“Where in the flipping Seven Seas of Rhye have you been?!”
Rarity and I hadn’t even made it through the door when I was accosted by my sister. Dani’s face was contorted in a snarl and her fists were clenched so tightly they were trembling. She was gritting her teeth hard enough that it looked like they might crack and sweat ran down her brow. All in all, she was positively livid.
She grabbed me by the bad arm and pulled me inside with an excessive amount of force. I yelped in pain and surprise, attempting to free myself from her Kung-Fu grip. “Easy, easy,” I protested. “What’s with-” I started to say, but she cut me off.
“No!” she shouted. “You don’t get to talk!” She dragged me by my tender, injured arm into the kitchen where she practically threw me into a chair. “And you!” she said, swiveling around on one foot and pointing to Rarity who was still standing in the door. “You wait up in the guest room, because you and I are going to be having words later.”
Rarity looked taken aback. “Now wait just a minute!” She raised a finger to try and retort, but I stopped her.
“Rarity,” I managed to grunt out, “just do as she says? Please? For the sake of my circulation?” Dani’s fingers were digging so hard into my wrist that I could feel the bruises forming. The purple-haired former pony frowned and looked like she was about to protest for a moment, but eventually relented. She sighed and nodded, slowly starting to ascend the stairs. I called after her. “You know where the bathroom is if you want to wash up!”
Once Rarity was out of sight, I turned to my sister, who still seemed intent upon crushing all the bones in my wrist to make a tasty loaf of bread. “Alright, Dani what is it?” I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible despite the way she just treated Rarity.
Dani practically threw my arm away from her. “What is it?!” she growled at me, “Did you not see the weather out there?! Do you not know what time it is?!”
I looked out the window. A small bolt of lightning flashed off in the distance. I chuckled and turned back to my sister. “Believe me, I was intimately aware of the weather outside.” I took a look at my watch. “And it’s about a quarter after ten.”
“A quarter after ten!” Dani shouted at me. “Sirens were going off! The TV said there were touchdowns! I was huddled up in the basement! What the hell were you two doing out there?!”
I looked over my glasses at her. “Well, among other things, outrunning a tornado.”
Dani’s jaw dropped open as she stared at me. “You... outran a tornado?!”
I grinned. “I know! I can hardly believe it either! Scratched up Elvira something fierce, but-”
“What in the nine circles of Hell would posess you to try something like that?!” Dani shouted right into my face. “Why didn’t you come home as soon as the storm started up?!”
“Okay,” I said, putting a hand up, ignoring the pain that shot through my arm when I did so. “It’s not like I was looking for tornadoes to race. That just sorta ended up happening.” I crossed my arms. “Secondly, I didn’t come straight home because I was helping Rarity look for her friends.”
Dani slapped her forehead. “Not this, Will,” she groaned. “Don’t do this. You’re not this stupid.”
“I know you don’t think she’s actually Rarity-” I started, only for Dani to slap me. “Aggghhh!” I rubbed my face. “Why does everybody keep doing that?!”
“What is wrong with you?!” Dani screamed. “You went out looking for fictional characters in the middle of a severe thunderstorm?! You almost got yourself killed for that woman! What would ever possess you to do that?!”
“I don’t-”
“She’s putting you on!” Dani snapped. “Or she’s insane or brain damaged or something.” She threw her arms up. “Whatever’s wrong with her, she’s not actually Rarity! Do you honestly not see how insane... how downright impossible that is?!”
I opened my mouth to say something but she raised her arm to slap me again. I wisely shut my noise hole.
“You’re risking your life for a woman you don’t even know... a woman who is most likely either a crackpot or a criminal... driving into storms and tornadoes and letting her stay in our hou- Is that blood?!”
She was pointing at my right arm. My shirt sleeve was soaked through with blood from before I bandaged my injury. I nodded, “A pebble flew out of the tornado and hit me in the arm.”
“Jesus Christ...” My sister trailed off, finally slumping into a chair and inspecting it. “Is it bad? Can you move it alright?”
I flexed my fingers for her and wiggled my arm around. “It hurts a lot and there’s this constant pins-and-needles feeling going through it, but I think it’s okay.” I lifted my sleeve up and showed her my bandages. “I already removed the pebble and disinfected it. It should be fine, but I’m probably going to get it checked out tomorrow morning.”
“Jesus...” Dani said burying her face in her hands. “So you did get hurt.”
I shrugged. “Well, just a little. All things considered, it could have... hell it should have been a lot worse.”
