//------------------------------// // Master of the Manor // Story: The Stallion in the Library // by leonidas701 //------------------------------//         Ooooh! This is new! I’ve never had somepony join me in my dreams before, although you look really funny, some parts of you are kinda brown, others are all white, and where’s your tail? Oh, is it tucked in your pants? Say, how did you learn to walk like that, I thought only I could do that! Also, what’s are those things growing out of your hooves? Oh, well!         This makes everything so much more fun! Now we can play on the seesaw and go on slides and play on this trampoline! Wheeee!!! Why aren’t you bouncing?! C’mon this is fun!! Oof! Hey, where did the trampoline go?         Oh. You’re not here to play. Well then why are you here Mister? You want me to talk into this box? Okie-Dokie! Fdjsioapeor ewdjsadjdwior sdjewrj weisajdjweop-!         What’s wrong, I’m just doing what you asked. Ooooohhh, you want me to talk about what happened today? Okie-Dokie!         So I woke up at the same time I always do, which is really really early! I needed to get everything started for today, I had to make the cake mix, start the fudge, make the frosting, and refill the ice cream jars! It’s a lot of work, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake have been letting me do it all by myself for almost a whole ye- What?         How did you know that I went into the big house? Are you psychic?! That would be so cool! Tell me, what am I thinking?! Ohh, you just want me to tell you what happened. How can you not have time for games, everypony needs to have time for games?         Oh well, I guess I should tell you. When we got to the big house, I was really surprised! Every time I went into the Everfree forest, I would always somehow end up in front of it and I didn’t know anypony lived in it! I don’t know why, it just makes me feel safe. But I couldn’t think of it for very long, because Rainbow Dash needed help and so I went inside and then... and then...         Hmm. I don’t remember. I walked into the house and the next thing I knew I was in a hallway and I heard music. Then I saw a pony come dancing up the hallway next to me, humming along with the song.         “You might as well be walking on the sun,” he sang as he came up next to me, stopping when he saw me. It was Him. He looked me right in the eyes, and I almost flinched just out of reflex but I noticed something different about Him. It’s hard to put into words, It was like... Like he was completely relaxed, he didn’t have a care in the world and it showed in his eyes. They were like a cloud, just drifting along and having fun looking at all the things around it. It was so different from those hard blue eyes that show up in my nightmares and flash like lightning about to strike.         “Oh hey Pinkie! What are you doing here?” he said, still bobbing his head to the music.         “I don’t know!” I started to bounce around to the music, stopping suddenly when I realized that He had called me Pinkie. He never did that before. “I just came into the door and next thing I knew I was here!”         “Huh. I guess I didn’t put up enough of a block.” He looked concerned for a moment and then just shrugged it off. “Oh well, no harm done. Hey, what are you doing?”         “Dancing!” I said as I kept jumping around, his eyes following my movements.         “Huh.” He turned around and started to walk towards a less scary-looking door.         “Ooh, Where are you going?” I called out as I followed him         “To the dance room.” He said as he faced me, “You wanna come?”         “Yes! Dancing is so much fun!”         “Yeah, I like it too.” He started to open and close the door.         “What are you doing? Are you trying to get rid of gremlins?” Sometimes I would see Mrs. Cake open and close a door over and over again when we had a problem with the batter we were making.         “No, It’s just not responding very well. Ah-ha, there we go!” He had a huge silly grin on his face as if he had just been told that he had won a million cupcakes. “Come on, follow me.”         We walked through the door and I saw we were in a big BIG room, with a shiny ball on the ceiling and squares on the floor. There were a bunch of speakers around us, all picking up the song that was playing in the other room right where it was when we came to this room. He walked over to this screen on one of the walls and started scrolling through the songs. While he was doing this I came up to him.         “What are you going to play first?” I said as I kept dancing around.         “Would you not do that?”         “Do what?”         “Smile that big fake looking smile. It’s depressing.”         “What do you mean?” How could a smile ever make somepony sad? They make ponies happy that’s why I always smile, so they don’t feel bad around me.         “It looks like you’re trying to convince everybody that you’re happy so they won’t bother you. I have a feeling that’s not the case, but still it makes me uncomfortable.”         “Oh. Okay.” I said as I put on my seriously serious face of seriousness. “Is this better?”         He took a look at me and barked out a laugh. “Now you look like you’re trying really hard not to poop. Here, look.” He pointed to a mirror. I took a look and started laughing, I looked so silly!         