//------------------------------// // Jack and Twi # 2: Jack a Human Documentary // Story: Living where the crossing life leads // by Warioexpert //------------------------------// “Hello there! My name is Twilight Sparkle!” “And I’m Jack!” he said with his hands behind his back. “Allow us to take this moment to give our thanks to You the readers for propelling our story forward into this nearing Milestone of 50 likes on FIMFiction.net!” Twilight nodded clapping her hands. “Heck It ain't featured or somethin fancy like that and the writer ain’t exactly top notch so we’ll take what we can get” Jack smirked before getting a gentle nudge on the arm from Twilight. “So with this we would like to present to you this Mini-story dedicated to all you great readers” “And Animal Crossing fans! which are pretty scarce nowadays...” Jack followed up. “And we hope you enjoy!” “Seriously I played that game since the GameCube, before it was cool, does that make me some kind of hipster or somethin???” “Jack focus...” Twilight snapped her fingers in his face “Right...” “Ehem... now keep in mind that these mini-stories are slightly unedited and share little to no continuity with the actual story, as they are just for fun” “Right so all you people who care mostly for the plot and nothing else or all you grammar nazi’s out there can kindly STFU and exit the building” “Jack your doing it again!” Twilight sclolded through gritted teeth. “Oops sorry, Enjoy folks and don't forget to leave some crackerjack comments!” “Ugh... Celestia help me...” Twilight sighed as she left the room. “What, What did I say?” Jack followed. ===================================================================== “Quiet serenity can be felt on the horizon... it is a brand new day in the calm sea-side town of Smashville... as local anthropomorphic animal townsfolk rise to the glistening sunlight... one creature still remains in the dark, waiting much longer to wake from his slumber, it is a creature of unparalleled mystery, intrigue, and what the people would describe as ‘manly’, join me as we delve into the habitat... of Jack the Human” “Zzzzz.....” Jack snorted as he laid sprawled out in his bed. “Here we are in the Human’s domain, scientifically known as a Homo Sapiens” “Zzzzz....” “The human’s domain is a dark and very cold place to be during these hours of the day, right over there we can see him laying dormant as we speak, lets see if we can get a closer look...” Jack laid on his back his arms and legs stretched out wide. “Observe the Human’s visual features closely, it's largemouth, it's bushy eyebrows, small ears and most noticeably it's orange triangular nose, which if looked at up front seems flat, but if examined sideways can be seen protruding in a triangular manner as well. “Zzzzz...” Jack stiffled a yawn, opening his mouth. “Ah, what an opportunity... take this moment to notice the features present in the Human’s mouth, as you can see it's frontal teeth resemble that of carnivorous species, yet it's hind teeth resemble herbivorous species, labeling it as an omnivorous species in itself... just look at those teeth, they look strong enough to chew through steel and then some!” “Mmmm....” Jack turned on his side. “Uh-oh, looks like this giant is close from climbing out of it's short daily hibernation cycle, better clear out of it's territory while we can” "Mmmm...." Jack hummed as he brushed his teeth with a groggy look on his face. "Here we are in the Human's washroom... like us Ponies they partake in daily morning routines like showering, brushing of teeth and other personal grooming habits. "Hm?" Jack lazily looked at his door "....the fudge?..." he mumbled. "That was close... having sensed our presence the Human is on a state of alert, let us wait out of sight until it feels safe enough to continue its routine..." "Aww heck yes, nothing like a quadruple peanut butter, jelly, banana and nutella sandwich for that morning sweet tooth!" "Remarkable... watch as the Human is about to indulge in a calorie bomb the size of a bowling ball..." "Over the teeth and through the gums~" Jack chanted as she pressed the sandwich tighter in his hands "Look out stomach, here it comes!" "Never in all my years have I seen anypony down a sandwich like that... amazing" "Ahh...." Jack patted his stomach after leaving his plate clean "BUUUUURP!" "Truly grotesque..." "Hm???" Jack looked next to him "....Again... am I hearing things?" he scratched his head. "Jack walked through the woods with his map in his hand. "Okay so I have three tree's to kill... five holes to cover, an acre of weeds to pull and a boulder to move from point A to point B.... this should be fun" "Shhh... be very quiet... we are now perusing the Human as he prepares for the manual labors given to him by the town, in these hours of the day the Human will be more alert to sounds so I will be whispering for the remainder of the observation..." "As you can see, Humans have the strange necessity of clothes all day everyday due to the lack of hair on their body's, " Jack snickered as he approached