//------------------------------// // Gnome Season // Story: Gnome Invasion // by Word Worthy //------------------------------// Gnome Season Twilight and Pinkie Pie, following Applejack’s lead, galloped as fast their hooves could take them. Barking excitably, AJ’s dog Winona followed along, matching their speed. The trio of friends was on their way back to Ponyville. A certain specific gnome was on the purple unicorn librarian’s mind. The little blighter in the tree. Of the three gnomes discovered to be infesting Twilight’s library, this one had to by far be the worst of them. Luckily, Twi now had her solution in the form of a certain powerful earth pony mare with a newfound grudge against pointy-hatted men with beards. Nightmare or not, these little creeps are going to get what’s coming to them. Nopony messes with Spike or my friends and gets away with it! Twilight mused. “Twilight... Are ya sure you have specific ideas as ta where we can find... them varmints? As much as Ah... like a good ol’ roundup... it just ain’t proper when the herd is scattered... across the entirety of Equestria... ya know what Ah mean?” Applejack wondered in between gasps of breath. “Don’t worry... like I said, they should be... in hard to reach... locations, and I’m pretty sure they’re only confined... to Ponyville. Princess... Celestia... PHEW!... Would have told me if they showed up... anywhere else by now!” Twilight replied, breathing raggedly. “Ah’m gonna... take your word on that appraisal then, Twi.” Pinkie Pie seemed to be the only one who was barely exerting any effort at all. While her two friends galloped as fast as they could, the pink party pony made her journey simply with bouncing and defying gravity. “Oh boy, then that means we get to have the cute little gnomies all to ourselves! Yippy! I don’t like the one in the tree though, he doesn’t seem very fun loving, or nice.” To Twilight’s own amazement, she actually agreed with Pinkie Pie on something, the last part, anyways. Regardless of the gracious agreement however, that did not stop Twilight from rolling her eyes along with AJ’s at their friend’s overall naivete. As Ponyville appeared before them around the bend of the trees, Pinkie made yet another random remark. “I hope poor old Brian isn’t getting lonely without his little friends around to talk to back in Albion land!” This was met with blank, confused stares from the other two. Back in town, the tree gnome spared no expense insulting pedestrians who dared pass under the otherwise welcoming shade of the Golden Oak. Derpy Hooves, everpony’s favorite mailpony, unfortunately was the first target, as she made her way past the Library delivering packages, letters, and fliers of all kinds. “You remind me of an old friend... He was a twit! Just like you!” Derpy glanced up at the source of the insult with a slightly cross-eyed glare. The little pointy-hatted jerk was quick to take advantage of the moment. “I think ya might need some corrective surgery for that... ewww. Hey, I know of a solution. Come on up here with those wings of yours, I have a right good hammer just dying to do the trick!” The mail mare darted away, crying hysterically. “Wanker!” The gnome shouted in the poor pony’s wake. Dr. Hooves had by chance stumbled upon the occurrence, and darted to Ditzy Doo’s defense. “What is the matter with you! Who gives you the right to sit up their and insult somepony like that?” Hooves growled, wrapping a foreleg around Derpy’s shoulder. As always, the gnome simply grinned at them. “Ooh, a Doctor. Guess what, if it were up to me, no one would ever get sick... they’d just die! Starting with, you!” “Ah... I... You are a monster!” Dr. Hooves shot back. Much to the Doctor and Derpy’s horror, the gnome in the tree ignored them. Yet another innocent bystander passed by, completely oblivious to what was happening. A group of fillies trotted by, chatting with each other enthusiastically about something that had occurred moments ago at the park. It wasn’t nearly as scandalous compared to what they were about to encounter. “Are you girls lost? Can I help you starve and die?!” At that, most of the children scattered, screaming their little heads off. Two however, stood their ground and glared defiantly at the animate lawn sculpture perched in the tree branches. “Just who do you think you are talking to?” Diamond Tiara demanded haughtily. “Yeah, don’t you know what our dads will do to you for insulting us! They own this town!” Silver Spoon added with equal pompousness. The fillies’ defiance simply fueled the vile gnome’s antics. “That’s a fine crown ya got there! Where ever did you get it, the nearest THRIFT SHOP?” Diamond Tiara’s face boiled red with rage. “YOU’LL BE SORRY FOR THIS! DEARLY SORRY!” Our gnome, still grinning, giggled evilly at the pair. “Hmm, now that I’ve given it a closer glance, I suppose those are real diamonds.” He said appraisingly. Tiara calmed down, and a pleased smirk eventually fell on her face. “That’s what I thought.” She declared. “How difficult was it... prying it off your Grandma’s stiff, rotting, maggot-filled