself, broken and alone. My comrades... my friends were the ones who soothed me and made me who I am.

But, now all of that is for plot. My friends are dead or birds. The tide is coming back in.
 
Cracks form in my shell of discipline and duty, and the flames of my rage are licking through the holes. With a primal shriek, my mask is gone, and Old Gilda is back. I launch myself skyward, fire in my eyes, with no other thought than to find that bastard Discord, completely disembowel him, and feast on his entrails.
 
When I return to the battle, it’s even worse than before. The flashes of light are in the distance and the ponies that are left are a total mess. It looks like there’s nopony leading them and they’re all flying every which way. I shriek again and begin to charge Discord, when somepony catches me. I whirl around and snarl at the one who would dare keep me from my prey. It’s Captain-Commander Storm Shield.
 
He backhoofs me across the face. “Pull yourself together, soldier!” he barks. The shock of the direct order from the supreme leader of the Guard is enough to calm me a little. I’m still a raging inferno of relentless bloodlust, but I’m at least capable of staying put and listening to my commanding officer.
 
“But sir! My ponies! He killed my unit! I need to-“
 
“Lieutenant Swiftwing,” he cuts me off, “You’re one of very few officers left and I need you right now. You’re no good to me if you’re out of control. Do you understand?”
 
“Sir, yes sir!” I answer. The flashes are getting closer again.
 
“Good. Now, we’re in complete disarray. I need you to help organize whatever troops you can,” he tells me.
 
“Understood sir,” I respond. “What’s the plan? Where are we counterattacking from?”
 
The Commander looks grim. “We’re not. I need you to gather up whoever you can so we can get them out of here. We’re saving who we can. We’re no match for this.”
 
“WHAT!?” I shriek, “You coward! My ponies are dead! I’m taking blood for blood or die trying!”
 
Storm Shield backhoofs me again. “The safety of ponies lives is more important than your revenge! Now, you’ll do as you’re told, Lieutenant! Dismissed!”
 
Just then, somepony nearby screams, “He’s coming back!” Sure enough, I can see Discord has returned.
 
“RETREAT!” Captain-Commander sounds the order as loud as he can.
 
“Never!” I shout in defiance, “We can take him!” With that, I take off. But rather than flying away from Discord like everypony else, I’m speeding right into the eye of the storm. Suddenly, there’s a bright flash around me and the back of my head explodes in pain. I clutch my skull and wheel around. Discord is there, whistling, trying to look innocent; but I can see the big yellow clown hammer he’s hiding behind his back. I roar and rush him, but there’s another flash and he’s behind me. He grabs me from behind, then spins me around and holds me by the shoulders, putting his face right into mine.
 
“Did you really think you could beat me?” he asks in disbelief, “All by yourself? Look around. Your compatriots have all fled.” He lets out another loud, goofy, horrible, evil guffaw. “Poooor little bird. You’re allllll alone. And, you will be for a long time… in a pretty little cage.”
 
He squeezes my shoulders and there’s yet another flash of light. I’m surrounded by a glow and I feel like every tiny bit of my body is being crushed and stretched and burned and frozen at the same time.
 
Discord backs away and starts to chant in a sing-songy voice, “For five score, divided by four! Your memories removed, your body confused! For your insolence you must pay! Cast off to a land far far away! Such a noisy bird, silence your beak! Your mind shall be weak, and your outlook bleak! Forgetting everything and living like a fool! Now you have lost, and I continue my rule!”

There’s one last, blinding flash of light and I’m filled with an indescribable agony. Then, I see only darkness.
 
 

/_‾_‾_‾TO BE
CONTINUED‾_‾_‾_〉