The sun set on a beautiful Ponyville day. Twilight and Spike walked back to their house and noticed how the lovely light of the sun bathed the town in a beautiful orange glow. They'd said good-bye to their friends at the train station and departed, closing the chapter on their recent adventure in the Crystal Empire. They were both happy to be back home.
Twilight gripped the knob with her magic and opened the door to her house.
"And where have you two been?!!" A loud voice demanded. Standing in the foyer of Twilight's house was one of Twilight Sparkle's houseguests, Dan. The pale-skinned, dark-haired biped stood with balled up fists at his side, teeth gritted in an expression of fuming rage.
Dan, as Twilight knew him, was a very loud creature from another dimension. Known as a 'human', he was the only one of his species Twilight knew was in Equestria. At the moment, anyway.
"I'm sorry, Dan," Twilight apologized as she entered. "We kind of had to leave in a hurry and you weren't here at the time."
"I was out getting groceries!" Dan shouted in exasperation. "I come back to find both of you gone and not so much as a note left to tell me where you went!" Dan had a reputation both on Earth and in Equestria for being... easily disgruntled. He had a tendency to let little issues anger him, leading to irrational overreactions about otherwise small problems. While there were some individuals, even in Ponyville, who at times let little things get out of hoof, Dan took things to the next level. Often, he would seek vindication for himself against those who he perceived had done him wrong. This time though, Twilight could see how he could be upset with her.
The purple dragon and alicorn walked over to Dan. "I'm very sorry, Dan," Twilight reiterated. "We were only gone a couple of days. I told Fluffle Puff to tell you where we were going... where is she, anyway?"
Dan looked up to the roof of the house. "She discovered the ceiling fan," his voice had immediately changed to a slightly calmer yet disappointed tone as he explained.
Spike raised an eyebrow. "We have a ceiling fan?"
"Had a ceiling fan," Dan clarified. "Now we have a disco ball."
"What?"
"Turn off the lights."
Curious and confused, Twilight walked over to the light switch on her wall and turned it off. The room was immediately illuminated by a swirl of tiny lights that circled the room. Twilight looked up to the ceiling to see a glowing pink magenta ball rotating with pin-pricks of light coming out of it. The pink head of a pony poked out of one side of it, hooves dangling to the floor. Fluffle Puff looked to be having the time of her life as she slowly spun.
"She's been stuck up there since you guys left."
"What? Why haven't you tried to get her down?" Twilight flipped the lights back on.
Dan shrugged. "I don't have wings or magic."
"So you just left her up there?" Spike asked.
"I tried to pry her off with a ladder and a spatula. I came down twenty minutes later and the spatula was missing; I think her fluff absorbed it."
Spike put a claw on his chin. "Did you try spraying her with water or something?"
"Spike! She's not a cat," Twilight chastised her assistant.
"No, I did try that but she kept drinking the water."
Spike shrugged. "Well, at least she stayed hydrated."
Twilight sighed. Using her new wings, she flew up to the ceiling. With care, she untangled Fluffle Puff's fluff from the blades with a spell. The pony's body made a noise like Velcro as she was removed from the fan. Twilight then sat the pink puff ball pony on the floor and landed next to her.
"How was she making all those lights?" Spike asked. Fluffle Puff responded by coughing up a flashlight. Spike's reflexes caused him to catch the regurgitated light before it hit the floor but he quickly dropped it, recoiling from the gross, spat-up item.
Fluffle Puff stared at Twilight for a split second before gasping and embracing her and Spike in a fluffy hug. She licked the cheeks of both and then ran past them into the kitchen. The fluffy pony wasn't just a ball of hair; she was also a ball of energy. Twilight didn't even bother to ask how she'd gotten on the ceiling in the first place.
"You guys are always doing things like that," Dan continued, still upset. "You're always going off on some random errand and leaving me here with that pink demon and the Queen! In fact, if it wasn't for Queen Chrysalis, I would've left here a long time ago!"
"Since when did you start liking Queen Chrysalis?" Spike asked.
Dan turned away. "I've always felt strongly about the Queen! Her grace, her radiance, that power, it's just so much! There's no more beautiful creature in all of this world and she deserves all of our love!" he announced, placing a forearm on his head dramatically.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. So, where is she?"
Dan turned back around. "She's probably out displaying more incredible, selfless acts of her good nature somewhere! You know how she is; always trying to help somepony in need."
"Really?" Twilight asked, a grin forming on her face. "I guess Chrysalis can be a good friend. I just wish she'd do something about the B.O," she said casually, eying 'Dan' with a peripheral gaze.
The dark-haired man gave his right armpit a self-conscious whiff. "I don't have B.O. And I shower every-"
"Ah-ha!" Twilight interrupted. Twilight aimed her horn and the imposter was enveloped in a magenta aura. The creature claiming to be Dan was lifted into midair.