Dani went silent for a moment, shaking her head into her hands. “So she’s actually gone and hurt you now.”
I sat up. “Okay, whoa. You can’t blame Rarity for this.”
“I sure as hell can!” Dani snapped at me, her eyes boring holes into mine. “This woman who I don’t even know... who you don’t even know... has you gallivanting all over town looking for people that don’t exist and is putting you in danger.” She threw her hands up in the air. “She’s got you so deluded that you’re risking your life for her when you honestly don’t know who she is or what she could be capable of!”
“All of that was my choice,” I said back to her, taking a deep breath. “She wanted to find her friends. I wanted to help. It was that simple.” I leaned back in the chair, massaging my temples. “It was completely by accident that we happened to search for them in the middle of a twister’s path. But if you actually want to blame somebody then it was me that suggested to go out looking for them.”
“Oh please, like you could have ever helped yourself.” Dani rolled her eyes.
I raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Simple,” Dani said, “You’re living a fantasy. A lady comes up to you playing a damsel in distress, claiming she’s a character from a show you like. You suddenly see yourself as a character in some big, epic story that spans time and space or some other tripe like that, destined to be the gallant knight in shining armor that helps the damsel home to her friends.”
“That’s not remotely true.” I said, glaring at her.
“You live your whole life in stories, Will,” Dani continued. “You’re a manchild. A couch potato. You’re terrified of the world outside so you’ve spent the last few months doing nothing but watching movies and cartoons and reading fanfictions and playing video games.”
“That’s not-” I stopped myself. Okay, to some degree that was true. Some of it anyway. A lot of it. Maybe.
“So this woman comes out of nowhere and gives you a chance to ‘live out a story.’ You hate the real world so much that you jump at the first chance that you might get to live even a facsimile of one of the stories you enjoy so much.”
I shake my head. “To what end? And how would she know so much about me?!”
“I don’t know!” Dani said, throwing her arms up in the air. “To rob us? To hurt you? Because she has some sort of sick fascination with you? I have no idea!”
I scratched my head. “So let me get this straight... If I’m getting what you’re insinuating here, this is what you think is going on.” I pointed at my sister, an eyebrow raised. “You think that Rarity is actually some sort of stalker from the internet or something who has latched onto me. And she’s been following me for long enough to have put together a psychological profile of me detailed enough to know I’m apparently a manchild sucker that would jump at the chance to live out any fantasy presented to me. So she disguises herself as Rarity and pretends to be stuck on earth in a very coherent act, telling a very coherent story, knowing that I like Friendship is Magic. And then she lies down in front of my moving car to get my attention, kicks me around a few times, and enlists my help to find her friends, never breaks character once, even when we’re outrunning a tornado. And this is all some Xanatos gambit in an attempt to rob me or hurt me or something.”
Dani looked at me incredulously. “Well... yes!”
“And you think this is more believable than the idea that she’s actually Rarity?”
“Of course I do!” Dani snapped. “And do you know why? Because Rarity doesn’t exist!” Dani looked like she wanted to slap me again. “The fact is, Will, that you want to believe her. You want so hard to be the hero of some epic tale. That’s what you want to be true! But the truth is that this is the real world! Fictional characters don’t just pop into being! Magic doesn’t exist! This is real life, and the lie that this woman has constructed is completely impossible!”
“Nothing is-”
“If you finish that sentence I will tear out your kidneys through your nose.” Dani growled at me.
“Okay, fine.” I said. “But you have to admit, your scenario is entirely improbable.” I shrugged. “For example, why would she stalk me of all people? I’m barely present on the internet. I almost never say anything. I’ve rarely put my picture online, and outside of online shopping I’ve never put out an address or phone number.” I started counting on my fingers. “If she was stalking me, why would she do so in a way that she would construct a fantasy for me to live out? Why would she initiate that fantasy by lying down in front of my moving car, naked no less? Why would she never break character, even when in mortal danger? After being put in mortal danger, why would she even want to keep it up? Why would she want to hurt me? How could she know to rob us when I’ve never openly stated that we’re relatively wealthy online? Nothing about your scenario makes sense, Dani!”
“Nothing about her makes sense!” Dani shouted. “No, you’re right, Will. None of it makes sense. It doesn’t hold up to any scrutiny. But it makes more sense than deciding that she’s the real Rarity, because all of that, unlikely as it is, is still possible. What you think... what you want to be true... is impossible.”
