//------------------------------// // Chaos // Story: Lessons From a Draconequus // by Terrasora //------------------------------// Discord’s voice strode away. It was quite a disconcerting feeling for Twilight. Not only had she been left alone in a realm where everything went according to a chaotic whim, but the invisible presence of Discord’s voice hummed to itself as it left. The alicorn could even hear its footsteps. But there was clearly nothing there. Twilight Sparkle shook her head. This isn’t the time to get distracted, she chided herself. Princess Celestia wants me to do this. She looked down, expecting to see some kind of chasm that heralded her death. Apparently, the Princess hadn’t gotten used to the concept of wings. But, truth be told, Twilight couldn’t tell where she was standing. The darkness was so utterly complete that it could have gone on forever or ended after a few second’s jolt. She gulped visibly. “O-one hoof in front of the other,” she muttered to herself. Her front hoof went up as hooves tend to do when ponies decide to walk. It paused in the air for a moment, just enough time for Twilight to close her eyes and take a deep, calming breath. And then it came down again. Cold. Burning cold. Twilight gasped as a flurry of snow assaulted her body and her hoof came down on a pile of snow. Her eyes snapped open. “W-what?” stammered the alicorn. Twilight Sparkle found herself in the middle of a clearing. Thick, dark pines formed a circle around it. The strangest part, however, was the lamppost that stood in the middle of the clearing, cheerfully lighting everything around it. Where am I? wondered Twilight, her teeth beginning to clatter together. “Mr Tumnus!” called a young girl’s voice. “Mr. Tumnus! Oh, where has he gone?” The alicorn turned slightly. “Somepony else is here!” She lifted her hoof with the intent of putting it back down, lifting another hoof, putting that one down, and continuing the process until she had found that promise of intelligent conversation. Her hoof came down, breaking the top layer of snow with a soft crunch. Lights, shiny things, machines whirring, and a giant window through which gleamed the vastness of space. Strange, bipedal creatures were milling about, trying desperately to do... something. “Divert as much energy to the shields as you can!” shouted the bipedal creature seated in the middle of the room. “Scotty, do we have the engines up yet?!” “I cannot do it, Captain! I just don’t have the power!” replied Scotty. Twilight didn’t even have the time to think, “What the buck?” before something rocked against the starship Enterprise and sent the alicorn reeling. She would have fallen if it weren’t for her reflexes, which guided her hoof to the floor without asking for the brain’s permission. “No! Ben!” called a voice in anguish. The alicorn turned, catching sight of a tall, black, metallic looking bipedal creature, standing in front of a pile of brown robes. He was holding a red beam of light in his hands. See, thought Twilight, that’s just impossible. There was a roar of a giant, powerful engine. The Princess turned just in time to see some kind of disk speed away and out into a dark void studded with stars. “This is the second time I’ve been in space in the last half minute,” marveled Twilight out loud. “Okay, I’m actually starting to like this.” The black-colored tin man turned with a heavy breath. His eyes locked on the cartoonish purple pony before him. “Then again,” said Twilight. She took a step back, slightly looking forward to what was next. The alicorn blinked and found herself on the edge of a chasm, one that clearly went on forever. “You shall not pass!” shouted a voice. Twilight Sparkle tore her eyes away from the glorified hole. There was a very thin bridge spanning the chasm and on that bridge stood a giant, fiery demon and a small bipedal creature brandishing a sword and staff. “Starswirl?” said Twilight breathlessly. Bipedal Starswirl slammed his piece of wood against the bridge. Amazingly, the stone broke into pieces and the demonic creature fell to its doom. “Yup, definitely Starswirl.” A thin line of fire whipped up from the chasm, wrapping itself around that powerful caster. Twilight took a step forward, instinctively trying to help. The alicorn found herself on a raised platform. A conical board of switches, buttons and various whirligigs stood in the middle of this platform with a cylindrical tube reaching up to the ceiling. A head, one of the bipedal creature’s head, popped up from