corpse?” Ahem, don’t you think you’re going too far with these insults? “SHUT UP AND TELL THE REST OF THE STORY YOU TWIT!” Sweet Celestia’s Mane, alright fine! Anyways... where were we... Ah yes! Within, um like seconds, the two pint-sized aristocrats in training galloped away from the Library, issuing high-pitched screams as they went. The gnome giggled fiercely, causing Hooves and Derpy’s jaws to drop in pure shock. Nearby, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had been on their most recent quest to discover their cutie marks, and had witnessed the whole exchange. Scootaloo was laughing her head off at how the CMC’s two greatest nemeses had so quickly fled their unmoving opponent. Applebloom shook her friend with her hooves. “Calm yourself, Scoots! It ain’t that funny, didn’t ya hear how morbid the things that creature said were?” “But... it’s so... Ah! That just kills me!” The purpled-maned pegasus had tears streaming down her eyes from laughing so hard. Applebloom stared at her other fellow Crusader helplessly. “Why dontch’a help me out here, Sweetie Bell?” Sweetie Bell merely shrugged indifferently. “Hey, it was pretty funny seeing them bested like that. If you ask me, they had it coming!” AJ’s little sister frowned, disappointed in her friends. “Well, Ah can see somepony insulting sompony else because the don’t like em’, but that pointed-hatted feller is taking it way too far, talking to Ditzy Doo and Dr. Hooves like that!” Applebloom now grinned confidently, as an idea took hold in her mind. “Girls! Gather ‘round! I propose... Cutie Mark Crusaders, GNOME HUNTERS!” Scootaloo wrinkled her muzzle, cringing, and Sweetie Bell shook her head rapidly. “There’s no way my cutie mark is going to be one of those little creeps, you know, even if it is being smashed with a hammer, or whatever!” Sweetie Bell exclaimed. Obviously let down, Applebloom shrugged and sighed, giving in. “Alright, but the next quest better be somethin’ interesting!” The other two girls grinned at her, and the three friends hastily fled the gnome’s insult radius, pursuing yet another great Crusade. Their exit was accompanied by the subsequent arrival of half of the Mane Six with Winona in tow, determined to find and root out the gnome menace. “Sic em’ out Winona!” Applejack shouted. The border colly energetically rushed towards the tree, having already sniffed the gnome’s pungent evil aura out. Winona barked and scratched at the base of the tree, jumping up in the tree gnome’s general direction. From his precarious perched high up in the branches, supposedly unreachable, the little statue giggled at the furry creature. “Ohhhh, I love doggies. I love throwing them into the river in a sack.” He declared. Winona whimpered, and Applejack nearly flipped her lid. The farmer rushed up to the base of the Library and glared up at her pint-sized nemesis. She drew her lasso, turned her back towards the Oak, and called her friends over. Twilight eagerly took position to the right the orange mare, while Pinkie Pie took the left, looking up towards the gnome and waving goodbye with a grin. Not realizing what they were doing, the gnome simply grinned at them. “Nice big lasso you’ve got there. What are you, compensating for something?” Ignoring the little bearded man, AJ looked to both of her friends. “Ya girls ready?” They both nodded. “Alright then, in three... two... ONE!” They each bucked the massive Golden Oak in tandem. Dr. Hooves and Derpy stepped back, wary of the now shaking tree. Together, the mares’ combined force shook the entire Library with just enough force to finally dislodge the gnome from his hiding spot. Spike looked out a second story window to see what in Tartarus was going on. He was greeted by an awesome display. Just before the much hated gnome could hit and shatter on the cobblestone street, Applejack skillfully caught the freak in her lasso, and using the momentum, flung him all the way out of Ponyville. “Your days are numbered!” The gnome shouted as he quickly faded away into the sky. Wherever he went, his destruction was almost assured to follow. The sight left the baby dragon with his jaw hanging open comically, an expression shared by Ditzy Doo and Doctor Hooves. Finally snapping out of their awe-induced trance, the pair approached our three heroines of the day. “Thank you so much for getting rid of that... that creature. Never in all my life have I heard of such vile sayings from a being of such unthreatening size before! I and Ditzy Doo are in your debt!” Derpy nodded excitably in agreement. “You three saved our coats, how can we ever repay you?” She inquired. