“I see Twilight, do go on.”
“Well,” Twilight said, clearly warming to the subject. “Celestia wrote back to me and said that the stories have some surprisingly accurate details about the Outlaw in Lincoln Green and his band. She said it was when she was still in mourning over Luna’s banishment and that she had let oversight over Equestria slip more than she should have and that as a result local nobility and officials were able to abuse their privileges over common ponies to a disgraceful degree. The old unicorn aristocracy was still largely in place then and the pegasi were occupied with external threats like the griffons, so the unicorns in particular benefited from all this. But it was actually an unicorn noble who fell afoul of the sheriff of Trottingham that began the most famous band and..."
Blinded by the cucumbers over her eyes, Rarity lay back in the hot tub and let the waters envelop her as Twilight yammered on adorkably about her latest historical obsession. Her words, analytical, scholarly but so full of passion and interest painted a picture of a world of corrupt nobles and cruel knights who grew fat off the labor of the poor earth ponies who worked the land.
--
Long ago in Trottingham town there lived a Sheriff with a heart as black as night. Under his tyrannous reign the poor grew poorer, and many a stout earth pony yeoman found himself turned out of his home and off his lands by weighty taxes and forfeitures. In those days there lived in Sherclop Forest a band of merry ponies led by a mare named Sparkling Twilight. They lived off the fruits of the royal orchards and passed their days in games of merry archery and cudgel play. Seven score and five they were, all clad in Lincoln green, and it was said that none of the royal guard ever twirled a spear so well as they swung a crabtree staff, nor fired a crossbow bolt as well as they could loose a grey-feathered shaft. In times of need no pony ever went to good Twilight and departed with empty saddlebags, and never did they take a single copper bit from the poor, but rather preyed on the fat merchants and nobles who traveled the princess’s highways as they crossed forest and dale.
Many times the Sheriff sought to capture Sparkling Twilight, but ever did the clever mare elude his best efforts, for no ranger or forester knew the greenwood half so well as she. One day after a meeting with the Princess’s regent the Sheriff was in a black mood, for the chancellor had made it plain that the throne was not pleased by the reports it had heard of the Princess’s laws being made sport of. “Somehow,” quote he, “I must needs find a way to lure this saucy varlet into Trottingham town, that I might have her clapped in irons ere she is hung from the highest gallows tree in the county!”
He puzzled and puzzed in a mood most unpleasant, remaining in his solar until well after the bells had tolled lunch and dinner. Naught penetrated his reverie, not food nor petition nor even sleep. Finally he laughed maliciously and said, “Tis said that fair Maid Rarity was once a companion of this outlaw’s youth. Forsooth, and she is of an age to be wed. With her father fallen to the ponypox it is only natural that I should be the one to give her hoof in marriage.”
So saying the Sheriff called for parchment and quill and with a cruel snigger he set about outlining a proclamation. In it he decreed a grand tourney the likes of which Trottingham had never seen, with rich prizes for those who proved themselves at cudgel play and archery. Chief amongst these prizes would be the hoof of the lady Rarity, who would be wed to whichsoever leal pony should prove themselves the better of the Sheriff’s champion.
When brave Twilight heard this decree she was sorely vexed, for many were the fond memories she held of her times with fair Rarity in their childhood days. “By my halidom,” she cried, “I have a mind to enter this tourney, and neither food nor drink shall pass my lips until fair Rarity is safe by my side!”
But good Little Spike was of a more suspicious turn of mind and said, “Hold Twilight, for in Trottingham town you would be easily espied and seized, so far from the greenwood.”
Twilight heard well the wisdom in Little Spike’s words and so quote she, “Tis beyond doubt that this be a trap. But no mare am I if I leave fair Rarity to be given away by the Sheriff, and if I hide myself in the greenwood we should quickly become the subject of sport, for ponies shall say that I fear the Sheriff. Wits and cunning must needs serve us against yon Sheriff’s devilish trickery.”
So saying they began to lay their plans amidst the filtered light of the greenwood.
--
On the day of the tourney Sparkling Twilight set out for Trottingham town. On this day she was clad not in Lincoln green but in a coat of black and white. As she reached the gates of Trottingham town the guards cried out for her name and Twilight replied, “I am Evening Star, an envoy of the Princess, waylaid by vile brigands upon the greenwood!”
