Octavia
I still have no idea why I kissed Vinyl that day. And I don’t quite know how to handle it, either. Vinyl seems to believe this automatically makes us a couple. But I’m not sure that’s what I want. I honestly don’t know how I feel about… lesbian relationships. Goodness, I’ve never even had feelings for a man, let alone a woman.
Maybe that’s just because I’ve never met anyone quite like Vinyl. She’s rude, crass, intimidating, loud, and quite frankly, obnoxious. She constantly makes crude sexual remarks toward and about me. She lacks refinement in every way. She never ceases to step on every last bit of my patience and grind it beneath those ridiculous combat boots of hers. I quite honestly can’t stand her penchant for crude language and invectives. She obviously does not understand manners or class.
Perhaps… perhaps that’s really just it, though. There’s something charming about the way she acts. She’s incredibly rude, but she has a certain heart. Something in the way she lights up a room with her humor, ill-advised though it may be. She’s always cheerful and vibrant. She has this giant, cheesy smile that takes up half her face and never ceases to make everyone smile. I would be lying if I said I didn’t admire her seemingly boundless energy. Her flagrantly electric blue hair may be a bit much, but really, the color is in perfect accord with the rest of her personality. She’s incredibly flamboyant. I enjoy the spark of life she brings into everything. And I’d rather use my beloved instruments as kindling than admit that Vinyl is… possibly very attractive. She’s rather… lithe. And those eyes are quite magnificent. Sort of a carmine shade. Very stunning. Certainly not something one sees often. Almost vampiric. But it suits her. And she has very long legs… It feels like close to a mile long when I’ve admired them…
Not that I would do any such thing. I would never stoop so low as to spend time admiring Vinyl’s physique. I just catch a casual glance here and there. There’s nothing wrong with that. Why, she does the same to me all the time.
Maybe there is more to this than I previously thought? Obviously she and I have had some sort of repressed attraction for one another for a while. Perhaps since the day we met. She certainly has spent a great deal of time flirting with me since we met. And… I miss her when she’s not around. It’s like she makes everything in the world brighter, happier. I really wish she would be around more often.
There’s one way to make that happen. I can… court her. I have no idea how anyone would react to this development. Least of all, my parents. I suppose my father wouldn’t mind, but I really would not want to make his life any harder right now. And as mother so frequently states, she despises homosexuality… This situation could easily become complicated rather quickly. Or, as Vinyl would say, “Shit’s about to go down.” While vulgar, it is an apt summation.
Speaking of the blue-haired devil, she has just traipsed into the courtyard. I pray that she doesn’t spot me, but my luck must have run out. Vinyl spots some part of me tucked away under the large oak in the far corner of the yard, and trots over to join me. Sighing not quite so inwardly, I brace myself for whatever is sure to spew from her mouth in excitement.
I find myself immensely surprised when Vinyl merely takes a seat on the white cement bench next to me, and stays silent. I wait nearly five minutes for her to make some sort of comment or motion, but she remains as silent and unmoving as ever. I breathe out slowly, and turn to face her. She is leaning back against the tree, eyes closed, with a slight smile on her face. Seemingly noticing the scrutiny she is under, her eyelids flutter open. She smiles widely at me.
“Afternoon, Octy! Like what you see?” She smirks cheekily, and I scoff.
“Hardly. I was just curious as to why you had come looking for me.” Her face falls a bit with my first statement, and I worry that I have hurt her. Stupid. It was a stupid thing to say. She was merely flirting.
“I just thought you’d like to spend some time together, you know? Since we’re… dating? Are we? We never really said anything out loud. We just kinda made out and held hands. I mean, I’m cool if we don’t, I just thought…” She trails off at the end, apparently unsure of what to say, possibly nervous, because she had begun to ramble. What were we, indeed? Perhaps, we could be more than friends. She was leaving it wide open to me. My choice. I could begin or end this. Perhaps sensing my inner deliberation, she looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes, and reached out to grasp my left hand loosely in hers. Just a slight touch, nothing more, but when I didn’t pull away, she smiled slightly.
What should I say? I’ve never been in a relationship before. But that doesn’t make this any less valid. Perhaps we could be happy. Maybe this one choice could change my future. And just maybe, it would be worth it. As I look into her mesmerizing, hopeful, crimson irises, my decision comes to me. Not from my mind, but from my heart.
“Vinyl, I don’t know if we should.” As I see the hope in her eyes drain away to be replaced by fear, I scramble to fix it, to explain myself.
“It’s just; think of all the things that could go wrong. And maybe we’re just not right for each other. We’re nearly complete opposites. I just don’t know if we’d be able to get along very well. We can hardly spend an hour in each other’s company without you doing something that upsets me. Yes, you’re a wonderful person, and I love you. But as a friend, most likely. That would be the safe choice. That would be the responsib-“My nervous and rushed exposition is cut short by a pair of soft, warm lips pressing into mine. Just a gentle peck, nothing more, the barest brush of feather-soft skin.
