//------------------------------// // Part 1-4: Translation and Diplomacy // Story: Ponyloid-ism // by Syringed //------------------------------// Ponyloid-ism By: Syringed While Pinkie Pie used her Pinkie sense to sniff out Applejack’s house for drugs, the three remaining ponies stayed in the kitchen to interrogate the white unicorn. Applejack trotted over to Miku, stepping over the larger wooden bits of the shattered pantry door. She snatched the unicorn’s teal mane with her mouth, and yanked. “Nya! Sono amerika no kixyoui watashini furete haike nai!” Miku yelped. She had already been brutally abused by the jackassery of fate, and being dragged across the room by her hair was just douchebaggery on fate’s part. Let the record show that fate is a doucheface and he has no dick. Applejack didn’t exactly care for the fact that she was dragging another mare by their most sacred possession. The white pony, however, had an objection to how Applejack was manhandling the white unicorn. “Applejack! How could you pull this mare by her mane!? Do you have no respect for a mare’s mane?!” “Rarity, will yah stop worrying about her stupid mane?!” Applejack turned her head towards the white pony and glared. “Here’s a good idea, get your rear in gear and help meh move her!” The one named Rarity’s horn glowed, and a light blue bubble engulfed her horn. A bubble of the identical color engulfed the tip of Miku’s tail a split second later. Rarity then yanked her head back as if she was pulling on some unseen object. “I simply cannot let you mutilate her mane to the point where it is forever ruined!” Applejack stumbled forward as a direct result of Rarity magically yanking against her. Applejack growled and retaliated by yanking in the opposite direction with more force. “Ah’m trying to move her to the dining table so we can –grunt- interrogate her!” “Well do it in a way that doesn’t destroy manes!” Miku was less than pleased by the fact that she was the rope in this little tug-of-war. She screamed. In pain. In a lot of pain. Kind of like she was giving birth, but there were two babies, and they were coming out of her head and ass, respectively. Take a moment to let that image sink in. Now then, have your jimmies been rustled yet? … Tough crowd. Well, your jimmies may not have been rustled, but the rustling of a certain purple unicorn’s jimmies have certainly commenced. With each tug, Miku screamed like Satan himself was doing her in the ass. Before any ill-chosen questions are asked, Satan was the epitome of men everywhere. End of discussion. Miku did seem to be doing a lot of screaming today. It definitely cannot be healthy for her voice. Then again no one would actually give a damn because VOCALOID would just fix her right up again. And then it would keep her locked up in the most secure files VOCALOID has access to. Fucking tyrannical program. “Girls, girls, girls! Can’t we settle this in a civilized manner?!” The purple pony yelled. She received the hissing of Applejack and Rarity and the shrieking of Miku as an answer. Also let the record show that diplomacy is full of shit. A pale purple bubble engulfed the pony’s horn, and the exact same glow engulfed Miku’s torso a split second later. Miku noticed that she gained a sense of strange weightlessness, but was too busy screaming like hell on earth to really put her mind on it. The purple bubble grew in size, pulsating every so often. It grew until it completely engulfed her body. It was a strange feeling being inside that bubble, almost like being a fetus in a womb after the mom got drunk. Or for a better idiom, it was like you were floating about 100 feet under the surface of the sea made of beer. Meanwhile, the purple pony had a tight magical grip on the tails of the two warring ponies, and was currently attempting to talk some sense in them. Haven’t we already established the fact that diplomacy is complete and utter farce and that the only way to resolve disputes is with guns, bombs, and nukes? On a side note, we do not agree with diplomacy. We do, however, find the fact that government representatives beat each other over an implied insult on one’s wife hilarious. Welcome to politics. Applejack and Rarity continued to throw insults and empty threats at each other in their position of hanging by their tails while the third pony attempted and failed to be a peace maker. It went a little something like this: “Get me mah knife! Ah’m gonna give this mare a good shaving!” “You wouldn’t dare! Touch my mane and I will personally make sure that everypony shall see you dressed up like Lady Baba!” “Girls! Can we please settle this peacefully and get on with our