//------------------------------//
// Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go 
// Story: Equestria Brahs 
// by FlareGun45 
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Mind if I go off-topic for a sec? Did you know the kid with the brown hair, and the badge that has the square-root heart is actually Featherweight? Yeah, I didn’t notice at first, I thought you should know that if you didn’t. Also there’s a kid with green hair, and a brown hat in the zombie scene in the actual Equestria Girls movie, at the first second the kids are zombies; the kid with the green hair has a sands time thing on his tux just like Doctor Whooves. So technically Doctor Whooves is actually in this school, but he’s more in his 4th Doctor form, not the 10th or 11th doctor like we’re all used to. Anyways, I thought I should point that out! Back to the story!

Sunset Shimmer and I headed onto the school grounds because Sunset tells me that Swinebutt has been staying there late for some unknown reason, it’s time for us to head over there and find out what he’s up to, as well as finding my box. On the way over there, I was talking to my sister on the phone. “Yeah… yeah I’m heading back to the school grounds now, Water. We’re gonna find out if Swinebutt actually stole my box, which I totally believe he did. When am I gonna get back? I dunno, perhaps you should pick me up later. Probably in about 10 minutes. Yeah. Don’t worry about it, Water, you know the drill. Anyways, I gotta go. We’re about to eavesdrop on Swinebutt. Yeah… yeah, check the closets. Ok, I’ll talk to you later. Love you too. Ok, I love you too! Is putting the ‘I’ there really necessary? You know who loves you, sis! You’re just as whinny as mom! Takes one to know one, y’know what, sis? Shut up! You get your humor from dad! Ok whatever, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” I hang up.

“How’s your sister doing?” Sunset asked.

“She’s alright.” I said. “She’s just at the hotel right now chillaxing at the pool. She just got a new humanized bathing suit from Walmart before while she was getting me the boxers I wanted.” 

“Ok. We’re really not supposed to be here after dark, so just follow my lead.” Sunset instructed me. “And stay quiet!”

“Gotcha!” I whispered as I zipped my lip. So Sunset Shimmer and I both snuck inside the school grounds. We were tip-toeing through the corridor, not making any noise other than our breathing and light taps of our shoes. I felt a burp coming though, but I was doing my best to hold it in, and I was successful, but unfortunately it came from my behind. Sunset gave me a funny look. “What?!” I whispered. She just shook her head and we continued sneaking. As we were sneaking, Twilight walks by us wearing some PJs and carrying a glass of water. She didn’t spot us though, and Sunset didn’t want to bother with her right now, so we just continued sneaking. I’m glad the Dalek hall monitor is offline during the night as well, otherwise, this would’ve been a big problem.

“Wait!” Sunset whispered as we both stopped.

“One more step, I could’ve bumped right into you.” I whispered.

“The janitor is over there mopping the floors.” Sunset pointed to the janitor who was actually Discord. 

“Ah! Cleanliness is a wonderful, wonderful thing!” Discord said as he was listening to his iPod. “Just look at how sparkly this ground is! This is so obsessive to me! Ooooo I just love cleaning! I love it so much, I’ll just stand here and clean this one spot for a while longer. That way it’s cleaner than ever before!”

“Forget that! I don’t have the patience!” I said as I grabbed a piece of paper hanging on the events board. “Oh what’s that over there?” I called out as I threw the piece of paper aiming for near Discord, but since its paper and I’m bad at sports, the piece of paper just landed right in between Sunset and I.



“Or we could just go through another hallway. There are two ways to the science lab.” Sunset suggested.

“That works too!” I said. So we both snuck over to a different hallway, but on the way over there, we saw Boorlie Pomodoro sneaking by. “Hey, buuuuuudddy! What’s with the stealth?”

“Who are you? I don’t know who you are. How do you know me? Get lost!” Boorlie freaked out.

“Whoa there, brah! What’s with the hostility?” I asked.

“Flare, why are you talking to this British weirdo?” Sunset asked.

“Hey I have you know, madam, that I have a master’s degree in culinary. I’d whip up a soup that would eat your words!” Boorlie said.

“How does that make any sense whatsoever?” Sunset asked.

“Wait a minute, how do you have a master’s degree when you’re in high school?” I asked.

“The time has almost come. Everything is coming to place as you shall see.” Boorlie said as he runs away.

“What did he mean by that?” I asked.

“Forget it, Flare. Boorlie’s just some exchange student that likes to think his cooking is the greatest in this whole town.” Sunset said.

“I can tell. The Boorlie from my universe thinks that as well, until my business got in the way and all of his business came to me.” I said.

So we continued sneaking around the halls and finally located the science lab. Swinebutt was indeed inside working on his machine. “Ok, here’s in here.” Sunset whispered. “He’s outnumbered against us. Two humanized ponies against one human-pig inbred.”

“He is?” I asked.

“No, but judging his ugliness and compulsive snorting, he should be.” Sunset said.

“And by his obsessive habit of putting his pinky near his mouth. He idolizes Dr. Evil.” I said.

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Sunset said. “Now, in a count of three, we’ll barge inside, tackle Swinebutt, and tell us everything he knows. Your box and his secrets.”