"Hey! Put me down! What's the big idea?!"
Spike walked over and pulled up Dan's pant's leg. A round hole was just above the man's pale ankle. "Drop the act, Chrysalis. We know it's you," Twilight said.
"Drat..." the imposter said, his voice sounding liquid-like. "I still have trouble changing into bipeds..." The form of Dan quickly flashed and in a burst of light, transformed into the dark visage of Queen Chrysalis.
"Is it too much to ask for some peace and quiet around here?" Queen Chrysalis moaned, descending to the floor. "I was just getting used to the two of you being gone."
Spike folded his arms. "Just because we're not here doesn't mean you can glue Fluffle Puff to the ceiling fan."
Chrysalis blushed. "Actually, that was her idea."
"Oh," Twilight said. "Well, at least that's been taken care of now. Everything else looks fine," she said, looking around. "I don't think we forgot anything..."
Just then, the real Dan descended from the staircase, brushing his teeth. Spike waved at him.
"Hey, Dan! You do all right while we were-"
Dan's toothbrush fell out of his mouth as he noticed the two. He gritted his teeth, his eyelid twitched and it looked like his face was about to boil red. "And where have you two been?!!" he shouted.
Twilight and Spike explained what had happened in the Crystal Empire to their three guests. Chrysalis and Fluffle listened intently, hanging on the two's every word as they detailed their latest adventure. Dan sat with arms folded, still angry at the fact he'd been left behind.
"Well that's fantastic!" Dan yelled sarcastically. "Once again, you went off on some magical quest and you neglected to tell me! You always do this to me; you take off with all of your friends and you leave me here alone!"
"Dan... I'm really sorry," Twilight said. "But I did tell Fluffle Puff we were leaving."
"And you expected her to tell me?"
Fluffle Puff sat beside them, staring into blank space with her tongue out. She occasionally 'pbbthed' when someone finished a comment.
Spike shrugged. "I left her a note."
Dan turned to the pink ball. "You had a note all along and you didn't give it to me?!" Fluffle "pbbthed" again in response.
"Well? Where is it?!" Dan demanded.
A paper airplane shot out of Fluffle's fluff. Dan grabbed it.
"Dear Dan," he read. "Spike and I are going to..." he trailed off, his voice fading slowly. Frowning, he crumpled the paper and stood up.
"That does it. I'm out," Dan said, his voice flat with apathy and discontent. He walked towards the door.
"Dan wait," Spike said as Dan walked past him. "You don't have to leave."
He huffed. "I'm not sticking around where I'm not appreciated."
"But Dan..." Twilight trailed off. It was very clear the man intended to leave. "Where are you going to go?"
"I dunno! Someplace where I feel welcome, I guess!" He opened the door to Twilight's house and was greeted by the cold night air and stars in the dark sky above.
"Don't do this, Dan!" Twilight pleaded. "We're still friends!"
Dan turned at that comment. "Friends?! You spend more time with your five other friends than you do with me! And I live in the same house as you!"
"Well hey, I live here, too," Spike defended.
"Just because I don't have an Element of Harmony and I'm not a pony doesn't mean I deserve to be left behind while you're out saving the world!"
Twilight stopped and thought. She did tend to leave Dan alone when she was doing things with her other friends. She looked over at Spike who was casting an innocent glance at her. Dan wasn't the only one.
"Where are you going to go?" Twilight asked.
"I'm going home. Back where my friends actually bother to keep me in the loop!"
"Back to Earth?" Twilight asked. Dan hadn't spoken much about his home since he showed up. Twilight still had no idea how travel to another dimension was even possible.
"Yes, Earth!" Dan shouted. "Not like I have any other choice. Back to my studio apartment... in North Hollywood," his voice became laced with venom as he mentioned his home. "But at least there I'm not completely ignored!"
"How're you going to get back home?" Spike asked. He scratched his chin with his claw. "In fact, you never even told us how you got here."
Dan turned around slowly, teeth gritted and closed the door. "Oh, so you want to know about me now? How I got here?"
Spike and Twilight exchanged glances. "Yeah, if you don't mind."
"All right, fine! I'll tell you how I wound up in Equestria... but then I'm gone!" he declared.
"All right, Dan," Twilight nodded in agreement.
Dan walked into the center of the living room. "Thinking back, it was a day like any other day," he began. Twilight and Spike took eager seats on the floor. Fluffle Puff and Chrysalis appeared from the kitchen and took positions nearby to listen. Individual bags of popcorn sprouted out of Fluffle Puff's utility fluff. Spike grabbed one and proceeded to indulge while paying attention.