lives?” “Shut up Twilight!” Rinse and repeat. Miku was not a happy camper at this point, due to the fact that she had whacked her funny bone on the now wrecked pantry door, been the rope in a tug of war, and her back hurt like someone had stabbed her with medical syringes. Yes I know what my name is. Did you catch it on tape? Then I didn’t do it. Being stuck in a bubble ten feet off the ground was not exactly her cup of tea either. Miku wasn’t exactly claustrophobic, but being stuck in a small translucent bubble ten feet of the ground was extremely unnerving. “Konnichiha desu ka? Koto ga deki masudare kaga watashi wo shitsubou sa seru ima desu ka?!” She yelled. She banged her hoof on the bubble’s wall. No response. The three ponies were still locked in their little yelling match down on the ground. Continue attention whoring and attention whore a little more. Miku curled her hoof into a fist-like shape, and threw it forward like a bullet. It struck, or should I say bounced, off the wall of the bubble. The wall rippled like a rock hitting the surface of a calm lake, but from the looks of it, there wasn’t even a dent. It was quite an insult to her physical strength, or lack of thereof. Somewhere in her mind, Miku had a mental image of herself being athletic, muscular and incredibly sexy. I can only agree with the last point. She puffed her cheeks, and several blood capillaries on her forehead swelled up. She whacked her hooves over and over again on the wall of the bubble, in a rather similar fashion to the temper tantrum she had when she first got to this shithole. She got up on her hind legs and hopped up and down like the Easter Bunny on heroine. With each rebound, the magical bubble rippled and distorted, but it still didn’t pop. Miku kicked the bubble, she kneed it, and she even elbowed it. And the damn bubble still didn’t pop. She finally threw her arms into the air, and screamed in a way that would typically be interpreted as the famed ‘rage quit’. She threw herself onto the floor of the bubble, banging her head on said bubble. The bubble popped on the first head to bubble impact. Miku continued to bang her head against…well nothing really. After a few seconds of face-airing, she noticed the fact that there was nothing actually impacting her forehead. She opened her eyes. She blinked. There was the ground, a full ten feet below her. “Aa garakuta…” Physics decided that it was the best time to make his presence known. Miku plummeted like a rock, and directly in the path of her imminent impact, was the trio of ponies yelling their flanks off. On the way down, Miku touched her forehead with her hoof. A sharp cone-like structure was sitting there, and it hit her. She was a unicorn. An image of her tap-dancing with pink fluffy unicorns on a rainbow flashed through her mind. Then, Miku fell to the ground head first, and with a very, very loud crack, she smacked her head on the tile floor of the kitchen. “She awake yet?” “Obviously not considering she’s still out.” Miku could hear the clopping of hooves in the distance. “Well, only one way to wake her up now. Hey Applebloom! Get some black coffee, a bottle of Tobasco sauce, and some of my special apple jack! Ah gotta make me some wake up juice!” Miku’s eyes shot open. Filling her vision was a mug shot of the freckled, orange face of Applejack. “Well that seemed to wake her up.” Applejack stood up and trotted away. Miku did not know why, but it wasn’t exactly high on her priority list to find out. “I…tai…” Miku’s head hurt terribly. How terribly? Kind of like waking up from a massive hangover, then being smashed upside the head with a full beer bottle a few seconds later. She noticed a strange tugging on her hair, and panic filled her gut. She didn’t exactly want to go through the heinous torture of being the rope in a tug of war battle again. Miku attempted to stand, but found that she couldn’t exactly move. She looked down at her body, and saw that she was sitting in a chair. Binding her to the chair was several meters of thick rope, and it was tied together into a nice little bow. “Dou natte iru no desu ka?! Naze koko ni iru!? Dare ga kore!?!” Miku shrieked. “Hey! Calm down, we just want to ask you a few questions. We tied you to this chair just for safety reasons.” The purple pony said. “According to Applejack, you have a tendency to overreact, so these ropes are just there to prevent you from hurting us and yourself.” Miku, however, didn’t really catch that statement as she was too busy wriggling around in her binds. There was also the fact that Miku understood only about, I don’t know, two words in that entire statement? Not everyone