//------------------------------// // Chapter 28 - The Loyal // Story: The Code of Harmony // by Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch //------------------------------// Cheerilee quietly closed the door behind Lyra as she scooted out of the room, leaving the back-stage stuffed to the gills with party supplies and just two ponies. Tia was calmly sitting on the bench usually reserved for whoever was getting made up in the dressing room, her hooves crossed over her lap and her face a study in serenity. Of course, it was only serenity to somepony who hadn’t spent most of her teaching career in the study of pony behavior... and that knowledge was telling her a far different tale. Tia’s muscles were incredibly tense - all the way up and down her spine and around her shoulders in particular was the worst. There was a hollow, almost dead quality to the way she stared at the floor, and a complete lack of the usual vitality she displayed in her attitude and carriage. She looked... defeated; as though she had been fighting some implacable force and now had given up all hope of victory. Cheerilee felt an icy cold grip around her heart, and hoped that she hadn’t accidentally pushed Tia too far in trying to get her to open up through her friends... Tia breathed deeply and exhaled. “Please sit, Cheerilee. There are things you need to know... things I haven’t told you, or anypony else here.” Tia looked up at her with those weary eyes - eyes that had unquestionably seen too much. Cheerilee was startled at the sight as she took a seat on a sturdy and plain wooden stool. Cheerilee had not seen that sort of look except in the eyes of soldiers who had run afoul of some horrifying beast. “Thank you...” Tia started, then sighed. “I want you to know that I had the best of intentions, however little they are worth now,” Tia began, and Cheerilee steeled herself. An entire week of nearly nothing, and now it seemed like Tia had arrived at a critical juncture. More than ever, Cheerilee was convinced Tia had suffered some form of abuse... something she was ashamed of, something she was terrified of recounting. But now... “I can but hope you will forgive me,” Tia continued in a whisper-soft voice, shuffling her hooves a little. “I will ask that you listen to my story... and know that I am at long last, being completely and totally truthful with you.” Cheerilee nodded solemnly. “I understand... and for what it is worth Tia, if you wish it I can give you my solemn word that nothing we speak of here need be spoken of anywhere else. I will keep your secrets, whatever they might be, no matter what.” She gently crossed her heart with a hoof and a smile. Tia smiled in return tentatively for a moment, but then it vanished again behind the stone facade that hid a deeper turmoil. Cheerilee took the moment of silence to rummage around the tiny fridge for a bottle of cold water, which she set down next to Tia on the dressing room table and then retook her seat nearby. She thought Tia was going to need it. “It began... a very long time ago,” Tia’s eyes became distant for a moment, as if reminiscing about an ancient time. “It is hard to say how long now. My memories of those times are fuzzy and vague at best... a casualty of growing up, I suppose.” She sighed deeply, Cheerilee tilting her head and trying to puzzle through the odd and secret-filled words. “I remember so little of my mother, now. Only her voice and a few images remain with me. I remember her smile as bright as the midday sun, and her warm laugh that could fill a room with mirth at a moment’s notice.” Tia winced softly. “I do not remember much of why we were fleeing when we did... only that we never remained in one place for long. Lulu... my little sister... she was too young to notice anything amiss. She thought it was a grand adventure.” Tia laughed, in a way that was not true laughter, before it snapped to an end unnaturally. Tia looked up for a moment, her voice taking on that hollow quality again. “I remember awakening in the dead of night to the sounds of fighting. I remember gathering up Lulu, and rushing to the window to see what was wrong.” Tia’s breath was becoming slower, more ragged. “I remember watching my mother... it was a glorious and terrible sight... darkness clashed with light in a titanic struggle. I remember her looking to me for only a moment, and I knew in that moment that I was going to lose her.... she smiled at me, in the end.” Tia’s voice never wavered, even as her breathing came a touch quicker, the tears streaming down her face slowly. “And then with a single spell vanished into nothingness, along with her attacker. She had saved us both... at the cost of her life.” Tia sucked in a deep breath and exhaled it, her hollow tone slowly transforming - the grief, as deep and horrible as any Cheerilee had seen in all of her years, was put on display for her to see. “Dissonance took my mother away from me. I swore I would make it pay. Looking back, I can see how my rage and anger blinded me. How it wrapped me up in a