The screaming had stopped, and explanations were given. Miss Happiness was apparently “Edith Perkinson, Investigator of Internal Affairs”, and it was her job to report back on how doomed everyone was. How delightful. Twilight had some explaining to do, but didn’t really seem to have much in the way of justification as far as Edith was concerned.
This was mildly stymied by her inability to grasp any of the sorts of magical theories that Sam and O’Hare had taken to readily. She was a creature of habit and procedure, and the sudden addition of talks about ‘portals’ and using the necklaces as a relay to act around the world in a single day went right over her head. People didn’t just teleport from London to Jakarta in a few minutes. Willickers. Next you would be arguing that ponies could talk, and that too was unreasonable.
Regardless, the story eventually came that Twilight’s grasp of authority was running on conceptions of Equestrian delegation. Someone assigned a position or task was given that role due to showing adept skill in that area. Since O’Hare was clearly in charge of the diplomatic and magical efforts, he was thus the most suited for dealing with the situation, and had authority thereof. Naturally. The idea of inter-departmental bickering was mildly foreign to her: ponies who disagreed with the chain of command were generally presumed to, for lack of a better term, ‘suck it up’, because causing internal discord would ensure that they got little authority of their own in future endeavors, having proven that they could not be team players.
Earth meritocracy was a bit different, and the princess was grasping that a little late.
“Well, we have been working on ways to deal with any fallout of the magical connection process, if you’d like to see them.” Papers were pulled out of a bag magically, which only served to rile Miss Happiness even more.
“That will NOT be necessary. You’ve done quite enough. Please do nothing more until we can… decide on a course of action. I do not need to say that it will most likely not involve any further meddling in our affairs.” She left in a huff, with Twilight mildly dejected at this sort of discouragement.
Sam got up, having used the verbal lashing as an excuse to not actually be part of the conversation. Someone else was getting blamed for the mess, and she did not want to share. “She’ll be back, you know. There’s little she can do without your help, whether she wants to admit it or not.”
“That’s not what it sounded like.”
“Because she’s still trying to convince herself that it’s not the case. Regardless, I don’t think she’s the one who’ll actually be calling the shots.” This only worried Twilight further. Who was in charge, then? Everything about this chain of command was dumb! “She’s just an investigator for the people who are actually in charge. They’re currently dealing with the PR fallout of this mess, so they send stupidface here to figure out the details.”
“And then?”
Good question. Sam really had no clue, honestly. Something was bound to break sooner or later, and barring some cunning plan, nothing much could happen until it did. “I imagine running around screaming is out of the question.”
Twilight pawed the ground nervously. “…is it really that bad?”
“Care to read?” Sam offered her the newspaper.
“I couldn’t if I wanted to. The amulet only works with speech, not writing.” Oog. Good point. Sam thusly flipped open the news, and started perusing more than just the exhilarating headline designed to sell all sorts of dead trees.
“Let’s see… panic in local governments… global emergency convening of political leaders… pleas to remain calm… Page E1 has a report on a wacky cult leader declaring that this is the end of the world and such. Interested?”
“I’ll pass, please.”
“Well, don’t go away just yet.” Sam was no good at this newscaster voice, but she tried her best. Becoming a kitty person had taken the spice and grandeur out of her drawl. “Markets are in a panic as everyone everywhere does something, even if they don’t know quite what. Buy, sell, it’s all good, so long as it makes them feel comfortable.”
“Perhaps that’s an angle then! Comfort. Make people at ease with magic.”
“I’d ask how, but it’d go over my head. Also, you’re talking brainwashing on a global level.”
“Not brainwashing! No no no… just… like a helping hand. Someone to tell them it’s all right.”
“With magic making them trust said helping hand, of course.” Well duh. When there was a situation, magic would always make it better. Twilight’s vast experience meant that she Knew this, even when it was flatly untrue. She was nothing if not steadfast in her beliefs; such was required as a pioneer of magical Science.
