"You're one lucky son of a bitch, Snips" Snails said as he lit the bong again.
"Ha, I guess you were right about the "alone" thing" I replied.
Snails raised the bowl using his magic, and inhaled the smoke from the mouthpiece,
"Well, I'm right about most things" Snails said as he let out a large puff of smoke into his gran's basement.
"Yeah, buddy, you keep thinking that" I sarcastically replied.
"But seriously, she said yes before you could finish the sentence?" He asked me.
"Yeah, that's what I told you" I replied.
"Huh, you know what this means. don't you?" He smirked and asked.
"Don't you dare say she wants to fuck me" I replied, "She just wants to go on a date, nothing more"
"I wasn't going to say she wants to fuck you..." Snails explained.
"Good" I said.
"I was going to say she wants to make a pubic salad with some of your own dressing" He sniggered.
"I worry for you sometimes" I told him.
"I don't" He replied.
"Yeah, because you don't have a care in the world" I said.
"I have some" Snails told me.
"Like what?" I asked with curiosity.
"Weed, girls and.."
"Let me guess, sex" I interrupted him.
"Bingo" He replied, "You want the bong?"
"No thanks, man" I said, "I would like a joint though, please"
"Coming right up" He told me.
He levitated the large box that was beside the couch we were sitting in, in the basement, his Grandparents don't mind me and him smoking down here, mainly because his one hundred year old grandfather is a dealer, you can never tell who dealers are going to be these days. Snails opened the box and searched through it,
"Let's see, Vanilla Kush, White Rhino, Skunk, Pineapple Express..." He listed as he searched through.
"You got any Warlock?" I asked him.
"No, Gramps doesn't get that often anymore" He explained, "But I've got Super Lemon Haze"
"That's fine, let's roll up, man" I told him.
"Sure thing, dude" He replied.
Snails got the filter and placed it along with the weed in the joint paper, he rolled it up and licked the edge to make it stick, he then levitated the joint to me,
"Here, Snips, you can have to the first smoke, in celebration of your date" Snails offered.
"Thanks, bud" I said to him as I took the joint from him.
I placed the joint in my mouth and then levitated the lighter over to me, I lit the joint and had the first puff of the Super Lemon Haze, it was amazing,
"But listen, Snips" Snails said.
"What is it, man?" I asked.
"Maybe Silver Spoon wants you to have, you know what, with her" He replied.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, I just told you she didn't" I told him angrily.
"Hear me out, she likes you, there's no question about that, she made out with you in a public library, grant it the both of you were in the basement bit" He explained.
"What are you getting at, man?" I asked him.
"She's down to fuck, man, can you not see it?" He replied.
OK, Snails isn't the sharpest knife in the cupboard, neither am I, for that matter, but here he is making some pretty good points, the kiss, the way she set it up by discussing book genres, and the way she's been speaking to me, she might actually want me,
"Wait, is she a slut?" I asked.
"Probably not, but Diamond Tiara is, Silver is just trying to be like her friend, and did you hear about who DT done?" He asked.
"No, I didn't" I replied.
"Oh yeah, you were on vacation. But take a guess who she did it to" Snails told me.
"I don't know, who?" I asked.
"Pip" He replied.
No fucking way could I ever imagine that Diamond Tiara would have sex with Pipsqueak, the wimpy Trottingham boy, no disrespect for the dude, but holy shit, Pip's now a badass,
"No. Way" I was stunned.
"Yeah, while you away for three weeks, there was a party going on, Diamond Tiara and Pip had their seven minutes and went dating for two weeks after that" Snails explained.
"And what happened during those two weeks?" I asked.
"Two hoofjobs, three blowjobs and five times they've had sex" He replied.
"Wow" I uttered.
"After Pip went back to Trottingham to have the joint custody thing with his mom, they had to break-up" Snails said.
"You want the joint?" I asked Snails and changed the subject.
"Yeah, thanks" He replied.
I levitated the joint over to him and he took it off me and had a smoke,
"But anyways, I'll get you the tickets I owe you, tomorrow morning" Snails told me.
"You think school will be on tomorrow?" I asked him.
"Doubt it, no one else is this fucking town is qualified for being a teacher and I don't think Cheerilee will come in tomorrow after vomiting" He replied.
"Good point" I said.
"Can I tell you something, Snips?" He asked me.
"Sure thing, man" I replied, "What is it?"
"Well, since I know who you like, it seems only fair, that I tell you who I like" He said.
"I have the feeling this is more than one person" I said back to him.
"How did you know?" He asked.
"It's you" I replied sarcastically.
"Shut up, and let me speak, goddammit" Snails told me.
"Can I at least guess?" I asked.
"Fucking fine" Snails sighed.
"Is it all four of the Cutie Mark Crusaders?" I asked curiously.
"There's a fourth one?" He questioned.
"Yeah, Applebloom's cousin, Babs, from Manehattan" I explained.
"Really?" He asked.
I took the joint from him and had another puff of it,
"Yes" I said as I exhaled the smoke.
"Wow" He uttered.
"So considering how you responded to my guess, I take it you like them?" I asked.
"Shit yeah, I'd tap all their flanks" He jokingly replied.
"Funnily enough, I'm the only here who had actually "tapped" one of them" I chuckled.