cocoon of hate and righteous fury and shut out all thought that I was somehow wrong.” Tia had put her head into her hooves, and Cheerilee began to get the feeling she wasn’t just talking to Cheerilee anymore. “Years passed, and more and more I became convinced that the world needed saving... and only I had the power to do so. Only I was willing to do what was necessary.” Cheerilee opened her mouth a little, shut it, and decided to speak - even as Tia’s breathing grew more and more heavy and ragged, like a sonic-rainboom’s worth of emotions were struggling to get out. “Tia... We don’t always make the right choices when grief takes hold of us.” Cheerilee paused, and then made the bold decision to reach over and take up Tia’s hoof. “We’re not perfect. None of us are - not even the Princesses are perfect.” At that, Tia gave off a harsh - almost half-crazed laugh... it sounded genuine, but it was also a little frightening. “No... no they’re not,” Tia said, her voice wheezing out the words. “Oh no. They’re so far from perfect it’s astonishing everything hasn’t completely fallen apart already.” Tia’s voice broke for a moment, then fell silent. Cheerilee said nothing in that full minute of silence, waiting for the next words.Tia took in a deep breath, and spoke... in a remarkably calm tone. “Did you know there were once six Alicorn princesses?” Tia asked in an almost disturbingly calm manner. Cheerilee, who often fancied herself something of a scholar, stared at her blankly. Had Tia completely cracked? “Oh, the histories won’t tell you that. That knowledge was restricted and, in many cases outright erased. When you live for nearly three thousand years, you learn how to change history to suit your needs.” The smile that appeared now on Tia’s face was bitter in the extreme. “Yes, once there were six. Each was a guardian for an Element of Harmony, and one by one did they fall. They fell to corruption, they fell to despair, and they fell to treachery - until only two remained. Luna, who had stood guard over Loyalty... and Celestia, who had long held Magic as her domain.” Tia sobbed once, twice, her breath catching on words before they finally tumbled out. “And then there was one.” Tia looked up, and Cheerilee felt the gears rapidly turning in her head, trying to figure out how all of this related to the poor unicorn in the chair in front of her, even as Tia continued to speak what surely sounded like madness. “The past is immutable. It must occur as it has already occurred. That was Star Swirls’ first law of temporal mechanics. I remember watching him come down from his tower after he himself attempted to change the past and save the life of one he had loved deeply.” Tia sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. “Like him, however - I could not change the past... and so I attempted to re-write it for the present.” Cheerilee stared - for that was all she could do. A thousand thoughts cascaded through her head even as Tia kept speaking without thought as to what her words meant. “I erased all evidence of the first Solar Crusade. I turned those of my Sisters who had fallen into myth and legend.” Tia smiled again, that all-too bitter smile. “I piled deception upon deception. Entire wars were fought, and then obliterated from history. I paid for the utopia I wished to build in blood and tears. In time, I came to convince even myself of the purity of my cause.” Tia laughed again, harshly and without actual humor - a laugh that served only to underscore the bitterness in her voice. “I clamped my own sister in irons, and set about killing all who opposed me. I slaughtered countless others in a civil war that has all but been erased from history. I banished her to the moon, because her truthful words cut me to the very bone. I banished my closest friend to darkness, because I was jealous of her love.” Tia’s eyes clamped shut tightly, even as the tears began to flow again. Tia took in a slow breath, shuddering in body and soul. “I was such a fool. I thought I had built a land of eternal sun, a land without shadows. I thought I had crushed all darkness... but I never faced the darkness within myself. I did not truly understand, even after my greatest student humbled me, until... until... until...” Tia then fell from her chair to her knees - Cheerilee recoiling for a moment in alarm as Tia groped for her hoof and then grasped it firmly, weeping like a small foal who has lost its mother. “Until I met you...” Cheerilee looked down at her hoof, then up at the still weeping Tia who seemed unwilling to let go of her. Tia’s voice was as rough as gravel, churning over as she spoke quickly - as if afraid the will to speak would vanish from her. “I came here wearing a face that was not mine, in a body that was not mine, and a name that was not mine... and it did not matter. From the moment I came, I received nothing but kindness and love... you all welcomed me so passionately, so beautifully. As time passed, I began to realize that I was no longer thinking of myself as I used to be... I began to