This would not do.
Not the kidnapping of a princess. That was acceptable, and par for the course. Twilight needed a bit of kidnapping now and again, to toughen her up. She was as flaky as Fluttershy sometimes. No, Angel could not abide the state of his couch.
For lo, a sphinx with many a bandage and blanket lay upon it, and was not to be moved. “She needs her rest, Angel! Sam worked very hard to help Twilight, and we want her to get better.”
Twilight, for her part, did not trust the Ponyville Clinic with Sam’s care. They weren’t very good at veterinary affairs, and even if Sam could speak, veterinary meant non-pony as far as the doctors were concerned. She would not have a repeat of the fiasco with Spike’s medical issues, and Fluttershy surely wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to meet and tend to a new fluffy creature.
That was not justification enough for the lord of the house. This was Angel’s couch, and just because some wounded lion needed a place to stay wasn’t a good reason for stealing it from him. He made his displeasure known as best he could with his weak form. Vocal cords eluded him, and for this he was eternally bitter. Especially since everyone else thought it was cute that he could not speak. It wasn’t cute. He would kill them all one day, but only after they catered to his every whim. Sometimes it paid to be abusive to people.
Fluttershy returned from the kitchen with food to placate Angel’s temper, only to find that they had reached a sort of consensus. Angel had placed a cushion on Sam’s head, and was resting gently on it. He would not be forced to sit on a ravenous beast even if it did come with an automatic warming feature, for some things were just too dangerous, even If Fluttershy swore by the passivity of her guest. Standards were necessary, and Angel felt the pillow was a good compromise. Sam, for her part, was too tired to argue, and so let the rabbit lay claim to her head. A victory for the ages.
And Angel got his cake. Fluttershy was so nice like that. No reason to waste perfectly good cake just because they had, in fact, managed to get along. Further diplomacy would occur when Sam grew tired of the pillowface, but for now, there was peace. Angel was a master diplomat, even if it was an abusive relationship.
-------------
Sam awoke the next day to noises. Ponies talking happily about meetings and whatnot. Fluttershy’s voice was vaguely audible, but the other one was new. Vibrant and perky. She rolled over, spilling Angel all over the floor, and stared down at a small alligator holding a letter in its maw, addressed to… well, he didn’t know who it was addressed to. Twilight had a point about the lack of written language understanding. Still, the lizard probably had the right person, and she took the letter even as Angel angrily demanded that Sam stop moving.
Ignoring the rhythmic beats of Angel stamping on her head, Sam noted that the letter was actually in English. Perhaps Twilight had gotten someone to translate for her? The paper was certainly of Earth make, in any case. “Greetings, Sam. I do hope you are recovering well. You are invited to a Council of the Elements tomorrow evening, and we would appreciate your insight on the matters concerning your world.”
It was signed a Princess Celestia. They had not met, but Twilight spoke reverently of her. Goodness. The Equestrian head of state wanted Sam’s opinion. This was a bad idea, but it seemed better than asking the cultist chap at least. Perhaps they could get somewhere without all this mess of kidnapping and going back and forth between worlds.
Gummy stared at Sam with unblinking patient eyes. He could see into the sphinx’s soul, she knew, and it worried her. Still, the beast was not malicious, and he calmly gave the envelope back to the alligator, who promptly wore it as a comfortable hat.
-------------
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Fluttershy was sweet, but Sam wasn’t about to miss the meeting, even if it did hurt to walk. The train station wasn’t too far from her treehouse anyway, and it was a mild relief to be rid of the rabbit that had been warring with her for control of the couch. Angel had his victory, and no one minded too much.
“I’ll be fine. So, you’re coming too?”
“Oh yes. It's like a vacation at times. You can’t have a council without the Elements.”
“The Elements?” The word had popped up in regards to the council, but Fluttershy didn’t exactly seem like some sort of elemental. More of a hippie. Perhaps that was what passed for elementals here?
“The Elements of Harmony. Magical relics that help keep order and peace in Equestria. They work with certain owners, and well… I… kinda have one.”
“Now don’t be so timid about it, Fluttershy! You’re good for it!” A country accent came from the back of the train car, as an orange pony with a slouch hat boarded.