Trans-Atlantic Flight Random Made-up Number
Somewhere over the Pacific
"Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking," the voice from the intercom said. "On behalf of Trans-Tolerable Airways, I'd like to apologize for the slight navigational error. We should be arriving at San Garry's Mod International in another ahhhh... three hours."
The passengers in the cabin emitted a unanimous groan. "Slight navigational error" was an understatement; the pilot was obviously using this term to describe the fact that he missed the approach to San Garry's Mod airport and would've ended up taking the flight all the way to Japan if a flight attendant hadn't said something. Flight Random Made-up Number was originally supposed to be a short couple of hours from northern Canada back to California. Now, somewhere over the Pacific, the passengers were beginning to get agitated.
Dan, Chris and Elise were not pleased as they had to continue sitting in the cramped middle aisles of the coach section of the plane. Recently, the 'coach' section had been renamed the 'convenience' section as to avoid negative annotations.
"I don't believe this," Dan grumbled. "How does a plane MISS where it's supposed to land?"
Dan's friend Chris sitting next to him shrugged. "Maybe it's his first time in the area and he got lost?"
Dan paused for a moment, processing the suggestion and questioning his friend's intelligence. "...he's a pilot! How do you get lost in the SKY? Did he forget which way is up?!"
"If there's a problem with the instruments, it's actually very easy to lose your sense of direction while flying," Chris's wife Elise commented.
"So what is he going to do?! Stop and ask for directions?!" Dan shouted. A flight attendant passed by them. "Should I draw him a map?!! Go up to the cockpit, point over his shoulder and say, 'Hey genius! That's California!'"
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to remain seated," she instructed him.
"I AM seated!!" Dan raised his voice in anger. What was wrong with this airline?!
"Sir, I'm asking you to remain seated," the attendant repeated. Dan said nothing back. His eyelid twitched and he gestured to his seated position with both hands.
"Very good, sir." The attendant continued walking past.
The intercom crackled. "Attention passengers, we're about ready to begin your in flight movie: Revenge of the Nerds."
Dan's attitude changed immediately. "Wow, this might not be such a bad flight after all. Did you guys hear what movie they're showing?" he said, enthusiastically.
"Revenge of the Nerds? You actually like that movie, Dan?" Elise asked.
"Why wouldn't I? It's a classic, comedy gold! The acting in it is fantastic and the characters are amazing! I especially love that guy who plays Booger! The rest of this flight might not be so bad after all!"
Elise raised an eyebrow at Dan but didn't say anything else. At the front of the cabin, the flight attendant pulled down the screen for the film. Just when it reached the bottom, it snapped and rolled back up. She reached up to grab it and pull it down again. Once more, it snapped and rolled back up.
At the edge of the center aisle, Dan watched in frustration as the attendant struggled with the projector screen. Finally, she pulled out some duct tape and taped the projector down. Dan was relieved. The woman than got on her own private intercom and addressed the passengers in 'convenience' class.
Dan grumbled in his seat, growling like an enraged animal.
"Sir," a flight attendant stopped by him. "I'm going to have to ask that you remain seated."
That didn't make any sense. "But... I am seated! I can't not-remain seated!"
The flight attendant looked down at him. "Sir," she said in a sterner voice, "I'm asking you to remain seated."
What did that even mean?! "You're not making any sense! I'd have to stand in order to not-remain seated and-"
"Do not raise your voice at me, sir."
"You'd better calm down, Dan," Chris cautioned him. Was he supporting this nonsense?
Teeth gritted, hands balled, Dan gestured back to his seated position as he shook with anger and said nothing back.
The flight attendant hovered over him for a few uncomfortably quiet seconds. "Very good, sir," she said and went off.
The other flight attendant at the front of the cabin returned back from her station.
"Um," she began. "We only have one copy of Revenge of the Nerds on this flight. So the first-class passengers... I mean, the 'luxury'-class passengers are going to be watching that."
"So we don't even get a movie?!" Dan shouted again. A good portion of the cabin erupted in indignant outcries.
The attendant held up a hand. "Now, hold on. We do happen to have another in-flight movie for this cabin."
Chris smiled. "You hear that, Dan? They do have a movie for us. It's not gonna be that bad."
"So, for the viewing pleasure of all those in coach... I mean, whatever. It's Biodome with Pauly Shore," the flight attendant held up the movie.
Dan turned to Chris slowly, his rage building again. "...you were saying?! What am I going to do for three whole hours?! How could this possibly get any worse?!"
"But the good news is, it's on Blu-ray with ninety extra minutes of bonus features." Yet another uproar of dissatisfied groans was emitted from the passengers. The duct tape holding the screen down let loose and the screen rolled up again.
"This is fantastic," Dan said sarcastically. He leaned his head out into the aisle to try and see into the first-class cabin ahead of them. For a brief moment, he saw the corner of the first-class screen, only because it was so massive it took up most of the wall it was over. Another flight attendant closed the dividing curtain as she passed.