“Semantics aside, that’s a lot of helping hands. You do have a general idea of how many of us there are, yes?”
“It can’t be That many. Spells covering the bulk of Equestria have been done. I’ve done a few myself! And besides, raising the sun.”
“Aligning it. Alright then, how many ponies are in Equestria? Or people in general.”
“Well, there’s not a super-accurate number, but general tallies put it at a nice 1.2 million. Pretty big, right? Even if Earth is a 10-fold factor, it shouldn’t be too hard to work something out.”
“Ahuh. That’s what I thought. Twi… we’re talking over 7 Billion humans.”
Twilight nodded in agreement. This wouldn’t be too… oh. You meant with the B. And not just any B, but a capital one. This was serious Business.
“Well poop.”
“So yeah, factor of 6 or so, give or take 1000. Good effort, but we’re talking a staggering amount of people.”
“I don’t even… how do you have that many people?”
“Practice. The lack of ravenous monsters helps too, though we’ll probably be fixing that relatively soon, wouldn’t you say?”
The princess drooped her head. “You don’t have to rub it in.”
Sigh. “I kinda do, don’t I? If we’re going to fix things, might as well stop fooling ourselves about how icky it could get, yes?”
“Right. You’re right, I guess. Pessimistic, mind you.”
“Thank you, I try. Someone has to be the sourpuss, and I’d rather it be me than Miss Happiness over there.”
Twilight pondered a bit, but this would take a bit longer to load than she’d like. “Alright then. I’m going to think about this for a bit. It shouldn’t be impossible to work a spell over hordes of people, but it’d be better if we could do it before it spreads further. Less to work with, less to deal with.” A thought struck her, but it was still cooking. Doughy plans made for messy hooves. “For now, try getting a good number on how it’s spread. I mean, I’ve got the theoretical idea, but I was under the impression we’d hit most of the major population centers. You’re telling me we’ve barely scratched the surface.”
“How many did you visit?”
“Eleven, with conversion areas of about 3 square trails each.”
“Pardon?”
“Hmm. I guess that wouldn’t translate. No equivalent unit of measurement in your language. Roughly 100,000 people each time?”
“So 1.1 million, or almost one Equestria.” Hence how she’d gotten the idea that it couldn’t be too much more than that.
“Incidence of about .014, .015%. Small, but it’ll spread fast.”
“Wonderful. Well, let me know when you get some good ideas. I’ll try pestering the happy lady about recent news.”
“Thanks.”
Twilight left the cell to go clear her head, leaving Sam alone with the paper. She picked it up, and proceeded to amuse herself with the cultist article. “And lo, the great destroyer Apollyon shall be known by… dang. You guys are crazy. Who writes this crap?” Still, it was a worrying thought. Someone had bothered to write said crap, enough to believe it. Humans running around carrying objects with their mind didn’t really ring as the end of the world to Sam, but clearly some people weren’t so complacent. “Now see, why can’t people run around declaring happy news? Gimme a public interest story about a person cosplaying as Jesus telling people to be friends.”
Ah, there it was, complete with the fat guy in the hastily made Jesus Robe. Sam had only needed to turn the page. Goodness. People were so odd.
-------------
“Alright, where is she?!”
It was too early in the morning for this. Technically, it was too late at night, but time had little meaning in a box filled with pet accoutrements. Sam was rudely being poked and prodded by a hoof attached to blue fur, and it wasn’t going away.
“Can I help you, Rainbow?”
“Yes! Where’s Twilight? She was all worried and such earlier, and hasn’t been back since this morning. Do you know her?”
“Not as much as you. Is this a bad thing?”
“Yes! Twilight is, like, entirely the sort of pony to run off doing something stupid. You have to remind her not to be an egghead about these things!” Sam did, almost every day at this rate, but clearly that wasn’t good enough. Alas.