But it left me wanting more. So much more. I had never felt this way before. Not once in my whole short lifespan of seventeen years had someone left me wanting. Never had someone instilled such desire with a touch. Disregarding all previous thought, I rushed in to kiss Vinyl again, only to be stopped by a hand gently pressing against my shoulder, preventing me from moving farther. I heard a noise of complaint and disappointment rise from my chest, and I gazed pitiably into scarlet eyes. Eyes full of amusement, and doubt. Restraint.
“Vinyl, why would you stop me? I-“She silences me with a knowing, thoughtful look.
“That was just a test, Octy. I figured you were attracted to me, but I had to know. My problem is, are you going to let your head rule over your body? Or will you let your heart decide this one? I don’t want to just be some plaything you use to satisfy some urge. I’ve never been big on relationships. I never wanted to be hurt. But after all this time we spent together, I thought maybe you were the one. The first one I’d risk my heart again for. I’ve been hurt badly before, Octy. Very recently. Sixteen might seem young to have experienced true heartbreak, but I’ve been through things people twice my age haven’t. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday. But until then, I’ve gotta know. Are you going to use me and leave me, or are you ready to actually put all of yourself into this. Because earlier, you didn’t sound so sure. And then I kissed you, and suddenly you were Sexy Octy, trying to throw yourself at me. Is it love to you? Or is it just lust?” I saw the hurt deep in her level gaze. She had been hurt badly by someone before. She wasn’t lying. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to track them down and hurt them like they had hurt her. I wanted to protect her with everything in me. Is this love? Yes, I believe it is, my dear Vinyl. Or it could be, eventually.
“Vinyl, I… I’m sorry. I’m just scared of what could happen, what people might think. I’m sorry. It’s wrong of me to care more for public opinion than for the beautiful girl that’s been right in front of me all along. You have always cared for me, and I could never see that. I’m sorry. Yes, I do believe I would like to try to make this work. It’s worth a try, at the very least. Please, believe me.” Vinyl smiled at me, and drew her hand back from my shoulder to draw me into a tight hug. I relaxed in her embrace, finding the same safety and comfort in her arms that I have before. Perhaps I was correct earlier in supposing that we had secretly harbored this kind of affection for one another all along. Perhaps this could work out.
As I nuzzled my head into her neck and simply breathed in the warm smell of her skin, Vinyl laughed, and drew back for a moment. I felt disappointed that the hug was over, but surely there would be many to come.
“So, Octy. Now that we’re a thing, can I have a congratulations kiss? Lyra already promised me one if you and I hooked up, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about that. Threesomes can be hot, I guess.” Of course she was back to her usual self. Vulgar and unabashedly sexual. I thumped her chest playfully, and smiled at her.
“That is not okay to say. That is crude and disturbing. And no, I will not participate in one. Ever. You may have a ‘congratulations kiss’, though.” She pumped her fist in the air, and leaned in close. I dropped a peck on her lips, a chaste kiss, and drew her in for another hug. Despite being younger than myself, she was a good deal taller than me. She could nearly tuck my head under her chin when we hugged. It was an odd adjustment, but it made me feel strangely safe. I felt like her long arms and tall body just completely insulated me from the world. She gives quite possibly the best hugs I’ve ever received, except those of my father.
As we stayed locked in our embrace under the shade of that old oak tree, I shifted around to lean against her chest, resting my head against her shoulder while she leaned with her always surprising grace against the tree trunk and wrapped her arms loosely around my stomach. I could feel the gentle rise and fall of her chest underneath my left shoulder, and I just relaxed and simply let myself... Be. Just like Vinyl always tells me to. This moment was perfect in it's own right, and I didn't want to ruin it.
Perhaps we were taking things a tad too fast. Perhaps we were already considering ourselves a couple before we ever actually went on a date, or slowed down for a minute to actually process what we were heading into. Perhaps that was foolish.
Perhaps not. Because all I could feel was the intense magnetism in the girl beneath me, the breathtaking physique, and all of the attraction I had been subconsciously denying myself all along. This is what it means to fall completely and utterly for someone. There's no timeline or suggested pacing for natural attraction. It takes you by storm in the dead of night and whisks you away without a second glance. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
After all the struggle I've been through with my father's diagnosis, I've been afraid to get close to people. I've become withdrawn and shy, and I know this. Only Jay and Lyra noticed, or even cared why. And now Vinyl knows about my father. I never wanted to burden her with that knowledge, but perhaps it is for the best. Perhaps if there are no secrets between us, we can forge a stronger bond. That's what I wish for, deep in my heart. I can dare hope that this budding relationship will last into the foreseeable future.
Perhaps beyond.