//------------------------------// // Hiraeth // Story: Crystal Clear Confessions // by LDSocrates //------------------------------// She didn’t really know what to expect out of death. When she made her decision to leave, she knew what to expect out of the act of dying itself: piercing cold that chilled her to the bone and completely alone until her heart just stopped beating. She wasn’t disappointed there at all. After that was a mystery. She’d heard all the theories from those who wished to know the answer, and a few sermons from those who pretended to know the answer. She thought that death was simply ceasing to exist, though not many shared the sentiment. The most popular was that some hidden realm called Elysium existed in opposition to Tartarus, an asylum for the saintly virtuous instead of a prison for the irredeemably wicked. For all she knew, they were right; everyone knew Tartarus was a real place, after all, though nobody knew if the evil dead roamed that wretched place along with its living inmates. Nobody dared to check. It hardly mattered. If there was an Elysium, she knew she’d never earn the right to call it home. And yet… she remembered finally collapsing in the snow. She remembered getting buried as the wind howled and shrieked in her ears. She remembered closing her eyes for the last time. She remembered the feeling of death’s grip strangling her heart until it went still. And the next thing she heard was the crackle of fire and its heat on her chilled, frigid skin. Tartarus; had to be. Simply ceasing to exist would’ve been a kindness. She groggily opened her eyes to greet her new eternal jail. What her eyes were met with was not what she expected an otherworldly prison for history’s greatest murderers and tyrants. A thick blanket against her skin, a cushion beneath her, marble floors mostly covered with an Arabian carpet, a roaring hearth before her with a portrait of herself and Shining on the mantle… Her eyes snapped open with a gasp. She was home. She was back in the palace. She was in her den, safe and sound. Chilled to the core on every inch of her body, but she was still very much alive. “Took you long enough,” said the last voice she wanted to hear. Her eyes snapped over to see Shining Armor, eyes drooping and bloodshot, looking at her lifelessly from his perch atop their lounging couch by the sofa, just to the side of the fire. Tartarus would’ve been a far, far greater kindness. “N-no,” was the first slurred word out of her frozen lips. “No, this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen!” She shifted her legs to try to scramble away, try to run, but instead she fell onto the floor with a yelp and the clank of chains. After her vision cleared from the sudden blow to her head, she looked down to see two pairs of shackles keeping her legs too close together to walk, covered in magic runes to keep her from using her magic. “Did you really think I’d let you in the palace unrestricted?” he asked coldly, practically leering down at her. “I’m not letting you go until you tell me where Cadence is.” “Wh-what?” she sputtered, shivering from the loss of her blanket. “Shining, I a-am Cadence! I’m the Cadence you know a-anyway. I t-told you that I don’t know where the real one-“ She shook her head. “Why are we even talk-king about this? Why didn’t you just leave me to die?!” “You said it yourself,” he muttered. “Who would ever expect the damsel in distress?” She felt like her heart was going to stop all over again. “No… Shining, please.” “I have no way of knowing whether that letter was real, or you’re just a convincing fake to distract me while the real Cadence is being dragged to who knows where,” he spat. “The guards are tearing the city apart right now, and I already sent a letter to Celestia to set up a border patrol if she’s being taken south.” He slid off his perch and trotted over to her with a threateningly calm, steady gait. “If this is another changeling trick, you’d better come clean, or you’ll spend the rest of your wretched life in the dungeon, do I make myself clear?” She shut her eyes and covered her head with her forelegs, unable to take the look of sheer hate he was sending her way. “Please, Shining, I was t-telling the truth!” His hoofsteps stopped. He was right over her, powerful, in control, angry. “Prove it.” “I can’t!” she practically wailed, cold tears sliding down her face. “Why do you think I just want-ted to wander off and die? Finally telling the truth to our partners never works out f-for us; for all you know, w-we’re still just lying!” She dissolved into pained sobs, a dull ache in her chest as she labored for breath. “P-please, if you’re going to hang me, just do it; I can’t stand you hating me like this…” “How can I trust you?” he muttered, the sharpened, hateful edge to his voice gone. “If you’re lying, I shouldn’t. If you’re telling the truth, I shouldn’t.” “I know,” she muttered, curling up and screwing her eyes tighter still. “You never should have; I never deserved it. I’ve been lying to you and Twilight and your parents