“EEeeeeeeeeeee…!”
The sound of gas escaping at high velocity filled the air. Thankfully, no explosives were to be found, only that of a purple alicorn bursting with excitement at the principle of an automatic toaster. She had an awe for the device similar to what Sam had felt for Rainbow Dash’s ability to fly in every which direction, though her excitable personality magnified the effect. That train of thought was rudely ended however, as Sam realized she was in a world of hurt if Rainbow ever caught her comparing the pegasus to a toaster. Supersonic fighter ponies were definitely out of the league of baked bread, no matter how tasty it might have been.
The trio had migrated to a small beige break room near what appeared to be very fancy military laboratories. The adjacent one proudly declared itself to be off limits due to dangerous NUCLEAR RADIATION, complete with blaringly red warning signs. Twilight did not entirely understand these words, but it was not in her best interest to learn first hand while she was vibrating and bouncing around the place in a dither. Sam was convinced that putting the princess on a leash would be a diplomatic faux pas, but the prospect was seeming to be more reasonable every minute.
O’Hare was the one to bring her back to Earth. “So, you mentioned that your world is… toxic to us?”
“Wha…? Oh! Yes, unfortunately. Our magical field attempts to integrate humans that come over, and lacking a magical concept to describe them with, it settles on the closest relevant ideas. In Sam’s case, it came up with a Sphinx.”
“She doesn’t seem too bad off for it.”
“Speak for yourself.” Sam’s words were mildly muffled by the wonders of human baking technology, but the meaning was clear, toast or otherwise. “Things are missing that should be here.”
Twilight blushed again, clearly not wanting to think about the concept again. “That’s a bit of a sticking point with you, isn’t it.”
“It is mildly important, yes.”
O’Hare was confused, but decided it was probably for the best to not pry. Angry lions had a reputation for eating people, at least in Earth lore. “Well, it’s not unexpected. Sphinxes are like ponies in having a matriarchal society. I looked it up while we were working on the portal spell. 8-2 ratio, so slightly more male dominated than with us, though it’s still going to be a common occurrence, as you seem to have a masculine race.” Now the colonel was blushing a bit, getting the point, and not at all liking the idea. Twilight was ruining his delirious fantasies of being some sort of magical supercreature. Old habits die hard, even ones from childhood with others around the playground.
Sam waved a paw, and devoured the next piece of toast in a single gulp. “It’s actually about 50-50, but regardless.“
“Yes. There’s also the fact that biology isn’t a 1-1 comparison across races. We had to carefully control the process to avoid mishaps. Seizures and shock from nerves and blood vessels not lining up properly.”
O’Hare’s dreams were being more dashed by the minute, but he still had other ideas. “So any contact would have to be on our end. Let’s get back to the idea of a magical field on this side. A magical human wouldn’t have any trouble, right?”
“Not that I can imagine, no.” Twilight gave a little squeak as her toast popped up, but was quickly distracted by the prospect of Science Discussions. “And as magic spread across… Earth, was it?” The ponies did not actually have a name for their world, as their civilizations were more local in scope, but she would have to get used to the idea. “…a proper field would develop to include concepts beyond just humans, eventually stabilizing into a magical field of its own.”
“How does this… link actually manifest? Is it a mental bond, or some such?”
“Somewhat? It’s not quite my area of study, but there is a sense of an Empathic Bond, yes. Since everypony is connected, and has an unconscious understanding of other concepts around them magically, they have an innate understanding of others as being on the same sort of level as them. How… exactly does that work on Earth? Not having that sort of idea, I mean. Is it just an instinct level understanding?”
O’Hare and Sam exchanged a bit of nervous glancing. “Learned, mainly. Human children are, in my uninformed opinion, nightmares to be around.” Sam was not entirely of the age to be a parent, though she did not want to be, from either gender perspective. Bad experiences faded slowly.
“Oh my. Well, perhaps that would change? It doesn’t necessarily seem like something that would be out of the question.”
