Wanderings of a Non-Brony

by BronyWriter


Of All the Dumb Luck...

"So... you killed him."

My gaze flickered up to Fluttershy and I waved my hand. "I've honestly said all that I'm comfortable saying about what happened between me and Purgle. It's not a high point of my trip, and if I could have avoided the death match between us, I would have." A grimace crossed my face. "I'd rather move on."

Twilight gives a slight nod. "Yeah, I guess I can see why you wouldn’t want to talk about it." She glances down at her notes and surreptitiously crosses off a few sentences. "Anyway, what happened next?"

"Well like I said, I went to the griffins next. I can say right now that their reception of me was warmer..." My grimace doubled. "In fact... it eventually got a little too good for me."

~~~

The walk from the minotaur lands to Griffonia was pretty barren, honestly. Not only were the lands around me grasslands and all that, but there was just the added fact that most minotaurs were still in Schunie. Sure, some had left after the match, but I'm going to guess that Schunie saw quite the rise in business in the few days after the match, on top of what would undoubtedly be a media circus.

Well, I didn't really care about all of that. I'm just glad that I was able to get out before things got crazy and they all wanted to interview me. I'd rather not re-live what I went through in the arena. I wanted to put that part behind me and focus on getting to the griffins.

Well, to my total surprise and joy, the lands of Griffonia are bordered by a rather nice forest. The Strong Beak Forest if I recall right. Forests mean vegetation, meat, and most importantly, water. Sure enough, we didn’t go a mile in before we reached a nice stream, allowing me to fill up my water bottles and drink as much as I wanted. Around sundown Oswald caught us some rabbits, which we were both rather pleased to eat.

I'm sorry Fluttershy, I'm not going to apologize for eating something that might have been Angel's cousin.

Anyway, the forest turned out to be quite large. It was about a week before I began wondering if we weren't going around in circles. The forest did kind of look all the same, and there wasn't really a visible end in sight. I did have Oswald fly up to see a way out, and that did help us a lot, but the few times I climbed a tree to see what we were going into showed quite the extensive forest. We may not have been going in circles, but it would be quite some time before we made it to civilization.

It was almost a month, to be exact. I had found out during my pre-trip research that the forest on the southern border of Griffonia is the largest one on the entire planet, but there is a huge difference between reading about that and walking through the darned thing. I'm just glad that it was such a lush place or I would never have made it through. In fact, it was so lush that I think that if I was forced to live there I could stay there quite comfortably for some time. There weren't really any predators that would have been a danger to me as most of them were birds that preyed on the rodents in the area.

Of course, that was before I reached the darker section of the forest.

The setup was much like I remembered of the Everfree Forest. The treetops were so thick that hardly any sunlight filtered through at all; just enough that I could make out what direction I was headed in. The plus side was that Oswald was able to light the way by lighting large tree branches that I used as makeshift torches. I had to spend several days like that. Occasionally I did have to fight off some more dangerous creatures, namely timberwolves. They never came in packs larger than three, but I couldn't go more than a day or two before I ran into them again. They would certainly have been an issue if I didn't have a fire bird with me. That made it much safer.

Of course, stories of me walking around in a dark forest really aren't that interesting, especially since it was just mostly walking around. It was about a month and a half after I left Schunie before something really interesting happened; something that would completely dictate what my time in Griffonia was like.

On the twelfth day of my travels in the forest, the light coming through the trees was becoming brighter, which signaled to me that maybe, just maybe, I could finally be out of this wretched forest and back to civilization.

That's when I saw them.

Griffins. Four of them lying on the ground in pools of their own blood. My eyes widened and I bolted over to them, Oswald flying in my wake. I slid to a stop just as I reached them and knelt down next to the bodies. There was no mistaking it. They were dead.

Not exactly the high point to start off my trip to Griffonia, is it?"

They weren't dressed ornately or with much armor, so I deduced that they weren't soldiers of any kind. There were, however, some weapons lying beside them. I picked up what appeared to be a wing blade and tapped it. My year or so as a blacksmith's apprentice taught me that these blades were absolutely terrible. I could probably snap them in half with one swing from Reginald.