Dan balled his hands into fists, then leaned forward and grasped them behind his head. "I just want to get back to my apartment... I hope Mr. Mumbles is okay. She gets so lonely when I leave her for long trips."
"I thought you got kicked out of your apartment," Chris said.
"Wait," Elise interrupted. "You got kicked out of your apartment? When did that happen?"
"Last week," Chris answered. "Dan had a little problem with management at his apartment building."
"I was sick and tired of the vending machine at my apartment complex being out of order all the time," Dan began. "Despite multiple complaints and recommendations that it should be fixed in the complex's suggestion box, it remained broken. So, I did the only logical thing anyone in my situation would do."
"He stuffed the vending machine into the suggestion box," Chris revealed.
"That was my suggestion," Dan justified. "It wouldn't fit though."
Chris nodded. "So he hit it with an aluminum bat repeatedly and left it on top of the suggestion box in the main office."
"How did they find out it was Dan?" Elise asked.
"There were security cameras set up in the office." Dan turned away as Chris explained. "They installed them because someone made a recommendation... in the suggestion box."
"I just want to get back home!" Dan whined. He covered his face with his hands in despair.
Chris put a comforting hand on Dan's shoulder. "We'll be home soon, Dan. Why don't you read a magazine or something?"
With a heavy sigh, Dan slowly picked his head up. Looking forward, he grabbed one of the in-flight magazines from the pouch in front of him. What other choice did he have?
He tried to open the small brochure-sized piece of reading material to find the pages were stuck together. Placing his fingers on the edges, he tried to pry them apart. The magazine ripped along the insides rendering both pages illegible.
Dan's eyelid began twitching. "That does it... that does it!!" he began shaking with rage. He placed his hands on the center of the magazine's weak binding and tore it in half, then tore it again, ripping it to shreds.
"Sir," a flight attendant practically materialized next to him. "I'm going to have to ask you to remain seated."
Dan turned to her, exasperated. "But... but I-I am-"
"Sir," she said in a sterner tone. "I'm asking you to remain-"
"Grrrrrraaaaaaarrrrrghhh" he growled at the woman, about to explode.
Chris grabbed him by the shoulder again. "Dan, take it easy," he tried to calm him down.
Practically foaming at the mouth, entire body vibrating with a toxic anger, suddenly, Dan snapped. He realized there was nothing he could do to make the flight get to the destination faster. He was just going to have to deal with it. Releasing a slow breath, he turned to the flight attendant.
"Can I get up to use the restroom, please?"
The flight attendant nodded. "Of course, sir. It's at the back of the cabin next to the emergency exit."
"Thank you," Dan smiled and rose from his seat. "Be back in a minute guys," he told Chris and Elise.
Dan walked to the back of the plane feeling a little bit better just accepting his circumstances. He noticed the other passengers, some grumbling just like he had been. Dan would've still been just as angry as they had been but he reminded himself that soon they would be back at the airport and he would be home. Of course, what passed for home right now was his car. He didn't really have to use the bathroom at the moment but sitting somewhere quiet for a few minutes would give him some time to center himself and relax. And plot his revenge on the airlines.
Yes, he couldn't do anything at the moment... but when the plane landed, Dan was already devising a plan to make sure the pilot never got lost again. Which is why he was taking the ruined magazine with him to the bathroom. He was going to draw the pilot a map straight to California in whatever crude a fashion he could manage. And then he would forcibly tape it to the pilot's instruments along with his opinion of the airline.
He reached the back of the plane and saw the restroom right next to the emergency exit. He thought that was somewhat odd; someone could very easily mistake one for the other if they weren't careful. While the emergency exit door was clearly marked and the handle and surface were differently designed, they were right side-by-side. It would be something else he would bring to the airline's attention one way or another.
Dan placed his hand on the door to the restroom, clearly marked by the sign that read 'lavatory'. He turned the handle and opened the door.
Dan then noticed something very odd about the restroom. Specifically, there wasn't one on this flight. Or if there was, he didn't see it. He clearly remembered the sign on the door indicating it was a restroom but now that door was flying off into the distance, jettisoned off the plane. But now, he stared off into the open sky before him, unsure of what to do next. The realization then hit him: the airlines had labeled the doors incorrectly and he had opened the emergency exit by mistake.
All of this happened in the fractions of seconds and the shock didn't really hit Dan until he had already been sucked out of the cabin.
"Those idiots!" Dan said, falling. "I can't believe they mixed up the bathroom with the emergency exit! Someone should do something about that before somebody gets..." his eyes went wide as he trailed off. Falling on his back, he saw the plane fly away in the distance. In midair, he turned himself around so he faced the surface as he plummeted towards it. Underneath him expanding in all directions was the Pacific, nothing but blue as far as the eye could see. And that is when the shock hit him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Dan screamed as he fell.
