Tears of Snow

by FlashKenshin77


IV - I'm Looking Through You

Tears of Snow
By - FlashKenshin77

Chapter IV - I'm Looking Through You
Edited by - WeLCxAlphaPuppy and Rglloyd


“The heart becomes scratched and dented and repaired over time, and with one glance, you'd be able to tell your own from others.”

~;~

I stood in a continuous snowfall, the sky a dark black. I looked around, barely able to see anything in front of me. I stumbled around, falling face first into the snow. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the breathe slowly billowing in the breeze.
I could faintly make out the outline of a pegasus, her mane looked pink. Her coat, or what I could make of her coat, was a dull orange with red spots every now and then. My eyes widened as I recognized her.
“M-mom?” I asked, staring at the pegasus.
She didn’t turn around before dashing off into the distance. I quickly followed her, yelling over and over. Finally, she paused and turned around, her purple eyes gleaming with pride and sadness. Tears poured from her eyes, before she went to open her mouth.
“Icy...”
A voice said in the darkness, seemingly miles away. I paused, staring at her before realizing it was a voice I faintly knew. Everything was black, the snowfall heavy as I heard the voice again. The world suddenly glowed brighter before it felt like the sun was shining right next to me. The last thing I saw before the world vanished was the pegasus staring at me, tears falling faster from her eyes as she said something, her voice lost.
“Hey, I think he’s awake.” Storm’s face came into view, a bit blurry as I squinted against the light. “You think you can dim the lights a bit?”
“He’ll get used to it.” Another pony said, this time a pony with a clipboard in hoof appeared in front of me.
“W-where am I?”
“You're at the hospital Icy. I found you on a bench nearby, passed out.” Storm said, looking concerned. “What happened?”
I took a deep breath, squinting in pain as my chest flared up. “I’m not sure... my chest suddenly started to burn and everything went black.”
“That’s not the only thing. Looks like you’ve had some minor internal bleeding and a concussion.” The doctor grabbed my arm and gently lifted it, looking at a few bruises. “Also looks like you were cut with a serrated edge.”
“Icy, what happened?” Storm asked.
“I... I just fell into a box of pictures.” I stuttered.
Storm was silent, staring at me.
“Honest, I’m fine.”
“You sure don’t look fine... looks like a pony used you as a punching bag. Now, are you going to tell me the truth?” Storm asked calmly, staring into my eyes.
“I... I can’t.” I muttered, staring at the sheets.
The doctor cleared his throat. “I’ll take my leave...” He said, walking out of the room. Storm stared at me as I stared back at the covers, feeling his eyes pierce me.
“Icy, I’ve only known you for a day but this is serious. You can trust me, I promise nothing will happen.” He said, reassuringly.
“But... I... can’t.” I hesitated, knowing what’ll happen if he found out how I really got these wounds. He’ll be just like Ms. Peas.... I bit the inside of my cheek, hard, as I tried not to say anything.
He sighed, looking at me before getting up. “Well, I won’t force you to say anything but if you need to talk, I’ll be there if you need me.”
“T-thanks Storm and I’m sorry...”
“Don’t worry about it kid, just look after yourself.” He smiled faintly. “Take it easy, alright? And don’t worry about school, I’ll talk to Mrs. Windith tomorrow. I gotta get going, they’re probably wondering where I am.“ He walked out of the room, waving goodbye before leaving me alone in the dark.
I sighed, staring at the sheets before staring out the window, the moon bright in the sky. Maybe if I tell them, they could help... but what would happen to Dad? I know he’s gone through a lot because of me... I held a hoof to my eyes, feeling tears slowly trickle out. This is all my fault anyway... I should’ve just stayed quiet in Manehatten and none of this wouldn’t have happened...
The stars twinkled as I leaned back and rested against the pillows, hoping for sleep to take me once again.