I sighed and tossed the blade onto the ground. I reached out to examine the body of the female griffin in front of me. There were several large gash marks across her chest and legs that could only have come from timberwolves or some other manner of large predatory creature. I grimaced and wiped my hands on the grass. If I had to guess, it was some kind of hunting party based on the weapons they had on them. Pity that it went so wrong.

I stood up and shook my head; there was nothing that I could really do for them now. I was just about to head out to find a town so I could tell them about what happened when I heard something behind me: a slight cough. I perked up and turned around to see the griffin I had examined weakly moving around, blood trickling out of her mouth. My eyes widened and I ran back to the griffin. She was still alive.

I knelt in front of her again and put my backpack down beside me. I reached into the pocket that held my phoenix tears and took out the bottle. It was half full, but it would be enough. I unscrewed the cap and began drizzling the tears onto the gashes. Instantly the bloody wounds healed and had the look of scars that were weeks old, as opposed to hours. Thankfully, as the wounds began healing, the griffin's breathing became far less shallow, and she visibly relaxed. She cracked an eye open to look at me, and a look of confusion crossed her face. She weakly placed a claw in my chest and tried to push me back, but she had lost so much blood that even with the healed scars, she was pretty weak.

I stood up and quickly checked on the other griffins. My original diagnosis for them was correct. They were most certainly dead. I shook my head before turning back to the wounded griffin. Her eyes had closed again, so I figured that she had fallen asleep or passed out. I sighed and walked over to her.

"I can't just let her die out here, Oswald," I muttered. Oswald cocked his head and hopped over to the two of us. "Who knows when I'll find a town again? A town or city can't be too far away, right?" I groaned and rubbed my temples. Confound my pesky morals and ethics. With nothing else to do, I put my hands under the griffin and lifted her onto my shoulders. I stumbled slightly as her weight threw me off a bit, but eventually I got my balance and began walking in the direction I had been going in.

Several times over the course of the day I had to stop and rest for half hour breaks. I sorely wished for the opportunity to have somebody rub my shoulders to ease a lot of the tension out of them that came from lugging a passed out griffin on my shoulders. Oswald's claws don't really lend themselves to relaxing massages.

Eventually, I'd pick up my passenger and continue my trek towards life. Given that she was unconscious, she didn't give me too much trouble.

Finally, my efforts paid off. Finally I looked into the distance and I saw the smoke that could only have come from one thing: civilization.

I took a deep breath and adjusted the griffin on my back. "Just gotta keep breathing. That's the way I'm gonna save you and get you out of this stinking forest." The griffin only groaned in response, and I put one heavy foot in front of the other as I moved towards the smoke. "Why did you have to go so far into the forest and get your tail handed to you by timberwolves? You're lucky I'm nice like this."

Oswald flew up above the trees for a few seconds and looked to where we were going. Soon he flew back down and nodded at me. I nodded back and kept walking. It was another hour before we reached the edge of the forest. In the distance I could see buildings. Wonderful, sweet, amazing buildings full of griffins that could help me with the griffin I had saved. The buildings themselves seemed a little sturdier than the homes in Ponyville, but they had roughly the same kind of look to them. There was a cursory wall around the town, but it was far smaller than the one around Schunie. Where that one was designed to keep out invading armies, this one looked more like it would stop timberwolf attacks.

As I approached the city, I saw armed patrols going around the walls. I figured that I would be spotted as soon as I came within their sight, and they could help me out with my charge. Sure enough, I saw one griffin guard look out at me and lean forward as if he did a double take. He flew over to another guard and pointed me out to him. The other guard had roughly the same reaction as his fellow did.

The second guard took to the air and flew into the city. Within a minute or so I heard the piercing cry of a bell, signalling to all of the residents that something was up. I continue walking towards the city, despite a tiny voice in the back of my mind that said that maybe, just maybe, they would see me as hostile. Hopefully the fact that I saved the lives of one of their species would be enough to assuage their worries.