Back on the plane, the cabin had already been re-pressurized. "Sorry for that unexpected turbulence, folks," the captain said over the intercom. "We're about ready to begin our final approach into San Garry's Mod International. We thank you for flying Trans-tolerable Airlines."
Dan continued to scream until his lungs got tired. The surface of the sea came closer and closer to him, threatening to rush up to him as he descended rapidly. He spread his arms and legs out, slowing his descent, not that he knew that would help; he was terrified. Heart racing, his mind began to drift back into his memories. All the good times and bad he'd shared with Chris and Elise, all the joys and sorrows, his precious pet cat Mr. Mumbles, his car. Dan regretted that he would never get to see them again. But more than anything else, he regretted that he would never get revenge on the various people that had wronged him.
Dan realized immediately that he would not survive the fall. Carefully, he grabbed his cell phone from his back pocket.
"Dear Chris and Elise," Dan typed into a text message as his eyes began to water. As his last act, he planned on sending Chris a text detailing all the people, places and things that had caused him injustice in the past along with a list explaining what he wanted to happen to each of them. When he was done, he hit send.
The phone bleeped an error message. "Two bars?! Cheap piece of junk! When I get my hands on the manufacturer, I'll wring his neck!" Just then, Dan realized the validity of the statement he'd just made. Once again, a pang of regret hit him as he fell; he wouldn't be able to exact revenge upon the cell phone company. He opened the unfinished text on his phone and added the phone's manufacturer to the list.
Dan watched the surface of the ocean continue growing closer as he plummeted. Slowly, he saw a white, puffy cloud edge closer into view below him. The cloud soon blocked his view of the ocean and he realized he was going to fall right through it. He raised his hands to cover his face as he passed through the white vapor.
For a brief moment, Dan was blinded. He couldn't see out of the whiteness of the cloud and it enveloped him entirely. He could still feel that he was falling though and the wind whipped around him. Quickly, it ended and he was able to see again.
Looking down, Dan noticed a change in the surface of the ocean. Specifically, the ocean was gone. Stretching out before him now was land; a rolling see of green, dark greens and browns. The entire landscape of the world had changed. What had happened? Moments ago, he had been staring at an expanse of sea and now it looked like he was over the mainland. Examining the entire world around him, he could make out forests, mountains in the distance, even roads.
Below him and coming into distance, he could make out more clouds, only denser than the ones before. He could see figures darting about them, like giant birds. All of these strange, new phenomenons didn't make sense to Dan but they also didn't change the fact he was falling without a chute. He screamed again.
"What is this?! What happened?! Where am I?!!" Dan yelled. He held his cell phone and tried to use the camera on it, not knowing what else to do.
"Hey buddy," a voice said to him. "I think you might need some help."
Dan looked up. Staring back at him as he fell was... well, he didn't know what it was. If he had to guess, it looked like some kind of sky-blue horse with wings... like a pony. A Pegasus pony.
"You okay? Where's your wings? Do you know magic?"
"Wings... magic?!" Dan shouted back. "I don't know any magic! And why would I have wings?!"
The creature looked puzzled. "Well, why would you be flying without wings or magic?"
"I'm NOT flying; I'm falling!"
"Ohhh," the blue creature said, understanding. She stopped flying along side him and he shot past her, continuing his rapid descent to the surface.
"AAAAAAHHH!!" Dan screamed again, not knowing what else to do. He tumbled as he full until he was able to straighten himself out. The surface began getting closer and closer. A dark green forest came into view as he plummeted. It looked to be where he would be landing.
Dan's heart began to race. Nervous fear rose in his throat. All though he was freezing cold, it felt like he was sweating. His eyes watered. He wondered, would it hurt or would the impact shock his nervous system so much he wouldn't feel the pain? He could see the treetops now. They were coming closer and closer; he could practically feel the surface racing towards him. This was it, he closed his eyes.
A crack of something, the sound of an explosion in the distance came from behind him. Wind rushed by him and something snatched him out of the air. His descent ended abruptly and now he was flying across the landscape instead of towards it at a blinding speed.
Dan opened his eyes. The blue creature was holding him, carrying him in its... hooves?
"What... what happened?" Dan asked.
"I just saved your life!" the creature answered. "You should never try flying without wings or magic."
Dan just stared back at the thing that had saved him. "Who... what are you?"
"I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flier there is!"
"So, wait," Spike interrupted, raising his claw. "First, what's a 'Biodome', what's an airline and what's a California?"
Dan thought for a split second. "Three things I'm happy I haven't seen in a while," he answered flatly.
Spike slowly lowered his claw.
"So that's how you got here?" Twilight asked. "I had no idea, Dan."
Dan's face turned furious. "Because you never asked me! You never ask me anything!"