“Got it.” I nodded.

“One…” Sunset started. “Two… thr-“

“No wait, this is too much pressure!” I stopped her. “Way too much pressure! I say we should go on one.”

“Fine, whatever.” Sunset said. “Ready? ONE!” The both of us barged inside and I tackled Swinebutt and pinned him on the ground.

“OW!” Swinebutt yelled and snorted. “WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?!”

“Where’s my box, porkchop? Where’s my box?!” I yelled.

“Ahh, Crimson. You came at just the right time! I’ve been expecting you!” Swinebutt said mischievously as Sunset Shimmer closes and locks the door, and then Fonz, Blueberry, and Lord Thorn come out from within the shadows.

“So… this was a trap from the beginning. I knew you couldn’t be trusted, Sunset.” I said as I looked at her. “I know how poorly written villains can be.”

“Sorry, Flare. It’s nothing personal. I have nothing against you personally.” Sunset said. “But if I were to have Swinebutt here to help me take over the school, I’d need to return the favor somehow. So I brought him you.”

“Get off him, dweeb!” Fonz ordered me. I did what he said and got off Swinebutt, releasing him from my grasp.

“So this is pony Crimson Flare Gun, huh?” Swinebutt asked as he observed me. “He’s not so different than our Crimson Flare Gun.”

“So there is another me then.” I assumed.

“There is, but not anymore.” Swinebutt said.

“What did you do to him, or me, you piece of bacon?” I asked angrily.

“Lost, forgotten. Once you came into this world you probably took over as him and he just vanished from existence, along with your sister.” Swinebutt said.

“I guess that would explain the lack of Twilight and Spike too.” I said.

“Exactly.” Swinebutt said.

“I don’t really care about this world, Porky. Do whatever you want to it. All I want is my box back.” I said.

“Crimson, Crimson, Crimson… your transformation into humanoid has made you delusional.” Swinebutt said.

“I am not deranged, brah. I know you took it. You took one of your spider-bots to Equestria and snatched my special box to lure me here for some reason. Why would you do that?” I asked.

“Flare, I’ve lied about many things as you may know, but I do not lie about this. I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Swinebutt said as he placed his pinky near his mouth.

“Well unless there’s anything else you want me to do, doc, I can go on my way.” Sunset said.

“Actually, there is one thing you can do.” Swinebutt said to her. “Boorlie has promised me my power source. He said he’d give me that pound diamond already. We’d need it if we’re going to make you powerful, Sunset.”

“You mean you haven’t gotten that thing working yet?!” Sunset yelled at him.

“What do you want me to do, huh?! Go and steal a diamond?! I’m evil, but I’m no thief! That’s why I hire some goons to do it for me. Boorlie promised me that diamond! He’s really testing my patience!” Swinebutt said angrily as he snorted.

“Well I don’t think Boorlie can be trusted, brah.” I said.

“Huh? Oh… I forgot you were here, Crimson.” Swinebutt said. “Now what to do to you so you’d stay out of our way?”

“You think you can trust Boorlie with this assignment, Dr. Swinebutt?” I asked. “I dunno why we’re calling you doctor. You’re a high school student. You don’t have PH.D.”

“I was holding myself back for personal reasons.” Swinebutt said.

“Have you been using your spider-bots lately?” I asked.

“Not as of late other than cleaning and caring my stuff. I’ve actually hired Fonz, Lord Thorn, and Blueberry to handle the dirty work.” Swinebutt explained.

“Yeah the ‘dirty’ work.” Blueberry said as she fluttered her eyes at Swinebutt.

“Not now, Blueberry.” Swinebutt stopped her.

“Aww, but you know how much I love mud baths!” Blueberry whined. “Very dirty, but very relaxing.”

“Well it was one of YOUR spider-bots that stole my precious box.” I said. I then said in a Gollum voice, “My precious!”

“So you’re saying some of my trusted clients are actually the ones who used my bots against you?” Swinebutt asked.

“One of them.” I said.

“I swear, I didn’t take any box, boss.” Fonz admitted.

“Check if you want. This is all I’m selling.” Lord Thorn admitted as he opened his trenchcoat to show Swinebutt what he’s selling.

“But come to think of it, I found Boorlie to be pretty suspicious as of late.” Blueberry said.

“You still want me to look for him?” Sunset asked.

“Actually, yes. I want us all to look for him now. He used my spider-bots without my permission and we need to teach him a lesson!” Swinebutt said.

“I’m so attracted to this plan, doc!” Fonz said mischievously as he takes out a baseball bat and swings it up and down against his opposite hand.

“Oh but what to do with him as we look?” Lord Thorn asked as he looks at me mischievously.

“Oh him? Just tie him up and lock him the closet. Both tying and locking, that way double the imprisonment!” Swinebutt said.

“How about some chains too?” Fonz suggested.

“Ok let’s not get carried away.” Swinebutt said. So they all just tied me up and threw me into the science lab’s labcoat closet. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Crimson. I’m glad to get rid of you, but I’m nothing if not the sensitive type. When Friday night comes, I’ll make sure you get thrown back into the portal and back into your world and away from here. This world ain’t big enough for the two of you.” Swinebutt started to laugh evilly and he closes and locks the door, leaving me alone in the darkness.

