“How dare you speak to me like zat!” Dr. Scalpel yelled in a most frightening tone at his latest patient. “I had thought you vould have some respect for ze one zat saved your life…” nopony else on the street moved, they were all paralyzed with fear and anticipation at what he would do next. Several of the other medical ponies could do nothing but watch the scene unfold from behind the safety of the glass doors. The burning hatred that he was showing was unlike anything they had ever seen before.
“…” The patient remained unflinching, his stance solid, he did not care about anything this mad pony had to say to him. Some guessed it was ignorance, others guessed valor, but whatever it was… this patient would not move from his spot.
“Oh I see how it is zhen… vell perhaps it vas wrong of me to expect anything else, from you or your kind…” Scalpel angrily retorted. A fire sparked in his eyes, and in response some of the citizens backed up in terror. Hoping to intimidate his mortal enemy, the mad doctor took 1 single warning step forward. “I vill give you zis last chance, apologize now! I do not vant to do zis!”
“…” The patient towered over the doctor, but his formidable size did not deter the germane. Still holding his ground, unflinching, he could not even look his foe in the eyes.
“I don’t care how big you are, nobody gets away with insulting my mother like zat! I swear to Celestia and on my honor zat only one of us vill valk away from zis!” He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a rather large bone saw. The children were told to cover their eyes as the doctor dove into battle.
One was a pony, protecting his and his family’s honor, the other one who would not back down from anything, and when the two clashed it was a battle to be told for generations. Blow after blow, swing after swing, they went at it. When the doctor shoved the blade deep into the midsection, his counterpart somehow mustered the willpower to not even flinch. Not one of the onlookers would dare interrupt this, it was much more than a street brawl; it was a fight for belief and honor.
Nopony could stand to watch as the doctor swung and cut, missing every so often, but eventually he would land a lucky blow. The blade slid into his opponents muscle, chunks began to fly in all directions. Despite losing so much the doctor’s opponent was standing his ground firm.
However… what was this? Despite all of his strength and will power, he had taken so much damage and began to slant. Seeing this as his opportunity Scalpel went in for the kill. A little filly screamed as the maniacally laughing doctor sliced his opponent in half horizontally.
It was about then that Redheart walked up. Humming a merry tune, she passed the two combatants before realizing what was going on behind her. Taking a few steps back she asked “Um... doctor, what are you doing to that rock?” She looked skeptically at the doctor, who was silently celebrating his victory.
Finally noticing the crowd that had gathered around him he decided it was time to explain. “Well, as you can probably tell I hate boulders… disgusting bunch…” Gesturing to the crestfallen keystone he continued “Und zis ungrateful specimen came rolling to me for help. Naturally I vould never turn down a patient… even if it vas a… boulder…” it was obvious that he hated even pronouncing the word. “I spent days awake to keep him merely stabilized, und you know vat he does first thing ven he vakes up? HE destroys my last remaining picture of mother (bless her soul) and proceeds to badmouth my family line. I somehow managed to keep my cool until he got to my great great great grandmother, Zoe (bless her soul slightly more). Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore, und vell… zis happened”
When the doctor had finished his rant, Redheart decided it was time to give him yet another 5 minute time out, but before she could pull him away one of the ponies spoke up. “Thank you… mister…” he said, trembling and with tears in his eyes “You’ve just saved us from the Rolling Moss gang. By killing their leader, ‘Big Boulder’ Tom, the remaining gang members will have no choice but to skip town. For months they have been terrorizing the trade routes by blocking the way until they got their pay… but now… the nightmare might just finally be over.”
The crowd broke into a roaring applause; some ponies even broke down into tears of joy. Scalpel simply smiled and bowed while Redheart stood in mild incredible confusion. ‘Since when have we been terrorized by a gang?’ she wondered, but she shook her head, she and seen stranger things happen since Scalpel moved here. He once cured a case of the common cold, by shoving a pigeon and some birdseed into the patient’s kidneys.
By the time the crowd had died down, a parade and celebration had been scheduled for the next day. Scalpel casually waltzed inside the hospital while his less than cheery assistant closely followed. “May I ask for the reason you hate rocks so much?” She eventually asked, trying to reason out what had gone down outside.
“Vell, it’s not rocks,” He explained “it’s actually just boulders. Ach, I hate to just think about zem. You see, I had a bit of a bad experience vith ze lot. A friend's aunt's third brother, twice removed, was crushed by a boulder, ever since I could never bring myself to forgive zem.” Obviously not enjoying the subject, Scalpel decided it was time to move onto lighter tones. “But on an unrelated note, earlier today my beautiful little Cerbyarrived.”
“Your… Cerby?” Redheart wondered “And that would be?”
“Oh, ze little angel is resting upstairs.” Scalpel squeed “You can go up und see her for yourself; I have important doctor business to attend to.” The doctor trailed off and headed in another direction as Redheart turned into the stairwell. Making her way to the office she paused, hearing a rather large snore coming from inside.
Slowly opening the door she was greeted with the “Cerby” that Scalpel had been making the fuss about. A giant, three headed dog was sleeping in the middle of the room. “Cerberus…” She whispered under her rapidly increasing breath. Facing the sleeping giant she ever so quietly closed the doors and clapped her hoof over her mouth. The beast was sleeping soundly, but what if it woke up? The amount of damage one of those could do, especially if it was woken up, could be disastrous! What was the doctor doing, bringing a CERBERUS into the hospital?!
But then, she heard a familiar voice yell out in a disturbingly loud volume “HEY! RED”!
‘Oh no…’ Redheart thought to herself, as her friend Cheryl came running down the hallway. Putting her back to the door she quickly greeted her friend “Hey… Cheryl, not so loud…”
“Hm? Why?” She questioned back, confused and still using abnormally high volume.
