“Greetings said a calm looking Stallion (who was oddly in a recliner despite being on what appeared to be a wasteland in space) “I go by many names, Echatu, Dinark, Bob, Sam, and Omnipitrent. But you may call me: The Watcher… you may know my better know comrade Uatu, Lucky punk… he got the action-packed universe and I get stuck with one that was marketed towards little girls? How is that fair? But anyways, let me explain, I am essentially a narrator, a voiceover, etcetera”
“Hey Echie! What’s up? Ohh… are you addressing the audience WITHOUT ME?” a familiar-looking mare said… (Why is this part pink? Eh, lazy author I guess)
“This is pinkie if you couldn’t tell by the font color, she’s… my marefriend if you want the short version, her clones cover just about all the other realities thank Faust for that episode… jezz. It was difficult keeping her stress down. But anyway due to our-”
“Ability to comprehend the fourth wall in all realities Echie here was put in charge of governing the multiverse and can change reality! He couldn’t erase MY mind though something about me being too much of a hassle so he left my memory intact! Wasn’t that sweet? So anyway, he’s going to show you various realities of different scenarios”
“an Alternate universe can be occurred in a number of ways, such as a coin toss, or a Hydra hibernating in a cave instead of a swamp, our results are Alternate Universes or to put it bluntly, ‘What ifs’. Like say ‘what if Rainbow dash had a yellow coat?’ heh, yellow is a nice color… where was I? Oh right! She was yellow but she was not in any sense, a coward. Another, more drastic change would be: what if Celestia went nuts? Well Rainbowdoubledash’s Lunaverse already took care of it. We will usually tackle FanFiction, but the author detests rape and foalcon/murder in the same story so don’t mention 120 days of Blueblood burr… okay? Well, with that done the author has a rule: post a link to the fic if you are suggesting it. And it’s a lot easier if it has a ‘TvTropes’ page, so please don’t give him one. His ego is big enough as it is…” Watcher said as Pinkie cut him off.
“SEXUAL INUENDO!” called out Pinkie from nowhere.
“… Thanks for that honey… but still, the author actually wants one. Oh and spoof/parody fic links will probably be ignored if it doesn’t have an original plot, they are too tricky to find a ‘What if?’ scenario on.” Watcher said after a pause.
“So Celestia gets Drunk won’t count, and One-shots also will be ignored, even though I was all like: Awww… come on ‘X, why not? And he was all like: unless if it has a TvTropes page, I am not doing it. And then I said, “Sexual innuendo!” he also said something about if I was related to Deadpool or something” I have no idea why he thought I wasn’t, he’s one of my mannnnnyyyyyyyyy relatives, like Ambush bug, Bugs Bunny, She-Hulk, and pretty much any other fictional character who is aware that they’re in a cartoon, comic book, Anime, or any other form of media.” Pinkie started listing off a few more relative before being cut off by Watcher…
“Honey… you’re ranting again.”
“Sorry Echie, I got carried away… but now shouldn’t we get to viewing the ‘What if?’”
“Our first fic is a rather famous one: Princess Celestia Hates Tea. Honey, Read off our ‘Three! Possible! Scenarios!’”
Pinkie, (oddly dressed in a showgirl outfit and holding three queue cards.) said “alright Echie, we have three nice ‘what ifs’ today, and they are quite interesting! We have ‘what if Celestia LIKED tea?’, ‘what if Luna got her sister coffee instead?’, and ‘what if Celestia never told Twilight about her dislike of tea?’. The non-existent votes have been tallied and the winner is…
“‘What if Luna got her sister a coffee in place of tea?’!”
“Our author will now use some various symbols to signify a scene transition”
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Title: what if Celestia had gotten coffee all those centuries ago?
By dudebladeX
Perspective: Celestia
All right! Let’s get started!
“Hi…” I said to a small group of ponies.