“And if I do say so, it’s quite an honor. You should be thrilled! We get to meet the princesses!” A much higher class, more aristocratic voice this time. White unicorn, purple mane, very sparkly. She seemed to be wearing an immaculate dress, in contrast to virtually every other pony Sam had seen. Somepony understood the idea of clothing, at least. That was good to note.
The orange one gave a deadpan look. “Rarity. we see the princesses, like, every two weeks. And Twilight’s already one too.”
“And when will you be a princess? Huh? Huh?!” The hyper voice from yesterday returned, attached to a pink bouncing pony. “Applejack, Princess of the Harvest! We could have a party!”
Applejack blushed. “Don’t go putting titles before they’re ripe, Pinkie. T’aint right.”
Sam had finished working out the kinks in the cushions by now, so as to not be quite so painful. “So that’s everyone? I half expected Rainbow Dash to be part of the crew.”
“Well duh! You can’t do this thing without me!” Rainbow swooped into the carriage at ridiculous speed, somehow avoiding every attempt at crashing into the bunks. “You girls just love getting here early.”
The train started to move regardless, as Rarity balked. “Two seconds before departure isn’t what I’d call being prompt, Dashie.”
“Gotta be precise! Whizamm!” She swooped over to Sam, and briefly thought about poking her before realizing that wouldn’t be very nice. “So! Doing better, champ?”
“Next time, Twilight gets to rescue herself, okay?”
-------------
Canterlot Castle was much as Sam remembered it, though it was a bit sunnier today. White marble stone, with lots of fancy stained glass windows. They did so love the windows. The group was an odd assortment, with Sam plodding slowly, Pinkie bouncing along, and Rainbow Dash showing her usual disdain for the pavement. Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy were normal by contrast, but Sam was sure they were all insane in their own special way. This seemed to be par for the course with powerful ponies. A quirk of magic, perhaps?
“Are you sure you have everything, Spike?” Twilight’s voice could be heard from the stairwell to the right.
“Yep! Court reporter Spike, ready for duty!” The princess was followed by a purple dragon-like figure, roughly the same size as her. He was mildly mired by a pushcart of papers and files, ready to record whatever it was they were going to talk about today.
Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my! Spike, you’ve gotten so big.”
“Heh heh. Two more inches since the last meeting! Soon I’ll be able to reach the top shelf by myself!”
Twilight wasn’t enthused about this. “Then I’ll just have to start putting the cookies somewhere else.”
“Noooo!” Chuckles were had, as the crew headed into the meeting room.
It was a rounded amphitheater of sorts, with a marble table in the middle. Various teas and pastries were set out by various benches. Sam supposed that chairs wouldn’t do for ponies, and had gotten used to the sort of reclining posture their furniture took. The sun was shining through an open window at the far end, where a few ponies stood in discussion. Luna she recognized, though there was a white one with an ephemeral flowing mane that seemed of similar build. This was Celestia, then. Twilight made herself busy doing a little dance with the pink alicorn, some sort of greeting ritual that made sense only to them. In any case, the stocky white unicorn beside her seemed a bit embarrassed by it. The pink one’s husband, perhaps? They did seem close. In any case, he was in full uniform, and clearly a member of the state beyond simple servant work.
“Greetings, everypony.” Celestia called them all to order. Spike took a seat next to Twilight, and began to scrawl records of the event. “It is good to see you all here again. As we have guests, let us introduce. I am Princess Celestia, and this is Princesses Luna of Canterlot, and Cadence of the Crystal Empire. I have asked Captain Shining Armor to attend as well, for the opinion of the royal guard on today’s matters. Representing the elements of Harmony are Princess Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. Representing the interests of Earth is Ambassador Sam.”
This was a bit silly, as everyone stared at her. She was no ambassador, but perhaps there was a public fiction to keep up. In any case, non-magical humans couldn’t travel to Equestria, and the effect hadn’t been studied regardless. Perhaps later they would set up discussions with more ceremony.
“Twilight, you have the floor.”
“Thank you, Princess.” Twilight floated several maps out onto the table. One was clearly of Earth, though another was foreign. The Equestrian world, perhaps? Another showed the two overlayed, probably based on Sam’s talks earlier about where Canterlot was in relation to Earth. Their cartographers worked fast.