=

The sun was rising, sneaking in through the cracks in the hospital room’s blinds. I lay there, my eyes riveted on the ceiling. When I go home, I’ll have to deal with dad. When I go to school, I’ll get yelled at by Mrs. Windith or Nurse Healium. And Snowdrop... she’s probably really mad at me...
“Seems somepony has a lot on his mind.” A voice said from the door.
I looked at the door, an older pegasus standing there with a faint smile. He had a dark tan coat, most of it turning sliver, which matched his mane and tail. His eyes were faded blue, just like Snowdrops. A white lab coat covered his cutie mark but I was sure it had something to do with an hourglass.
“Who are you? I asked, confused.
“A doctor of sorts.” He said, grunting as he sat down in the chair that Storm had earlier. He coughed, clearing his throat. “So what’s on your mind?”
I blinked. “And why should I tell you?”
“What’ll it hurt if a random stranger knows whatever is eating away at you? I doubt it’ll matter to anypony in the least. And besides, you seem to quite popular, if what I heard is true.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I heard Storm and Doctor Ravens talking about what happened to you. Internal bleeding, numerous cuts. They also discovered wounds that were years old, chipped bones, a fractured hoof, why you have that scar on your eye. Icy, it’s not good to keep those sort of injuries bottled up.”
“Who the hay do you think you are!? Waltzing right into my room and talking about me like I’m not even here!” I yelled, furious. I was tired of ponies always assuming that they knew everything, just because they were older. “You have no idea what I’ve been through, no idea what I’ve lived with...” I said, my voice cracking.
The pony looked at me sadly. “Me and you have a pretty similar foalhood. Mum’s no where around, raised by a father that could care less if you live or die. Beats you for trying to exist in a world that isn’t his, forces you to do what he says. I know a lot more than you think kid.” He sighed. “But the one thing that I’ve learned that you haven’t is other ponies do care.”
“No they don’t, not even a little.”
“Storm thinks differently and so does his daughter, what’s her name? Snowdrop?”
“How do you know her?”
“She was here when Storm brought you in, she went with him to the store. She was so worried about you.”
“But she’s mad at me...”
“There comes a time when being mad at somepony is pushed aside when they see the other in mortal peril. She was afraid the last thing she said to you was something that made you two argue.”
“But...”
“In hindsight, she’s probably so relieved that you’re alive that she’ll apologize for anything. But I have a feeling it wasn’t her that started the so called fight.”
“No...”
“She was asking you what happened didn’t she?”
I nodded, silent.
“Icy, she cares more about you than you can possibly know. You’re her first friend... I’m pretty sure you can tell her.”
“But I can’t... I just can’t...”
“Why can’t you tell your friend?”
“You should know if you lived through what I do... he’s my dad... I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
“Has he been a good father?”
“Of course he has!” I said defensively.
“Oh really? Beaten you whenever you broke a rule, made sure you didn’t have any close friends, manipulated you and let you take the fall for so many of his busts. From the sound of it, it sounds like-”
“Yes, he’s made some mistakes but I’m still his son! He loves me and I’ll gladly do anything to hear him say the same!” I cried, covering my mouth with my hooves.
“Ah, there we go. He’s never said he’s loved you before, has he?” I shook my head. “If you’ll let me, can I ask a question?”
“What?” I croaked.
“In the few days that you’ve known Snowdrop and Storm, haven’t they proven that they care about you?”
“Well yes but-”
“And if they know the truth, we both know that they’ll do everything in their power to help.”
“But I just can’t... he’s still my dad, no matter how much pain he puts me through.”
“As a father, raising a child alone can be very taxing and very hard on him.”
“How would you know anything about me! Or the situation I’m in?”
“I was once a father as well, my wife having died during the labor. I barely managed to control my daughter. She would drive me crazy, always complaining and asking for mom. I did the very best I could and tried to guide her.” He paused. “Then one day I get home from work and see a note on the table. She couldn’t stand not knowing her mom so she decided it was time to meet her.” He took a shaky breath, a few tears spilling out of his eyes. “I may be blind but you’ll find out that the eyes, while the most effective sense, can also be the most misleading. I know exactly how your father feels and I know exactly how your feeling. I don’t need to see, I can feel the echoes of pain on you.”
I could feel the tears falling from my eyes as well. “Why? Why would you tell a complete stranger that?”
“Because I don’t want you to do what I did... or what happened to me repeat itself. You’re a strong colt and you can pull through this if you just think about what you want.”
“W-what I want?”
“It’s funny isn’t it, to have somepony ask what you want and not what they want?” He pointed a hoof at me. “I can feel the insecurity in your heart, the uncertainty resonating. Never forget that you do have somepony that always cares for you, even if the one you want to admit it never does.” He got up. “Well, that’s enough soul searching for now. I do believe a good friend of mine owes me some muffins.”
“Wait, h-how do you know all this? And who are you?”
He smiled. “Know that there are things you only know through experience and a long life. Now, you got some decisions to make, which are best made alone.” He walked towards the door. “Just remember, when one door closes, another opens. You just gotta find it.” He said, shutting the door behind him.
I blinked, leaning back against the pillows before groaning in frustration. He makes it sound so easy... I closed my eyes, willing for my brain to decide what it wanted to do...