speaks English you stupid ugly Equestrian. Applejack returned at that moment, holding a desk lamp in her mouth. “Twi, you forgot that she can’t understand English.” She deadpanned. The purple pony smacked herself on the head. “Oh, right. I should cast the translating spell, so Rarity! Could you get out of the way?” Miku felt the odd tugging of her hair stop for a moment, and Rarity popped out from behind the bound unicorn. She had several hair pins in her mouth, and was levitating a wireless hair dryer and a hairbrush. “Give me a moment Twilight; I just need to get this one last stick out of this darling’s mane.” The tugging of Miku’s left pigtail returned, this time with slightly more aggression and determination. “My my, this stick is really stuck in there.” That’s what she said. Rarity ran her hairbrush through Miku’s hair for the umpteenth time. After she decided that her teal mane was smooth enough, she magically split the hair and gave the stick a hard yank. It was harder than necessary, but it did the job. With a dull snapping sound, the stick flew from Rarity’s hooves and flew into the living room. Several smashing sounds emanated from said room, and Rarity hoped to Discord’s great aunt that no one would notice. Anyways, Applejack trotted over and clipped the desk lamp to the chair Miku was bound to. She took the plug in her mouth and trotted over to the nearest outlet. However, said outlet was on the other side of the room, and the power cord was only about four feet long. “Dammit, it’s not long enough.” She cursed. That’s what she said! Applejack yanked again on the cord. It didn’t budge though, due to the weight of Miku and the chair. She yanked again, this time harder. The clip holding the lamp on the chair slipped a bit, but it was just enough for the lamp to lose its grip on the chair. Gravity brought it down, straight towards the ground. As it fell, its life flashed before its eyes, from its creation in China, to its shipping to a hardware store in Applelosa, to its purchase by the mare that had just yanked it to its ultimate demise. Subtly said, the lamp smashed against the ground and broke at the joints. Applejack stared at her desk lamp, now laying smashed on the tile floor. “Ah well, that lamp was terrible anyways.” Meanwhile Twilight was skimming through the book, ‘Advanced Translating Spells’. At least that was what it looked like from a distance. Tucked inside the book of translating spell was a smaller book, aptly named ‘Mare on Mare, the Science of’. THAT’S WHAT SH-never mind. “Hey Twilight, we’re done! Yah cast the spell now!” Applejack called. Twilight slammed the book shut suddenly and screamed “Nothing!” The two other ponies sent her confused looks. “Twilight, whatever do you mean?” Rarity asked. Twilight shook her head vigorously and smiled sheepishly. She tossed the books over her shoulder and laughed nervously. “Nothing, nothing.” Twilight waved her hooves in front of her face. “I’m going to cast the translating spell now.” Twilight stretched her neck, massaging several areas with her hoof. She took a defensive stance, with her legs bent and spread out. She lowered her head to about shoulder height and focused her magic into her horn. After a few moments of the magical focusing process, Twilight’s horn emitted a very bright white light. Miku shut her eyes, and squinted to try and block more light from frying her retina like hay fries. The bright white light coalesced into a small glowing sphere about 1 foot in diameter, and it balanced itself on the tip of Twilight’s horn. It was not unlike those shameless seals you see at the circus, dancing around like idiots because a clown said so. The spell would send the caster and the ones struck by the spell itself to their own little fantasy world, where everyone would sound like they were speaking the same language. Twilight focused more magical power into the sphere. The translating spell required quite a bit of magical power, considering translating between two completely different languages was a bitch. While Twilight poured more magical power into the sphere, Miku was wriggling around in her seat again. The giant sphere on Twilight’s horn unnerved her, and for some reason, she had a feeling that the one to be on the receiving end of that giant sphere was her. She would rather not find out. She wriggled around some more, but the ropes were tied meticulously well. She couldn’t budge, let alone loosen the ropes enough to let her petite body slip out. There was another option, one that she had seen people perform successfully in many movies. Then again, said movies were filled with special effects of varying