"Now, that's not true, Dan," Twilight disagreed. "I asked you about Earth plenty of times. It's just, whenever I asked..."
Flashing back, Dan and the others recalled the instances when Twilight had been curious about Dan and where he comes from. Usually, his responses involved multiple reasons why he was glad to be gone, detailed descriptions of the various organizations and individuals out to take advantage of others or just long lists of people Dan didn't like.
He was quiet for a moment. "You... may have a point. Anyway, where was I?..."
"AAAAAAAhhh!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Dan screamed across the sky as he screamed across the sky. Holding him up by his shoulders, the blue flying creature carried him over the forest. Dan's shoes practically touched the treetops; they were only a scarce few meters off of the ground.
"Hey, calm down buddy!"
"Calm down?!" Dan asked, as if the notion not panicking was insane. "I just fell out of a plane! How do you expect me to calm down?!!"
"Well, you could try taking a deep breath. Count to ten, relax. I did just save your life, ya know."
The realization hit Dan. He wasn't falling to his doom any more; he was alive. He looked back up at his rescuer. "You... just saved my life? What are you even?! Where am I?"
"You're welcome, by the way," the creature replied, keeping its view facing forward. They pulled up to avoid the top of a larger tree.
"Well, how do I know you didn't just save me so you can eat me? How do I know you're not taking me back to your nest right now so you can feed your young?!"
"What?!" The creature looked down at him, appalled. "Did you hit your head on something? Ponies don't eat meat! Have you been hanging around dragons or hydras or something?"
It took a moment for Dan to process that comment. "Dragons... hydras... ponies?! Where the heck am I?! I was over the Pacific ocean when I was falling..."
"Well, I haven't been everywhere in Equestria but I'm pretty sure there aren't any oceans around here."
"Equestria...?"
Suddenly, Dan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He started struggling to grasp it but it fell from his pocket as he tried to reach down for it.
"My phone!" he shouted.
"Your what?"
"Put me down! Put me down now!" Dan felt what was probably his only contact with Chris and Elise tumble out of his pocket and down into the forest beneath them as they flew. The creature stopped flying and hovered as Dan's struggling increased.
"Hey! Take it easy! You don't want me to drop you into the Everfree Forest; it's dangerous in there!"
Dan didn't cease his struggling. "Let me go! I have to get my-" The blue pony couldn't keep her grip as Dan squirmed. She dropped him and he fell into the forest below, disappearing into the sea of green.
"Ahhhgh! Agh, oh, agh *snap*, agh! *wump*" He fell through branches, scraped leaves and finally hit the forest floor, landing facedown. Bruised, scratched and vision blurry, Dan looked up around him in a daze. The canopy he'd crashed through made the floor almost pitch dark. Faintly, he heard what sounded like the voice of the creature calling for him in his ear before the darkness pressed in on the corners of his vision. The pain of the fall overcame him and he collapsed on his side, eyes finally closing shut as he fell unconscious.
Time passed. An hour, maybe two. In his mind, Dan saw visions, dreams of his friends back home. He dreamed of one thing in particular, the only other living thing that showed him absolute affection and that he loved more than anything else. His cat, Mr. Mumbles. He wondered about her, where she was, what she was doing without him. He thought of playing with her in his unconscious mind and even recalled the day the two met when he was trying to exact revenge on that animal shelter. He could practically feel his kitty licking his face.
No, that was actually something licking his face. Slowly, he was roused back into consciousness by the feeling of a tongue on his cheek. Dan opened his eyes to see... pink. And nothing else.
"Wha... what? What is this?" He got up on his hands and knees. Staring back at him appeared to be a giant ball of pink fluff with a head. He got to his feet.
"I... I don't have any food," he said to it. "I just fell out of the sky and I'm covered in dirt. I have nothing on me!" The pink ball of fluff said nothing but stared back at him. He backed away from it slowly. Then, it gasped and smiled at him.
"Please... just leave me alone!" The ball of fluff crept closer to him on four legs sticking out from under the fluff. It practically tip-toed over to him on its pink hooves, an open-mouthed smile stuck on its face.
"Someone help! Police! It's a... pink!" he shouted into the forest. Nothing answered him. The ball crept closer and then finally pounced on him, tackling him to the ground.
"Get off of me! Help! Someone, help!" The creature licked his face furiously. "Stop! No, stop, heh, stop it! That tickles!" The pink ball of fluff didn't relent. Finally, Dan had had enough. Grunting, he wriggled his way out from under it.
Panting, he stood again. "What... the... fluff..." The strange animal didn't jump on him; it just stared at him with an open-mouthed smile.
Dan still braced himself for another attack. "What... what do you want?"
Something materialized out of the side of the creature's furry body as it looked at him; a small, rectangular device that Dan recognized immediately.
