Pounds For Pumpkins

by Crescent Wrench


Pounds For Pumpkins


Letters Home

        Beloved Pound Cake,

        That is not a proper letter in the slightest. While I appreciate you trying to send me a swift word of reassurance and all, you simply must elaborate further! What is it like there? Do they treat you alright? Do you go on marches or anything of the sort? How early do they make you wake up? This is important stuff, you know!

        The regular hospital appointments have been consistently positive,there hasn't been anything wrong with our baby yet.

        I still can't believe I'm pregnant, Pound. It's scary to think about. In a few months time, we're going to be parents. I know you're still terrified of that, but as I said, I'm scared too. We'll have to figure this out together. That's what you get for knocking up your sister, I guess! :P

        I love you lots and lots. Dinky and I have been hanging out a lot, too. She's really nice, and we can't wait for you and Pipsqueak to get back! Have you met any nice ponies there? Have you met any nice mares? DO I need to slap a hoe? Don't make me, Pound, or I swear to Celestia I will name this filly Rape Sack and be done with it.

        Okay, that was a little harsh. Still. Don't you be fooling around on me.

        Love you lots and lots, hope to hear from you soon!



        Pumpkin Cake, the love of my life,

        I have fifteen minutes after chow to write to you. I'm really sorry that the last letter was so short, but I literally had fifteen minutes to write it, bag it, address it, stamp it, haul butt half way across camp to the post-mare and drop it off, then make it back to the tent, or else I would be dropped. And let me tell you, Getting dropped is NOT fun.

        Here, it's... difficult. Not all that physically draining, actually. At least, not compared to what I was expecting. It's more of a mind game than anything. The instructors want us to quit, to give up, that way they can break us down and build us back up again. I've seen a few ponies just refuse to go on. I'm not too sure what happened to them...

        … And I'm back. I didn't have enough time yesterday to finish, so I'll try and continue today where I left off. Oh, and did you know it takes almost a week for my letters to get to you, and vice-versa? Crazy, right?

        They treat us like children, which I suppose is fitting. We march a lot every day, and have some basic classroom settings, namely military history and tactics and the such. Each class has a day grade that you have to make or they make you skip chow and do it again until you pass. I heard it sucks. I don't know, though, since I've always passed. Pipsqueak keeps having to take the classes over, though. He says it sucks. Oh well. Sucks to suck, I guess.

        We usually get up at about six in the morning, or oh-six-hundred. Our tent, that is. Each tent is woken up at around the same time, depending on how responsible the squad leader is for them. We have a big pony named Skyfire as our current squad leader, and he's actually really good at it. So much that the instructors are having him do it again after Pipsqueak failed the first day of his round to wake us up on time. He got smoked the entire day- woops, I'll finish this tomorrow!

        And I'm back, again! Fifteen minutes doesn't get you much here. Anyways, Pipsqueak gets to try again after everypony else in the squad has had a chance.

        Our tent has three mares in it, and before you get any ideas, none of them can ever match up to you, so don't fear. There's no way any of them can replace you, I promise. Anyways, I did actually befriend one of them today in our class. Her name is Warden, but she insists on being called Waldo. She's so stubborn she inadvertently made the instructors even refer to her as that! Anyways, we were doing stealth and evasion classes today, and she led me out into the forest to hide with her. Five hours go by, and she'd picked such a good spot that nopony had found us yet until... My hoof slipped from our tree just as an instructor was passing by, and he saw me. But get this: he didn't even get a glimpse of Waldo! He never even knew she was there! She's got this really bright, white coat, too, so it's crazy she can hide so well. Oh well, she's pretty cool. A little cold from time to time, but she can actually smile, something none of us thought she could do. She lives in Ponyville too, maybe you can meet her when we get back!

        I am so happy that our filly is doing well. And you're right, I am terrified about what the future holds. But if you insist everything will be okay, well... I trust you. So, any ideas for baby names yet? I haven't a clue!

        Your stud-muffin, Pound Cake


        Pound Cake,

        Stud muffin? Really? That's the best you've got.

        That sucks that it takes that long for you to get my letters, but that must mean you're getting close to the half-way mark by the time you read this, right? I'm so happy you're doing good, that makes me smile.

        Names... I don't know. I was thinking maybe Sugar or Patty, maybe even Sweet Cake? Do we even want to keep the Cake? I don't know, I didn't expect you to be asking!

        Aunt Pinkie Pie stopped by for a little while a few days ago, as did Rapid and her coltfriend, Crisp Press. They missed out on the draft, thank Celestia, but they are glad to hear you're doing good as well! Press is such a sweetheart, his demeanor is actually a lot like yours, surprisingly. Other than, well... he likes to wear dresses. I know, a little odd, but who are we to judge?

        Anyways, I'm going to stay with Rapid for a week or so in Manehatten to relax and spend some time with her. Dinky is also coming, bless her soul. I should be back in time for your next letter.

        I love you so much, Pound. So much.