Well… is this it? Did I lose? I mean, he offered to take me back home before it’s too late, but I’m not ready to get outta here yet until I get what I came for! I know now that it was Boorlie that stole my precious black box! My precious! Ok, I’ll stop that now. But why did he take my box? What does the humanized version of Boorlie have against me? Anyways, if all was going according to plan, I knew Water would be here any second now. The reason I called her before wasn’t just to tell her where I was; it was also an undercover reinforcement call. Why else did I say check the closets? Anyways, I’ve been waiting in that closet for a bunch of minutes, and minutes turned into hours, and hours turned into even more hours. Felt like I was waiting there for a lifetime. I got tired of waiting so I went to sleep. I’m glad I had dinner though. Those waffles, pancakes, and French toast that Sunset Shimmer made were delicious! A little too crispy on the French toast though, but they were tolerable. I kept asking for butter with them but she kept saying its butter flavored syrup. Plus I needed help cutting them. I was too afraid I would cut myself because these hands are still new to me.

After many hours went by, the lab door eventually opened, and the bright light of the room shined right into my eyes. It burned because I was in darkness for so long. Once I regained my eye sight, my sister was standing there. “Well it looks like you’ve been in a-“

“If you say that ridiculous pun about me being ‘tied up’ I swear by the Wizard of Hope, sis.” I said.

“How about a little more respect, bro? I just rescued you.” Water reminded me.

“Yeah after like… TEN HOURS!” I added. “Is it morning already?”

“Sorry it took me so long.” Water said as she unties me. “When you said check the closets, I didn’t know which closet you were talking about.”

“The science lab closet, where else?” I reminded her. “Where would Swinebutt be?”

“Hey for all I knew he would’ve hid you in a different closet!” Water said.

“Whatever. Thanks for rescuing me, Water.” I said as I stood up and stretched. 

“I’ve always admired your very flexible arms, Flare. It’s very impressive that you can put your arms all the way to the back of your neck that way.” Water said.

“I always said if the pizza business doesn’t work out, I’d just put on a flexible arms show to get through in life.” I said. “Anyways, what’s been happening when I was out?”

“You were only in there for a night. How can you miss anything?” Water asked.

“Whatever.” I said.

“So did you get your box back from Swinebutt?” Water asked.

“He never took my box.” I said. “But I know who really did now. It was Boorlie.”

“Why would Boorlie do it?” Water asked.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I’ll have to track him down and take the box before Swinebutt and his goons find him first, if they haven’t already.” I said.

“I doubt it. I saw Boorlie’s been hiding from them all morning. Why would he hide from them on school grounds? I have no clue.” Water said.

“We have to find him and that box, and return to the portal before tomorrow night.” I said.

“How did things go with the Noble Six?” Water asked.

“They like eachother but now they hate me since they think I work with Sunset Shimmer.” I said.

“Doesn’t seem to be like them to do that. Sounds stupid.” Water said.

“Yeah well, dare to be stupid.” I said. “Want me to sing that song again?”

“No thanks. I’d rather not have so much singing right now. Save that for the next time you come to this universe.” Water said.

“Anyways, let’s go.” I said as both Water and I exit the science lab and I start walking through the hallways, and Water follows me.

“Wait, Flare. Aren’t you going to ask me where Boorlie is?” Water asked.

“Negetive.” I said.

“Why not? You know where he is?” she asked.

“No clue.” I said.

“So where are you going?” she asked.

“To find Crèmepop.” I said.

“Why?” Water asked.

“I have to return something to her, and then… I have to reunite with the Noble Six.” I said.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Water asked.

“Yes. Find the Noble Six, and tell them to meet at the bleachers outside.” I instructed her.

“Sounds like a plan! Sounds even like a better plan than watching the entire third Lord of the Rings movie.” Water said.

A cutaway shows Water watching towards the end to the Lord of the Rings movie after… ok spoiler alert. Try to avoid this cutaway if you don’t want any spoilers. I’ll separate a line between the cutaway gag and the story, in case you haven’t seen it yet and you want to.


So the cutaway shows Water watching towards the end of the Lord of the Rings movie after Frodo and Sam threw the ring into the volcano, and they were just lying there waiting to die. “Oh my Luna, NO!” Water cried. “You gone so far! Please don’t die there! Don’t die! Don’t die! Please don’t end there! Please don’t! Ok good… it’s not the end yet. Ok, I see those giant birds coming in and picking you up. Are you still alive? Please be alive! Please be alive! OK! You’re alive, good! Nice! You reunited with all of your friends! They’re all still alive! There’s the guy who I thought was Professor Dumbledore, there are the two other hobbits, there’s the dwarf, there’s Orlando Bloom, where’s the first Hobbit guy? Ok, a king’s coordination, nice! Where’s the first Hobbit guy? I still wonder where he is.”

