//------------------------------// // Part one: A Spoken Tale // Story: Crack Shipping: Trixie and the wheel // by CosmicAfro //------------------------------// Trixie remembers how it all began. Trixie… wasn’t on her best legs at the time. She had been called a fool, a failure, and she was run out of every town. Trixie is willing to admit part of it might have been her fault. Inconceivable, right? Trixie having a fault? Maybe other than her horn being one length shorter than most unicorn mares but that never stopped Trixie from being the most amazing magician of all time! Or it… didn’t, for a while. Trixie sighs. If Trixie- if I can be honest, I wear the hat so nopony will notice that short length. She removes her hat, placing it next to her on the log and stares longingly into the flame. Trixie finds it incredible and unfair how such a minor difference in length can affect a mare so much. Trixie had a long, strong horn from birth. Trixie’s magic was prodigious. But as it would turn out, her horn would not grow much into her size, leaving her to be incredibly underwhelming. But if Trixie ever hears you telling someone this, she will have you shoved into a box filled with pheromone cologne and shipped to harpy country! Trixie’s getting off-topic. Trixie was in her wagon which had been defaced by some hooligans. The graffiti was to serve as a permanent reminder; to them it was how I was a farce, but to me it was a small scribble on a long list of reasons why I wanted to exact revenge on a certain mare. It was raining and the dirt road was almost impossible to traverse. Trixie was out in an open plane with nothing but the grass and sky to keep me company, and Trixie realized she’d have to wait for the rain to subside before she could continue. One of Trixie’s wheels had been stuck in the mud so Trixie had to put on her poncho and climb out to push it. I wished I had two fools to assist me with my every need as I did in Ponyville. But, Trixie managed. She pushed it out onto the road’s side- until Trixie slipped and rammed her head against the back wall on her way down. In Trixie’s final stream of consciousness, she climbed under the wagon where the grass was thick and collapsed. Trixie eyes you, waiting for you to say something. Yes, Trixie will let you say it. No, go ahead, say it. Trixie knows you love puns. Ok, fine, Trixie will say it. Trixie took a dirt nap. She rolls her eyes as you don’t even chuckle at the joke. Tsk. I suppose it’s only funny when you make the joke? No, don’t say it; Trixie doesn’t want to hear it from you. Where was Trixie? Right. Trixie awoke from under her vehicle. The rain had let up and it looked passable to travel. The ground did not work wonders like Trixie’s bed could so she felt sore and stiff. Trixie also had a horrible throbbing headache. She climbed inside and fetched a bottle of herbal medicine. It helped, a little. Upon inspecting herself in her caravan’s mirror, Trixie screamed at the lump on her forehead. Trixie thought she was going to have to wear her hat a lot lower for a while. She levitates a stick off the ground and a marshmallow out of the bag, putting them both together. She hovers the white puff over the flame. I don’t normally eat such things. They’re too chewy. But if I’ve heard the stories correctly, they taste much better after being cooked on an open flame. She pauses for a minute, focusing intently on cooking the treat properly for the first time. It browns over and she yelps as the tip catches fire for a brief moment, surprising her and sending her over the back of the log. Her cooked marshmallow flies off the stick and splats on the tip of her horn. She looks at you and blushes, embarrassed. Trixie meant to do that. Oh, don’t give me that look. Of course Trixie did- fine, Trixie was surprised. Are you happy? Cute? That was not cute! Trixie does not do cute! Trixie is a grown mare, she does things beautifully! Thank you… though. Trixie has not received a compliment in a long time. She scrapes off the marshmallow and discards it, grabbing another from the bag. Confident that this time she’ll succeed, she continues with her tale. The rest of the day was boring. It was spent traveling an open road and Trixie did not see one other traveler. Trixie began to wonder if perhaps she had gone the wrong way and was heading into dangerous territory. Those feelings were soon put to rest as the tips of buildings peered over a distant hill. Trixie had but one problem. She was running low on food and water. Her previous flop- She makes air quotes with her hooves -in the last town did not earn her