Well it wasn't more than a few minutes before the sky was filled with probably two dozen griffins, all armed with wing blades and polearms of some kind. They weren't as heavily armored as Purgle, it would restrict flight after all, but if they attacked they would be at a slight advantage since I wasn't wearing mine.

The flock of griffins zoomed towards me, their weapons extended. Oswald squawked, but I motioned for him to stay close to me. I didn't fancy him taking them on, even though he was pretty helpful in battle. The griffins didn't outright attack me anyway. They just surrounded me with their weapons extended. A griffin who was a little more ornately decorated than the rest of them stepped forward, his wings extended and a glare on his face.

"What business do you have here, strange creature?"

I grunted and motioned my head to the griffin on my back. "I came to your lands to talk to your leaders. I found her in the forest. She was surrounded by three others who were dead, but I saved her life."

The griffin leader took a step forwards and his face twisted into a snarl. "Put. Her. Down."

My eyes narrowed suspiciously, but I slowly knelt down low to the ground and slid the griffin off of my back. Instantly two guards ran forward and scooped up the injured griffin. Them and two more guards flew back to the town, leaving me to deal with what appeared to be eight or so suspiciously hostile griffins pointing weapons at me. I slowly reached behind me and slid Reginald out of the strap securing him to my backpack.

The griffin leader extended a wing blade towards me at the sight of me drawing a weapon, and I motioned for Oswald to land on my shoulder. "Look, I don't want to be in your land for long. I just want to talk to whoever your leaders are."

"I don't think that can be arranged," said the griffin. "Our Emperor does not see strange creatures that appear out of the woods carrying one of our wounded on his back and telling tales of others he killed."

I raised my eyebrow and leaned on Reginald. "Killed? I saved the fourth one. If I killed the other three then I'd have killed her too."

"Be that as it may, your species is still in doubt. How do we know you are not dangerous?"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, let me do this yet again. I'm a creature called a human. I was transported from an alternate dimension when Princess Celestia pulled me through a portal she had created. She realized that she couldn't send me back and so I've been wandering around the planet hoping to find somebody powerful enough to get me back to my land."

Now, there were many possible reactions that I had expected from them when I told them where I was from and what I was doing: disbelief, sarcasm, incredulity, interest, and so on.

Uproarious laughter was not one of them.

Seriously, these guys were laughing so hard that they could hardly breathe. Even the leader had a giant smirk on his face and was staring at me almost condescendingly. I imagine that he thought I was joking.

"You seriously can't believe that we'd fall for such nonsense, would you?"

A small smirk appeared on my own face. "Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what is my species and where am I from?"

That got them to quiet down and, to my immense satisfaction, the leader's smile fell. It was quickly replaced with a scowl. "I assume that your species name is correct, but that nonsense about alternate realities and whatnot seems absolutely ridiculous!"

"Oh yeah?" Oswald and I shared a glance. "What reason exactly would I have to lie?"

The leader grunted and tapped his claw on the ground. "I don't know. I just know that it sounds absolutely ridiculous. Maybe you're sick in the head or something?"

"Oh please, don't be ridiculous," I said. "What reason would I have to lie? It wouldn't benefit me in any way at all!"

"I see." The leader's gaze shifted between his soldiers who had gotten back to the job of pointing their weapons at me. "Well, even if you are telling the truth, I do not see why we should allow you entry into our lands. If you saved our citizen, then we have cause to let you leave without incident. Otherwise we'd resort to force. So..." The leader motioned to the forest with his claw. "Go away."

I snorted and shook my head. "Sorry, no can do. I just spent a month or so in that forest. I'm not going back in there, and you wouldn't either in my position."

"Then it seems we have no choice." The leader motioned to his soldiers.