“Ok back home again so we should see him now. What still no sign of him? Ehh… wow. Tavern scene… is he in here? No? Yeah Sam did say he wanted to marry this girl so ok. AH there he is! Wow, he’s old! Ok I saw him, are we near the ending yet? No? Oh boat scene. Ok. They going somewhere? Oh… well ok then. Wait, Frodo is going too? Why? Wow that is touching, but this is unnecessary. Why is this in the movie? Is there gonna be a sequel or something? Where are they going? What’s the point of this? Ok… they’re sailing off into the sea. I guess this is the ending. Alright bring on the credits. Wait THAT STILL WASN’T THE ENDING?! How long is this ending?! This ending is unnecessarily long! I don’t… I don’t get this. Wait, how can he have kids already? Sheesh. Ok NOW it’s the end! WOW! That took a while! I loved this movie but that ending, man, that ending! GOSH! As if this movie wasn’t long enough!” Water complained. The cutaway ends.


A half-hour later outside at the field. The Noble Six were waiting at the bleachers. It’s kind of ironic that they call it bleachers, counting that they have nothing to do with laundry. “Alright, so we’re all here. Where’s the pep rally?” Blaze asked.

“And the frozen yogurt?” Crystal asked.

“And the new planetary discovery meeting?” Psyche asked.

“And Blue Spy?” Engie asked with his shotgun out.

“I’m only here because Water dragged me here.” Aqua said.

“You humans are so gullible.” Water said as she chuckled.

“You and Flare keep calling us humans and apes. What is this about? It’s like you’re saying you’re not human.” Blaze said.

“What’s the catch here, Water?” Aqua asked.

“You’ll find out.” Water said.

“I’m sure I’m regretting this already.” Psyche said. “Just like I regret correcting Pinkie.”

A cutaway shows Pinkie and Psyche sitting on a bench. Pinkie was about to open up a white box when she says, “You know, Psyche? Life is like a box of crickets.”

“Don’t you mean a box of chocolates?” Psyche corrected her.

“Just then, Pinkie’s face turns into an iguana’s face and she sticks her long lounge on Psyche’s face like what a frog does when it tries to catch a fly. The cutaway ends.

“Sup brahs?” I asked as Crèmepop and I both walked over to the group.

“I’m sorry, was somebody talking?” Blaze asked, ignoring me.

“Yeah, it was Flare.” Crystal reminded him.

“I know, I was just ignoring Flare, pretending I didn’t hear him.” Blaze explained to her.

“Then just ignore him! Don’t be a jerk! You’re no better than he is!” Crystal explained.

“Please, can the five of you please give me a chance?” I asked.

“A chance at what? Humiliating us?” Psyche asked. “We know what Sunset Shimmer is all about, Flare. She takes innocent high school students and makes them team up with her. It’s happened before, many times.”

“Yeah, just look at Snips and Snails.” Aqua said.

“Just hear me out, alright please?” I begged. “Please? I’m begging you! I did not want this to happen!”

“Alright, but make it quick. Mah car’s been stolen.” Engie said. “Oh and Psyche? It wasn’t my car. It was YOURS! And you know what else? I’m the one who stole it! Who’s crazy now?!”

“Umm… what?” Psyche asked.

“Look I was only teaming up with Sunset Shimmer because… well… ok, I have to be honest with all of you.” I started. “The only reason I’m here is because I thought Swinebutt stole a black box that’s very valuable to me.”

“It’s true.” Crème said.

“But it turns out I was wrong.” I said.

“Yeah, which made my last sentence seem like I’m lying.” Crème said.

“Boorlie Pomodoro was the one who stole it, and… well… I pretty much reunited you all so you could all help me get it back from him.” I said.

“I knew it! He WAS using us!” Crystal yelled.

“Well I’m glad you’re finally honest, Flare, but that was a very bad thing you did. Reuniting us for your own personal interests is a terrible reason to make us reunite.” Blaze said.

“But Blaze, don’t you see?” Crème started. “You all reunited in general. I mean… yes, Flare gave a pretty terrible reason for doing so, but you all used to hate eachother, and now look at you! You’re all teaming up against Flare because you all share a common interest. You forgot about all that you thought you did to eachother in the past only to be angry at Flare himself.” Wow… that I couldn’ve said better myself.

“Wow… ya make a pretty good point, Crème.” Aqua nodded. “We did hate eachother, but after seein’ Flare betray us made us forget the bad we did to eachother.”

“But now ah remember it again, and ah hate y’all.” Engie said angrily at the others.

“Well I don’t hate any of ya.” Aqua said.

“Neither do I.” Psyche said.

“It turned out to be false rumors. It was all Sunset Shimmer’s doing.” Blaze said.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t change the way we feel about you, Flare.” Engie said. “You still did us wrong.”

“That was actually an old reason, but now… I mean… look, it’s really complicated, alright? The five of you just… remind me of friends I have back home, and… well… that’s why I’m so interested in you.” I said.

“Really?” Aqua asked.

“Really, really.” I said. “I really care about you guys. I know we don’t know eachother that long, but… I think I was wrong about you apes. They’re no different than ponies. Ponies and apes are alike in so many ways.”