become somepony else.” Tia pulled in a deep breath, her shoulders shaking violently... so much so that Cheerilee shoved herself off the chair to hold them tightly, kneeling on the ground next to Tia even as her entire facade broke away in pieces. Like paint peeling off of an old house, or like a shattered china doll coming apart one tiny shard at a time; Tia’s reserve, intelligence, and shyness were slipping away from her and replaced by fear... and beneath that fear, a desperate hope. “I began to think of simple things. Of learning how to properly arrange a library,” Tia began, the tension that had been building up in her muscles causing violent shakes in her body and her words to stumble. Cheerilee quickly held her hooves more firmly, giving Tia something to hone in on - and hopefully to keep herself from hyperventilating or having a seizure. That little physical reassurance seemed to help, as Tia kept speaking as though nothing had happened. “Cooking breakfast with my friends. Going to a party, or passing an evening in the hooves of a lover. Little by little, I began to lose some of whom I had been before... and I did not care.” Tia’s eyes changed in a flash - from desperate and fearful to full of an astonished wonder. Her voice became a whisper, as if speaking the words too loudly would cause some sort of catastrophe. “I did not care, Cheerilee. I was happy. I was so very, very happy. I had friends that wanted nothing from me but my friendship. My duties were laid down behind me - another had taken them up. Who was to say this new pony was not me? Could not be me? Who would know the truth?” Tia’s eyes fell then, and Cheerilee could feel the happiness and excitement leech from her. “Save for me... and for the first time as I sat in the darkness, with a truth only I would ever know... I could not keep it to myself.” Tia’s hooves clenched together and she took in a deep breath before speaking... words that Cheerilee could almost not believe. “My real name is Celestia Solaris.” Tia... or perhaps, Cheerilee thought, Celestia - said in a quiet voice full of relief. “I once was the Alicorn of the Sun, but I am that pony no longer. I wished for nothing but death after that confrontation two weeks ago....” She held up her hooves, and then let them drop to her lap. “But my sister refused me. She said I needed to go into the world, to learn what life was truly like out amongst the ponies I loved so dearly. She was right...” Tia gestured helplessly to the door. “My nation of the Sun - my land without shadow - was nothing more than a fever dream. A fantasy I erected to convince myself of the righteousness of my cause. Darkness, Dissonance, Chaos... all of these things still lived in my realm beneath the gilt facade I had painted over it. All of the things I had thought I accomplished, all of the good I thought I had done... rendered meaningless in the cold, stark face of the truth. Even here, in this very tiny town I had long thought under my personal protection... I find those whose lives have been indelibly marked by tragedy and ill fortune.” Tia’s voice was a mess of shattered emotions, her words interspersed with soft sobs, her breath catching in her throat. For a little while, it seemed as though she had lost the will to speak - and for those few moments, Cheerilee was able to rally her thoughts. It seemed impossible on the face of it. It sounded to the sane mind like the delusional rantings of somepony who had simply lost all connection with reality. A turn of events which fit Cheerilee’s original theories of abuse. It was not at all uncommon for those who had been systematically abused to construct a fantasy history of their lives in order to deal with the trauma. This however, was no mere fantasy history. This was Tia - a unicorn Cheerilee was prepared to swear up and down was essentially a sane pony, even if she was troubled - claiming to be nothing less than the sovereign goddess of Equestria, cursed into pony form by her sister for some nebulous acts of pride and stupidity. And yet, for all of the insanity of that particular story... Cheerilee could not discount it completely. After all, had not the bright white wings of Harmony sheltered her against the storm not so long ago? Tia seemed to have gathered herself up enough to keep talking, and after a moment began to speak again in a voice roughened by grief. “All of this week, I have listened to the tales of the courage of my friends... I have seen a beautiful mare with eyes as golden as the sun face the world with more courage than I ever knew was possible. I have laughed, and cried, and clapped along to the music of two mares whose love has truly conquered all.” Tia hugged herself with her hooves, and once again Cheerilee could simply not ignore the plight of somepony who looked so scared, so alone. So she hugged Tia, as gently as she could - and much to her surprise, Tia’s voice seemed to gain a little more vitality with the close contact. “I know how crazy I must sound,” she began quietly, her body tense and tightly wrapped