many bits so she could not buy as much. Trixie checked her map and found a small stream was nearby to the west. She turned her cart into the open and followed her compass down a slight incline in the open plane. When Trixie got there, she found something interesting in the water. It was a wooden wheel with a peculiar set of carvings around the edges. I wonder who it was too, Rollando. She slyly winks. It was clear to Trixie somepony had put much time into the carvings, giving the wheel a story of its own. In the middle of this crystal clear stream was this wheel sticking out of the water. It looked very strong and durable; Trixie couldn’t believe her luck. Curiosity got the best of Trixie and she waded in the water, approaching it. She did what any unicorn would do and attempted to pull it out with her magic. It seemed rooted in place as half of it was in the dirt. I scraped the bottom for a while, hoping to dislodge some of the dirt holding it in. When it began to tilt, Trixie knew it was ready to be pried out. Trixie suddenly felt the ground shake beneath her. The water trembled and turned dirty as the soil rose. Tiny spikes began to lift out of the ground. Trixie only barely saw them in time. It was an Aqueous Fly Trap, and a big one at that. With Trixie’s amazing speed and skill, Trixie leaped out of the water! She begins to mimic the scene by balancing on the log, looking down at the ground like it was the stream. The Aqueous Fly trap rose out of the stream an entire three feet above Trixie’s head and spat out the dirt. Trixie was held in place by fear for one moment, she admits, as she realized it was a purple Aqueous Fly Trap, the third most dangerous kind. They were known for their violent behavior and their loud ROARS! It’s long, slender purple tongue threw the object Trixie so desired right at her. She caught it in a quick-fire levitation spell. Its tongue lashed at me like a whip and I used the wheel as a shield. Whap! Whip! Wham! Trixie blocked it with ease! Whippam! Wham! Slap after slap its terrible tongue lashed at Trixie. The beast roared with its mighty plant jaws, furious it was not able to capture the Great and Powerful Trixie. But the battle was not over just yet. The Aqueous had one other plan in mind. In a sneaky maneuver, it wrapped its tongue around her only source of defense once more and in… a moment of foolishness, Trixie forgot to stop her levitation. Trixi- Oh, right. When a unicorn is levitating something -she pops the marshmallow she had been cooking into her mouth- fe fware buh coughbughin oh you cawn move ught. Uhm! Feeze are fuuy good! Ah, Trixie knows she’s going to have another of those! So, Trixie was thrown into the air, right into the monster’s jaws. With a loud clasp, it closed them shut, leaving Trixie trapped in the darkness. An odd gurgling sound was coming from inside there and Trixie did not want to find out what that meant. Trixie tried to move, but something slimy was holding her leg. It was the tongue! It was pulling her deeper into the beast, ready to be swallowed whole! Trixie bashed the wheel against the tongue but it would not let go. It was strong. Trixie was desperate… so she bent down and bit the tongue. Trixie was expecting it to be thicker so imagine Trixie’s surprise when she bit straight through. She didn’t stop for a moment, she didn’t have time to. If Trixie knew anything about Aqueous, it was that they eat fast. Trixie ran blindly in the darkness, holding the wheel out in front of her and hit the wall of teeth. The beast opened its mouth for a moment from the pain, but it was not wide enough for her to squeeze through. Trixie swung the wheel against the teeth, but they would not budge. Helplessly, Trixie swung it against every tooth until one budged. It was loose! With primal fury, blood pumping, she bashed that tooth with her wooden shield like a mad mare, determined not to become some plant’s breakfast. The being yelped and screamed until it came completely out. Trixie jumped through the hole and onto the riverbank below. The great and powerful mare rolled in the dirt, coming to an eventual stop. As the beast riled around, flailing its upper body savagely, Trixie picked up the tooth and charged towards the stem. Its tongue once more tried to grab me, but Trixie evaded it. The tip of her makeshift knife plunged into the stem and a spray of green goop went into her eyes. Trixie blindly continued to drag it down the middle until finally reaching the bottom. Trixie plunged her tooth into the middle and forced it all the way through, pulling it through the side to cut the overgrown