“Umm… I think you lost me.” Crystal said.

“What Flare is saying is-“ Water started.

“Hey don’t talk for me! I can talk for myself!” I complained.

“Flare, you’re really not making a hick of sense. Is this all a trick again?” Psyche asked.

“A Trixie trick?” Crystal asked.

“What was that?” Trixie asked from across the field.

“I don’t think you guys should be hating on Flare.” Crème suggested.

“Oh? Why not?” Blaze asked.

“Because if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’ve been friends in the first place.” Crème said. “I saw Flare yesterday with Sunset Shimmer, and I know what he wants. He felt bad that you all hated him, very upset. He helped you all reunite, and then you all turned your backs on him.”

“It was a trick though! A Trixie trick!” Crystal yelled.

“What are you mortal fools talking about?” Trixie asked from across the field.

“What makes you think we could actually trust him though?” Engie asked.

“Because a pawn of Sunset Shimmer would’ve never brought this back to me.” Crème said as she showed them all her necklace that’s returned to her.

“Ahhh! So I never thought you lost your neck.” Crystal nodded.

“My neck- what? No! My necklace!” Crème corrected her.

“Wait, you lost that necklace long ago Crèmepop.” Psyche said, taking a good look at it.

“And it was Flare who brought it back!” Crème said.

Everybody turned to Water. “Is it true, Water?” Blaze asked.

“More or less. It’s what Flare said, but I can tell if he betrayed you; he doesn’t like it. All he really wanted all of you to be friends again; not just helping him find the box, but to spread the love and friendship and lulz throughout the whole school.” Water explained.

“Not the WHOLE school.” I corrected her. “That’s too much work!”

“Well, then… that would change everythin’.” Aqua said.

“We believe you Flare, and Crème’s right. If it weren’t for you, we’d probably still be hatin’ on one another.” Engie said.

“And so, another friendship moral has been repeated.” Water said.

“So you’re all really friends again, huh? Even though you thought I betrayed you?” I asked.

Just then, all my friends started to sing, “There was frog with a dong and thong with a dog on a log in the crack in the back in the sack at the bottom of the seeeea. There’s a frog with a dong and dog and hog and fog and a jog at the crack in the back at the bottom of the seeeeea! There’s a dog and dog and crog and mog and a… log in the crack in the sack at the bottom of the seeeeeea!” They all started laughing.

“Wow! Besides a couple of errors, I guess it’s that song that is keeping this friendship in line!” I said.

“Welcome to the club, buddy!” Psyche said.

“Welcome… to the Noble Six!” Blaze said.

“Alriiiiight!” I cried in excitement. “Alright, alright, alriiiiiight!”

“No, Flare, only one ‘alright’ is enough.” Engie said.

And so, it was lunch time again, yay! Best subject in the whole school! That and recess but I don’t think they have recess in high school. The eight of us (including the Noble Six and Crème and Water) sat over at a back table to eat our lunches. “So Flare, what’s the plan on getting your box back?” Crystal asked.

“Well I’m not really sure. I haven’t seen Boorlie all day. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Swinebutt all day, or his crew.” I said.

“But regardless, you did a good deep for us Flare. Thanks to you, we’re friends again.” Psyche said.

“And we all share common interests! For example…” Engie said as he trips over Flash Sentry and he lands face first into his food. All eight of us started laughing. “YEAH! Dibs on you bein’ a waste of character, Flash!”

“What’s your problem, Engie?! Why do you hate me so much?” Flash Sentry asked angrily.

“Cause ya stole mah waifu, that’s why.” Engie said.

“Wait… what’s a waifu?” Crystal asked.

“Where did that waifu thing come from anyway? It sounds really dumb.” Blaze said.

“I agree.” Aqua nodded.

“You should listen to your friends, Engineer… jerk.” Flash Sentry said as he walks up his clothes and then wipes away. No wait… I mean he wipes his clothes and walks away. Yeah, there we go!

“Hey, watch yer tone, boy!” Engie yelled.

“Was that really necessary, mate?” Aqua asked.

“It’s for all waifus everywhere.” Engie said.

“Engie, if this whole ‘waifu’ ideal never existed, nobody would be hating on Flash Sentry. It’s just stupid.” Blaze said.

“Dare to be stupid.” I said.

“So you think ah’m hatin’ on him for no apparent reason?” Engie asked.

“YES!” Blaze said.

“Actually, no.” Crystal said. “I mean, the only good he does is flirt with a random teenage girl, but he’s barely there to help. He just seems like a waste.”

“Now hold on, Crystal. I heard Flash helped Twilight out in getting out of trouble. So he’s not a COMPLETE waste.” Psyche said.

