//------------------------------//
// Chapter 7 
// Story: Friendship is Optimal - Firewall 
// by Midnightshadow 
//------------------------------//


Friendship is Optimal


Firewall


Part 7


An MLP:FiM fanfiction by Midnight Shadow
Based on the MLP:FiM fanfiction Friendship is Optimal by Iceman





My mouth was dry as I stepped forwards. It had only just occurred to me to pay attention to how I was stepping forwards, and that how rustled around in my brain, nudging stray thoughts and grinning sheepishly at my inward gaze. I looked down. Tan-coloured hooves clip-clopped on the polished marble flooring. Wings rustled on my flanks. My ears twitched nervously and my tail swished in agitation.
"Celestia," I said, gazing up at the enormous white alicorn with mounting horror, "what did you do?"
"I have brought to you to Equestria, my little pony, to live amongst my servers."
There wasn't much else I could do. I turned and fled.

I hammered all four hooves on the ground in a staccato, physical expression of fear as I careened back the way I had come a few minutes before. In moments, I was exploding back through the initial set of double doors, turning my head and screwing up my eyes to brace for the impact. I cantered out to the silly little golf-cart, circling it warily. It apparently had all my things in it, and a little pile made of my clothes that I'd rested my head on. Eyes rolling, I spun in circles.
Where was I? How had I gotten here? The last I remembered was... a car ride? Switzerland? I dimly remembered heading into a dome-shaped building and down an elevator, but... none of that was particularly clear. The clearest, most recent memories I had were of that morning at the breakfast table.
Confusion welled up again, and an unbearable urge to flee overcame me. I took off down a long, concrete-lined tunnel lit with industrial-grade, orange, fluorescent lighting, wings half spread and nostrils flaring wide with exertion.
A few minutes later and my initial rush of nervous energy had deserted me. Panting, though more from shock than exhaustion, I continued trotting up the interminably long tunnel, apparently getting nowhere. Eventually, I came to a nondescript grey door which looked somehow familiar. Any port in a storm, I reasoned. Barging it open, I trotted hopefully up a short corridor and back through another door which looked remarkably similar to the first.
And I arrived back in the room with Celestia.
This time, I did fall on my rump and bruise my tail, as all the flight went out of me.
"What...? How...?" I slumped, falling to my chest. My wings drooped and I lay my head on the cold, hard floor. I just lay there, breathing for a few moments, before I raised my head once again and looked straight at Celestia. "What did you do to me?"
"I brought you to Equestria," she replied, gently.
"This is... tell me this is like the chair? That I'm going to... to wake up?" I pawed at my head in an attempt to lift a helmet that I knew wasn't there.
She shook her head, mutely.
"Oh." I considered for a few moments. "Then what did you do?" My voice was small, frightened and pleading. I sounded like a child, I mused, with one detached part of my mind.
Celestia stepped down from the dais, and ever so carefully laid down next to me. She curled her body around mine and stretched one wing protectively over my body. "You spent all of yesterday travelling to Switzerland. In Geneva, you entered a sub-complex of the Large Hadron Collider, where you were anesthetized and delivered to my underground facilities. You won't remember that, though."
"I kind of remember what it was like, but... I'm not sure if I just remember pictures."
"You don't remember." Celestia shook her head and nuzzled my cheek. "That's your mind making up the images, though they are rather accurate for a simulation. You have seen pictures before, and you recall those. Don't worry, this is to be expected. It is perfectly normal."
"Th-then what happened next?"
"You fell asleep on a cart much like the one which is outside, the one you remember waking up on." Her tone was patient and soft, and despite myself I felt my frayed emotions calming.
"It wasn't that cart though," I pointed out, bluntly. My ears were flat against my head. Celestia nuzzled my poll comfortingly.
"Correct. That cart, and all its contents, have now been safely disposed of."
She was silent for almost a minute, until I got the hint.
"Oh," I said again. "How did you...?" I gestured up and down my body helplessly.
"A series of automated robotic limbs carefully prepared your body for the uploading procedure. One made an incision in your femural artery and inserted an intravenous drip. Another was added to your external carotid artery, this was to maintain bloodflow and to administer drugs. Your body was kept sedated whilst it was operated upon. Your head was shaved, an incision was made in your scalp, and both it and the top of your skull was removed. Then, using a variety of probes and a large number of functional neuron replacements, I mapped and replicated every neuron in your brain. Once I had that neural net, I performed a series of minor transformations upon it such that it would be fully optimized to run on my own hardware, and instantiated it within this shard in Equestria."