“My name is Celestia,”
I paused to wait for them to respond accordingly once they all said “Hi Princess Celestia” I grumbled at the added ‘Princess’ part then continued, “and uh, I’m a coffeeholic.” Yep, that’s me, Ruler of Equestria, raiser of the Sun and I have a coffee addiction. “Let’s see, it all started about 1200 years ago…”
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“Now, in this scenario, a gust of wind scattered some old sheets at a weather institute causing extra clouds to go to the tropics where the coffee beans are grown, causing an excess, leading to the creation of the coffee maker much earlier, and Luna decided to get her sister something a bit modern this time around, and naturally Celestia loved it. It gave her that extra boost in the morning and helped her out in cramming for ‘Gods High’” Echatu explained, “Oh! Celestia is just about done! Let’s check up on her”
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“And when my sister went all nightmare on me and I was forced to banish her, I drank so much coffee researching to find out how to bring her back. But when she was back, I was tight in its grasp and once she saw all the machines and ‘Starbuckers’ I had around, she sent me here” I finished with a sigh.
“Princess”
one of them tried to finish but I cut him off “ah ah ah. No. here I am just a regular pony like you or Johnson over there” I referred to the stallion in the other seat giving a sheepish wave.
“Celestia,” the counselor continued, “you need to get a grip on yourself,” he pulled something out that I took a look at as he continued “we have this: an energy drink similar to coffee but much healthier, if you develop an addiction to this, I suggest you ask your sister to help you kick the addiction, go off slowly. Reduce your coffee intake by one cup every week, when you are at a point that can be considered healthy, thank your sister then brag about it here” I was confused about that last part, but when I questioned it, he simply replied “eh, most of them do, so we just added it to the list.” Huh, go figure.
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“And in a nutshell, that is what would happen. Let’s fast forward a couple months and check up on our favorite sun raiser.” Echatu said,
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“Sister…” Luna started, “we- ahem I am concerned about your obsession with this ‘diet’ you speak of,”
I replied “you don’t get it! I have to be perfect! The paparazzi is trying to pass themselves as guards to get the scoop on my diet!”
Luna already had a come back “yes, but sister, you are like any other pony, and what’s a couple more pounds-“ “COUPLE? This is one hundred twenty freaking pounds! I used to have twenty suitors, lining at the door! Now it’s just fifteen!”
Luna yet again had a reply, “yes, because they wanted a perfect incorruptible pony, who has no worries, or insecurities. They were selfish and power-hungry. Actually six of your regulars left, one took its place. I bet you can’t guess who it isssss….” She said in a mocking tone.
“Who?”
“nope, not telling you”
I grumbled, “can I get a hint?”
“no I can’t divulge any other information on who she is” aha! ‘she’, it’s a female. Not uncommon, seven of my old twenty were mares, now to get some more info,
“did she fly here?”
“as I said, she wishes to remain an anonymous pony, and will be sending the mail mare for communication” she said with a smug grin, a grin that said ‘I’m dropping hints, and you’ll never guess’
“so she’s from Ponyvile?” she simply nodded, I added up all the facts, and the result is a pony who was probably too busy- horse apples. “it’s Twilight isn’t it?”
Luna let out one response to my deadpan: “nuts”
sigh, Twilight has had a crush on me since I took her in, and due to a miswording on my part, I accidentally agreed to marry her. When I realized it, I had just sent her off to Ponyvile. Epimethius I am not. And now it’s coming back to bite me. On the brighter side, she is a nice mare with a very shapely flan- “NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!” I. CAN’T. THINK. OF. THAT! She’s a newborn compared to me! And I’m immortal, I mean sure I could ascend her and give her cute little figure some wings but still! And then there’s the fact that she’ll have a bunch of friends that she’d be heartbroken about when they die… but Luna has expressed interest in Fluttershy, and I guess I could just immortalize them all, and… I have a good chunk of ponies sticking their head into the door to see what all the ruckus was about. “Uh, just found out that uh, Spider-mane died… and stuff… yeah.” Man I should catch up on that… stupid Luna, stupid Dash getting her into that stuff, well, at least ponycraft got her a little more social in the world. Luckily the other ponies bought it and left. Well except Luna, who simply said
“sis, you seriously need a cup of coffee.”
“Heh”
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“And that’s our result. Join us next time for a new possibly exiting issue of ‘What if…’!”
“Wow that was really clichéd , and I’m pretty sure the author used autocorrect to edit this story, oh well.”
“GOODNIGHT!!” the two hosts said in unison but the author was too lazy to signify it with a font color.