While I was laughing, he finally made a choice. The song stopped and a new one started playing. The ball on the ceiling started spinning and the squares on the floor started to light up.         “OOH! I haven’t heard this song before!” I said as I started jumping around.         “I thought you might like it!” He said with a smile, “It even has a special dance to go with it.”         I love special dance songs! “What is it?!” I asked him.         “Here, follow my lead.” He started jumping around, spinning and kicking. I tried to follow him along.         “Well done! You caught on faster than I did!” he said as he jumped around next to me. “Now watch this!” He stuck both of his left hooves up into the air while bouncing on his right and then quickly flipped around so he was in the air tummy up and then landed bouncing on left with his right hooves in the air.         I clopped my hooves together. “That looks like so much fun! Let me try!” I almost almost did it, but I fell when I spun around.         “Hahaha, are you okay?” He gave me a hoof up.         “I’m fine, let’s keep dancing!” We danced and danced, through so many songs that I couldn’t believe I had never heard before! I have to make sure to ask Vinyl if she recognizes any of them so she could play them at my next party! There were fast songs that made us go crazy, and a couple smaller ones that let us both dance with more control! There was even a really slow song that made Him grab me and start twirling me around! It was so much fun, and I wouldn’t have stopped if my tummy hadn’t started to rumble. Oh well, I guess that’s what happens when you can’t fit most of your breakfast into your mouth!         What’s a knife?         Oh well, when my tummy began to roar I tried to ignore it but He heard it.         “Okay, let’s stop for a little while. I’m getting tired and I need a shower, and you sound like you’re pretty hungry.” He lead me through the door and brought me to a big kitchen with a lot green! “You can eat anything you want, I’m going to wash off.” He left and I started looking around the room.         I started opening the cupboards and looking through the refrigerator and then I saw a full pie! A really big one too, filled with some type of brown nut. Actually, pies are one of the things Mr. and Mrs. Cake haven’t taught me how to make. For some reason whenever I tell that to anypony they think it’s funny, but no one will tell me why.         Ah, well! So I started to lift it to my mouth and then He came barreling in through the door!         “Don’t eat that!” He grabbed the pie out of my hooves, which was really rude of him to do after he said that I could eat anything in the room! I tried to say something, but he kept on talking. “It’s my only defense against CandleJack!” He froze and got a really funny look on his face! Like he was sad, and angry, and surprised all at once. Then the room got all cold and He hung his head. “Oh Fuck!”         “Hello.”         He grabbed the pie off of where he had put it down, and shoved it towards a funny walking pillow attached to a blanket.         “Goodbye,” Mr. Blanket said as he took the pie and disappeared.         “Well great!” he said but he stretched out his words like taffy, that way ponies do when they aren’t being serious. “Now I need to make a new pie.” He opened up this big door that went Whoosh! up above the oven that had lots and lots of books in it! I couldn’t even read the titles off of some of them, they were up so high!         “Neh. Neh. Neh.” He started jumping up and down. It looked like fun so I jumped with him.         “Neh. Neh. Neh,” we said. All of a sudden He got really grumpy and with one final Neh! just stopped. He crinkled up his face like he just bit into a rotten cupcake, and yelled.         “IKE!”         I wondered if that was the name of one of the voices he was yelling at earlier, probably the one in sky because the one in the ground was a mare. But I was wrong because then there was a POP! and a little gray thingy was standing on top of the shelf.         “OH! What’s your name little Filly! Or are you a Colt?! You know, it’s really hard for me to tell sometimes and you don’t look like a normal pony so I can’t-” I was stopped when He started to speak.         “Ike, hand me that book.” He started to give instructions to the little thing- No! No, bad Pinkie! I know it’s name, it’s not a thing! Sorry, Ike. So, He was giving instructions to Ike. “No, the red one. The other red one. No, no, that’s blue, Ike. Look, it’s the one to the left- Other left. Yes. Yes, that one.”         Ike took the book and disappeared, then came back, holding the book out in front of him with an adorable little grin! OOOHHH! I should see if I can make him a Gummy have a play-date! Then I could give them little hats and teach them the dance, and it would be so cute!!!!!!         Oh yeah, I was telling a story. I hate when storytime gets interrupted, so I should stop stopping myself and- Oops I’m doing it again. Sorry!         So Ike gave Him the book and I saw it had a delicious picture of a pie on it!         “Why do you need that?” I asked Him.         “Because that was my last pie, and I need to make more now,” He said. “And you are going to help me!”         “YAY!!! We get to bake!” I was going to learn how to make a pie! “Okay, what’s first?!”         “Well, first I’m going to set the oven to preheat and then I’m going to try and find all the things we need for it.” He opened the book and threw it up into the air. “Let’s see, what are we going to- Walnut pie!” He said as the book landed open on the page with a picture of a pie with no top. “Okay, set to 350 and we need... Okay!” He went to the oven and set it to preheat.         “Now then, we need to go and find the ingredients. Come on, follow me,” he said as Ike jumped up to his head. We walked through the door and came to this HUGE room! And it was filled with so much food! I almost couldn’t believe it!         “Now Ike, I need you to keep a lookout for these ingredients.” As He listed off the things we would need for the recipe, I looked at him and it was so funny! He was standing there all relaxed and he had Ike on his head, pretending to be all Serious Seriousface! I started laughing and He turned towards me. “What’s so funny?”         “Why is Ike on your head?” I asked.         “Because if he was on my back, he might damage my jacket!” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Now come on, the oven will be done in a couple of minutes, we need to get everything.” He started walking down an aisle, and then turned around.         “What’s wrong?” I asked.         “Someone has moved everything around! Ike is this one of your pranks?”         Ike shook his head all NO!-like.         “Well, either way it doesn’t look like they moved it all to far.” We got everything we needed, and then we left.         “So what do we now?!” I asked, I was hoping we could keep dancing! I like dancing!         “Now we make the pie.”         “What do you mean?” There was no way that the oven could have warmed up in time! The oven I have a home can’t heat up that fast and I live in a bakery! But I was wrong, it was done! I need to ask Him if we could get one for SugarCube Corner!         We started making the pie, me making the crust while He and Ike made the filling. It was all fine until He started screaming.         I was really scared for a minute, until He started laughing. “Damn it Ike, you sunnavabitch!” I saw that his face was completely covered in egg, with the yolk right in between his eyes. I started giggling to when I saw it.         “Oh, so you think it’s funny huh?” he said as he came near me. “Why don’t you try it!” He picked up another egg and broke it, splitting it over my head. I kept laughing, even while I stirred the batter. After that it was a lot of silence, but not that kind you get when your parents are fighting, or you just told a joke and nopony laughed. It was a good silence.         Eventually we finished making the pie and set it to bake. I didn’t notice at the time, but I think Ike had left sometime while we were mixing. I wonder where he went?         I was so busy making the pie that I had forgotten that I was hungry, but my tummy was happy to remind me.         “Hey!” it said, “Remember that you were supposed to feed me? Whatever happened to that!?” At least I’m sure that’s what it would have said if it could talk, but since it can’t it just rumbled a little. But it was not alone, His belly roared too! I wonder if tummy-rumbling is contagious? I know laughing and yawning are, but- Oh, I’m sorry I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Hee-hee~         “Let me show you my favorite thing in my house,” he said. He went over to the refrigerator and grabbed a watermelon. He took the watermelon and put it into a box that was just above the counter. I was going to ask why He would take a watermelon out of a cold box to put it in a smaller, warmer box when I heard a noise. Like a Whirrrr, Shink, Shink, Shink, Shink, Bloush, Thuck, Thuck, Whirrrrrrrr, Ding! When the box Ding!-ed, He grabbed a big glass bowl and put it up below the box. He pulled the lever on the side and a bunch of watermelon slices came falling out.         “This is my watermelon peeler,” he said. “I had a friend of mine make it for me in exchange for hiding some stupid killer machine he had. Best trade of my life! Here, try one.”         I took one of the slices out of the bowl and so did He, but when I tried to take a bite I was stopped when I saw him open up his refrigerator again.         “Are you going to get another watermelon?” I didn’t think that we could eat two. But I will never find out, because he pulled out a bunch of tall cans.         “HHHH! Are those-?” I asked.         “Every flavor of whipped cream imaginable,” he said. He grabbed a brown and black one and a salt shaker and put on the same table as the bowl.         “What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m not sure, but I think salt doesn’t go on sweet things.” I learned that when I tried putting seawater into the cupcake mix. But that was a long time ago, like almost a whole week!         He took a slice of melon and sprinkled it with salt. Then He flipped it over and started making layers of whipped cream, first one brown then black then brown then black over and over and over until it was bigger than my face! He took a bite of it a let out a sound that sound like a cross between a yelp and a kitty cat purring.         “Here, try it.” He hoofed over his slice. I took a big bite and nearly got my mouth around his hoof by accident.         “Oh, I am so sorry!” That keeps on happening, and I’m trying to stop it, but I keep forgetting how big my mouth is. He wasn’t angry though, he just laughed. “Don’t worry, there’s plenty more.” And there was! He had raspberry whip cream, and strawberry, and something he called a snozzberry and lemon and peach and banana and vanilla and marshmallow and apple and cherry, but actually I don’t think he had plain, and he also had the chocolate and peanut butter that he put on his first slice of course!         We ate, and we ate, and we ate, until the stove went Ding! and the pie was done. We took it out and put it out to cool on a window that I must have missed before that let out to a dark place that was very cold. He looked up at the ceiling and saw the big clock that took up the whole thing and said, “Do you want to do something really fun?”         “FUN!!!?” I slid up to him.         “I’ll take that as a yes. Come, follow me.” We went through a door and the next thing I saw was a really, REALLY, REALLY big room! All grey, and hilly, with rails, and slopes, and a slide, and half of a disproportionately thin pipe for how big it was, and a big block in the middle slightly raised.         “What are we going to do here?” I asked.         “It’s a surprise,” he said. He went opened the door and started to pull out a mattress. It was normal sized, but he couldn’t move it very well on his own so I helped Him! We dragged it out to middle of the room and then He lied down on it. He patted the mattress part that he wasn’t on and so I lied down on that part. It was just a normal size mattress so I had squeeze really close to him. I asked him what was going to happen, but then it happened so it probably sounded like this:         “What’s going to haaAAAAAAAAA!”         “Hold on!”         There wasn’t anything on the mattress for me to hold on to so I just held on to Him. What was happening? Well, the whole room was going up and down and left and right, we were sliding and going up the ramps and into the air and down the slides as the house moved. After a couple minutes, He yelled out to me.         “You having fun yet?!”         I went “WHEEEEEEEE!”         He laughed and said “Watch this!” He stuck out a hoof and let it hit a post holding up a rail. When it collided, we started spinning! It was like those rides at the fairs, you know the ones where they attach you to a big swing and start to spin you around. It was then that I remembered why I didn’t go on those rides after eating.         “I think I’m going to be sick!” I yelled.         “Oh, sorry!” I looked up at His face and he looked like he was focusing. Like Mr. Cake does at the start of spring. Suddenly my tummy felt all better. “There, that any better?”         I thought maybe I should ask Him how he did that, but I realized that if he wanted me to know how, he would have told me. I just got back to cheering, and hugged him even tighter.         We were going around the room for I don’t know how long. It was like when you go to a party at dusk and then you look outside and the sun’s coming up. The house stopped moving and we eventually slowed to a stop.         “Let’s go again! Let’s go again!” Somehow I had ended up on top of Him while we were sliding around.         “Sorry, but the house can only keep dancing for a little bit. You wouldn’t want me to tire the poor thing out, would you?”         “Oh no, I am so sorry house!” I tried to apologize, but I couldn’t tell if you were supposed to apologize to a house through the ceiling or the floor, and so I just kept on looking up and down and up and down and up and down and- Oh, sorry again!         I would have kept on trying to apologize, but then little Ikey-Wikey popped up again.         “What is it?” he asked Ike.         Ike made some strange motions with his front hooves and then pulled out a bit of string.         “Really?!” he said. He nodded and then turned to face me. “Your friends are all waiting for you. I will go try and stuff this in the washing machine then go see you all off.” He left the room, dragging the mattress behind him. I was wondering how I was going to get out, but then Ike had me follow him.         I came into the room where my friends were all sitting, or standing, or shouting. Oh hey, those all start with S. Strange. I told them all what I did today, but they just gave me some funny looks. Then He came back and it turned out that he managed to prank Rainbow Dash without Him even knowing it! I can’t even do that! He also told me that I could come visit if I can find the house again, and that’s easy-peasy! Then we all left and I had to show them the way out of the forest because they didn’t know it. Well, I guess I don’t really know it either, it’s just my Pinkie Sense telling me how to leave. But one funny thing did happen on the way back.         Rarity came over to me and started asking me funny questions, like did he wear protection, was it nice, did he respect me.         Well, we didn’t wear helmets, so I told her no on the first part, but it was a lot LOT LOT of fun, so I said yes to the second part. I couldn’t tell what she meant by respect me though, so I didn’t answer that. She kept on asking me those types of questions and looking at me funny. Seriously, you’d almost think me and Him had sex. Then I came home and worked the bakery counter for the rest of the night and then I went to bed and I saw you and you asked me to- Hey what’s that powder you have?         Is that sugar?         I don’t think it’s a good idea to just eat plain su-         Why did you just blow it into my face?         Hey what’s the frying pan fo-