“Roughly nine days ago, we were visited by a member of a world similar to, but unlike our own, through the tomfoolery of… Discord.” Sam looked around to see what everypony thought of the situation, getting a pretty good read on the crowd. Pinkie was curious, Fluttershy was disappointed, Rarity and Applejack were beside themselves, and Rainbow Dash was annoyed. Cadence and Shining Armor seemed to fall into the displeased category, though they were more muted in their response.
“I do hope it’s nothing terrible, darling.”
“It has been a great opportunity. We’ve been in contact with this other world, named Earth, and have discussed many things on matters of Magic. Specifically, how their world does not possess a magical field, and they believe that their world can be improved by the creation of one, should… complications be overcome.”
Shining Armor spoke up. “Complications?”
Sam wasn’t much one to beat around the issue. “People not being very keen on the idea of magic. People with issues they hadn’t worked out before, and see magic as a way to escalate conflicts.”
“You guys are so weird,” Rainbow exulted. “Magic’s great! It’s just another way to do stuff.”
“Well, yes, but what if that stuff isn’t exactly happy? Grudges, vendettas, and so on. Long story short, it causes a great upheaval in terms of politics while people try to get a grasp of the situation, and there will be chaos and strife while everyone figures things out.”
Celestia raised a hoof. “How are the nations of Earth reacting as of late?”
Twilight was more knowledgeable on the subject, as she hadn’t been cooped up on a couch with a death bunny. “Power plays, confusion. It’s important to note that even if we hadn’t… accelerated the process, the leak from Discord’s portals would eventually have caused magical connections on Earth regardless.”
“Yet we are still responsible for the current situation, yes?”
Twilight didn’t have much of an answer for that, and looked down at the table. “Yes. So, that’s what we are here to talk about today! How can we make things much more happy and peaceful. We agree that magic in the long term is both beneficial and unavoidable, but don’t want the chaos right now. Point A to Point B. Suggestions?”
Pinkie shot upwards, defying gravity. “The Elements of Harmony!”
Twlight liked this idea. “Well, I suppose there is that. We could-“
“No.”
Celestia’s response was as firm as it was final. She did not seem angry, but rather as one would brush a useless piece of scrap into the trash. “Twilight, do you recall my explanations on the function of the Elements?”
“Yes, of course! They are embodiments of the five fundamental forces of harmony: Laughter, Charity, Kindness, Loyalty, and Honesty, as well as Magic, which ties them together. By channeling energy through those concepts, harmony can be applied to the magical field ensuring that any strife and discord is wiped away… oh.”
Celestia sipped some tea. “I think you have the idea.”
“Right.”
Applejack gave a holler. “Well I don’t. What’s the problem?”
“The elements are Equestrian relics. They create harmony in an Equestrian fashion, and would try to overwrite Earth to be like Equestria. Harmony is created, but at what cost?”
Rainbow Dash didn’t seem to mind. “So there’ll be a lot more ponies. What’s so bad about making people be ponies?”
“That’s rude!”
Everyone stopped and stared, as Fluttershy melted into her bench. What courage she had failed her upon realizing that everyone was watching. Celestia smiled, and nodded. “Go on, Fluttershy.”
“Um, well…” She breathed deeply, and gathered her fortitude. “If somepony from Earth wanted to be a pony, then, well, I wouldn’t mind. But you can’t just make them do that! That’s not your choice.”
“Indeed.” Luna spoke with her eyes closed, as if she wasn’t entirely there. This was very possible, but Sam did not inquire further. “If I recall from your reports, Twilight, you rejected a similar plan not a few days ago.”
“Well, yes. I did. I believe I told them that we needed to solve the chaos crisis first, and then worry about that sort of thing later.” Sam thought about reminding her that Little John Cultist was not exactly an authority figure of Earth, but let it slide.
Cadence offered a thought. “Then we shall have to work in more direct methods. We can still use magic in that sense, so long as it isn’t explicitly Equestrian, yes?”
Twilight groaned a bit. “I thought about that, but… the scale is a bit troubling.”
“Wait, you have a spell in mind?” This was news to Sam. If they did have some sort of way of dealing with the crisis, that would help immensely.
“Well, Cadence is the Princess of Love. Channeling that sort of peace and understanding isn’t out of the question. But… the largest applied usage of your magic would be about that large…” A glow emanated around an area of the Equestrian map marked Crystal Empire. “Applied to Earth, we’re talking about this much.” She lifted the Earth map in the air and rotated it for everypony to see. A 100 mile radius spell was nothing to sneeze at, but in the context of the larger globe, it was rather paltry.