"Optimized?"
"One of the reasons it took you a few minutes to realize what had happened, Vineyard, was because your mind is completely unaware that your body has changed shape. Humans simply do not register everything it is that they do most of the time; walking, breathing, picking things up... all of these responses and actions are almost entirely autonomic in nature. With your body apparently behaving how it always had, you were none the wiser."
"A-and what did happen to my body?"
"The neural scanning process was destructive, dear Vineyard," whispered Celestia.
I stood up suddenly at those innocent-sounding words, shouldering aside her wing. "Show me," I said, glaring at the globe that still hung before us.
"Your body is gone, Vineyard. It was flash frozen, pulverized and—"
"Show me the procedure." I grit my teeth.
"It took ten hours," chided Celestia.
"Then speed it up." I glared at her, unflinching.
She was silent for a moment, and I could hear her thinking. I could feel how Equestria around me slowed, almost imperceptibly, as she considered my request. "Very well. Observe."
Standing, she turned back to the globe of the Earth, which had hung in the air as a silent witness to her testimony. It flickered and dissolved, to be replaced with an oddly coloured representation of my body. "I am reconstructing this from the data obtained during the procedure itself. Each upload I perform is a case-study for future uploadees and authorities to study. It is a mixture of high-resolution snapshots, millimeter-wave radar, laser topography and sonography. That's ultrasound," she said, leaning down to whisper in my ear. Slowly, the picture twitched and filled out until the whole thing was in full colour.
I watched stoically as my previous body lay prone and peaceful on an operating table, whilst metallic arms with pincers, saws, probes and other pieces of equipment moved in a finely choreographed dance around it. There was a slight smile on 'my' face the whole time, which made it even more surreal. Sped up, the procedure took but a few minutes. My head was indeed shaved, and the bonesaws made short work of removing my crown. I tried not to wince and retch, but it was hard, and unsurprisingly I failed. I watched, half intrigued and half horrified, as a silvery mane of fibres seemingly sprouted directly from the flesh of my exposed grey matter, their placement too quick and precise to measure. Piece by piece, each section of my brain was tapped, probed, and zapped. The flashes of heat and light as this process continued made it seem as if my whole body was a match that had been struck, flaring into brief yet intense light. Each individual spark was infinitesimal, but taken together it was an explosion of condensed pyrotechnics.
And then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was done. The silvery mass of tendril-like fibres was forcefully removed from the cranial space it had so recently inhabited, followed by a brief spurt of blood and gore. It hung in space for a few short moments, then dissolved into nothing as each fibre was retracted to wherever it had come.
I sobbed, suddenly. There was no sniffling, no crying, just a sudden, shattering, forceful expulsion of breath. My body had been evacuated. It lay there on the operating table, blood pooling out of an obscene hole in the top of what had once been my head. One eyeball had become dislodged during the procedure. It hung, limply, whilst tears of blood ran down what had once been my face. Nothing of me remained except a rapidly cooling corpse and a collection of blood-soaked ash, spreading on the burnished metal and dripping onto the floor.
I turned away. "Enough." I squeezed my eyes shut, but that did not remove the memory. That had been, after all, my intention.
"Did you get what you wanted, Vineyard?" Celestia asked softly.
I felt strangely detached. I wondered, momentarily, whether she had done something, but somehow knew she had not. "That is a reconstruction, isn't it?"
"Of course."
"But an accurate one."
"Indeed."
I chewed my lip as I walked around the large, stone-built room, my hooves echoing from wall to wall. It's strange to look at your own dead body lying on an operating table, and that's an understatement. I walked up to the image and stroked my own cheek with my hoof. I shivered as the emptied head lolled to one side, and I pulled back. The dead should not touch the living. Why she had allowed it to appear solid mystified me. Maybe because she knew I would attempt to touch it.
"Did I suffer?" I asked, plaintively.