"My phone!" Dan shouts, taking a step forward. He quickly hesitates though and recoils a step, fearing the animal. The creature must've recognized Dan's reaction; it noticed the object lodged in the upper parts of its fluff. Reaching up with one of its pink hooves, it pulls out the phone. Dan watches as the creature examines the phone, sniffing it and then staring into its reflective screen.
Dan had no idea what kind of animal it was playing with his phone. If he had to guess, it was some kind of small, pink bear. He practically shook with fear; how he got away when it was on top of him, he had no idea. He hoped he could get his phone back but he didn't want to risk getting closer to it to try.
The pink ball then noticed Dan looking at the phone it was holding. It quickly glanced back at the device it was investigating and then back at Dan. Its open-mouthed smile returned and then it began walking over to him.
"No! No, stay back! You can keep it! Just stay away!" Dan pleaded. He continued backing away as the fluffy animal advanced upon him. The side of a tree blocked his path backwards; he pressed himself up against it. This was it. He had no place to go, nowhere to run. It got closer and closer now. Dan closed his eyes, turned away and shook as the thing walked right up to him.
"I'm warning you! I was trained by the Green Berets! They trained me to weave baskets underwater and make lanyards out of grass and leaves but I spent the forty dollars!"
But instead of jumping on him, skinning him alive or the dozen other horrible things going through Dan's mind at that moment, the pink ball of fluff only tapped him on the back with its furry foreleg. Dan turned around to see the creature smiling up at him, holding his cell phone for him. He looked down at his phone in the creature's hoof. Was it presenting it to him?
"Are you... giving this back to me?" Dan asked, wary and confused. The strange hairy thing must've understood him because it nodded emphatically at his words. He reached out and took his phone. Dan realized that the creature just wanted to give it back to him. "Thank... thank you," he said, smiling at the pink puff ball. The creature smiled again and gave him a small hug, nuzzling its furry body into his side.
For whatever reason, Dan thought of Mr. Mumbles in that instant. He imagined his precious kitty snuggling up to him and comforting him in his hours of need. Somehow, this giant mass of fur reminded him of his cat, one of his only friends in the world.
"You're pretty friendly, aren't you?" Dan said to the creature in a soft voice. He gave it a pat on the head and it smiled in response. "What's your name?" he asked.
"Her name is Fluffle Puff," a voice answered him. Dan looked around, searching for the speaker but he saw nothing. The shadows of the canopy above made the spaces between trees almost pitch-black.
"Who said that? Who's there?" Dan demanded.
Stepping out of the shade was a creature almost as dark as the shadows themselves. Unlike the pink creature in front of him, this one was taller and appeared less hairy, perhaps even hairless. It appeared to be some sort of slender horse but with a slightly menacing visage. It looked back at him with dark, unblinking eyes as it approached. The pink ball of fluff walked over to it.
"Who are you?" Dan asked.
"I am Queen Chrysalis... or, just Chrysalis." The pink creature hugged it and the two embraced for a moment. "Fluffle Puff seems to have taken a liking to you. What is your name?"
"I'm Dan... and I must be dreaming. Yep. This is all just a dream," Dan looked around. Two strange, talking creatures in front of him, that seemed to be the most logical explanation. But then, another entered his mind. "Or maybe I really did hit the ground and I'm dead," he said in a frightened tone. "That must mean... this is..."
"This is the Everfree Forest," Chrysalis answered. "It's one of the most dangerous places in Equestria and it's not safe to travel here alone. You should come back with us to Ponyville."
Equestria... Ponyville... And hadn't the flying one said something about ponies? Dan looked back at the creatures who stared at him. He must've somehow landed in another world, one apparently inhabited by talking ponies. He hesitated at their offer though, still weighing his options. Could he really trust these strange beings?
"Come with us. We can take you to where it's safe," Chrysalis encouraged.
Dan looked back at his phone; it still only had two bars and no network connection. "I... all right," he said. The pink one gasped again and ran over to his side. He almost backed away again as it ran up to him but the magenta fur ball just grabbed his hand with one of its hooves and starting tugging him along. A stranger in a strange land, Dan allowed himself to be led by the two creatures through the forest.
Before long, the three of them reached the edge of the forest. The underbrush was thick and several times, Dan saw Chrysalis use some sort of strange energy to cut through low-hanging branches and leaves. They made quick progress and finally they stepped out of the shade of the enormous trees and into the sunlight. That was when Dan caught first glimpse of a town.
"This is Ponyville," Chrysalis said. Dan saw colorful buildings in the distance and even a train. None of the buildings were higher than a couple stories at most. There were no skyscrapers, traffic lights, vehicles or even streets. He saw more of the ponies, also brightly colored, traveling about the dirt roads into town. He noticed some of the ponies flying like the one that caught him and even ones with horns on their heads. But it was what he didn't notice that bothered him.