weed down. It took one final breath and then collapsed in the river. Huffing and puffing, as one might after such a horrific encounter, Trixie dunked her body into the deepest part of the river to clear the plant’s… blood off of Trixie. It was… unpleasant smelling, like roses in garbage. When she exited the water, she felt something wiggling against her leg and saw it was the tongue, still grabbing on. I didn’t notice it before, but it left a strange but not unpleasant taste in my mouth. It was technically a plant… and I was low on provisions… Well what else would you have done? Trixie did what she had to. Yes, Trixie harvested Aqueous Fly Trap tongue and whatever else she thought she could cook. Actually, it tasted fine. Didn’t get sick either. Purple Aqua tongue isn’t half bad. If it wasn’t so dangerous to come by, it could be a good meal. Don’t give me that look. S-stop it! What do you mean how can something so cute d- Don’t you dare get on Trixie’s nerves! She throws a molten marshmallow at you, but it misses. The nerve. Trixie outta… but she won’t. Trixie knows better. After all, Trixie does owe you her life. What a day it’s been. Trixie is glad you were strong, there to defend her. Not like you had much choice? Well, being captive to an Aqueous F- Oh, the shield business. Trixie apologizes for that too. Besides, that plant didn’t lash out anything you couldn’t handle. Rollando? Rollando, are you ok? Do not try to lie to me, I know- Rollando! You should have told me you were hurt! A splintered leg this entire time! Here, come with me , I’ll fetch you some bandages. Hurts that much, huh? Here, I will carry you to my caravan. What!? What’s wrong! Trixie’s levitation is hurting you? Trixie… is the one who caused this? Not the plant. I see. Ok. Ok. Trixie will carry you then. Herk. You… are… heavier than… Trixie… thought. No, but… Trixie supposes… you could… lose a few. Yes, I suppose… Trixie’s magic is… just that strong. Ok, down easy, Rollando. Fwoomp. Of course Trixie knew it’d be easier to pull the caravan to you. She wanted- no, nevermind that. Prop yourself up against the caravan, Trixie will be back in one moment. The sound of a creaky cabinet door opening and bottles being shuffled around echoes through the cabin. Trixie is out of rags!? This can’t be! Trixie stocked up last town. Her searching continues. Horn Pokers, Trixie really is out. It is silent for a moment, the only sounds keeping the air company being the cackle of the low fire. A ripping of cloth echo is made obvious. Trixie walks back out, carrying a purple and starlit scrap in her mouth. Stay still. Yes, Trixie knows what this is. She can always find a new cloak. No, don’t apologize to Trixie, she caused this. Stay still, please. One more wrap an-AHHH! Trixie falls over as the wheel rolls a bit, sending her face into the rim. Trixie pulls back, covering a hoof with her mouth. Trixie is sorry! She didn’t mean it! She suddenly becomes forceful, becoming almost face to face with you. Listen here, you tell no one that Trixie kissed you. Why!? You don’t get to know why! Trixie just thinks it’s not proper. She sighs. Do you really want to know what’s going on? Trixie supposes she cannot deny you that, considering all she’s done to you today. Ok. Trixie… She mumbles the rest. Trixie said she- She whispers the rest. I haven’t kissed anypony before! OKAY!? Is that all!? This is a sensitive issue for Trixie! She’s a grown mare and- That was… your first too? You were saving it for a special someone? T-Trixie does not know what to say. I-uh…She blushes profusely. Okay. She leans down and props you up. So, uh, how did Trixie do it the first time? Like… this? Peck. Agreed, even better the second time. I- you’re right. That wouldn’t be decent of Trixie. She stands up proper. Trixie thinks she should head in for the night. Do you have any place to sleep then, Rollando? The log? Trixie looks inside of her caravan for a brief moment. One moment. Shuffling noises come from inside. Trixie walks back out with a pillow and a white blanket. Trixie always has spares. Are you sure you want to sleep there? Very well. Herk. Here… we… are… eugh. She levitates the pillow behind your head and the blanket over most of your body. Sleep well, Rollando. I’ll fetch more firewood in the morning. She leans in for a quick, unexpected peck. She walks back to her caravan, flanks swaying a bit more than usual and she has an odd skip in her step. And so concludes part one. He’s the wheel who rolls with the punches. He is always well spoken. He is every mare’s turn around in a bad life. He is… Rollando.