behind the cone. “Well, hello,” said the head. “How’d you get there?” “I-I don’t know. I just kind of walked and then I—” “You can speak!” the figure stood on what Twilight considered its hind hooves and walked over to her. “I love it when things can speak; it makes it so much simpler for me to talk to them. Not that I don’t always try to talk to something, but I especially like it when the being in question can respond in kind.” The creature reached into its coat and pulled out a metallic cylinder. “Don’t worry, this will only take a second and it won’t hurt at all.” It pointed the cylinder at Twilight and a quiet buzzing sound emanated from the device. “Who are you?” asked Twilight, remarkably calm after literally walking through various dimensions. “Hmmmmm,” said the thing thoughtfully, staring at the metal cylinder. “A temporal-spacial anomaly. But there’s something else to you. Something that doesn’t really make sense.” It grinned. “Oh, I do love a good nonsense maker.” The alicorn leaned forward, slightly squinting. “You look familiar. I think I’ve met somepony like you.” The thing laughed. “‘Somepony’? I quite like that! Yeah, that’s really good. You know, I’d normally say ‘someone’, but ‘somepony’ makes a lot of sense for you.” Twilight gave a forced half-smile. “Right, well, I’m T—” The alicorn felt something tug at the back of her neck. She disappeared quite suddenly, leaving behind a slightly confused bipedal creature. “Riiiight,” said the creature. “There’s that temporal-spacial distortion.” He leveled his metallic cylinder, pointing it at the point where Twilight had just disappeared. “Now, how did you get on and off my TARDIS?” He flicked his wrist, extending the cylinder. “Now that is interesting... Oh, that is very interesting.” The Doctor ran up to his TARDIS’s control panel. “Come on old girl,” he said. “I think I found us someplace new to see!” *** “Honestly Twilight Sparkle, what am I going to do with you?” Discord was floating in the air, laying down as though he were on a comfortable couch. “I turn away for one second and you decide to go universe hopping. Without me! I would expect better from you, Twilight.” The alicorn was also floating, though not of her own volition. No, the invisible force that it lifted her out of that TAR-thing hadn’t let go. The overall effect was the same as a mother cat carrying her kitten. Discord found it adorable and had no reason to dispel it. “I don’t think that you have any right to chide me,” said Twilight testily, “since I’m pretty sure that you’re the one who sent me out in the first place!” “I take offense at that statement!” Discord conjured a box of tissues and began dabbing at his eyes. He continued in a teary, sobbing voice. “All I want to do is teach... Is that so much to ask?!” He blew his nose, producing the sound of a foghorn in the process. Twilight wasn’t buying it. She crossed her hooves to show as much. Discord peeked through one of the tissues. He sighed at the alicorn’s stubborn attitude. “Everyone’s a critic,” said Discord as his tissues and tissue box disappeared with a pop. “Well, Twilight Sparkle, you are free to believe whatever you want. Of course you would be wrong, but you are still free to believe.” The draconequus spread his claw in an arc, leaving a trail of glittering dust that spelled out the word ‘Wrong’ in its wake. “Shouldn’t that say ‘Believe’?” asked Twilight. “Not when you believe in something wrong. And, I assure you, you are wrong to believe that I sent you out there. Have you forgotten where we are? This is Chaos, Princess. One false step can lead you astray.” Discord, deciding that staying still was boring, began to back stroke through the air. “You can take that as literally as you need to.” “Hmmmph,” hmmmphed Twilight. Discord turned himself upside down. “I suppose I should explain how you ended up in various universes.” “I’d appreciate it.” The draconequus smirked. “Care to take notes?” The alicorn blinked. “That’s surprisingly thoughtful of you. A notepad, college rule, standard size, a few quills, and an inkwell would be very appreciated.” Discord’s smile widened at Twilight Sparkle’s highly convincing use of sarcasm... Twilight Sparkle... Sarcasm... “You’re being completely serious, aren’t you?” The Princess knit her eyebrows together. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Discord sighed and snapped his talons. A notepad, a few quills, and an inkwell floated in space in front of Twilight. Another snap and one of the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor. “One day,” said the draconequus, “you’ll be fun to talk to. Today is not that day.” “Discord,” warned Twilight. Another sigh from the personification of Chaos. A snap later, and the same chalkboard from the auditorium room reappeared. Discord took up his eraser and wrote the word ‘Chaos’ under ‘Nothing.’ “What you just experienced,” said the draconequus, “was only an interpretation of chaos.” Twilight scribbled something onto her notepad. Discord raised an amused eyebrow, but merely continued with his lecture. “It was, in more advanced terms, a very powerful  form of temporal-spacial distortion. So powerful that a single step allowed you to step into a separate universe. If Rainbow Dash were here, I’d dumb it down and call it a wormhole.” The Princess frowned at Discord’s jab towards the pegasus. She would have said something, but the draconequus continued before she could. “Of course, this is trying to actually explain Chaos which is a rather stupid and fruitless idea.” Discord decided that fruit was actually a great idea and a watermelon popped into existence next to him. He spun it around, using one of his talons to scrape off the rind. “Well, I guess that it’s not fruitless anymore, but it is still stupid and useless.” The watermelon was now fully exposed. Discord shoved it into his maw, eating it in one go. “Anyway,” he said with his mouth full, “we should move on from the basic stuff.” The draconequus clapped his mismatched arms together, and the murky darkness gave way to another, brighter background. “Have a look around, Princess,” said Discord with a slight bow a flourish. This new area was a mirror to what Ponyville had looked like during Discord’s brief reign. Random chunks of the landscape had broken away and floated upwards. They would have kept floating if not for the lines of rope that tethered them to the ground. Clouds of cotton candy floated across the sky, casting shadows onto a multi-colored ground. And then it was suddenly night. Or, at least a facsimile of night as the Moon had been replaced by a giant roll of cheese. Off in the distance, rolling hills literally rolled across the horizon before sinking into the ground to form yawning chasms that stretched and cursed their long work day before getting into bed. The trees seemed to be made of candy canes, the rivers were chocolate, the lakes were hot sauce. As the alicorn looked on in wonder, Discord reached down and took a pawful of jelly bean stones. A flock of cuckoo clocks, each one’s clock hands bent and pointing in random directions, flew across the sky, entered a dive, and continued flying underground. Discord flicked a piece of dust from a red jelly bean. He popped it into his mouth. “So, what do you think?” Twilight looked around again, her eyes watering slightly from the various bright colors. “It’s... not natural.” “Well, duh,” said the draconequus with a roll of his eyes. “Chaos is unnatural by nature! Look around again, Twilight Sparkle, what else can you notice? It’s staring you right in the face.” The alicorn scrunched her muzzle slightly but complied. Candy cane trees, cuckoo clocks flying overhead, literal balls of cotton that seemed to be tearing up a green carpet. Discord watched Twilight all the while, looking for that flash of recognition that signaled that she understood. It didn’t come. The draconequus sighed. “The point I was trying to make, Twilight Sparkle, is that there are only two living things in this entire area. Both of them are standing here.” Twilight Sparkle blinked and looked around again. The draconequus spoke all the while. “Cuckoo clocks, cotton, candy canes, carpets, these were not born out of the seduction of the dangerously curvy letter ‘C’. Though that is a part of it. There’s no living, breathing beings out here because Chaos does not create life. Not even plants.” A small, high-pitched bark came from the floor at Discord’s feet. The draconequus looked down to find a very familiar looking gravy boat looking back up at him. Chaos itself scooped up the small porcelain tub, nuzzling against it slightly. “Even little Gravy Boat isn’t alive.” He put it back down, and Gravy Boat scurried away. Discord sighed. “Only animated.” Twilight could have sworn that she saw an inkling of sadness in the draconequus’s eyes. But it was quickly replaced by the normal slightly amused glint. “In any case,” continued Discord flippantly, “Chaos does not create life, but we are certainly allowed to shape it.” He crossed his arms and scowled. “But Celestia doesn’t allow me to bring any pets into the castle. She say I’m not responsible enough. Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, how is that fair?! All I want to do is put uselessly long legs on rabbits!” “I don’t think Fluttershy would appreciate that, Discord.” “Oh, bunk! She’d probably think they were cute.” A thought occurred to Twilight. “Twilight Sparkle... are you... raising your hoof?” “I have a question,” replied the alicorn as though it were obvious. Discord smirked. “Of course. And what is your question, Princess?” “If there is no life in Chaos, then what about you?” The smirk seemed to intensify as the draconequus looked down at Twilight. “Why am I alive, Twilight Sparkle?” he asked. The alicorn thought for a moment. “I guess that’s one way of phrasing it.” “You know, normal ponies would freak out if they thought that they were questioning the reason why something was alive.” Twilight shrugged. “I’m a scientist.” That drew a chuckle out of Discord. “A sense of humor. I never would have expected it. As for why I’m alive, it’s likely because I was not exactly born out of Chaos, per say. I was born with Chaos and out of Nothing.” The alicorn scribbled down a few more notes. A towel slithered along the ground next to her. “And Nothing can create life?” “All life stems from Nothing.” Discord spread out his paws. “Just look at me. I’m an amalgam of random living things. Nothing thought up the idea of life and formed bits and pieces of other living things. It gave me the best of everything and kept spewing these random chunks out. Trust me, it’s actually more disconcerting than it sounds. It was also really entertaining to watch little bunny feet hop around without any other bunny part.” The draconequus both literally and figuratively drifted off. Twilight had to clap her hooves in front of him to get him back. “What were we talking about?” asked Discord. “Hopping bunny feet,” replied Twilight in a slightly nauseous tone. “Ah, yes.” Discord conjured a bar of chocolate from the basket Celestia had given him. “So, bits and pieces of random animals were lying around. I was left to put them back together. I didn’t bother mixing-and-matching, where was the fun in that?” He took a bit of the chocolate. “Mmmm, peanuts. So, by the end of Chaos, I had alligators running around with woodpecker heads and bunnies with horse legs and a duck with a hippo’s head and the platypus... I think that they never got rid of platypuses... or is it platypi? Platyplypuses?” The draconequus looked at Twilight for confirmation. “I’m not really sure...” “Really? Isn’t it your job to know things like this?” “That’s Fluttershy’s department.” Discord snorted. “Of course.” They lapsed into a slight silence as the draconequus polished off the rest of his chocolate. A paper airplane streamed past, performing loops and rolls. The cotton candy clouds floated at a more reasonable pace. Discord squinted up at one of the clouds and pinched it between his claw. Miles up in the air, the cloud stopped. He conjured a glass with his lion paw, putting it under the cloud in his claw. The draconequus squeezed down with his talons and the cup filled to the brim with chocolate milk. Twilight Sparkle watched on in disbelief. She shook her head. “That doesn’t make any sense.” Discord glanced at her as he drank his glass. “That’s another thing.” Discord was still drinking, but his voice was still clear. “There’s no real smell in here.” “And why is that?” asked Twilight. The draconequus grinned. “Because there’s no fun in making scents.” The Princess was only just able to stave off a groan. “Well,” said Discord, “that was the most exciting part of the lesson. Let’s hurry through everything else.” He held out a single talon, drawing a vertical line in the air. The line thickened, until it formed rectangular passageway. Twilight nodded. “What’s next?” “Oh, eager to get to my lessons are we, Twilight Sparkle?” Twilight gave a start. “M—Maybe.” Discord smirked. “Either way, anything sucks when compared to Chaos. Especially Order.” The draconequus stepped through the passageway, disappearing instantly. The alicorn followed, hesitating slightly every time her hoof made contact with the ground. There was, however, not incident as she made her way through the portal. As the tear in space closed, a flock of cuckoo clocks deanimated, crashing to the ground in a heap of gears and springs. Gravy Boat curled up and everything that shouldn’t move waited for the return of Discord.