On hearing this the guards were greatly roused and made haste to convey her to the Sheriff’s presence, whereupon Twilight told her the tale of woe she and her little ponies had spun. When she had finished the Sheriff quote, “That saucy varlet! I must needs make an end to her and her band. But come, Dame Evening Star, and sup beside me. Mayhap today’s tourney will distract you from your troubles, and who knows, but that justice might be served up as well?”
So saying Twilight took her seat at the Sheriff’s right hand. The lady Rarity was seated beside her as well, and her eyes widened as she recognized her old companion even through the disguise. “Lack a day,” she thought, “What is that mare about? Does she not know her danger?”
As if hearing her thoughts Twilight gave Rarity a sly wink, and said, “Good day, my fair lady. Much injustice abounds this day, but perhaps by day’s end all shall be put aright, if I know my lord Sheriff!”
A great flutter of hope rose up in Rarity’s breast at those words, and she spoke, “Good dame, well it is that you are here.”
Before Twilight could reply the Sheriff called out a toast, and circumstances demanded that all tongues be silent save his. “To the capture of that vile rogue, the outlaw Sparkling Twilight!”
At that, every cup was raised in salute. Once they were lowered Twilight raised her own flagon and said, “To wrongs being set aright!” which brought another cheer from the table, and with that they set about feasting in earnest.
The dinner progressed in merry fashion, with the disguised Twilight more than once singing a ballad of unicorn knights and their deeds of valor. Rarity listened to it all over the sound of her thundering heart, wondering what plot the merry outlaw had in mind. Finally, as the last courses were served Twilight rose again from her chair.
“My lord Sheriff!” quote she, “You serve a fine table. But I came today bearing tidings from her majesty, the Princess, and would fain deliver them.”
“Speak then, my good mare!” laughed the Sheriff, who had imbibed well of the grape and had grown passing merry. “Tell us now what the Princess has decreed?”
“Hear ye all and scribe in stone,” she began, and once again Rarity’s heart did rise in her chest as she wondered what bold scheme was about to commence. What the noble outlaw would have said none would ever know, for it was then that the doors to the feasting hall flew open with an audible boom. A white coated unicorn stallion with a blonde mane strode in, his face a mask of rage. “Seize that mare!” he cried. “I, Prince Blueblood, was waylaid on the road to this tourney and only just escaped with my life!”
“Blackguard!” Twilight proclaimed, for she had promised the prince his life and his freedom in exchange for staying clear of Trottingham town for the day. “Is the word of an unicorn worth so little in these sad days?”
As the true envoy made his challenge the Sheriff’s guards looked at one another, unsure what to do. Before the drunken Sheriff could react Twilight grabbed Rarity’s hoof with her own to bid her rise. With a mighty leap she sprang atop the long table with the beautiful unicorn damsel in tow, sending a wave of confections flying this way and that into the faces of the Sheriff and his men. As they neared the end of the table and the doors out Blueblood drew his long sword and held it in a ready position. With a fearsome cry Twilight turned and bucked a three story chocolate cake square into the prince’s face and chest. The prissy noble screamed as he futilely pawed at the dark frosting that covered his formerly pristine white coat. As he stood there distracted Twilight levitated a chair from the table and smashed it into the honorless prince’s side, sending him sprawling and clearing the way for the two mares’ escape. That done, Twilight swept Rarity onto her back and galloped away, even as the Sheriff shouted, “Stop that robbing hood!”
The two made their way to freedom before the Sheriff’s household could bestir itself in pursuit. Once they reached the safety of the greenwood Twilight lowered Rarity back to the ground and fell to one knee in a formal bow.
“Fair friend,” she cried, “Long have I dreamed of this moment, but dared not to make it a reality for fear of bringing danger upon your beautiful head. Rarity, my dearest friend and most beautiful of ponies, my heart has burned for you these many years. Will you make me the happiest mare in Equestria and consent to give me your hoof in marriage?”
At that, Rarity gave out a cry of joy and flung her hooves around Twilight’s neck. “Yes, yes Twilight, your words have freed my heart from its prison even as you have today freed me from that foul Sheriff.” So saying, she leaned closer, their faces drawing together as Rarity closed her eyes and…
--
“Uh, Rarity?”
Twilight’s words brought Rarity back to reality. She realized that the water had started to go cool and, most embarrassingly, that her lips had puckered unconsciously. She felt her cheeks go red.
“Is everything alright?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, yes. Of course darling. I was just…thinking about something I read earlier.”