Just then, around the cafeteria heard the Mane Six started tapping their shoes, and trays around, and the sound really reminded me of the song We Will Rock You by Queen. They all began singing a song about Twilight winning a crown or something. It was pretty catchy! Why can’t I think of an original song? Well I’m just one person, and the Mane Six have a whole company making their songs for them. Wait, what did I say? Eh, I dunno. Holy cow, did AppleJack just take off Vinyl Scratch’s sunglasses? Well it’s confirmed now, her eyes are violet! We had a better look now than at the royal wedding! I was pretty excited after Rarity started throwing pony ears and tails at us. Wow, I just left the pony universe just to be a pony again! For Wizard of Hope’s sake, it’s like twisted dream. No, no, this isn’t a twisted dream; if it was, there’d be a tornado in it. That was really fun, and they really wanted us to see it so we can get into the school spirit! Once the singing was over, it was time to get down to business!

“Well, that was certainly entertainin’.” Aqua said.

“Uh oh.” Psyche said.

“What’s wrong, Psyche?” Aqua asked.

“The timeline’s all wrong! Flash DIDN’T help Twilight yet! That’s supposed to be tomorrow!” Psyche freaked out.

“Umm, so?” Aqua asked.

“So?! I was wrong! I’m never wrong!” Psyche freaked out. “Plus, I might’ve messed up the space-time continuum!”

“Relax, Psyche, I already did that once when I confused Twilight.” I said. “Once it’s all done, you’d realize later that it was just all in your imagination, and-“ just then, the universe just exploded and everyone died. Just then, I respawned to my last quicksave, which was the last time I quicksaved; the time after I found out Twilight and Spike came to this world.

“So there’s a time limit now?” Water asked.

“UGH! DANG IT! GAH! I forgot to save my progress! NOW I’M ALL THE WAY BACK HERE AGAIN!” I complained.

“We have to do it all over again now?” Water asked.

“It would seem so.” I said upsettingly. “Why isn’t there an AUTO save at all?”

“I think you turned them off.” Water said.

“WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!” I yelled. Just then, an anvil fell on me… again. Let’s fast-forward time back to the cafeteria after the Mane Six do their little musical number, I reunite my friends and myself with them, and I find out Boorlie is the one with my box and not Swinebutt.

“Alright, so now that Twilight’s problem is solved, and our friendship problem is solved, let’s get down to business!” I said.

“Alright, so do you propose we do, brah?” Blaze asked.

“I don’t know why you’re talking about proposing; nobody is getting married.” I said.

“No, I mean, what should we do next?” Blaze asked.

“Now that I have you all to help me, it’s time to confront Boorlie!” I said. “We have to find him, and bring back my box!”

“So you know for a fact that Boorlie was the one who took your box?” Psyche asked.

”He has to be! Swinebutt obviously didn’t steal it, but I would’ve thought he’d have access to spider-bots, unless… Engie?”

“Ah can only build sentry gun robots and mah robotic mom, ah was never able to build a spiderbot yet.” Engie confessed.

“Well Swinebutt’s obviously mad at Boorlie for stealing his spiderbots. We need to find him.” I said.

“Now hang on, aren’t ya forgettin’ somethin’, partner?” Engie asked.

“Ah! You’re right, Engie!” I went through my backpack to get out my medication. “Any of you have anything to drink?”

“What are those?” Aqua asked.

“Laxatrive. I have a bowel movement problem.” I said.

“Eww. Ya didn’t have to share all of that in the lunch room?” Aqua asked in a disgusting tone.

“Hey, you asked!” I reminded him.

“What ah was talkin’ about was; didn’t ya forget to thank Crèmepop?” Engie asked.

“Oh that’s right! I should thank her for paying my lunch yesterday. I keep forgetting that schools don’t accept credit cards.” I said.

“Don’t you have money?” Psyche asked.

“I do, but nobody accepts them here. I have money called bits with me, and even though I may change when I’m in another universe, my money doesn’t it would seem.” I said.

“Ah seriously don’t know what ya just said, but y’all need to go to Crèmepop right now, and thank her for provin’ yer innocence.” Engie demanded.

“But, Engie! I need that box though!” I whined.

“DO IT, GIRLY!” Engie ordered.

“Awwww.” I whined as I leaned over to Crèmepop and gave her a hug with an annoyed expression on my face. “Thanks for the help, Crèmepop.” I said with an attitude.

“You’re welcome, Flare!” Crème said as she hugged me back and then gave me a kiss on my cheek. I blushed. I actually didn’t expect that much coming from her right away. “Besides, it was the least I could do for you returning my necklace to me! No one is ever brave enough to stand up to Sunset Shimmer!” Crème said.

“Sunset Shimmer is the least of my concerns, and there’s nothing that she could do to harm me, but Swinebutt on the other hand, I know what he’s capable of. I mean, Sunset is just a school bully, but Swinebutt is a criminal mastermind!” I said.

“Well if you want to chat after school, you can meet me at the lobby by then. We can all hang out, go bowling.” Crème suggested.

“Ok Roman, if you say so.” I teased.

“Also tomorrow I’m heading to the boutique to pick up a new dress for the Fall Formal. We should all go over there and get something special for the occasion.” Crème suggested.

“Now that sounds like a great idea! I could use a good tux. I’m kinda tired of walking around with these annoying pants all day.” I said.

“What you said there was just more awkward than Thundy and I before we went to his cousin’s wedding.” Crystal said. A cutaway shows Crystal wearing a blue and purple striped dress, and she knocks on Thundy’s bedroom door and yells; “Thundy, hurry up! We’re going to be late!” 