the first tree "Good day to you sir.... and now prepare to die!" "Here is another rare moment to behold... the human is reaching into its pockets... up to this day the Human pocket remains a mystery to all forms of science and magic due to its nature, now watch what comes next" "Yeah I can probably read what your trying to tell me 'oh please spare me, I have so much to live for!' well to that I say bull fudge!" Jack taunted slowly pulling out his axe. "Astounding... that is what makes the pocket defy logic, it is capable of unknown amounts of storage space as just witnessed, further studies must be conducted to make use of the pocket's properties for the benefit of pony kind..." Jack swung his axe at the tree "Strike one! Strike two! Strike three!" the tree toppled over, landing on the ground with a loud crash. "Your out!" "Did you just witness that? with just three swings of his tool the human managed to take a full grown tree down, such a terrifying amount of strength all packed into the simple anatomy of that body... is this what they call... manly?" "Hm?" Jack paused as he heard something, he shot his glare towards some nearby bushes "Okay I know I heard something this time..." he slammed the axe down onto the fallen tree, sticking the blade end onto the bark before he walked over to the bushes. "Alright who's there!?" Jack called out as he pushed the bushes aside "Huh? n-nobody's there..." he took a step back, he looked around cautiously before going for his axe. "Fudge... I know I'm not hearing things... maybe I should just get these chores done quick and take the day off... yeah... maybe I can go see what Twilight's doing for her day off..." he nodded to himself before shouldering his axe, he took off into the woods. "Phew... that was close... if it weren't for this hole in the ground and grass colored sheet I used to hide he would have found out my whereabouts, we now have a lot of ground to cover to reach the Human again" "Grah!" Jack grunted as he lifted a boulder over his head "yeah! now to carry this over to the marked spot" he breathed heavily as he rested the boulder on his shoulders, he began to walk up a hill with it. "... found him... pay close attention now, the Human is now using his beastly strength again to carry the boulder up a steep hill, why is he carrying it? where will he place it? lets find out..." "Ah Jack! hello!" said mayor Tortimer, waiting for him at the top of the hill with a small crate beside him. "Hey gramps! how's business?" Jack asked with a smile despite being weighed down by the boulder. "Very good thank you for asking, you can put that down right here son" Tortimer pointed at the ground next to him, with a grunt Jack slammed the boulder down into the ground. Jack then dusted his hands off "Anything planned to win us over for the upcoming elections?" Tortimer looked up at him "Nope..." "Nope?" Jack tilted his head. "I wont be here for the next election... I think it's just about time I hung up this old hat of mine..." Tortimer stated with a smile. "What!?" Jack exclaimed "I-I mean... is that so?..." "Yes Jack... it is so..." Tortimer sighed as he reached into the crate next to him "for 50 years I've been mayor of this town since its founding... and I have seen a lot of people come and go" Jack crossed his arms as he listened. "So I'm thinking of finally retiring... maybe buy myself that island off the coast of town to relax for the rest of my years..." "Whatever you want to do gramps... let me tell ya right now, my door's always open if you decide to drop by" Jack patted the old tortoise on the shoulder with a smile. "Thank you Jack... now would you be so nice as to hammer this plaque on this stone for me?" Tortimer held up a metal plaque and a hammer. "In memory of founder and mayor Tortimer " he read the plaque out loud "Hah... you never change gramps" "Heh Heh Heh Horf!" Tortimer laughed "who knows? maybe one day you might be mayor of this fine town" "Huh... somehow I don't see that happening anytime soon" Jack shook his head as he hammered the plaque into the boulder "There..." Tortimer stifled a long yawn "Well, this has been a nice day... I think I'll end it with a cup of tea and a nap" he said while walking off. "See you around sir!" Jack waved goodbye "Mayor Jack.... humph... don't really think I want that kind of responsibility" he said to himself "I'm finally done with my chores... now what?" Jack rubbed his chin in thought "Hm!?" he turned his head as he heard more rustling, this time it was up in a tree. Without any hesitation Jack drew his golden slingshot and aimed it at the tree. "Eeep!!!" the one who yelped fell from the tree on her head "Uggghh...." "Twilight!? What were you doing up there?" Jack scolded while lowering his weapon "you were the one following me all day!?" "Oh-no! the human has spotted us! we must now make a quick get-away before its too late!" "Is that my camera!? Twilight!" Jack gave chase with Twilight screaming the whole way. "This has been Twilight Sparkle! and thanks for watching! somebody help!!!!" "GET BACK HERE!!!"