        Pumpkin Cake,

        I thought it was clever -.-

        Anyways, it's starting to get pretty grueling here. A few attacks out on the field on our soldiers not far from here has led to us being given extra combat courses.

        I'm scared, Pumpkin. I'm not a fighter, we both know that. I finally feel comfortable with you compared to the years I was terrified to even speak to you, lest you find out about my crush on you, but... no offense, this is a million times worse. I might have to take somepony's life. I'm in way over my head.

        And some other bad news. Our tent is down to four ponies. The other two ponies, Streak and Wave, were found... fooling around with each other in the wrong place, and so were assigned to a disciplinary platoon. It sucks, they were funny. They should be back in a couple weeks, though.

        Anyways, at the halfway mark now. Can you believe it? And get this: we get to come home for a week after training, before we get sent right back here. It sucks and all, but it's a nice little break!

        As far as names go, I kind of like Patty. And I would like to keep Cake. It keeps us close, and it means a little bit to me. Patty Cake, our little angel. It sounds nice :)

        I love you even more and can't wait to see my special mare!




        I'm scared.

        The ultra-sound today showed... something. It looked like a dot on the screen, but they didn't like it. I'm scared, Pound, I'm so scared. I want you to hold me, I want to lie with you, but you aren't here...

        I know it's not fair for me to be angry with you, you didn't want to go, but I miss you so much.

        But I was thinking of the name.

        Let me be blunt. I was joking with Patty. Do you really like it? I mean, if you like it, then we can name her that, but... don't you think it sounds a little... I don't know, cheesy? Our daughter, Patty Cake?

        I'm tired. I'm going to send this to you and go to bed. I'm flat exhausted.

        Loving you always,




        I wish I was there. Believe me, I really do. If there was a way for me to be there right now, believe me when I say I would take it.

        But, bad news.

        Our camp was attacked three nights ago. A couple Zebras crashed the gates, bullets were everywhere. Pipsqueak took one to his leg, thankfully it didn't do anything vital to him. Waldo lost an eye, but she's doing better now. Guess her only weak side is her left, now.

        I'm terrified too, sweetie. I love you so much, and there are so many things going on right now. They're going to push the graduation date up a little bit, meaning that this should be the last letter you get from me before I show up on our doorstep. Yep, that's right, they're promoting us all to E-2 and sending us home so they can bring in a new class.

        I'm coming home, baby.

        I'll see you soon.



        Pound took in a deep breath as the train rolled along the tracks. It had been a rough time, made even worse by the sparse letters he was able to trade with his love. But whether or not it was all worth it didn't matter anymore. He and his three friends sat in their own car, Smiling eagerly. Waldo even managed to crack a grin beneath the full-face bandage she wore, her right eye poking out to scan the room occasionally before closing once more. She would never get used to having her entire left flank vulnerable.

        Pipsqueak chewed nervously on his Warrior's Handbook, desperately trying to come up with an excuse to Dinky as to why he hardly wrote her. After Pound refused to take any more letters for him in the belief that he was just being silly, he only sent her a single letter.


        She was going to kill him so bad.

        Skyfire just looked out the window along with Pound, his breath catching as they spotted Ponyville on the horizon.

        They were almost home.


        Next to the letter envelope Pumpkin had recently torn open was a small flier from the Equestrian Guard Department of Homeland affairs, alerting the family of Cake, Pound that he was expected to arrive home later that day. She had seen it before she'd opened Pound's last letter.

        Pumpkin couldn't help but smile with tears in her eyes. He was coming home. Her brother, her lover, her everything, was finally coming back home. It had been horrible without him, but she finally would be able to see him again.

        “Come on, sweetie, the train should be just about here by now!” Cup Cake said enthusiastically, helping Pumpkin from her seat. After seven months of pregnancy, she was getting close to the day. Her body was showing it, too. Where she had once been very good at hiding her growing child, she now sported an obvious baby bump, one that impeded her motion with every step. She was an emotional roller-coaster these days, but her parents and friends were always there for her. And soon, Pound would be there, too.

        Pumpkin giggled excitedly as she waddled along next to her mom. She still wasn't used to essentially having a watermelon strapped to the inside of her crotch. Still, she made do.

        Less than an hour later, the train rolled in, most of the families in Ponyville huddled onto the small depot floor. The Cake family had been graciously been allowed a rare boarding-zone spot with a generous amount of space behind for Pumpkin, everypony feeling more than accepting of her state in this period.

        Finally, the train screeched to a halt. Ponies flooded out, Pumpkin desperately looking around, straining her neck to find him.

        Finally, as he stepped off the train, she did.

        “Pound!” she shouted, ponies in the line between them practically throwing themselves out of her way as she charged forward. Ponies laughed sweetly at her reaction, tears still clinging to their faces from their recent reunion as Pumpkin launched herself at Pound.

        “Oh, Pumpki- MMMPH!”

        Pumpkin didn't allow him to speak as, in front of everypony, she locked her lips to his with a heated passion. Pound closed his eyes blissfully as he returned the affection, stroking her sides and mane gently.

        And all around them, not a single fuck was given.

        Maybe they had a chance.