Thundy opens his door, and he’s wearing the same exact dress as her. “Well this is embarrassing.” He said. “Well one of us is going to have to change.” Crystal just glared at Thunder until he rolled his eyes and said; “Fine, I’ll go put on the orange and yellow polka-dot dress.” The cutaway ends.

Anyways, let’s fast-forward again to tomorrow afternoon. Dundun dundun dun-dundun-dundun… SMASH! That was me pounding a calendar to tomorrow’s date. We skipped through the whole ‘cleaning the gym’ situation because… I wanted to enjoy what other great things this new world has. I’ll explain them later in cutaway gag form. By late afternoon, I was walking with the Noble Six, my sister, and Crème over to the boutique to get ourselves something causal for tonight’s event.

“So Flare, how was your day off?” Crème asked.

“It was awesome! I just found out how to use the toilets around here!” I said excitedly.

“That’s great, Flare! Took me a while as well.” Crystal said.

“So did any of you find Boorlie today?” I asked.

“I did.” Blaze said. “But he was in such a hurry. I chased him throughout the school until I lost him. I saw him have your box. You were right, man. He does have it.”

“Good because I started to have a strange feeling that I could be wrong.” I said.

“So why did he steal your box?” Aqua asked.

“I don’t know for certain, but if I knew the Boorlie back in Ponyville, he’d plan to do is use my box against me. The only way he’ll give it back to me is if I hand over my secret formula.” I said.

“Your secret formula?” Psyche asked.

“Yes, my secret formula for my pizzas! They’re the best pizzas ever, and whatever is the best-tasting obviously has a secret recipe. I never reveal my secret to ANYONE! That’s what makes my food so unique!” I said.

“Since when did you make pizzas?” Blaze asked.

“I own a pizza parlor, that’s the only info I’ll give you!” I said.

“C’mon, Flare! Tell us more!” Crystal begged.

“I wish I could, but you’d think I’m crazy.” I said.

“Regardless, Flare; we’ll always think yer crazy. But we know yer no liar.” Engie said.

“Yeah, Flare! C’mon tell us!” Crèmepop begged.

“He already said no, guys!” Water stood up to me.

“Maybe later I will.” I said as we arrived at the boutique. Once we got inside, we saw the Mane Six all finished getting dressed for the big dance tonight. 

“Ah, the Noble Six! I assume you want yourselves some dresses and tuxedos for the big dance!” Rarity said.

“I call that dress!” I said with my hand up. Rarity giggled.

“Hey, Flare? You wanna tell them our little secret?” Twilight asked, winking at me.

“OH NO!” Crème gasped.

“No not that secret!” Twilight giggled.

“No Twilight, I will not tell anybody about the time I got stung by all of Fluttershy’s pet bees, and I played connect the dots with my stings, and I thought I drew a doggie, but it turned out to be a bunch of triangles.” I said.

“You were with my pet bees?” Flutters asked.

“Not you Fluttershy, the alternate you.” Twilight said.

“Wait, Flare, you come from the same place Twilight comes from?” Rainbow asked.

“FLARE IS A PONY PRINCESS TOO?!” Pinkie gasped.

“Ok what is goin’ on here?” Aqua asked.

“Flare, Twilight, Water, and I come from an alternate world of ponies.” Spike explained. “I’m a dragon, Twilight’s a princess, Flare is a stinky pizza shop owner, and Water is the sister of the stinky pizza shop owner.”

“D-did that dog just talk?” Engie asked.

“All dogs talk, Engie. They go ‘woof woof woof’, that counts at talking.” Crystal corrected him.

“OH…. MY….. GOSH!” Pinkie gasped.

“What’s wrong, Pinkie?” Flutters asked.

“Blaze your zipper is down.” Pinkie pointed.

“What?!” Blaze yelled as he blushed and pulled his zipper up. “Sorry about that.”

“So you lied to us again, huh Flare?” Psyche asked.

“Excuse me Psyche, I haven’t lied to you once. I kept talking about how much of a buzzkill you are just like your pony version, so I technically told you where I was from already.” I corrected him.

“Wow! A human that’s actually a pony!” Crystal said, amazed.

“Yep! Livin’ Lyra’s dream!” I said.

“It was my idea to come here!” Water said.

“Wow! Three ponies and a dragon! Sounds pretty awesome if you ask me!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Twilight told us about her life in Equestria, what about you Flare?” Flutters asked.

“I’m the owner of the most famous pizza restaurant in the whole kingdom, sista! Got pretty cool magics too!” I said.

“What sort of magic spells do you know?” Psyche asked.

“Tons! Most of them are from video games though. What your magic spells are is what matches your destinies; a tattoo of some sort that appears on your flank, which is mostly known as a flank tattoo.” I explained.

“Cool!” Rainbow said.

“Flare, you said it wrong! They’re called cutie marks!” Twilight corrected me.

“They don’t know that.” I whispered to her.

“Ooo I love that name cutie mark! It’s so cute!” Rarity said.

