The servant’s quarters of the palace were in the southern wing of the castle, arrayed around a medium-sized courtyard that opened up onto the palace gardens. There were 27 cottages, one for each position filled by a servant, each with its own shed full of the implements required by the employee living there. In this courtyard were the Bearers, Chief Cuffs, Lieutenant Hardnose, and me. There were also two squads of guards hiding in various positions near one of the cottages. It was still early enough that most of the servants were still asleep, and even our rather unusual party drew no attention.
“Couldn’t this have waited until after breakfast?” yawned Rainbow, who was used to sleeping in far later.
“I’m sure the good detective has a perfectly good reason for interrupting our beauty sleep” Rarity said, with a slight inflection of annoyance but more than a hint of excitement. She was an avid reader of mystery novels, and she had a good idea of what was going on; her curiosity overpowered her exhaustion.
“He’d better” snapped the Lieutenant gruffly, annoyed at me because he too knew what was about to happen. He also resented having his shift moved earlier, but that was beside the point. Fluttershy and Twilight stood still, straining not to look tired. Even Applejack, used to rising with the sun, was tired, a combination of her hard search, her injuries, and the short night. Pinkie was hungrily listing all the different breakfast items she could make: cinnamon buns, strawberry parfaits, waffles, coffee, ad infinum. Only Chief Cuffs was completely unaffected by the early hour, demonstrating why he was rumored among department cadets not to need sleep, food, or other mortal necessities.
I’ll be the first to admit that I was indulging in a bit of theatrics. The night guards could have taken care of everything, and I could have presented the results at breakfast without anyone having to wake early. One thing I’ve learned though: ponies love to see the conclusion, inconveniently though it may be timed.
Celestia flew down to the courtyard from the balcony where she had just raised the sun. “Thank you for waiting, everypony.” Everyone bowed curtly, and some of the Bearers said things to the effect of ‘not a problem.’ She turned to me. “Alright Investigator Clear, let’s see it.”
“Thank you Princess.” I said, and walked over to the cottage around which the guards were hidden. I rapped on the door loudly five times with the brass knocker. From inside the cottage came a call of “I’m coming, hold on.” Then the occupant reached the door and drew the bolts. Nine necks craned forward behind me. The door opened, revealing the milky white eyes of Custodian Deaf.
His face twitched. It was merely an instant, but that twitch revealed anger, disbelief, and, most of all, guilt. He recovered composure. “What is it?” he asked, his voice slightly hoarse.
“Follow me, Mr. Deaf.” I lead the custodian out to the courtyard. I noticed the guards shift positions to cover all exits from the courtyard. The nine ponies looked at the custodian. Twilight looked slightly confused, the Lieutenant looked angrily befuddled, Chief Cuffs was impassive as ever, and everyone else simply looked expectantly at me for an explanation as to why I was bringing this impaired, loyal servant of the castle out to them. Without a word, and much to everypony’s shock, I brought back my left front hoof and punched the custodian in the back of the head. Two translucent white contacts flew from his eyes. I then quickly yanked his right cutie mark off, revealing a shining whistle and rag mark.
“Everyone, meet Whistle Shiner, the crook we are looking for.” Twilight’s face lit up with understanding, the Lieutenant’s jaw dropped, and Pinkie began to edge away. Custodian Deaf, that is, Whistle, dizzily began to run away, only to be stopped by a wall of guards. He slumped to the ground like a machine whose gears had slipped.
“Whistle Shiner, what is the meaning of this?” asked Celestia in a no-nonsense fashion.
He tried one last gambit. “You can’t take me, you don’t have any evidence! You don’t have a warrant!” Lieutenant Hardnose chuckled, starting to think I had messed up and gone in too early.
“You mean this evidence?” called out Pinkie from the shed next to Mr. Shiner’s cottage. In her hooves were the Elements and Filthy Rich’s amulet.
All the jaws dropped. Well, except for Chief Cuffs’ and the guards’. “How, how did you-?” sputtered Mr. Shiner, eyes wide. Everypony else looked at me, all wanting to know.
“Your subterfuge leaves much to be desired,” I replied. “When Princess Celestia opened the vault you did a wonderful job with your emotion; it was perfectly in character for an eager janitor. But you forgot that you could only have seen the chamber at the time, and you were disguised as a blind pony.” His face fell and he cursed his mistake. The guards began to bind his hooves. “You also rather obviously spied on the Princess whenever she opened the vault.” Princess Celestia was nodding slowly, wondering how she could have missed it. “The pieces really fell into place with the magical residue left when you entered the vault. It takes a very powerful unicorn to utilize both ends of the spectrum at once; or, an artificial source like the amulet which the Bungle Boys stole. The clincher was your history with amulets and the give-away obsession with cleaning.”
Mr. Shiner opened his mouth and then closed it and fumed silently. Celestia spoke up: “But why would you steal the elements, Whistle?”
He considered for a moment, and then apparently decided he had nothing to lose. “The whole world is just too chaotic, uncivilized, unordered, and dirty. The Elements are the most powerful source of order in the world, and I just know I can make a super-amulet to level the world and make it perfect!”
Celestia motioned the guards to take him away. It was just as well; that was one of the most ridiculous motives I had ever heard. The incident with the amulets must have really addled his brain. But before anyone burst out in giggles, Rainbow had one question: “How did you find the Elements, Pinkie?”
“Oh, well, Cousin Clan’ told me!” She deadpanned. Everyone turned to me, expecting an explanation.
“The only way to hide a magical signature like the elements have is with a Magic Garbage Bag.”
“What’s so magic ‘bout these bags?” queried Applejack.
“It isn’t the bag that’s magical so much as the garbage itself. The palace, with all of the magical tests and practice, generates a lot of enchanted trash. The bags keep those enchantments from affecting anything. This property makes them perfect for blocking the trail of the Elements. And seeing as no-pony would check the supply closet and it would be close enough for Shiner to work on them without doing anything suspicious-looking, it was perfect.”
Then began the round of congratulations and cheering. I feel sorry for the servants who lived there; some of them lost some sleep to the hullabaloo.