“Dani,” I said, “Look at me and tell me that it doesn’t make the most sense.” I said. “Tell me that this being the real Rarity doesn’t downright solve everything.”
My sister growled. “Of course it makes the most sense. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s impossible.”
We both sighed. We looked at each other in silence for a minute. I heard water running upstairs. It sounded like Rarity was drawing a bath. My sister’s face had changed over the course of the argument. She’d started out angry and screaming. Now she looked different. Her voice was softer and she was shaking as she looked at me with her large, brown eyes. A tear had run down her cheek at some point during our shouting match. She was scared; concerned for me, probably.
Myself on the other hand, well, I was just tired. It had been a long, long day. “We’re not going to reach an agreement are we?” I said.
Dani sighed and brought a hand to the bridge of her nose.
“What has she done to earn your distrust?” I asked my sister. She mumbled something inaudible in reply. “Ever since I brought her here, you’ve been leery of her,” I continued. “What has she done to deserve that?”
“She dragged you out into a tornado for one thing,” Dani muttered.
I shook my head. “There was no way that anyone could have known that was coming. Besides, you’ve been suspicious of her since I brought her in. What has she done to deserve that?”
“I can’t be suspicious of a stranger hanging around in my own house now?” she snapped.
I sighed. “Granted. But she’s not done anything to actively harm you, has she?”
My sister growled something out
“What was that?” I pressed.
She sighed, relenting to me. “...no. No she hasn’t.” She looked at me askance. “Not yet anyway.”
“Why are you so unwilling to budge on this?”
“Because I don’t know her,” My sister insisted. “And I’m not comfortable having someone I don’t know staying in my house so close to me. So close to you.” She clenched her fist. “She’s a stranger in my house, and that makes me nervous. Especially when she’s spent the whole time here spinning fairy tales.”
I shrugged. “If you’re so worried about her because you don’t know her, why don’t you take some time to talk to her?”
“And what good would that do?” Dani probed. “She’ll just spin the same malarkey she told you.”
I nodded. “Probably,” I agreed. “On the other hand, maybe if you talk to her yourself and spend a little time with her, you’ll get a better judge of her character for yourself.” I waved a hand at her. “If nothing else, maybe you’ll agree with me that she’s not a threat, even if you don’t believe the stories of her origins.”
“...fine.”
I grinned. “What was that?”
“I said fine, you jackass.” Dani growled at me. “I’ll talk to your crazy unicorn girlfriend.” She stood up suddenly, the chair squeaking as it skidded a few inches across the floor.
“That’s my sister,” I said with a chuckle. “Just try to be gentle, okay? She’s had a rough night.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Gentleness isn’t exactly something I’m known for...” she coughed.
I shrugged. “Eh, do your best.”
My sister raised a hand and pointed at me rigidly. “We’re not done here, you know. I’m still worried about you.”
I waved her off. “Fine. Whatever. Have a nice talk with the unicorn.”
Dani growled in reply, but didn’t say anything as she ascended the stairs. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I’d been holding. I massaged my forehead, completely exhausted. It’d been a long couple days. Felt like months, actually. I needed sleep. My bed had missed me for the past couple days, and I it. I resolved to take a quick shower and climb into bed. I wasn’t about to dirty up my sheets with the blood, sweat, and dirt that currently covered my body.
Tossing my disgusting clothes in the laundry basket, I climbed into the shower. As the hot water and soap cascaded over me, I inspected my arm. The pain was starting to dissipate but the pins and needles feeling was as strong as ever. If anything it actually felt like it was getting stronger. I’d have to keep an eye on that.
After setting a new personal record for cleaning up, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself, and pulled on my pajamas. I could hear my sister and Rarity talking in the opposite bathroom, but I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying. It didn’t sound particularly heated, though, so that was a good sign. Maybe they’d work it out after all. Maybe... just maybe... I’d get my sister to help me with all of this.
Crawling under my covers, I quickly fell into a deep sleep, far too tired to even dream.
* * *
The phone broke me of my slumber.
I groaned in complaint. Turning over, I looked at the clock. It was 7 in the morning. Too early. No respectable human being would ever be up at this ungodly hour, and nobody with any decency would call me after what I’d been through.
Growling, I threw the covers off of me and stumbled over to the phone. Yanking it off the receiver, I managed to mumble out a coherent word.
“Hello?”
“Will?! Thank goodness you’re okay! It’s Mom. Your sister told us everything that’s happened! We’ve just landed at O’Hare and we’ll be home in an hour!”