quality. Mostly on the lower end of the spectrum. She bent her head down, and grabbed a section of rope with her teeth. She used her tongue to move the rope to the back of her mouth. Once the rope was securely in her mouth, she bit down, hard. The rope snapped, and she wriggled out of her binds. Applejack noticed that Miku had escaped her binds, and was currently trying to parkour her ass out the window. Applejack lunged forward, tackling the white unicorn to the floor like a gang of zebras jumping a pony. Applejack grabbed the front hooves of Miku and held them to the ground, while putting the majority of her weight on Miku’s hind legs. Miku, however, wasn’t pleased by the fact that Applejack was on top-ahem-had her on the ground in such a prone position. She bent her head forward and swung her head around like she didn’t give a damn. While Applejack avoided the manic swinging of Miku’s horn, Twilight had finished charging up her spell. The glowing white sphere had tripled in size and was ready to be casted. Without even looking at her target, she reeled her head back, and launched the sphere forward like a rock from a slingshot. It would’ve looked cooler if you sped it up. The white sphere glided lazily through the air, leaving a trail of magical residue like a comet’s tail. The speed in which it was traveling was very, very underwhelming. While Twilight played Solitare as she waited for the sphere of all things magical to hit Miku, said unicorn and Applejack was currently rolling across the floor like two pissed drunks at a bar. Speaking of bars, a guy walked into a bar. He said ouch. Anyways, the sphere of all things magical approached the flurry of hooves and yelps that was Applejack and Hatsune Miku. Every second, it floated about an inch closer. And it was losing velocity. Pathetic. Meanwhile, Rarity had made herself a nice little pot of green tea and was enjoying a quaint little dish of blueberry scones. The sphere of all things magical loomed over the brawling mares. It gently tapped Miku’s horn as she flailed around under Applejack. It exploded in a giant supernova of magically white glittery sparkles. The explosion sent shockwaves through the Apple household. The entire household was filled with the blinding magical sparkles; even Big Mac, who was hiding in the basement jacking off, had to shut his eyes to avoid being blinded. Men have needs. Don’t judge him. At the epicenter of it all, Applejack and Miku were still rolling around, the former attempting to restrain the latter, while the latter attempted to cut the former with her horn. They were oblivious to that fact that a giant ball of magical glitter had exploded on top of them, being too busy beating the crap out of each other. However, several sparkly particles were unfortunate enough to be floating in the area of the two brawling mares. Like laughing gas and all those other air-born drugs, they were breathed in by the two mares. They noticed that they had inhaled something foreign. The pair froze, with Applejack biting on Miku’s horn and Miku yanking on Applejack’s mane. One could find this image extremely easy to masturbate to. Then the pair fainted. Bright. It was very bright. Why was it bright? She had her eyes closed. Why would it be bright? Instead of the typical blackness one would see when their eyes are closed, she saw tints of yellow and white. Alright, did Neru use her flashlight app on her again? Or maybe Teto decided it was called for to shine a stage light in her face again. That was one of many experiences she would not like to relive. Miku opened her eyes groggily. She immediately shut them as the bright lights flooded her pupils. She opened her eyes again, squinting as she did. She blinked slowly, letting her eyes get accustomed to the inhumanely bright lights. Miku found herself in a sterile white room, completely devoid of any windows, doors, or even furniture. It was akin to one of those wonderful little rooms you stay in when you get the privilege to be declared legally insane. “Dare ka ga shinsetsu ni shi te kudasai to watashi no aware na jinsei wo ima sugu shuuryou…” Miku rolled over and pulled her knees up to her chest. The past few hours have really been the shittiest hours of her life. Do not attempt to think you have had shittier hours. Tell me, have you ever been thrown into another world filled with crazy pastel horses, been trampled by said horses, received a concussion from a rather nasty fall, and been the target of a crazy horse with whack-ass magic, all within the time period of a several hours? If you answered yes to the above question, what kind of crack are you on, and where can I get some?