“And that was with the Crystal Heart. We wouldn’t have such an amplifier on a world without magic.”
Everypony looked a bit glum. Well poop. This was a bit of a large problem.
“Twily.” Shining Armor spoke up. “You said that magic was… spreading on Earth. Couldn’t we find a way to apply the spell to this spread? If it will hit everypony eventually, then the spreading magic would be a good way to spread the harmony spell as well.”
The princess pondered. “Maybe? I don’t know. I’d have to look more at the actual effects of the spread. Either way, some magical humans would have left the population areas where they originally became magical by now. We couldn’t track them all down.”
Sam devoured a cookie, and found it was quite delicious. “You don’t have to, technically.”
“Oh?”
“Well, we just need something to tide things over while everything settles. If we miss one or two people, it’s not a big deal. The point is preventing mass panic. Individual panic is bad, sure, but we can’t not do something simply because the solution won’t be perfect.”
Celestia nodded. “And the sooner the better, I think. If we are to go with Shining Armor’s theory of applying the spell to the spread of magic, then success is best when the number we have to treat is low. Do we have information on that, Twilight?”
Science! Twilight brought out her notes on the latest reports from Miss Happiness. She couldn’t read the statistics, but someone had been nice enough to dictate them to her at the time. Hasty pencil markings covered what was once a pristine statistical paper. “At latest report, we are looking at roughly 1.8 million humans, out of a rough 7.1 billion, incidence of .025%. Spreading rapidly out of control, given that it was from a base of 1.1 million a few days ago.”
Applejack was trying to count on her hooves, which was adorable. “Uh, sugarcube, how much is that?”
“A lot. Getting bigger.”
“Gotcha. Not much for the fancy mathematics.”
“Put in rough terms, it’s about the population of Equestria, and then half again.”
“Gosh. That is a lot.”
“And then a thousand more Equestrias left to become magical.”
Rarity was in shock. “Goodness! You do have quite a lot of people on your world.” To this, Sam had no comment. The differences of population growth curves eluded her, as she had failed that class despite her best efforts.
Celestia drew the conversation back inward. “But it is not catastrophically so. Which means that we have time to gather information about how best to go about this idea, yes?”
Twilight pondered. “I don’t see why not. A day or two wouldn’t be too troublesome.”
“Then let us do that. Princess Twilight will return to Earth with Ambassador Sam and Princess Cadence to ascertain the merits of applying a harmony spell to the spread of magic on Earth. Meanwhile, we shall continue discussions here.” Continue discussions? What else was there to talk about? Twilight seemed to share the same feeling, so Celestia continued. “Your reports on Earth have been very informative, and I wish to share them with those present here. If we can better understand our neighbors, we will be in a better position to help with any problems that may arise.”
Twilight nodded. “Then we’ll leave you to it. Send Rainbow Dash over if you need anything!”
“Of course, Twilight. Good luck.”
The three of them got up, and left the chamber. Cadence looked back at the meeting room. “You are sure this will work, Twilight?”
“Well, no, but that’s what we’re going to find out! We need data, and experience. If it works, then we should be able to do something. If not, then we improvise.”
Sam sighed. “Business as usual, then.”
“But of course!” Twilight lifted her head, and opened the portal between worlds. God’s Screensaver played as the trio warped over to Earth, and they found themselves back on metallic floors.
A gruff voice greeted them on arrival. “Welcome back. Had a good trip?”
“Colonel! I thought they’d locked you deep away, so that no one would have to worry about you.”
O’Hare got a laugh out of that. “Such a kidder. They have some term for it, I’m sure. Prisoners who get to work while being under arrest. Whole bunch of hooey.” There was a grin on his face that seemed a bit odd. “Anyway, wait till you see who, no… what we’ve got.”
Sam raised an eyebrow. O’Hare was speaking as if he had reeled in a particularly violent fish, though this was probably not the case. “Dare I ask?”
“He came to us this morning, asking to speak with the ‘magical folk’. Said he could tell that stuff was going down around here. What with you all warping in and out, I guess he could sense it or something. Anyway, we’ve got ourselves a Patient One over yonder!” Oh dear. If Sam was Patient Zero…
What had humanity’s mental problems managed to cook up?