//------------------------------// // Rotten Apples // Story: Gnome Invasion // by Word Worthy //------------------------------// Rotten Apples “Wha... where did he go?” Twilight looked all around Sugar Cube Corner, flabbergasted. The shop was now quiet, and there were no pointy-hatted men in sight. “Ohh! I know, maybe he teleported somewhere!” Pinkie said excitably. Twilight flattened her ears in frustration and face-hoofed. “You don’t say, Pinkie Pie?” Mr. and Mrs. Cake had finally calmed down enough to leave the confines of the ordering counter. “Thank you so much for finding a way to get rid of that thing you two!” Mrs. Cake said. “That...creature drove all our customers away! I could have sworn it was here to eat all our desserts, or us for all we knew! We owe you one.” Mr. Cake added. “Here, both of you girls take a cupcake, on the house!” Mrs. Cake handed them both cupcakes with pink frosting. “Gee thanks Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. Twilight said her thanks as well, before the friends left Sugar Cube corner. “So, Twilight, tell me about these nightmares of yours! Oh, I bet they were really scary...” The unicorn described her scary dream in detail to Pinkie as they made their way back to Golden Oak Library, eating their cupcakes along the way. Just as the duo had reached the shade of the Library Tree’s canopy of leaves, Twilight’s hated enemy had returned. “SALAD DODGER!” Twilight’s eyes narrowed, her body going into full battle mode. “Where are you?” She growled. “Mr. Pointy hat? Is that you?” Pinkie Pie broke into an even bigger grin and began bouncing around, trying to find the gnome who was likely buried somewhere in the canopy. “You wanna play a game or something?” “I saw you having fun with my poor friend over at the sweets shop. Tell you what girlie, go out and grab another Gnome, I’ll give you an idea of where you can PUT IT!” The gnome shouted. Pinkie simply giggled, bouncing up and down. “But you’re a gnome, and you’re nearby silly! Why would I need to get another one?” “Get stuffed, you PSYCHOTIC BITCH!” This caused Pinkie Pie’s hair to deflate, and her smile turned into a deep frown. Twilight put a hoof on the party pony’s shoulder. “Pinkie, I think he’s up in the branches, help me buck him out of there.” Pinkie frowned even more. “But wouldn’t that be kind of rude?” “Ugh! You heard what he said didn’t you? Just do it!” Pinkie Pie nodded sadly. The two mares lined up next to the tree’s massive trunk. “Okay, three...two...one...” Both of them hit the tree with their hind legs, causing it to shake ever so slightly. “I think somebody’s been eating too many cupcakes!” The gnome declared, giggling. The girls bucked the tree a second time, and the little creep was still firmly in the branches. He was out of sight, but painfully still within hearing distance. Both were panting in exhaustion. “I..think...we...should find...Applejack.” Twilight said, in between ragged breaths. “You...said it.” Pinkie agreed. They made their way off to Sweet Apple Acres at full gallop. As they went, they noticed strange things around town. Everypony was constantly trotting around, covering their ears with their hooves. Additionally, many were looking around suspiciously at tree branches, awnings, storefront windows, and tall lamp posts, as well as the statuary and sculptures around town. The weird behavior of the townsfolk disturbed Twilight, but she did not hear anymore gnomes, so she assumed everything was fine for now. Finally, the two mares arrived at the entry gate that marked the beginning of the Apple Family’s land holdings. Tall apple trees loomed over across the horizon from hill to hill, creating a scene worthy of a tourist post card. Normally, the trees would also help to create a pleasant, peaceful environment for anypony to simply walk through and enjoy nature’s sights and smells. Not today though, a certain race of tiny pointed hatted men begged to differ. “Never leave home without a hat.” “Beg pardon?” Applejack said, looking up at the sculpture in confusion. A gnome was perched up high in one of the many apple trees. AJ had stumbled upon this one whilst bucking apples. He had an innocent, peaceful expression on his face, completely nonthreatening. “Good afternoon, milady. May I say what a fine golden coat of fur you have?” The apple farmer raised an eyebrow at the man, smiling slightly. “Oh, why thank you little feller. Say, whatcha’ doin’ here in one o’ ma trees anyways?” Ignoring the question, the gnome replied. “How about you come over here, and show me the GOODS!” Understanding the gnome’s innuendo, AJ’s smile disappeared instantly, replaced by an enraged sneer. “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME YOU LITTLE VARMINT!?” She fumed. Just as Twilight and Pinkie Pie finally spotted her, Applejack was already bucking the