around itself. “I can provide you no proof that could not easily be faked.” Tia laughed, harshly and only once before speaking again, still oh so quiet. “But I could not remain silent. I could not hide who I was from you... not any more. I do not know how I would tell the others... I fear what the truth would do to this fragile happiness I have found.” Tia’s mouth snapped shut for a moment, then she took a deep breath and exhaled one more time, her body going slowly and inevitably limp. “And now you know... even if you do not believe a word I have spoken, at least I will be able to say I spoke the truth.” Cheerilee stared for a long time, as Tia’s mood began to shift... and now Cheerilee was beginning to understand, even as Tia’s hooves curled up beneath her and her head tucked in tightly to her chest. “And for that truth, I will lose everything. Doubtless you are already plotting to have me committed to some institution... where I cannot honestly say I do not belong. Or maybe you are trying to decide which mask is the real one? Or perhaps you will be the one to finally judge me for my crimes... you, the honest pony of common birth.” Tia’s eyes looked up - and there was no hope there, now. No happiness. Just desperation. “I would not stop you if you did so. To ensure my death would be true justice, even if my sister would not agree.” Cheerilee’s jaw dropped at that one. Was she... serious? Given the look on Tia’s face right then, Cheerilee was certain she was... and in that moment, all of the confused thoughts of the last few minutes snapped into crystal-clear focus. Cheerilee gently unwound Tia’s hooves from around her chest, and the mare did not resist her. Cheerilee gently lifted her up in her hooves and set her down on the soft couch, and still Tia did nothing to stop her - she only stared desperately at Cheerilee, as if looking for something to hold on to... as though she hung over an abyss, and was mere moments from falling in. Cheerilee gently brushed back Tia’s mane and smiled at her. The decision was easy, in retrospect. Everything Tia had said was incredibly important... and utterly irrelevant. Cheerilee spoke then, in the gentlest and most loving voice she could coax from her throat. “The only pony I see here is my friend, Tia Sunbeam.” Tia’s head jerked up at that, staring at Cheerilee in abject disbelief. Cheerilee continued to speak, hoping that the emotion she was imbuing into her voice would be enough to cut through the grief, the anger, and the self-hatred that Tia was so obviously suffering from. “It is possible that once upon a time, you were somepony different. That once, you had a name that was known far and wide across the land - that you made decisions both good and ill which affected the lives of countless ponies. But that is not the pony who is sitting with me today.” Cheerilee reached up and gently began to brush away the tears from Tia’s cheeks with her hoof, keeping her smile gentle. “The pony sitting with me today stood sentinel for a group of changeling foals, and was prepared to give her life to protect them,” Cheerilee began, gently lifting Tia’s chin. “The pony sitting with me today has a heart so big she can see past the flaws of other ponies to see the shining light within their hearts. The pony sitting with me today made my mother laugh and for a short time, forget her troubled soul.” Cheerilee paused, and then shared a conspiratorial grin with Tia. “Something which I can tell you does not happen very often and which I sincerely hope you will be able to get her to do again.” Tia’s lips twitched up for a moment in a ghost of a smile, and Cheerilee continued to drive on. “You have been honest with me, Tia. I know you have - so I shall be honest with you.” Cheerilee took Tia’s shoulders gently and spoke in a firm voice. “All I care about, all I need to know and have ever needed to know, is that you are a good pony at heart - which you are, whatever your protestations to the contrary might suggest.” Cheerilee gently touched Tia’s chest where her heart would be. “I believe you said that we cannot change the past... in that, you are wholly correct. We can only seek to change the future.” Cheerilee paused for a moment - and spoke with infinite gentleness. “If you believe your future is here, if you believe your future is as this pony who is sitting with me - this pony named Tia Sunbeam... then I will help you start anew.” Cheerilee smiled softly, squeezing Tia’s hooves. “We’ll figure out everything else as it comes along. Together. As friends.” Tia’s jaw worked slowly for a few moments, as though she had been robbed of her words and her sense... until the tears welled up in her eyes and she spoke in a childlike voice. “Can I really stay?” she asked, as though she could not quite believe what Cheerilee had said. Cheerilee nodded once, keeping her smile soft. “But... what do I tell the others?” Tia asked, looking towards the shut and locked door behind them. Cheerilee laughed softly. “Tell them what? After all... the only pony in this room I can see