and Spike for years, and…” She took a few deep, ragged breaths. “Please, just let me die, please. It’s hard enough talking to you; I couldn’t stand seeing Twilight’s h-heart break like this.” She heard the soft hum of his magic, followed by the harsh scrape of a sword sliding out of its sheath. “Are you sure you want that?” he asked, voice lifeless. “Just m-make it quick,” she sobbed, tensing up and removing her forelegs from her head, bearing her neck. “I’m so, so sorry, Shining… for everything. I love you, and I’m sorry it ended like this.” There were a few moments of silence betwixt them, only the fire daring to say a word. There was the rush of steel through air. She closed her eyes tighter and braced for death. The blade stopped right against her neck, not even cutting into it. She panted heavily for a few seconds before opening up her eyes. Shining was standing over her, tears in his eyes and running down his face. He shook his head with a barely repressed scream and tossed the sword to the side with a clatter. “I thought that if I got this far, that if you’d actually let me get that close to killing you, I’d know you were really Cadence because a spy would want to live and do their job,” he admitted, scrambling backwards, “but… but now I’m just more confused than ever! Maybe you were just sent here to die and mess with my head, or just make me go absolutely nuts from trying to figure out what to do. If that’s it, then it’s working!” He sat down and cradled his head in his hooves, screwing his eyes shut and sobbing through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what to do! And no matter what I choose, for all I know I’m getting Cadence killed or making her life miserable! I’m a soldier who’s completely cracking under pressure and can’t even protect my own wife, so what good even am I?!” She couldn’t get up. She couldn’t walk. She couldn’t use magic. She certainly couldn’t fly. But she could crawl. So crawl she did. As much as her deathly cold limbs would allow, she inched herself towards Shining with the light shuffle of her chains. “Shining, please, please don’t cry,” she muttered as she edged forward with strained grunts. “You’re better than that; I know you’re better than that. And I don’t blame you for being confused. I don’t blame you if you hate me.” She reached his feet and with a strain of effort pulled her head onto his lap. He gasped and paused, looking down at her as tears fell down onto her frostbitten face. “I… I just wanted you to be happy, and thought that in the long run you’d be happier without a fake like me.” He brought a foreleg down, and she felt him run a hoof through her hair. “Cadence, I… I mean, if it’s really you, I’m… I’m sorry that I almost… that I even threatened-” She disarmed him with a weak giggle. “Apology accepted, though you don’t seem to get that I don’t blame you for any of this, do you? You’ve always been such an apologetic goofball at heart.” She smiled when she saw a small one creep onto his face, but hers quickly faded. “But no, the whole point is that I’m not the real Cadence. I never was. I don’t… I don’t think I deserve that name, if she’s still…” She took a deep breath. “If she’s even still alive.” The two shared a few more moments of silence, Shining idly running his hoof through her mane. “Still, if you’re telling the truth,” he finally said, “you’re still my wife… don’t I deserve to know your real name, at least? Maybe see your real face?” Her gaze hardened, though she glared at nothing in particular, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not proud about my name, or my face, or anything about who I ‘really’ am,” she muttered. “I hate being a changeling.” She took a deep, bracing breath. In a small flash of green fire, her disguise was gone, leaving the insect underneath. “But if you really have to know… Mother named me Crypsis.” Shining let out a small gasp. “You… you look like…” “A lot like Mother, I know,” she mumbled with a scowl. “I keep my mane pink like this to set myself apart from my other high-born sisters and Mother, but… other than that, yeah, this is what I really look like.” He stopped running his hoof through her mane, but only for an instant. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re prettier than the evil old hag… no offense to your mother, I guess,” he chuckled nervously. “Mother doesn’t get offended, she gets even,” she snorted. “And you’re just saying that. I’m a lot younger and look younger, yeah, but I can’t be ‘pretty;’ that’s just not something changelings are.” “I don’t think so,” he said with a shadow of a smile. “You’ve still got cute little dimples, a kissable muzzle, pretty eyes, and a nice… ‘physique,’ shall we say?” he added with an adorable attempt at a suave smirk. She giggled in spite of herself. “Now you’re really laying it on thick, but… thanks.” The two exchanged much needed, genuine smiles, if only for a few seconds. Shining’s died when he said, “I really want to believe you, Cade-… Crypsis, I really do, but I still can’t take any chances.” Her smile died as