Am…
Am I doing this right?
I’ve never kept a journal before.
In fact, this isn’t even my journal.
I hope Kuja doesn’t get mad at me.
But since he and Vivi have been keeping everything up to date, I thought they might like a rundown of what’s happening while they’re out.
It’s the weirdest thing, you know. One minute they’re in Carousel Boutique, trying on new clothes, and the next they’re restrained in hospital beds, writhing and groaning in pain. I wish I could help them, but the nurse says no one needs to go near them until they settle down. I wish I could see what’s happening. I can hear them, as can most of the hospital, but I don’t know what’s wrong.
To be honest, this is the first time I’ve truly been scared since entering Equestria.
I…
Are they gonna die?
‘Gonna’, huh?
Guess I really haven’t changed much, have I?
I can act tough, and I’m smarter than Mr. 33 was, but I’m still just a kid, really.
I don’t think I’m doing this right. I keep talking about myself and how scared I am instead of what’s going on. But…I don’t know what’s going on, so what should I write about? I tried reading some of his past entries, but they didn’t really help much. In fact, the last few have been sporadic and scary. Random jerks between time periods and different trains of thought. It’s almost like he’s going crazy…
We’re all here, waiting for you both to recover. When you collapsed, your hair started to glow red. I knew what was happening, so I dragged you out of the boutique and into the open air. Last thing we need is to ruin Rarity’s home, right? By the time I went back in, Vivi was on the ground just like you. It all happened so fast.
But…why?
Dammit Kuja, you’re supposed to be the strong one! You aren’t supposed to get sick like this! I swear you’d better get well, or I’ll never forgive you!
Or Vivi…
I…
What should I do? If you both leave me alone…what will happen to me? I can’t protect this world… At least, not by myself. Please get well soon…
The ponies—Twi and her friends—went out for some dinner and said they’d be back before midnight. The nurses and doctors keep flowing in and out of your room. I’m…scared. But I won’t give up hope! Until you’re both dead and buried, I won’t stop hoping for you both to wake up! But the screaming coming from your room…hurts me.
The way you both started to Trance…worries me.
Why is this happening to you? You’re supposed to help the ponies. You both have been through too much to deserve this! It should be me! Me or 33, but not you guys! Dammit don’t do this to me!
…
Now that I’ve taken a while to walk and clear my head, this won’t last long. I’m sure it won’t. I mean heck, you’ve spent most of the month you’ve been here in a bed sick someplace or another. The first week in Appleloosa, then a whole other two weeks in this very hospital, maybe your job here is to be bedridden.
Ha ha…
But what about Vivi? He hasn’t been here near as long, and he’s already been through about as much as us as far as emotions and stress are concerned. Maybe…this is a sign from Starswirl—Lord Avon, whatever—that maybe we shouldn’t be here at all. What if we aren’t the ones meant to save this world? What if the world is rejecting us? Maybe that’s why you’ve been so sick the entire time.
I mean, Mr. 33 and I found you practically dead in the desert. When we arrived, we were perfectly healthy. According to Fluttershy, so was Vivi. Is there a difference between us and you? Is it because we're empty inside? But if that’s the case, why is Vivi in the bed beside yours? I don’t understand! There’s just so much I can’t know! It…It scares me!
Like when we woke up the first time. As Black Mages, we didn’t have memories or thought. We just worked like we were designed to. But waking up for the first time and becoming sentient was scary. I didn’t know anything. I couldn’t know anything. It was almost like I’d never existed. I didn’t know words. I couldn’t tell myself how to walk. Until I saw another one of my brothers do it first, I couldn’t do anything. I needed a railing to guide me. We all did, more or less. It’s scary, not knowing anything at all. Not even knowing why you exist or how you got where you were can be horrifying. But at least I wasn’t alone.
But now I am. I don’t know what to do or how do it, but neither of you are here to help me figure it out! Please, I don’t want to stay like this! This helpless, empty feeling is making me sick! I haven’t felt like this since the first day of my life. I…
No.
No.
I refuse to let my fear win!
Dammit, Kuja! And you too, Vivi! You’d better wake up!
I’m not gonna sit here and wait forever! I don’t like waiting! I remember waiting day in and day out for Bobby Corwen to hatch, and it tore me apart inside. I had no…
Wait…
Bobby Corwen?
Boco?
I haven’t seen Boco all day!
Not since last night in the tree…
Did something happen to him?!
I wonder if…maybe he’s…
Where could he have gone?
Does it have anything to do with you two?
No, it couldn’t. I’m just grasping at straws here.
But…
Whatever. I guess I’ll tackle one wall at a time, huh. First you two have to get better, and then we can find Boco together! After all, he pretty much saved Vivi on their first day here, didn’t he? So there’s no way he’s gone yet. He’s a trooper, I’m sure. Anyway, I think I’ll take another walk. Maybe you’ll be up when I get back.
…
So the nurse tells me you guys finally settled down. The ‘pink glowing stuff’ finally went away. I think she meant your Trances, but either way it’s good news, right? I haven’t heard the screaming in while, either. She said I might be able to go in the room if you guys stay calm long enough. I’m looking forward to it.
Twilight and the others finally got back, too. She said she had to write a letter to the Princess about what was going on. I don’t think she learned anything new, though, because she looked disappointed. Was it disappointed? Or was it scared? I don’t think I can tell the difference...
I know I’m scared.
I dunno what I’d do if you guys left me, honestly.
I mean, I’d have to meet the Princesses on my own and tell them everything about Lords from Nowhere. I’d have to be really convincing without anyone else to back me up, though. I don’t think I could do it justice like your ‘this is fact’ approach. But…
You know what? This journal is boring! What’s the point?! It’s not even helping me clear my head! The more I write, the more I want to know about what’s going on! My head is swimming in endless circles of what-ifs! I just want to go to sleep, but I’m not gonna until I see you both alive and well!
So hurry up, because I’m tired.
Oh, I think I hear the nurse now!
…
“How're you feeling?”
“Fine... Nurse Redheart tells me…you’ve been waiting around…all evening… Thank you.”
“Not a problem! I kinda need you, Kuja…”
“And Vivi?”
“He’s still asle--?”
“Wh-where am I?”
“Vivi! You’re awake!”
“…”
“…Vivi?”
“Who are you guys?”
“Wha…?”
"..."
"Y-You're kidding, right?"
“...No…”