=

A few days had gone by since I got out of the hospital and no pony had said anything about my visit. In fact, I hadn’t talked to Dad since that night, the only time I’ve seen him is when he’s asleep. And the few times I caught him awake, he was complaining to his friend about work. It’s almost as if he’s ignoring me...
Snowdrop, on the other hoof, acts like she wants to say something but backs down every time I go to ask her. We barely had worked on the project, it’s still at the same spot it was from Monday. I wanted to ask what was wrong and if that ‘Doctor’ was right but I didn’t want to bug her more than I already did.
Cumluo, surprisingly, asked if I was okay and made sure that I had lunch and somepony to talk to. Everypony seemed to be afraid of me, either running from me every time I got close to them or flat out ignoring me. I sat with her, letting her rant about her day, as I offered a few words of my own, letting her get things off her chest.
While she wasn’t paying attention, I glanced around the cafeteria, seeing if anypony would want to talk. Cirrus was glaring at me, motioning for me to come to him. I gulped and got up.
“I’ll be right back Cumulo, I have to ask Cirrus a question.”
She rolled her eyes. “Alright, just be quick, I didn’t tell you the best part yet.”
I nodded, making my way over to him. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong? What the hay do you think you’re doing hanging out with her?” He asked.
“At least she’ll talk to me if you haven’t noticed.”
“What happened to Snowdrop then or did you want to upgrade?” He seethed.
I stared at him, stunned at the bitterness. “What’s your problem?”
“Nothing!”
“Like hay it is, something’s bothering you...” A lightbulb went off in my head. “You... you like Snowdrop, don’t you?”
He blushed and jumped up, knocking over his food. “How could I like such a useless pony?”
My face turned bright red as I glared at him. “I’m glad you don’t because she doesn’t deserve somepony like you! You’re the reason why-”
“Why what? Why she doesn’t have any friends? How can anypony be friends with her? We’ve all tried and nothing but bad things happen. I mean, look at you. You look like you nearly died and it’s all because of her.”
I grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing down to the ground. “She has nothing to do with this! If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve died!”
He paused, everypony looking at us. “W-what do you mean?” He asked.
“She was my first friend... she’s been the only thing that’s kept me sane. She helped me more than she could ever know!” I said, oblivious to everypony.
He stared at me, his mouth wide open. “I-is this true?” Snowdrop’s voice asked.
“Of course it is, I don’t know how I-” I stopped, just realizing who asked it. I turned to look at her. She stood in the doorway, her face bright red.
“I-Icy...” She started.
I quickly threw myself off Cirrus before taking off, running right past her. I didn’t care where I was going, just as long as I was away from everypony again.
I stopped, finding myself in the corner of the school, right next to the swings that I passed by on the first day. I hid behind the trees, a few snowflakes falling on me. I buried my head in my hooves. W-what was that all about? Where did that come from?
I could hear ponies calling my name but I ignored them, wishing for something or somepony to tell me what to do, how to handle these random emotions that came outta nowhere. I sighed quietly, hoping the ‘Doctor’ would come back and explain what he meant, what he’d do.
“I-Icy?” Snowdrop’s voice asked, coming closer. I took a deep breath, not answering. “W-well, if you’re here...then I just wanted to say thanks. I was afraid you were mad at me for the other day when I asked why you lied.” She nervously messed with the snow. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me... so I... I thought it’d better if I left you alone.”
I bit the inside of my lip, trying not to say anything. “But then I saw you lying there in the snow. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want my best and only friendship... to... to just end there, because of a stupid argument. So I just wanted to say I’m sorry and it’s none of my business...” She went to turn around.
“Snowdrop wait.” I said, scrambling to my hooves.
She paused, staring at me as I walked closer to her, her face turning red. “Y-you were there the whole time?”
“Y-yeah... look Snowdrop, I wanted to say I’m sorry. I was a jerk to you and you didn’t deserve that, especially after everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for letting me eat at your place, and showing me your awesome room... I just wanted to ask if-”
She pulled me into a hug, after a moment of trying to find me, her forehooves flailing about. “Of course I do... I didn’t want you to be mad at me...”
“I’m not... I just took out everypony asking me that same question on you... and I’m sorry.” I sighed, his voice running through my head. “I-if you really want to know... I-I’ll tell you what really happened...”
“You will?” She asked, tilting her head.
“Yes... but you have to promise me that you won’t tell anypony.”
She nodded. “I promise.”
I sighed, leading her over back to the tree and sitting down. “Are you sure?”
“Yes...” She whispered.
“O-okay...” I said, taking a deep breath.