//------------------------------// // Cross Dressing Dragons // Story: House that Heartbreak Rebuilt // by Jet_Black1980 //------------------------------// Chapter 24 Cross Dressing Dragons Fuck! Rarity can’t teleport!? I swear, if we get out of this alive? I am going to read a book about spells just to see if I can wrap my head around the concepts of basic magic. I seriously doubt that I can do that, after all, part of magic is doing. And if you can’t do magic, then I am sure that you can’t fully understand magic. What the hell?! Why am I even thinking about this! I’m on an out of control train holding onto Rarity for my life! I shouldn’t be worrying about this! What should I be worrying about!? What’s happening to the train!? As the train sharply turns a corner the two of us slammed against another wall, I lean my head up just inches from that wonderfully sharp horn that sticking out the middle of her forehead. Another wobbly jarring of the train cars and she’s pinned up against me in a way that is rather awkward, the whole of her mane shoved up in my face. “Wow, it is really silky. And smells pretty nice. I wonder what kind of shampoo-” SHUT UP, BRAIN! Suddenly, the both of us feel an uneasy lightness as the train feels like it takes a sudden drop down a rather steep hill. Rarity and I look at each other and do the one thing that we can agree on doing since this whole trip thing began: Screaming. As the two of us practice piercing each others eardrums, the screeching of the train wheels brings the whole train to a shuddering halt, with the both of us hitting our sides as we were being slammed against the back of the train seat. The both of us are still screaming for over five minutes when I realize that the train has actually stopped. ============================================================== “Rarity!” Heartbreak exclaimed, looking around and shaking. Screams continued to come out of Rarity’s mouth. “Rarity!” “WHAAAAAAAT!” Rarity cried out. “Rarity! Don’t make me hit you!” Heartbreak shouted. “What?!” Rarity replied jumping back a bit. “I think we’ve stopped!” Heartbreak squeaked out, looking around nervously. Rarity blinked and clutched Heartbreak involuntarily. “A-a-are you sure about that, darling?” “I-I-I’m pretty sure...” Heartbreak gasped. “Uhm, Rarity? You can let go of me now.” Rarity blinked. “What?” “You’re kind of crushing me!” Heartbreak squeaked out. “Huh?” She looked at Heartbreak. “Oh!” She let go and watched the pony in front of her crumple a bit. “Thanks...” Just then, the train cart door opened and Spike rushed through. His head was covered in a variety of different pony clothing, a scarf around his neck, a skirt awkwardly draped over him like some strange sash and a pair of overwear on his head covering up his vision. “Rarity! Heartbreak! Don’t worry! I’ll save you both!” He shouted, with a determined look on his face upon entering the door. As his little legs ran, he irked and tripped on the scarf before falling flat on his face in front of the two ponies he intended to, ‘save.’ Heartbreak and Rarity looked at each other in a moment of awkward silence. Heartbreak eyed Spike as he pushed the overwear off his eyes. Plastered on his face was some random splotches of food. “Are you two ok?” He asked. Heartbreak looked at Rarity for a moment and then bit her lip. This was followed by a slight snirk, and snorting. Rarity tried to straighten her frazzled mane while looking confused at Heartbreak. “I am quite alright, as for H.B...” She looked over at the snickering pony who finally just burst out laughing. Spike blinked in confusion. “Did she hit her head on something?” “The train going out of control combined with our argument must have finally sent her over the edge!” Rarity frowned at Heartbreak. “H.B.! Control yourself!” “I can’t help it!” Heartbreak tried to say through a stream of laughing fits. “It’s so fetting funny!” Rarity and Spike looked at each other bewildered. “Uuuuhm, What’s so funny, H.B.?” Spike finally asked. “Don’t you both get it?” Heartbreak said snickering before pointing at the little dragon. “Spike is showing off your new fall line!” Spike looked down at himself and blinked. He raised a finger and then it drooped down. He scratched his head and shrugged. “I don’t get it...” Rarity frowned and then coughed, hiding a small chuckle at the horrible joke. “H.B.! It’s not-” She giggled a little eying Spike’s ensemble. The magical nature of the overwear was making it look like he didn’t have any frills on the top of his head or the sides. She fought the urge to snicker a bit more as her magical aura tugged them off the top of his head. “H.B.! It’s not nice-” As she pulled the scarf off her precious Spike it sent him spinning like a top causing the skirt draped over him to fall to his waist. He wobbled about dizzily before shaking his head and gasping at the little yellow thing that he now was officially wearing. The two mares looked at each other as Spike frowned at his newly acquired attire. Heartbreak once again found herself bursting into laughter, this time Rarity almost joining her. “Looks like you got,” Heartbreak covered her mouth and snorted at the scene unfolding in front of her eyes. “Somep-p-pony to wear a dress after all...” Rarity rolled her eyes while Spike fumed and crossed his arms. “H.B., it isn’t proper to-” she looked at Spike as he huffed and gruffed. “Oh, he’s just so adorable!” Heartbreak smirked and looked at Rarity. “You were saying?” Rarity rolled her eyes and smiled a bit. This was all sort of funny in a low brow kind of way. “It isn’t proper to laugh at others misfortunes.” ============================================================== I so want to counter Rarity’s remark with, ‘It isn’t proper, but what’s funny is funny.’ And that smile tells me that she does find a little humor in Spike in a dress. Why the hell was that so incredibly funny anyhow? Fuck, why is anything really funny? Was it the combination of intense fear followed by a random event of just plain ludicrousness? Whatever it was... I think I kind of needed it. I can’t be depressed all the time. I just wish I would stop worrying about whether or not my interaction with Spike or any of the others for that matter, detracts from the friendships they are meant to have. Fuck, if I start thinking about this, I’m going to kill that little gem of a moment that I just had. Just then the conductor steps through the door. He is wide eyed and his mane is looking frazzled. “Is everyp-” he stops himself seeing Spike. “Everybeing here alright?” “Right as rain,” I reply holding out my hoof. Suddenly I remember that I don’t have thumbs. Fuck, this must look weird. Eying Spike that little bit of awkward sadness dissipates. Rarity and Spike on the hand are looking at me in a bit of shock. “I know I asked this before, but did you hit your head on anything, H.B.?” Spike asks me. “Let me check her over, just in case...” Rarity says looking me over in the face. Seriously? I show the slightest bit of positivity and they think I have - wait, they just might be kidding with me. Only one way to test this. I look at the conductor. “I’m fine but these two are a mess. Better get them checked out.” Rarity gives a light chuckle. “Yes, everypony here is quite alright, Mr Conductor.” Yup. They’re messing with me. She then looks at the Conductor with an annoyed expression. “However, we would like it if you would kindly explain to us the reason we were tossed around like common luggage.” He rubs the side of his head. “Yes, about that. You wouldn’t believe this but the new pony accidentally bumped the brake completely by mistake.” “That was some mistake!” Rarity exclaimed. “I hope nopony or being was seriously hurt!” “There have been some cuts, scrapes and bruises. But nothing serious thus far, however our medic is taking a good look over all the passengers,” the conductor replies. “As I said before, it was a mistake on the part of the new pony. We will be talking with him.” I elbow Rarity. “Give the newbie a break, Rarity. We all know what it’s like to make mistakes on the first day of something new, right?” She rubs the spot where I elbowed her. Geez, she is such a marshmallow. “Yes... I suppose we all have...” “The important part is to learn from them and move on!” I quip. Rarity looks like she is about to say something to this remark. “Uhm, Mr. Conductor-” “Please, call me Thomas,” He says. “Thomas Tinkletrain. And you would be?” I blink and tilt my head. I know that’s a reference to something. When I was still larping, I needed a new character name. Someone suggested this name. They all laughed at it and I was left in the dark. I could have googled the name, but just never got around to it. Now, I'll never know. Oh well, whatever. “Heartbreak, but please,” I stand up and adjust my hat. “Call me H.B.” ============================================================== “It is a pleasure to meet you Miss H.B.” He replied smiling. Heartbreak looked at Thomas in a glaring manner. “Oh dear. He called her, ‘miss.’” Rarity sighed. “Here we go again...” Heartbreak took a deep breath. “Please. Just, H.B. if you would.” “Alright, H.B. it is,” Thomas replied. “Was there something that you wanted?” “Right, uhm, I was wondering if is safe to go into the dining cart. I’m pretty hungry and when I get hungry, I get moody and cranky.” She looked at Rarity in an apologetic manner. “And then I say stupid things that I don’t really mean...” Thomas looked into the other cart. “They are cleaning a few messes up, however thankfully we were able to stabilize a good number of the serving carts. The new pony maybe a bit of a klutz, however him being a unicorn does come in handy every once in awhile.” Rarity smiled. “It’s a bit of a poor apology, but it looks like she means what she’s saying.” “I think... we all say things that we don’t mean from time to time. Particularly when we are hungry.” “So I take it that you three will be heading to the dining cart?” Thomas asked. Heartbreak’s stomach gurgled harshly. “Ooof. Yes, I think that would be a good idea.” She started to walk towards the conductor. “A splendid idea, in fact,” Rarity replied. She looked over at Spike who was struggling to remove the little skirt around his belly. She giggled a little. “Just. Give. Me a second!” He said finally pushing the dress off. “Hey! Wait up!” ============================================================== The three sat in the corner booth on the far side of the cart. The train had started rolling its way back onto its next destination and the conductor said that they would be getting to the final destination in about fifteen minutes after that. Rarity noted how it was quieter here, and pretty isolated from the rest of the passengers. “Which is good, because despite the laughter we just shared, there are some serious topics that need to be brought up. However, I’ll wait a little bit till after she has some food in her stomach.” The service unicorn was quick to get the three food and drinks. Heartbreak was currently looking at a basket of hay fries that had a dollop of ketchup on them. “Are you sure these aren’t made of actual hay?” She asked poking them with a hoof. Spike took a big handful out of his basket. “Yup! They’re just called that because of the way they look. Trust me, they’re delicious!” Rarity noted the flicker of envy that brushed across Heartbreak’s face as she saw Spike stuff the fries into his mouth. Spike’s eating habits left something to be desired, but at least he wasn’t showing off the fact that he had fingers. Heartbreak reached forward and nibbled on the crunchy golden fries. She blinked and started munching on the rest. “Yeah,” She commented, in between a mouth full of fries. “These are good. Nicely salted too.” Rarity found herself slightly horrified at Heartbreak’s manners. “You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, H.B.” She took a bite of her watercress sandwich. Heartbreak’s only response was to take a large mouthful of fries and proceed to dip them into the ketchup before munching them down. “Mmmm,” she licked her lips and smiled before taking a long drink of a, ‘cherry cola.’ “Feeling better, darling?” Rarity asked. “Getting there, ask me after I’ve eaten some more.” Heartbreak replied taking another bite. She chewed on a single fry into small bits before sucking it into her mouth. “I should have realized that I was getting hungry... I was starting to kind of get a bit shaky.” Rarity took another bite of her sandwich and waited for Heartbreak to have a few more bites of her fries. “So,” She wiped her mouth with a napkin. “We have a problem. Don’t we?” “Do we?” Heartbreak quickly took a large bite of her fries. Spike frowned at her and she smiled before then swallowing them hastily. “H.B., darling, we can’t keep going into this cycle of frustration and bickering,” Rarity said. “But Rarity, we’re so good at it!” Heartbreak replied. Spike and Rarity only gave her a serious look. “I was just trying to be funny...” “Which isn’t a bad thing, H.B. I did rather enjoy our little... moment,” Rarity took a sip of her drink. “However,” Heartbreak rolled her eyes and sighed knowingly. “However we can’t keep fighting like this.” Spike leaned on his hand and took another mess of fries. He then casually tossed them into his mouth. Hopefully, this conversation would lead to something good. “It better lead to something good. Because if I have to include all this fighting in my report to Twilight...” “So, how do we go about fixing this little problem that keeps happening?” Rarity asked. “After all, you made mention of this happening with Twilight and Applejack.” Heartbreak looked off to the side, she sighed. “Something that could actually work?” Her lips moved back and forth. She then looked at Rarity in the eyes. “Can I be honest?” “I would really appreciate that,” Rarity replied. “I’m not sure that we can completely, ‘fix,’ said problem that we have between each other, not to mention the others,” Heartbreak craned her head to the side until a series of cracks emanated from her neck. “Oh, darling!” Rarity’s face twisted up as she shuddered. “Please don’t do that!” “Heh, you’ll have to forgive me, but after all that shaking? My neck really needed that,” Heartbreak sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Right, the issue at h-h-h-hoooopph,” her tongue raspberried out as she stumbled over her words. “Something that you could do...” She tapped her hoof on the table. Rarity looked attentively at Heartbreak. “Yes?” “Well...” Spike rolled his eyes and lightly elbowed the fumbling pony. “Ouch!” She looked at him. “Right. Something you could do is not force me into a situation and maybe, and this is just a thought... and I don’t know if it’ll work or not, offer me options?” ============================================================== Rarity frowns a bit. “Darling, I have been offering you plenty of options! Why when I was drawing you up a dress-” Great, she has to bring that up again. “But you didn’t offer me the option of not getting a dress,” I rub my temple. “I get that your heart was in the right place, but... I just felt like I was just having something dumped on me. Kinda like the whole of this situation. The only reason you’re dragging me along is that you’ve been forced to do so.” I nab another fry. Dang, these things even slightly cooled are still good. Alright, I’m dancing around some of the real issues here. But I would rather not talk to Rarity about any of those real issues. So, I might as well give her something that could be a buffer right? “Darling, I didn't know-” She starts. “I know that you didn't know, Rarity. And it was very generous for you to take a bit of time out of your busy schedule to draw up some designs. But everything has been feeling awkward as a whole because... well, I don't know, maybe I don't know my options here. And showing me or telling me what options are open to me could ease some of the tension here...” Fuck, this conversation is just so weird. Like we’re wasting time before the next freakout or horrible revelation or before we get to our- “Alright, Fillies, Gentlecolts and other respected beings, thank you for riding with Amtrot,” Comes the fuzzy conductor’s voice over the train’s intercom. “If you look out the windows to your left, you will see that we are coming up on our next destination.” “So, yeah Rarity, more options, or at least tell me what my options are.” I continue. “Cause sometimes? I can be pretty stubborn and-” Spike taps me on the shoulder. “Hey, uhm, H.B.?” “Yes, Spike?” He points to my left and I look out the window. “Alright! Finally! I get to know where we’re-” I stop in mid thought. I stop because that city skyline looks familiar, like I’ve seen it a dozen times over... “No... it can’t be... that was never fully canon! It can’t-” “Fillies, gentlecolts and other respected passengers. Welcome to Whinneapolis and St. Pole, please gather your valuables and thank you for riding with Amtrot.” Time to restate something that I am sure everyone knows by now: The Universe hates me and I am starting to suspect that it purposely loves to fuck with me.