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack stood next to each other, grinning in triumph. “Aw shucks, you ain’t in our debts. All in a days work protectin’ Equestria from evil, ain’t that right Twi, Pinkie?” The girls nodded. “AJ’s right, you guys don’t owe us anything. We, I especially, am happy to see that little menace gone.” Twilight agreed with a relieved laugh. Pinkie Pie frowned slightly. “Hey, what about the other gnomies? We should go find them and see if they are meanies or not! I hope at least one of them is nice, they can have a great, great, GREAT sense of humor sometimes!” She was grinning once again. Her monologue was accompanied by a loud scream. Twilight’s ears perked up in alarm, and she face-hoofed. “Of course! The other gnomes, I was so relieved about having my home free of them, I forgot about the rest! Oh dear...” “Well, we can’t just stand here like tumbleweeds caught in molasses, let’s get a move on sugarcube!” Applejack declared, before sprinting off in the direction of the scream. As Twilight and Pinky rushed to catch up with the farm pony, more screams, shrieks, and shouts of outrage echoed across the town. The gnomes were attacking in force. As the hour went on, the three friends sought out and vanquished several gnomes in alleyways, storefronts, and other diverse locations. Finally, the last few Twilight could detect with her magic were located as well and smashed, or flung well out of town. They were holed up in town hall, under the bridge into town, and atop Ponyvilles’s large grain windmill. The former had been insulting Mayor Mare on account of her age. Had she been younger, and less professional, she would have already obliterated her office attempting to remove the pointy-hatted freak. When Twilight fully explained her dreams to her, and the Town Hall gnome was no more, the Mayor was more than grateful, and promised each of the friends an award ceremony and everything when all 50 gnomes had finally been brought to justice. The latter gnomes were more difficult to deal with, Twilight had to levitate Applejack down under the bridge to get at the gnome infesting it. Twi dropped her several times whenever the gnome would say something so extreme it would cause the unicorn to lose her focus. Windmill gnome finally met his match when Pinkie Pie defied the laws of physics once more, and somehow found a way to get up to him without climbing. Her subsequent excitable questioning, party invites, and ranting proved too much for him to handle. “I’m going to bring you down on your head! Hear me?” Were the gnomes last words. Once their gnome hunting had concluded, Twilight tallied at least 16 had been ruthlessly destroyed or flung well out of Ponyville airspace. “That was super-duper fun playing tag with the gnomies!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, as the three settled down for some much-deserved lunch in Twilight’s kitchen. “Pinkie Pie, we weren’t... Ugh. Never mind.” Twilight said, shrugging it off. “So we’re now down ta just a nifty thirty, ain’t that ‘bout right?” AJ wondered. The logic-oriented unicorn smiled at her friend pleasantly. “Not too bad considering they all just appeared today, terrible morning aside.” Twilight noted in response. She then took a bite of her daisy sandwich. “Terrible morning? Try terrible everything!” Spike interjected. “I’m not gonna be able to sleep properly for weeks now because of that creepy gnome guy. And I’ll never trust high, hard to reach places again.” He finished with a shudder. Twilight laid a hoof on her assistant’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Spike. We’ll have those evil little creatures found and banished in no time at all. And then maybe I can get some proper shut eye.” “Well, I still don’t think all of them are evil.” Pinkie Pie said, crossing her forelegs and pouting. You really so sure about that? Even after everything you have seen of them? “Well of course silly-billy! It wouldn’t be nice to assume all gnomes are evil, just because all the ones we saw are meanies. There have got to be nice, adorable ones out there, just look at their cute pointy little caps!” “Pinkie Pie, who in tarnation are ya talkin’ too, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, at least a bit worried about her friend. Spike and Twilight were also giving her funny looks. Pinkie simply shrugged. “I don’t know, Gummy maybe?!” She pulled her pet alligator out of nowhere and started stroking his scales lovingly. The others shrugged and returned tho their meals. Just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Nothing to see here. Just as they all finished their lunch, a loud (if very dramatic) scream cut into the peace of the moment. “Oh no, RARITY!” Spike shouted, rushing into a panic. Meanwhile, on the far side of Ponyville... Fluttershy was going about her daily ritual of feeding and looking after her animals. As she sniffed the air, she sighed in enjoyment. All in all, it was a pleasant and peaceful day. Birds chirped, flowers carried their scents through the gentle breeze, and butterflies fluttered gracefully from leaf to leaf. Even the sky was perfect, hardly a cloud to mar Celestia’s perfect sun. The pegasi must be in a cheerful mood today. Humming a graceful tune to herself as she set to work, it seemed as if nothing could possibly spoil the raw beauty of the nature surrounding her. Unbeknownst to the timid yellow pegasus, a pint-sized, insult-based threat lurked nearby. “Pointy little hat, pointy little hat, pointy little hat....”