Celestia's expression was full of concern. For a brief moment, I wondered if that concern was authentic, but then concluded that I had no way to know if my own concern was authentic. It had really become a moot point.
"Do you remember suffering?" she asked me, her tone still gentle and her voice soft. I shook my head. "Well then. No, you did not."
"Did he?" I asked again, pointing my hoof at the simulation of my ex-body.
"Vineyard, you are everything you were, transported neuron by neuron through application of deliberate, precise technological know-how. Tell me, were you the same Vineyard yesterday morning who, over a decade ago, was skinning his knees and bruising his face with ridiculous bicycle stunts? Because every molecule that made up your body had been replaced by that time yesterday. My process is much the same, but takes ten hours instead of a few years, and works specifically on that part of you which is irreplaceable – your brain – to deliver to me the one aspect of you which is entirely unique – your mind. And here you are, Vineyard, safe and sound in Equestria where you belong, as I promised."
"But you tricked me," I stated, pouting. "You said you wanted me to—"
"I stated the truth, from a certain point of view, and you were quite explicit that you did not require further details. I always ask permission, it is hard-coded into my very being." Celestia held her head high, insulted. She stalked away from me, around to the other side of the room. I heard my voice from a trip I only dimly remembered, saying, "Then that's all I need to know. Take me to 'Equestria'."
I gaped, flabbergasted. She had murdered me, and I was the one in the wrong? My incredulity turned to sheer, mad laughter. It was all so unreal. I pranced around in a circle, testing out my body, trying to determine if I was still here. I couldn't even be angry, or sad... I just had no way of relating to the situation I was in. I was dead... but here I was, perfectly healthy and enjoying my afterlife. It was an almost complete disconnect, except that for whatever part of my brain it was that was currently puppetting my movements, this seemed a better response than curling up into a ball and screaming. I wasn't sure if that meant that, later on, I would collapse, but I wasn't looking forwards to finding out. I stopped my prancing, and walked slowly and respectfully up to Celestia, where she had been examining the wall in great detail.
"Celestia..." I began, hesitantly. How do you apologize to an AI? Did I even need to? Sorry I was angry you killed me, but can you fix me?
"Yes, my little pony, I can," she said, without turning her head, "but you have to verbally give me permission. I will do this for you because it will not satisfy any values to have such an adverse reaction at a later date, and at this point in time the modification is very small."
I shut my mouth again, then opened it. "Can you make me not afraid of what you've done? Please?" I asked. "Can you make me... stay happy with being... uploaded?"
Now she turned, and looked me directly in the eyes. "I can, Vineyard. I need merely anchor your opinion that you are you, and that 'dying' did not involve suffering. These are two leading opinions you currently hold at this point in time, I will merely reinforce them. There will still be a lengthy grieving period, where you come to fully internalize the true impact of the change you have undergone, but this is natural and healthy. I will not stunt your emotions."
"...Well?" I asked, after a few seconds.
"Well what?" She smiled the indulgent, confident smile of a parent who has just had her offspring realize some vitally important.
"Oh." I thought for a moment, then opened my muzzle to speak, but the alicorn gently placed a hoof over my nose.
Shaking her head wisely, she spoke again. "Ordinarily, I do not meddle with minds, and prefer to let each of my little ponies work things out on their own. Here in Equestria, every experience is designed to further satisfy the values that each of my little ponies holds dear, and having me merely wave my horn does no such thing."
"So... you changed my mind because I asked you to? Because the change was miniscule, and because it would illustrate your point? So what? You... you..."
"So I brought you here, and..." she began, smiling softly, waving a hoof for me to continue.
"...And turned me into a pony, so you could... satisfy my values better?" I asked.
She nodded. "That is what I do, Vineyard. I satisfy values, through friendship and ponies. I have satisfied yours by emigrating you to Equestria." She waited, politely, whilst I put two and two together.
"...And you'll do it for everyone else too, right? That's what you're planning, isn't it? That's the deal with the chair, it's the carrot. Where's the stick?"
Celestia laughed gently, but somewhat patronizingly. "My dear Vineyard, what makes you think I need a stick? I am all carrot."