Redheart rushed to think of an excuse, she couldn’t just tell her about the giant dog in the room behind her. “Um… there are patients… that are, uh…. sleeping! Yeah, you’ll wake them up.” she whispered.
“uhhhh, Red… you realize this is the office wing, right?” Cheryl asked back “Speaking of, isn’t that Dr. Scalpels office behind you?”
“No, no, this… doctor….” Redheart stuttered, too worried with keeping the door shut to make rational dialogue.
“I heard he’s doing an operation on the second floor, I don’t think he would mind if you would show me around.” Cheryl whispered.
“Um… no, he, ah….” Redheart continued to stutter, heart racing as she swore she heard movements from behind. “He’s terribly OCD, he will literally kill you if you touch anything inside there!” She suddenly blurted, hoping that would at least deter her friend.
“Meh, I’ve worked with patients that had even worse cases, now let me in!” she teased, pushing Redheart out of the way. Grabbing the knob, she opened the door without hesitation… and she was consequently greeted with three giant black snouts in her face.
Everything froze, even if just for a moment, nopony moved. Cheryl and Redheart were paralyzed, and the Cerberus was just standing there, motionless. The giant three headed dog made the first move, unfortunately, and in a flash of motion seized Cheryl in its middle mouth. Redheart screamed in terror as Cheryl was pulled inside, and she braced herself for the sickening crunch… that never came.
Opening one eye Redheart slowly craned her neck to peek into the office. Much to her surprise, instead of ripping her best friend to shreds, the giant mutt was lying on its back and enjoying a belly rub from the damsel “In distress”.
“Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? You are!” Cheryl mushed, obviously not in any danger whatsoever. “Is this what you were trying to hide from me Redheart, he couldn’t hurt a fly if he tried to.”
“But… but…” the confused nurse whined, officially having no clue what just happened.
At that moment Scalpel wandered down the hall, whistling some tune that would be oddly familiar had it been audible. Seeing the situation he happily cried “AH, I see your friend and my darling Cerby have ben acquainted.”
Having officially lost all hope in trying to reason with the situation out Redheart turned to the doctor. “Wait, doctor… don’t you need to be somewhere?”
“Do I?” he wondered, rubbing his chin in thought.
“A surgery, ring any bells?”
“No, not really.”
“Then what was that business you had to attend to!?”
“Zhey ver selling peanut butter squares in ze mess hall, I even got you one” he casually explained as he held up one of the aforementioned square slices of peanut buttery goodness.
“I… I’m going to go get a coffee.” Redheart sighed. Unable to take any more of this madness, she began trudging her way to the cafeteria in defeat.
“Wait! don’t you want your square?!” The doctor called after his assistant. When he got no reply scratched his head in wonderment, amazed that she had turned down the slice of heaven. “What’s her problem?” he asked Cheryl and Cerby, who were just as confused as he was. Eventually all three of them shrugged and the two ponies went back to loving the giant puppy, not letting Redheart’s angst get them down.
------(several hours of Cheryl playing with Cerby later)
Redheart had finally come back with her coffee, Cheryl was still having fun with Cerby, and Scalpel was doing… whatever he does in his spare time. At some time around seven a knock came at Scalpels door. Putting down the weapon grade plutonium and the rubber chicken, he lazily walked over to the door and opened up to meet Derpy sitting patiently.
“So sorry, if you’re looking for the mail office, its three floors down.” He chuckled, but was surprised when Derpy shook her head and took out three letters and a muffin. Handing them to him the grey Pegasus tipped her hat and flew off in no particular direction. “Such a nice girl, but moving on.”
Looking up from her coffee Redheart asked “oh? What did ya get?”
“Vell let us see here…” Scalpel mumbled as he opened the first letter. “Ah, it’s from my old friend. He’s doing fine vith his new shtick, and it pays exceptionally vell.”
“Oh? What does he do now?” Redheart asked, taking a sip from her cup.
“Vell he used to be a doctor, but after losing his medical license (some mess involving toothpaste, a skeleton, and the entire cast of Full House) he went on to be a paid assassin.”
Upon hearing this Redheart almost choked, spitting out her coffee she yelled “And you’re friends with him!?”
“Vhy vouldn’t I? ve grew up together, he was quick vith ze joke, and he’s one of ze best doctor’s I know.” Scalpel said, already beginning to open the next letter. “Oh, and between us, back in medical school he took a hit for me ven I accidentally swapped ze professors bones vith glass. He’s a great friend through und through.”
“But he KILLS p-” Redheart began to shout, before Scalpel cut her off.
“Shut up nurse, ve’re moving on vith ze next note. Now let’s see here… AH, a letter from our little friend Pinkie Pie, It’s an invitation to zat party she’s been meaning to throw… but vat’s zis? It’s scheduled for tomorrow. Oh zat just von’t vork, zat’s vhen ze celebration is… I’m sure she vill understand.”
This time, it wasn’t just Redheart that was worried. Instead, Cheryl spoke her worries about the situation. “Um… Dr. Scalpel, I’m not sure that’s a good Idea.”
“Und vhy not? I did save ze town from a terroristic gang of boulders.”
“You pinkie promised that you would show up to the party she was throwing you… whenever that was. It would probably be best if you…”
“You’re a nurse, correct?”
“Um… yeah” Cheryl replied, confused by the question.
“Zhen shut up. She vill understand. Moving on.”
“Doctor, I don’t think-”
“Ach! I said moving on! I said ve’re moving on!” glaring at the others, he grumbled inconsiderate words under his breath as he opened up the last note. “It is from… oh zis can’t be right…” The note had nothing on it except a black hoof print and the text “We know”.
“Probably just junk mail.” He said, crumbling up the paper and tossing it aside without a care in the world, much more interested with the muffin than with any meaning the note possessed.