“I think you two are getting way ahead of yourselves.”
“Pardon?” Twilight was confused, but O’Hare was deeply worried. Sam was threatening to ruin all his fun. First the idea of introducing new races to Earth, and now magic in general. What a killjoy!
“Don’t get me wrong, the idea of magic and such sounds wonderful. But the actual implementation has all the makings of a terrible idea.”
More confusion, to the level that electrically baked toast could not quell. “I don’t get it.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to, but let’s try an example. Think of the most bitter, jaded, spiteful person you can think of.” Twilight thought hard. Discord? No, too frivolous. Nightmare Moon? Perhaps, but… there were so many to chose from!
Her mind had floated through five or six ponies of ill repute, and was currently briefly entertaining Angel Bunny when Sam interrupted. “Just pick one. Now, would you call them powerful?”
Toast went everywhere, as Twilight laughed in spite of her breakfast. Nightmare Moon perhaps, but not Fluttershy’s adorable pet rabbit. “Exactly. Now, I want you to think about that person really hard, and now…?”
“Give them Princess Luna’s power. What would they do?”
Twilight’s slack jaw was only the precursor to a look of absolute horror, and Sam knew she had hit gold.
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“Run for your lives! It’s the Hare in the Moon!” Ponies were screaming and galloping everywhere, as a shadow fell over Canterlot. Overhead, the sun was being blocked out by a rapidly approaching moon, preparing to crash down upon them all, and extinguish all pony life. A unicorn fainted in shock, unable to contemplate her doom.
Atop the moon, Angel stood, paws outstretched to the sky from which his lunar missile had descended. He was cackling in mad laughter, or would if he had been disposed towards speech. His muteness was only one of the reasons everyone had picked on him in the past, but who was laughing now? Huh?! Well, not him, but no one would be around to care much in a moment.
Bunny and moon descended upon them all, and revenge was so sweet. Oh so sweet.
--------------
“Let us never speak of such an idea again.” Twilight recovered her poise, but not without a bit of trembling. O’Hare looked at her in consternation, but got the point.
“Aren’t you overthinking this a bit, kid?”
“Am I? Every bitter, jaded, spiteful person in the world, and you’ve just given them magic. Maybe not godlike powers, per se, but what’s the first thing they’re gonna do? You haven’t thought this through.”
“That is why we’re talking now, yes? Don’t just write the whole damn thing off.”
The cursing did not translate across Twilight’s amulet, but she could see the anger in his face. “Well, we don’t have to. I don’t think.” The colonel and Sam swapped expressions almost immediately. “Okay, so magic everywhere good, or at least better, but the immediate spreading would be bad. So we just need a way to tide things over until everyone gets used to the idea!”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“We have the greatest minds in Equestria and Earth! I’m sure we’ll find a solution. These things have a way of working out.” Sam was not used to being called a great mind by any stretch of the imagination, unless it were a contest for sarcasm. That said, if Twilight was going to ask what could go wrong, violence would have to occur.
“Well, give it some more thought, and don’t go running off doing things until you have.” Sam excused herself, and prepared to leave in search of a bathroom. She had no idea how one would be used in her current state, but as long as no guards tried to stop her, something would be managed.
“Oh, Sam, almost forgot. This one’s for you.” Twilight levitated her gold scarab from the mass of amulets around her neck, and floated it over to Sam, who stared at it as if it might bite. “I do have to get back sometime soon, so that everypony doesn’t worry. Still, if anything goes wrong, we’ve put a copy of the portal spell and the energy to power it in here. Just open it up, and… wish really hard, and it’ll take you straight to me.”
Sam decided this wasn’t entirely un-useful, and put it on. “Is that the technical term? Wishing really hard?”
“No, of course not, but it’s a good way to describe it. Just try until it works if you need to.”
“Gotcha.” The bathroom quest was resumed, and O’Hare watched the lion leave. A silly idea was forming in his head, though this one didn’t seem too farfetched.
“I don’t suppose you can make more of those, could you?”