is Tia Sunbeam,” she reminded Tia gently - and a warmth flooded up into Tia’s eyes, kindling with a powerful hope once again. “Now as far as I am concerned... this is who you are.” Cheerilee gently brushed Tia’s mane back, and softly hugged her. “And who you have always been... After all,” Cheerilee felt her lips twist into a bright smile, “you’re my friend, Tia. How could I not believe in you?” Tia’s jaw worked again, and then she laughed - a bright, if somewhat ragged sound. “It has been a very long time... since anypony has truly believed in me that way,” Tia said softly, then tilted her head. “No. Perhaps it is time I stopped thinking in those terms...” Tia’s mouth twisted into a wry smile. “Scratch that. It is time I stopped thinking in those terms. It is time...” Tia took in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before turning to the pony next to her. “Can you go invite everypony back inside?” Cheerilee nodded, and Tia smiled - really, truly smiled at her. “I don’t wish to live in my past anymore. It is time I lived in my present.” Cheerilee gently smiled and hugged Tia once more. “That’s the smartest thing you’ve said today,” Cheerilee said with a gentle grin, and Tia gave off a soft giggle. Cheerilee trotted over to the door and shoved it open... only to see Vinyl Scratch standing sentinel outside of the door giving the rest of the group a stern glare as they stood some ten feet from the it Vinyl had her hooves crossed over her chest and her stylish shades lent her a subtle air of menace. Cheerilee slipped out of the room and gently shut the door behind her, knowing a conversation was about to occur. “Ah... We’re ready for everypony,” Cheerilee said, as the group’s eyes all focused on her at onc,e as though hungry for more information than that. Vinyl turned around and said in the most solemn and serious voice Cheerilee had ever heard her use. “She okay?” she said softly, and Cheerilee looked at the DJ - feeling a touch of shock run through her at Vinyl’s serious concern. Vinyl shook her head a little. “I heard the yelling, though I didn’t hear the words... figured she needed to get some shit off her chest,” Vinyl continued in a soft, almost motherly voice. “Know what that tone of voice is like. Used it a coupla’ times myself. So... she okay, or what?” Cheerilee paused and looked over her shoulder, then took in a deep breath and exhaled just as deeply. “I think she will be,” she said, before turning back to the group. “But she’s going to need our help... all of our help in order to get there.” The knot of ponies nodded slowly together, and Cheerilee felt a surge of pride in all of them. With one more nod, she opened the door again and the eight ponies who had decided to believe in Tia Sunbeam - Ditzy and Dinky, Lyra and Bon Bon, Vinyl and Octavia, Cheerilee and Chaser - swarmed into the room to the aid of their friend. As snacks were distributed, as liquor was poured and laughter and warmth began to fill the tiny space, Cheerilee took a moment to reflect on the white unicorn whose lap had been conquered by Dinky Doo and her mother, Ditzy. Perhaps she really was Princess Celestia, her powers sealed away by the Princess of the Night in penance for her sins. Perhaps she really had done untold evils in her pursuit of pure Harmony. Perhaps it was all a hallucination, conjured up by a mind that had simply had too much tragedy, regret, and loss piled onto it. Whatever the truth was, Cheerilee had meant what she said - ultimately, it didn’t matter. The mare who sat amidst her friends, with food and drink being pressed upon her, with Ditzy’s gentle hooves around her neck and Vinyl already cracking sex jokes about them... was a mare named Tia Sunbeam. Tia was her friend - a librarian pony who was very good at grading papers, and knew a remarkable amount about Equestrian history. She was a fervent reader of the Book of Harmony, and she liked green tea and grilled cheese sandwiches. Tia wasn’t very used to parties, but she was game to try new things all the time... and Tia seemed to have a soft spot for a certain grey pegasus pony. Given the evidence, said pegasus had a soft spot right back. Cheerilee smiled softly at the sight of them, leaning against the doorframe. Perhaps Tia did have a fantastical and remarkable past... one she wanted to forget. But looking at Tia’s face wreathed in smiles and warmth, Cheerilee thought that perhaps there were worse things than wanting to start over. So she gently shut the door and joined the knot of friends - taking up a carrot stick and a glass of the Apple brandy and raised her glass in a toast. "To our newest friend, Tia. May she find happiness," Cheerilee paused, and smiled softly. "And a better life, here in Ponyville." "Hear Hear!" yelled the other ponies, and Tia blushed softly. And it will be better, if I have anything to say about it. Cheerilee thought fiercely, and then marveled at the strength of her reaction. Don't worry, Tia... I wont let you down. No matter what happens, I'll be there for you. You deserve that much .