"Shut the fuck up, Snips, you and Sweetie Belle was just a game" He got angry.
"Still happened" I laughed, "But which in the CMC, would you rank from your favorite to your least favorite?"
"I like Scootaloo the best, because she's the most rebellious of the three" He told me.
"You do like bad-ass chicks though" I told him.
"I do, yeah" Snails nodded.
"Second place?" I asked.
"Sweetie Belle, she's the cutest of the group" He said.
"And the only one I tapped" I showed off.
"Shut up" He said.
"Just because you're jealous" I spoke back.
He opened his mouth, but words didn't come out, he was jealous and couldn't find an excuse to say he wasn't, this just proves that I am better with girls than my friend,
"And finally, Applebloom" He continued the talk about the girls.
"How come she's your least favorite?" I asked him.
"It's the accent that puts me off slightly, she's still nice, nonetheless" He replied.
He got off the couch and stretched and yawned and then asked me,
"I'm getting a drink, you wanting anything?" He asked me.
"Can I get some orange juice if you have any, please?" I replied.
"Sure thing, dude" He said.
He went up the stairs that led to the kitchen, he opened the door and shouted for his Gran,
"Hey, Grammy, can me and Snips get a drink please!?"
I briefly heard a faint voice, I didn't either if it were his Grandpa or Grandma, but they must've told him that he could have a drink because he went through the door and continued to get the drinks, he then came down with milk for himself and OJ for me,
"Here you go, man" He said as he passed my drink over to me.
"Thanks, Snails" I replied to him.
Snails sat back on the couch and took the joint away from me and put in an ashtray on the arm closest to him so we didn't have to hold it and drink at the same time, because we're lazy shits,
"I encountered the douche bag dragon today" I told Snails.
"Spike?" He questioned.
I nodded,
"Screw him, just because he thinks he can get Rarity" Snails said.
"Why do you think the dude hates us?" I asked.
"Because he think's we're a detriment to the town" He replied.
"Well, considering the whole Ursa Minor thing, I can kind of see why" I said.
"Come on, it's not like he hasn't caused any shit before, remember when he turned huge and almost destroyed the entire fucking town?" He asked.
"Yeah, I guess" I replied.
"To be honest, I don't know why he hates us, I guess you just can't like everypony" He explained.
"Yeah, for example, I don't like Twist" I told him.
"I dated her once" Snails said.
"I know, but you only did it for a day and received nothing from it" I replied.
"I know" He said.
"That must've sucked for you, man" I said.
"Yeah, it did" He replied.
"Have you ever thought of asking anypony else out on a date? Like Scootaloo?" I asked him.
"Nah, Scootaloo is nice and all, but me and her would never work" He replied.
"How not?" I asked, "You've got as good as a chance as anypony else"
I gulped down half of my pulpy orange juice awaiting Snails' answer,
"I don't think I have a chance, she's too good for me" He replied.
"Dude, c'mon, that's bullshit, no pony is too good for anypony else" I told him.
"How do you know?" He asked.
"Well, considering that I'm going on a date with the second most popular girl in school, I'd like to think anything is possible" I replied.
"Good point" He said.
"A friend of mine once said to me "Just say what the fuck" I told him.
"Pardon me?" He spoke back.
"What the fuck, it gives you freedom, freedom gives you opportunity, and opportunity gets you what you want" I quoted, "I never really thought those words would work for me, but you told me to go for it, when I was anxious about asking Silver Spoon out, so I'm going to to tell you to say.." I paused to see if he could say it.
"What the fuck" He replied.
"Bingo" I said.
I finished my glass of orange juice and placed it on the floor, Snails gulped down his milk and placed his glass beside mine, now we were slightly bored of talking about girls, so Snails decided to change the subject,
"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
"Somewhere other than here" I replied.
"Where?" Snails asked.
"Manehattan, Baltimare, fuck, I have no idea, somewhere other than here" I replied.
"What job you planning on getting?" He asked.
"If there a job that had me smoking pot all day, then that would be awesome" I jokingly replied, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
"Still living with my parents" He replied.
"At twenty-three?" I asked.
"Yeah, I don't really see a reason to do stuff, for me, life is boring"
"Maybe because you haven't lived it to the fullest" I told him.
"I guess" He said back.
"Remember, what the fuck" I reminded.
"Ha, I'll keep that in mind" He laughed.
"What's the time?" I asked.
He looked at the clock beside him, I couldn't see it because he was in the way,
"Ten PM" He said.
I had to be home by quarter past ten, I got off the couch and stretched,
"I gotta go, man" I said to Snails.
"Sure thing, dude, see ya tomorrow" He said.
I went upstairs to the ground floor of the house, I approached the door and quietly left for my house.
On the walk to my house, it was almost completely pitch black, I was only guided by the Moon hidden briefly behind the clouds and the lights inside other ponies houses, whilst I was walking, I thought to myself about today, how awesome it's been, I asked out the girl I've had a crush on for ages, me and Snails smoked some weed, which is never a bad thing for me, I smacked Spike's face in with a book, I hope the days from here on in get better and better,
"You're taking out the girl you love to the Grand Galloping Gala" I spoke to myself, "What the fuck"