The sphinx yawned, and pulled herself out of the blanket fort. It was cozy and comfortable, and she would miss it terribly. “Alright, alright. I’ll go ask someone. There are people everywhere, you know. They’d know where she went.”
“We’re talking about the same absent-minded teleporting wizard, yes? Walls have no meaning in her world!”
“…point.” Rainbow’s paranoia was exquisite, but this was perhaps to be expected from somepony who could portal in at any given moment. “Well, wait here for a moment. I don’t think our new landlady would like ponies flying around in a panic.”
Sam left, leaving Rainbow Dash more confused than before. New landlady? She was envisioning some sort of Earth Human, like an Earth Pony, but more stupid looking. Oddly enough, this would not have been far from the truth, even if the principle was different.
-------------
Well, that was disappointing. Twilight had gone for a walk around the base, to check on the magical soldiers she had been experimenting with earlier. Confirming findings, perhaps? More tests seemed probable. Some sort of scheme was hopefully hatching in her brain, and if guinea pigs were needed, then as long as they volunteered, no one would mind.
Still, none of the soldiers she had talked with seemed to recall her dashing off in a hurry. She was, by and large, missing. “Well, damn.”
“Don’t just stand there! How could you lose a princess?”
“Carefully.” Sam was not in the mood. This had a bad feeling to it. Twilight would not have gone away of her own accord, meaning that she did so involuntarily. Either a problem that needed addressing, or…
“How much did she tell you about the portal spell?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes in midair, giving the impression of a bizarre barrel-rolling orbit. “Way too much. Egghead stuff, remember?”
“Right. She mentioned at one point that this… Discord guy-“
“Ugh. Not him.”
“Bear with me. He could technically use the spell to target specific people, or at least get close to specific. Hence how he grabbed me, and surely he could grab Twilight if need be.”
“I’m not asking him.”
“I wasn’t planning on it. Yet. Plan Bs and such.” Sam thought a bit harder. Plots and schemes were forming, but they needed a bit more courage.
Courage was not what arrived, and they had to make do with droll. “I do hope you’re not preparing to make ANOTHER mess.” Oh goody. It was Miss Happiness in the suit, and she was not keen at being dragged out of bed at this hour.
“Cleaning up one. I half had a mind to think this was your doing.”
“Please. We are trying very hard to avoid any further… entanglements.”
“Good to note. Which means it’s not you. That’s nice. I would feel bad about jumping into a less friendly government facility.”
Jumping? This was a plan! Rainbow liked plans. "So wait. You know how to find her?”
“Well, kinda sorta. I still have my escape clause, yes?” Sam wiggled the necklace Twilight had given her. “Open it up, wish really hard, and warp to where she is.”
“But you don’t know where that is.”
“I can find out once I get there, yes? Gimme a day or so. Or however long it takes you to work up the nerve to ask Discord for a favor.”
A deadpan glance was given. “You’re asking about a really long time.”
“Be more courageous than that, hun. I’d hate to be in this alone.”
Edith was not in the mood for these shenanigans. “Now hold on there. You can’t just go running off somewhere you don’t even-“
“Stuff it. Last I checked, Twilight actually had the decency to treat me like a proper person. Perhaps you could learn from her example?” A toothy grin was given, as Sam proceeded to, for lack of a better term, wish really hard.
…nothing happened.
“Wish really hard… magically?”
“I have no idea how to do that. Work, you piece of crap!” Whether the cursing was the proper impetus or not, Sam felt the familiar sensation of being yanked away by some object not quite attached to herself. Reality bent and warped around the sphinx, as she set off on a journey of investigation and adventure!
Rainbow and Edith stared at the space where Sam had warped from. “So… you’re the land lady? I was expecting someone more… imposing.” Diplomacy! Rainbow was a natural, and this was exactly why she was involved in the diplomatic efforts. Yes.
She was sure that Edith’s grumbling of rage and confusion were just par for the course. Humans were very strange creatures sometimes.