I got into a fighting stance with Reginald and stayed perfectly still for a moment. I heard two of them coming up from behind me, so I did what I had to do. I slapped Oswald on the back, startling him enough that he let out another burst of his more harmless fire. As I had hoped, it immediately engulfed me, and I spun around to swing Reginald at my two attackers. Both of them had flinched back at the sight of their now flaming opponent, allowing me time to smash Reginald into both of their heads. They both fell to the ground, clutching at their wounds.

I spun back around and saw that the remaining six were all charging me at the same time, though most had some apprehension. I was on fire, after all. With the speed I had picked up, I swung Reginald down at the nearest soldier, knocking him out. That gave the other five even more cause for hesitation, allowing me to go completely on the offensive. I motioned for Oswald to provide a distraction to half of them, while I made short work of two others. The other two followed, leaving me completely alone with the leader.

"You done throwing soldiers at me, or do we get to keep going?"

The flames around me had died down by this point, allowing him to see that I was unaffected by the fire. The leader gulped and took a tentative step back. "W-what are you?!"

I took a deep breath and facepalmed. "Once again, I'm a human. I just want to talk to your emperor or whoever, okay?"

The leader's mouth flopped up and down as his brain tried to formulate a response to what he had just seen. I relaxed my fighting stance and took a step towards him. "Oh take your time to formulate a response. I've only been on this planet for a few years, I think. What's a few more minutes while your brain reboots?"

Before either of us could do anything more, the warning bell rang throughout the town again. I glanced back behind the leader just in time to see dozens more griffins flying out of the city. To my surprise, these griffins weren't the lightly armed ones that I had just taken care of. No, these were decked out in light plate armor and carrying some more varied weapons. Poleaxes, small swords, crossbows, that kind of thing. These were something different.

I got back in a fighting stance but it was a useless gesture as I was once again surrounded. Only this time I couldn't fight my way out because of their ranged soldiers.

A commander in red armor with some sort of seal on the front showing a griffin carrying a crossbow landed in front of me and nudged the other leader out of the way. He laid down his weapon and took off his helmet, transferring it under his wing.

"My name is Yerkes; second commander of the sixths royal battalion of our capital city of Iselin. I have been instructed to take you into temporary custody."

"I don't think so," I growled. "Yeah I knocked out the bozos behind me, but I was defending myself."

"He lit himself on fire," the leader of the old group whispered. "It didn't even burn him!"

"Not all phoenix fire causes harm, particularly to those that the phoenix has formed a close bond with," Yerkes snapped. "He was just scaring you." Yerkes turned his head back to me. "I don't need to tell you that we have the tactical advantage here. Taking out a few security volunteers was a neat trick, but it you value your life you'll come with us. You will not be harmed, I swear. I have no doubt that you are skilled, but be reasonable here."

"You'd better believe I'm no pushover," I snarked. "I won a Schunie death match against a clan chieftain a month or so ago."

Despite himself, Yerkes looked quite impressed with my claim. A small smirk crossed his face. "I heard tell that a minotaur chieftain fought against a previously unknown creature." He scoffed lightly and tapped his beak. "I take it that was you?"

I nodded. "That was me alright." I motioned to my backpack and he gave a single nod. I set it down and reached into a pocket to produce the two crossbow bolts. I held them up and Yerkes peered at them for a moment before giving another single nod.

"Those are minotaur made alright. You have quite the tale there. Probably true." He motioned for his soldiers to stand down, and they relaxed. "I'd as soon attack Iselin than kill a good fighter in conditions like this. Still, my orders are to take you into custody. You and your phoenix will not be harmed."

I scowled, but realized that I was in no position to barter unless I wanted to go through the forest again. Yerkes beckoned me on and I reluctantly followed him. I stayed just behind him, but close enough that we could converse.

"One thing I don't get, though. Why exactly were your orders to take me alive from the start? Not that I'm unappreciative, but it's a little odd to me."

Yerkes let out a small chuckle as we reached the edge of the town. "You know that griffin you saved? She went missing a few days ago and we suspected that she snuck out to go hunting with a few of her more foolish friends."

"Why send an entire platoon after her?"

Yerkes sighed and turned his head back to me. "She's the crown princess of all of Griffonia."