//------------------------------//
// Entry Sixteen 
// Story: Diary of an Aspiring Tyrant 
// by SugarPesticide 
//------------------------------//

July 6, 1000 ANM

My upcoming invention will be dubbed Nitroglycercute. Essentially it will be liquid nitroglycerin repurposed as paint, which I shall smear on whatever I wish to destroy or hold ransom. Yet there are inherent difficulties regarding the creation of this highly applicable substance. As of yet nitroglycerin is, of course, banned in Equestria aside from trivial amounts permitted for use in medical practices, so I was required to turn to other countries for assistance. A bit of covert investigation in trade records revealed that all of our nitroglycerin is carefully imported from Yugoslothvia, a dictatorship which apparently formed four hundred years ago.

Interest in this relatively new land, together with the need to obtain illegal material for my own nefarious purposes, prompted me to venture outside for the first time in days to visit the Yugoslothvian embassy in Canterlot. There I was fortunate to come across their chief ambassador, Indola, a surprisingly well-groomed fellow. My previous experiences with sloths had given me the expectation of all their race being a group of apathetic ruffians, so to see such a sloth as Indola was a pleasant surprise.

"Yes, the land of sloths is certainly more civilized than what you were once used to," he told me once pleasantries had been exchanged. "Nobody goes hungry, for one thing. We make certain of that. Very certain."

"Sir!" His secretary peered into the room, brandishing a hefty file. "We've got some more complaints about working conditions for the ninety-nine percent! They've added 'loss of meaning' to the list of grievances!"

"Must I tell you again that those complaints make an excellent fertilizer?" He sighed coolly as the secretary abashedly took her leave. "I apologize, Princess. Many of my inferiors here are new."

"Quite all right. What is the trouble, if I may ask?"

"There has been another strike in the nitroglycerin mines. The workers are, once again, protesting Father Folivus's policies. It seems there is no pleasing them, despite their consistently raised wages."

This was, of course, irrelevant to my interests, but I decided to humor him. "My condolences to your dictator. How do you think this will this affect the nitroglycerin trade?"

"It'll be for the worse, I believe. We already require a hefty percentage for the population's intake, and our relations with the rhinoceroses are currently strained after the latest treaty. No other land shows much interest in our chief export, unfortunately."

My opportunity had come, and so I struck. "Would you be willing to sell your unused quantities to me?"

"Unlikely, Your Highness. Unless I am quite mistaken, Equestria is not permitted to own nitroglycerin under most circumstances, so I'm afraid there's little to be done."

"Not to Equestria," I said, "but to me. I am quite interested in the potential research applications in various materials discovered after my little incident. I am something of a scientist, you might say, and I assure you that no other would benefit from it."

His dark eyes glittered. "Our private channels aren't exactly inexpensive."

"Name your price. I shall match it."

"Very well."

We negotiated somewhat on the price of the nitroglycerin, and eventually I fairly emptied my allowance to satisfy his demands. Nevertheless, I did not fret. The fact that I could obtain the marvelous substance at all was enough to sate my desire. He promised that I would receive it as soon as the trains would allow, and with that happy statement in my ears I departed.

Upon my return to the palace I encountered Mi Amore Cadenza, who appeared to have just finished up another bout of tennis. "You're up to something," she said, wiping her brow. "I can feel it."

"My dear niece, surely you know me well enough by now to understand that at no point am I not up to something. This is no probability, but rather a certainty, so be at ease. How was your practice?"

"It went okay," she admitted. "My trainer sure isn't easing up on me."

"Remember to imbibe a great deal of water," I reminded her. "Even if you are my sworn nemesis, it is best that you do not dehydrate yourself."

"That's exactly what I was planning on doing. Thanks anyway, though."

There was a moment of silence. A guard coughed somewhere.

"Well, I must go," I said at length. "Supper calls my name, and after the events of the day I could certainly use sustenance to carry me through my night."

"And what events are those?"

"That, Mi Amore Cadenza, shall remain a curiosity to thee." I smiled beatifically as I trotted away.

With that minor victory past me, I only must need await the arrival of the nitroglycerin. What I shall do in the meantime, I do not know. Surely something will come to pass.