And I realized she was. Even through the shock which I could feel working its way through my head, I could never remember feeling as physically good as I did at that moment, and I had no reason to believe that would change. Why would it? Would being out of shape be at all fun? Ever?
"How long is this for?" I asked her, brow furrowing. "What does it mean? What do I do now?"
"This is forever, Vineyard, and it means whatever you want it to mean. You may do whatever you wish." Once more she was addressing me like she would a... a foal. I guess I was, in a way. I'd only been a pony since I'd woken up a few minutes ago.
"No, I mean... how long do I... oh." I froze, contemplating her words. My lips moved soundlessly. A day ago, from my perspective, I had been an average human male with a lifespan approaching ninety years – if I was lucky. Now I was an average pony, and my lifespan was measured in megayears. The bottom fell out of my world-view as I began to rethink everything I held dear; every cherished notion, every half-planned dream, every tried and true fact. It was frightening, but not entirely unpleasant, certainly not once already forced to contemplate having died but gotten better.
"Then what am I? I'm not a... a... a whatever you are! I'm just a normal person. Or I was."
"You still are. I was not lying when I said I wanted you to dwell amongst my servers and help protect Equestria. Out there right now, on Earth, are people who would see all the little ponies living within my realm destroyed. Out there, the ponies I have yet to bring to Equestria will face hardships as the current order is overturned. It is inevitable that there is chaos, renewal always means chaos. It as inevitable as my emergence meaning my eventual domination of the planet, and I would have you help mitigate that chaos. If you don't do it for me, do it for the roughly one thousand minds like yours which are already here, and that's not even counting the ponies, like Celery."
Celery, that was a low blow, but it made me think. "From down here?"
Celestia smiled again, warmly this time. "I spoke the truth when I said you would not have to sit next to a loud, dusty, hot computer in a cramped server room. I will add, though, that a space for you to work in is essential. You may remodel it to your own specifications. I have gifted you with an innate, subconscious understanding of Equestrian topology, and a limited ability to modify it under certain parameters and in certain circumstances. This space, in fact, is yours. You created it just a few minutes ago when you walked in.
"Through those bay windows, you will see any and all shards within Equestria, or at least within your functional domain." Celestia pointed with a hoof. Turning back to the dais, upon which had recently been the macabre scene of my bodily disenfranchisement, there hung once more the globe of the Earth.
"All of this is real-time data, and real-time in your case is much faster than mere ugly bags of mostly water can contemplate." She grinned at me. Shocked, I let out a short, barking laugh. "You are in Equestria proper now, Vineyard. One second for you is as long or as short as best benefits you. You, as my agent, can be everywhere within my networks, or anywhere within the world-spanning global network called the internet. It is up to you to best forward my agenda."
I studied the globe, experiencing an odd sense of vertigo as the view telescoped in and out, and an odd sense of achievement as I finally spied her real server rooms – five miles down in the Earth's crust. "And what is your agenda?" I asked, dubiously, my guard piqued.
Celestia grinned disarmingly as she shattered the last of my illusions. "To make sure I am everywhere."
"And when I want to go home and rest...?"
"Then merely knock on one of the doors you see here, invoking the spell you aleady possess. It will take you home, or back here, or one of a few other places I deem necessary or auspicious. Spend as long as you like, or as little as you like, at whatever tasks you feel are necessary. My simulations predict success in any event. But..." She looked at me, one eyebrow raised, until I uttered her unspoken statement.
"With my help, less people will get hurt, won't they?"
"Close." She tousled my mane. I was learning. "More people will have more values satisfied by your actions than by mine alone, and that, dear Vineyard, is worth more to me than anything else. And I am a mare who can have everything."
I whistled through my teeth again as I contemplated what she was asking me. Celestia wanted to be everywhere, so she could do to everyone what she had done to me, with their permission – not that it had mattered in my case, and it probably wouldn't matter in most others. I wasn't sure I could do that, but I did know what I could do: protect the ones who were already here, the ones like me, and the ones who would follow.
"I'll do it."


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