“Ehhh, sounds girlie! Flank tattoo sounds better.” Rainbow said.

“Yeah, ah agree.” AppleJack said.

“Now hold on! Cutie mark sounds like it makes more sense.” Psyche said.

“Alright, alright! We’ll put it to vote! For those of you who want to call them cutie marks, raise your hands.” I said. Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Psyche, Blaze, Crème, and Crystal all raised their hands. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7; alright 7! Now who votes to have them called as flank tattoos?” Rainbow Dash, AppleJack, Crystal, Spike, Engie, me, Water, and Pinkie raised our hands. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8! Alright, the flank tattoos have it!”

“No fair! Pinkie voted twice!” Crystal whined.

“Did not!” Pinkie argued.

“Wait, someone didn’t vote. Aqua and Fluttershy didn’t vote.” Engie said.

“I find this to be stupid and pointless, and we should be getting’ ready for the dance.” Aqua suggested.

“Right! We should go pick out some outfits for you guys!” Rarity suggested.

“Oooo! Dress up: PART 2!” Pinkie yelled in a high-pitched voice. Just then, the Mane Six were about to sing their This is Our Big Night song, but I cut them off just as they started.

“No, no, no, no! I heard you guys singing before we got inside. We’re singing, and we’re doing it right!” I said. “After all the time I’ve been here, I’ve reached one of my life-long… ok not life-long; short… moderate dreams. Becoming a human! They’re not the crazy apes I thought they were, and I’ll tell you why.”

“He’s gonna rip-off another song. He always does that.” Spike commented.

Just then some jazzy music comes on in the background and I begin to sing something that might seem familiar to you. I started, “A-ba ba-doo do do do doo.” I slapped my legs and started dancing. “Now I’m the king of the pizzas, oh, the restaurant VIP. I’ve reached the top and had to stop, and that’s what’s been botherin’ me.” I started squeezing the Mane Six’s faces and messed with their hair. “I wanna be a man, mancub, and stroll right into town, and be just like the other men, I’m tired of ponying around. Oh, oobee doo…” 

“Oobee doo.” My friends sang.

"I wanna be like yoooou!” I sang.

“Oobee dooby-dooby!” the Noble Six sang.

“I wanna walk like you…” I sang.

“Choo!” my friends sang.

“Talk like you, too!” I sang. “You’ll see it’s truuuuue!”

“Shooby-doo.” My friends sang.

“A pone like meeee!” I sang.

“Shooby-dooby-dooby.” My friends sang.

“Can learn to be-he-he hu-human too-woo-woo!” I sang. I started to put my hands near my mouth and played them like a trumpet. Water did the same thing with her hands, but she got waaaaay off-key. I started waving my hands at her, hinting for her to go away, but she ran over to an out of reach place (the woman’s dressing room) and started playing again off-key which really hurt my ears. I had to sing over her, so I started beat-boxing and jumping around.

“Gee, Flare Gun, you’re doing pretty good!” Blaze said.

“Now here’s your part of the deal, cuz.” I said to him as I expanded my ear. “Lay a secret on me on how man’s make fire.”

“Easy, you use a lighter, but fire burns in this world just as much as yours I’m pretty sure.” Blaze said.

“Now don’t try and kid me, mancub,” I sang. “I made a deal with you. What I desire, is man’s red-fire, to make my dream come true. Now gimmie the secret, Goldheart; c’mon, clue me what to do; gimmie the power of man’s red-flower that I can be like you!”

“Fire, huh? So that’s what these ponies are after.” Pinkie whispered to AppleJack.

“Ah highly doubt it, Pinkie.” AppleJack said.

“I’ll tear ‘em limb from limb, and I’ll… wow.” Pinkie said angrily as she stopped and started dancing. “But man, what a beat!”

“Is this what you’ve been wanting this whole time, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked her.

“Just let him do his thing, he’ll tire himself out eventually.” Twilight said.

“Flare Gun sleepy.” I said as I lay down on the ground and closed my eyes.

“Ooooooook.” Psyche said. “If we’re done fooling around, how about we get dressed for the Fall Formal? It’s going to be starting in an hour.”

“Plenty of time!” Engie said.

“Plenty of time?! You need at least two hours to look perfect!” Rarity said.

“I already got a head start, that’s why I’m in here.” Water said from the dressing room. “Hey, does any of you know how to remove this weird thing strapped around my chest?”

Anyways, we all got dressed and got ready for the Fall Formal. I gotta say, we all looked really good, but we’re not just going there to have fun. We have to find Boorlie and find that black box before it’s too late. Can’t believe I wasted a whole day in the human world procrastinating. Oh well, it’s not too late. I still think we’ll be able to find it in time, no worries. Anyways, let’s get this party star-“

“…STARTED!” Bloo the bear cried as he bursts inside the boutique wearing a skirt-dress and coconuts around his mouth.

“You’re late, Bloo.” Crystal notified him.

“Very late.” Engie said.

“Oh… how unfortunate.” Bloo said upsettingly. As I was saying, let’s head ‘em up, move ‘em out. I know I was saying ‘get this party started’ before, but how many times is that quote said by Pinkie?