well. “I know.” He sighed, shaking his head and nuzzling against her. “I’ll unlock your restraints, but until we get this sorted out you’ll have a guarded escort to keep an eye on you, okay?” A twinge of fear made her heart skip a beat. “How many ponies did you tell about this, exactly?” “I told the rank and file guards that you were kidnapped and that there were probably changeling fakes running around to distract us, but they should be brought in anyway,” he explained. “Only Black Ice, Night Veil, and White Winter know the full story, and that’s because it’d be a little impossible to coordinate a search if the captain of the guard didn’t know what we were really looking for, and Night Veil and White Winter found out because they read the letter as I was having a total mental breakdown after I first read it. It’s kind of hard to hide things from our personal guards. Once my letter arrives, Celestia, Luna, and Twiley will also know.” Her ears flattened. “If you told anyone, I’m already not safe. Some of my better trained siblings are probably already in our ranks to keep an eye on me, but I have no idea who, and I know there are changelings still in Canterlot. Mother and I have argued a lot lately, and she probably expected me to try something sooner or later. I don’t think she’d kill me even though I’ve committed high treason, but she’s not above abduction. If – when – she gets wind of this, I’ll probably actually get kidnapped, and once I’m caught she’ll never let me leave the hive unless I somehow see things her way, and I’ll never be able to look for Cadence. I… look, it’s a long story, but as bad and suspicious as this sounds, I need to stay with you tonight; you’re the only one I can trust,” she pleaded. Shining’s ears flattened as well and he opened his mouth to respond, but she didn’t let him get in a word in. “Look, I know that sounds really bad,” she added hastily, “but if Mother still wanted you dead, we wouldn’t be talking.” His ears and eyebrows shot up. “What do you mean still?” She bit her lip and suppressed a sigh. “I said it’s a long story. Short version is that I got a tip from a sister I really trust that Mother thinks that I’m dangerously attached to you; up to this point, she thought it was a phase and that in the end I’d get over it like ponies get over lost dogs.” She let out a soft, disgusted hiss. “That means that I was going to get reassigned, forcibly, and you’d probably get replaced just like Cadence was, while one of my sisters or Mother herself took my place as Cadence. I don’t know if Cadence is still alive since she’s an alicorn with mastery of love magic; she’d be an important trump card to have. You?" She scoffed bitterly. "To Mother, you’re replaceable and a threat to my wellbeing, so there isn’t a doubt in my mind that she’d kill you.” She let out a slightly relieved sigh and added, “But now that the plan is out in the open, replacing you would be pointless and not worth the effort, so you should be safe. I know how Mother thinks.” Shining rubbed his temples with his free hoof. “But if she could replace me this whole time, why wasn’t I a long time ago?” Her face fell and her wings softly buzzed. “Because I love you so much that I begged for it. Mother was going to let me stay with you until you died of old age, until we started… disagreeing.” “About that,” he started, “what were you arguing about?” “That’s an even longer story,” she groaned with a small shiver. Shining’s horn sprung to life, and her shackles unlocked, sliding harmlessly to the floor. He propped her up and held her tight, levitating her forgotten blanket and wrapping it around her. “You can tell me tomorrow,” he whispered. “It’s been a long, long day, for both of us.” She hugged him back, a warmth beyond the strongest fire spreading through her as she relaxed in his arms. “But… where do we go from here?” she mumbled. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “We’re going to have to tell the princesses, Twilight included. From there… from there we should try to look for the real Cadence. Can I count on your help?” “Haven’t backed down from saving the day a single time yet, have I?” she chuckled weakly. “Some of my siblings are pony sympathizers, though they’ve been too scared to help me in the past. If I, if we, can get through to them, maybe they can help us track her down, or at least figure out what happened to her.” “Good,” he sighed with the smallest of smiles. “That’s good…” The two sat silently in their den, holding each other close, for what felt like forever yet not nearly long enough. After letting the dying fire have its turn to talk, Shining finally nuzzled against her and muttered, “I love you.” She held him tighter and nuzzled back. “Now I know you’re just saying that… but I love you too.” She pulled her head back and gently kissed him on the cheek, a soft blush coming to his face as he held her tighter. She always knew Elysium was beyond her reach. But for even just a few minutes, a blink of an eye in her lifetime, she felt like she had something so much better.