To:
Ms. Ida Netifi
250 Thatta Way
Los Angeles, CA, USA, Universe 404
From:
The Multiversal Church of Pinkamena Triumphant
4th Wall Street
Ponyville, Equestria, Universe 42
To Whom This May Concern:
Greetings and Salutations from the Cult of Pinkamena! We are sending this letter to you in response to your completion of Form 19-B, Mistaken Selection.
Oh thank (Insert Deity of Choice Here) You've got my letter?
Why yes, we have. Unlike the local message services, both of the electronic and material variety, we here employ our own Messengers, which are different from our Representatives.
Wait, how so?
Our Messengers will always be wearing a standardized cloak of muted pink, and have a satchel on one side of them with the Church's logo, and the Messanger's Logo printed on. This satchel will also be a muted pink. (Do note that if you can not see pink, or at all, you can always ask them. They will identify themselves truthfully to any proper recipient of our messages.)
On that note, if you think that someone is illegally wearing one of our outfits, and is not a Messenger, we stress that you please fill out form O-33, and mail it back to us immediately. We here at the Cult take a rather dim view of others who attempt to claim they are of us, but are not.
But what about the Representatives?
You'll know them when you see them.
So, about my letter...
Ah, Yes. The crux of the matter. While, as a general rule, we do send our mail to the correct location, every once in a while we will be mistaken. This can range from anything as simple as placing it in the wrong mail box (or similar device), to a mistake on the paperwork before drafting of the letter, to possibly even a mistake by Her. (Even Pinkamena has admitted error, as rare as it is. This does not decrease Her Will by any standards. In fact, it endears us more to Her, for She understands and forgives us for our transgressions.)
When we check for any error, we do the following things, in order.
A) Pinkamena Herself redraws from a different Hat, similar in nature, but different (It's blue in color, as opposed to white.) If the name is the same as was first drawn, this removes Her from the reason of the error.
B) We double check our known data against what was given to the Messenger, in case he/she/it/other made a mistake in the delivery of the message, or information was conveyed in a mistaken manner. (For example, Y'go$a sounds familiar to Y@go$a. Trust us, it is next to impossible to deal with eldritch names. And that's not even getting to names that have no sounds at all.)
C) We double check our known data against new information. It's possible that the person has changed various things between the time we've sent our message, and the time it actually gets there. You'd be surprised how many people will change their address, name, race, gender, nationality, species, universe of origin, material possessions, memories, or even their life/death/undeath/non-existence status. It takes us time to track them down, and sometimes we make mistakes.
D) Failing A, B, and C, we take a look at other, minor possibilities that could have been the cause.
If, after this, everything lines up, we go under the assumption that you have been chosen to participate in the Red Cupcake Ceremony. However, this does take time, from 6 hours at the earliest, to the possibility of a week (Dependent on how expedient the paperwork goes through, relative to how time works on your plane of existence)
In the mean time, we have recalled our Representative, so that he/she/it/other may not accidently discomfort you by gathering you prematurely. If you are found to be truly selected, the Representative will come for you within the next 24 hours. If you have not been chosen, you won't be bothered on this instance again.
So, what's the verdict?
We, The Office of Verification, of the Headquarters of the Multiversal Church of Pinkamena Triumphant, based on all information given, and blessed by Her, have come to the following conclusion:
You HAVE NOT been selected
We understand that you must be disappointed by this outcome, for it is a high honor to be a part of the Ceremony. However, we may only have those who are truly chosen by Her to participate (With some expectations, of course). We hope you understand, and are not saddened by this. You may be able to serve Her Will in other ways. If you are interested, please ask for the pamphlet "Her Will and You: Ways of Interaction"
Reason for Non-Selection: Mistaken Final Destination of Letter
When the letter was sent, it was suppose to be sent to the following address:
Ms. Ida Netifi
250 Thatta Way
Los Angeles, CA, USA, Universe 405
However, when the Messenger was hurtled through the multiverse by the Office of Travel, he/she/it/other was accidently sent to Universe 404, which was so similar in nature that it was easy to make the mistake and deliver our message to you, when it should have been given to a different instance of you.
We have chided the Officer who made this mistaken, and have docked him one day's Blessings (Which will be given to you instead, and is enclosed with this letter), as well as an 1 hour refresher course on Multiversal Targeting (Which is available in our catalog, if you are interested.)
Once again, we apologize for our error, and hope that you may not think less of us. We will not bother you again on this matter.
Her Will Be Done
Miss T. Aiken
Head Priest, The Office of Verification
P.S.
We should warn you that some of the contents in the Blessings, including the cupcake, have traces of peanuts in them. If you are allergic to peanuts, please send it back, along with form S-4, for a different Blessing.