little man free from the tree. He fell to the grass with a thud, surrounded by at least a half dozen apples. Still intact, he now had the same menacing expression of most of his kinsman. “Think I’m scared? Boo-hoo I am bloody terrified.” “You’d better be ya dastardly little creep! Time fer some rough justice, Apple style!” She crushed the statue under her forehooves. “You’ll regret that!” He cried, as his voice faded away. Twilight and Pinkie Pie had finally reached the still infuriated mare. “Applejack, you alright?” “Huh? Uh, yeah Ah’m fine Twilight. You should’a seen what just happened. Here Ah was bucking apples, then all of sudden I hear this strange voice mention somethin’ bout ma hat. Next thing I know, the little creeper’s going all pervert! Ah just couldn't tolerate it.” The unicorn had a look of dread in her eyes. “It was a gnome, wasn’t it?” AJ was caught by surprise at this. “How’da know that Twi?” Twilight’s frown deepened. “They've been appearing all over town. First at the Library in my kitchen, and then at Sugar Cube Corner. There must be even more around town, everypony seemed to be acting strange.” She explained. “Well, how many do ya reckon there are?” “I saw at least 50 in my nightmare. I destroyed the one in my kitchen, Pinkie Pie...drove the other crazy. He smashed himself to bits.” The number, and the mentioning of a nightmare made Applejack’s ears droop. Before the earth pony could reply however, a gnome went flying past them, and a deep voice bellowed. “NOPE!” The gnome shattered into a tree trunk. “What the hell?!” Were his last words. Moments earlier... Big McIntosh was in the barn, setting down apples he had collected in the buckets. He twirled a wheat sprig around in his mouth as he inspected his handy work. Dozens of buckets of apples were piled up neatly against the back wall. Suddenly, a mischievous little voice cut into Big Mac’s thoughts. “Ohhh, you must be one of those strong silent types, huh?” Big Mac looked around, before finally resting his eyes on a little pointy-hatted bearded man hanging from one of the roof beams above the hay loft. He stared up at the grinning little man with a stoic, silent curiosity. “Eeyup.” He said simply. “Look at you - ripping muscles, broad shoulders, a squared jaw... You sure are one weird looking lady!” The stallion’s neutral expression fell into an unamused frown. “Humph.” He replied. The gnome grinned at him. “Those are some fine apples ya got there.” “Eeyup.” Big Mac replied, in a dangerous tone. “Would ya mind if I borrow some? They look rotten enough to cause a right mess, perfect for chucking at wankers like YOU!” Big Mac was silent, and simply glared at the little statue. After a few seconds of grinning at him, the gnome said, “On to other things...I’d like to come ‘round to your house for tea. And then I’d have your mum.” Big Mac was now quaking with rage. He looked around the room. Finding a wrought-iron horseshoe, Mac tossed it up near the gnome with his mouth, hitting the wooden beam the bastard was perched on. He fell to the hay-littered floor with a loud thud. Giggling, the gnome seemed strangely unfazed by the impact. With the same grin, he asked the stallion, “While I’m at it, is your older sister around?” McIntosh had heard enough. Present With the barn gnome shattered, Big Mac appeared in front of Pinkie, Twilight, and Applejack, still quaking with fury. He peered down at the gnome’s rubble pile. “Nope.” He said again. “Ya pointy-hatted little freak.” “Big Mac? There was one in the barn too?!” Applejack said, worried. The red stallion merely nodded at her. He then made his way back to the barn. AJ turned back to Twilight and Pinkie Pie. “Ah think ya might be right about these here gnome fellas. Ah reckon we may be lookin’ at a full-blown invasion on our hooves.” “But how are we going to find them all and deal with them? Most of them seem to enjoy perching themselves in strategic, hard to reach locations.” Twilight explained. “Oooo, I know! Maybe a party will lure them into one location, they can teleport right?” Pinkie suggested. Twilight frowned at her. “I highly doubt that we can just convince the little creeps to gather into one place for too long. It would be too easy to dispose of them, and they seem immune to magic.” Applejack raised a hoof in the air. “Now, Twilight, Ah think Pinkie’s idea just might have some merit.” Pinkie’s face lit up in joy when she heard that. “But... Ah’d say we go about this the ol’ fashion way first.” The lavender unicorn stared at her skeptically. “And just what might that be?” “Simple Twilight.” Applejack said. She turned to look towards the barn, letting out a high whistle. “HEY BIG MAC!” She shouted. “FETCH ME MA LASSO, AND WINONA, IFFIN’ YOU’D BE SO KIND!” Looking back at her two friends, she formed a dark grin. “It’s time for some gnome huntin’!”