Apple Acres and Sugar Cube Corners proudly presents, Real Mares of Genius...
Real Mares of Genius... Pa-chow~~!
Today, high in sugar content, we lift a shaky one of sweet lemonade to you, Ms. Party-Happy Killer.
Ms. Party-Happy Killer~~... SPLA!
You are known for two very important things: partying hard, and getting ready to party even harder.
This Friday night do it all again~~~!
Your parties are the stuff of legends. If the ancient gods were around today, you would be their party planner easy.
Hawkules is hittin' on Aphrodite~~~!
But everybody better watch out about keeping promises with you. You're true to your word, and the word is 'break it and you die'.
That's more than one word~~!
You've hunted down ponies through dangerous situations to make them pay for a Pinkie-promise. But it's the only sane thing to do, really.
Sane as a mental patient~~!
Please though, take a load off and kick-start your system with a few hearty shots. You don't care about your blood sugar, so why should we?
Ms. Party-Happy Killer~~! YEAH!
Now, time for "Team Safety" with Shining Armor.
"Hey there everyone. Today, I'm going to teach you some very important rules on team safety. But, since the lesson could take hours, let me sum up the most important rule. In the field of battle, there are two very important parties. Team A and Team B. Each one is VERY important to the mission's success. Team A's main priority is to start the mission, finish the mission, and capture the objective. Team B's priority is to carry out the reinforcements of the enemy, support the flank of the safety, and fend off major obstacles.
"Now ask yourself: do you want to be on Team A? NO! Team A gets all the attention and nine times out of ten end up having friends and family kidnapped or worse to get to them! They also have the highest listed number of mental traumas from listening to emotional stories or having to listen to that ONE member of the group with the troubled past. You know who you are! Stop whining! Team A is not a death sentence, it's a sentence to having no life ever again!
"So, you must want to be Team B, right? WRONG! You join Team B, you may as well paint a target on your back! You're the ones who're going to die! You're the ones that the enemy will be using all their kill moves on! You're the ones that're expendable! No one cares if you die; you're the meat shields for Team A. Sure, they never say it; but you feel it... You feel it. Your life is pointless and you know it! The very best thing you'll offer to the field is making sure Team A will have a body to walk over to get to the final boss.
"Do you want to know what the lesson here is? Join Team C. Everyone likes them, they're never in danger, and they get to make funny cracks whenever they feel like it."
This has been "Team Safety" with Shining Armor.