They approached the entrance to the town. He decided to ask, "They're all ponies. Where are the people?"
Chrysalis turned to him, "People?" she asked, not understanding.
"People, humans. Like me?" Dan clarified. He felt like he was talking to an alien or an infant.
"I don't know what a 'human' is but I'm fairly certain I've never seen anything like you before. Not around here, anyway."
A strange mixture of sadness and regret struck Dan. The thought of being the only human somewhat frightened him. He stopped in the middle of the street, starting to breath a little bit heavier. Suddenly, he felt like he was surrounded by aliens, completely alone on another planet. His eyes darted between the various creatures around them, from the ones that trotted through the streets, the ones that pulled wagons and the ones that flew through the sky. He watched one Pegasus fly down to a unicorn pony watering the flowers out of the second-floor window of a house. They were everywhere; he was surrounded.
Dan's gaze dropped to the ground. Should he try to find his way home? How did he even get here? What was he going to do in a world dominated by ponies? Chrysalis noticed his despair.
"Dan? Are you all right?"
"All right?" Dan asked, despair quickly turning to frustration. "All right?! Am I 'all right'?!" What kind of question was that, even? How could he possibly be 'all right'? All of his friends were gone; no more Chris and Elise, no more Mr. Mumbles, no more Elise's parents, no more people... no more people... no more... wait. Something clicked with Dan just then. No more people. No more people. No more traffic jams, no solicitors, no DMV, no cops, no politicians, no lawyers, no more people cutting him off on the freeway, no more people! This was a dream come true!
"I'm... I'm..." A smile crept over Dan's face as he spoke. No more taxes, no more false advertisements, no more people to screw him over and get away with it! "I'm fantastic! I'm the only human here! I'm the only human here!!"
Chrysalis was getting kind of confused. "Well... I guess that's..." she trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"Some old guy told me things would be great without human beings
and I used to think he was crazy but now I see what he means!
The grass is greener, the sun is brighter and the skies are crystal clear!
And I have hunch it's all because I'm the only human here!
"Is... is he singing?"
Dan popped up in between Chrysalis and Fluffle Puff. "Let me explain-"
"The world I come from is crazy; it's hard just to have a life.
And where people could help each other, most just keep adding to the strife.
All the suffering could be solved if humanity started uniting
But they'll never learn to put aside their differences or at least stop the fighting!
But with humans gone, all the problems of the world have just disappeared!
So you could say I'm overjoyed to be the only human here!
As Dan was retelling this story in the living room of Twilight's house, he approached Twilight and the others to look them right in the face.
Let's talk about humanity
And the way that we've evolved
Look at all the things we've done
And the problems we have solved
For every step forward that we've taken,
Soon we find out that we're mistaken
And all the rules that we keep makin'
We can't seem to go long without breakin'
Nor can we even find a solution
To crime, disease, war or pollution
But now I hear the resolution and it's ringing in my ear!
So, yes I'm glad to find that I'm the only human here!
"You're... happy that you're the only one of your kind?" Chrysalis asked.
"You bet I am!" Dan said, swinging from an all-too conveniently placed streetlamp.
Now Chrysalis was even more confused. "You're not sad or anything?"
"Of course not! And here's why-"
"You might think that without other humans that I'd be feeling lonely
but in truth it's quite the opposite, let me tell ya, my little pony.
No more parking tickets, telemarketers or commercials on t.v!
No more bureaucrats or censors complaining that I'm not PC!
They're all gone and their nonsense isn't around me, far or near!
So I couldn't be more glad...
No I just couldn't be more glad...
This place might be strange but it ain't bad cuz I'm the only
Single
HUUUU-
MAAAAAAAAN
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!
*jazzy finale*
Dan panted as he stood in the middle of the street. Intricate dance numbers can take a lot out of you. A sound he recognized but didn't expect to here drew his attention behind him. He turned around slowly and felt his heart hit the back of his throat.
A strange figure was clapping in the middle of the road next to Fluffle Puff. "Bravo! Bravo, good sir!" Dan recognized the individual immediately. The dark hair, pale skin, blue jeans and black t-shirt emblazoned with the word 'jerk' on the front in all capital letters all looked uncomfortably familiar. Standing in the middle of the road applauding Dan was... Dan. The only thing different was the word 'jerk' was spelled backwards.
"What... the... fu-"
"Funny, I don't find myself imitating bipeds that often, especially not dragons. It's confusing how you walk on two legs all the time," the other Dan remarked.
Dan stormed over to the imposter. "What's going on? Who are you?!"
"Well, I'll tell you one thing I'm not is a singer," other Dan answered with a chuckle.
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Relax, relax! It's just me!" the other Dan said defensively. The imposter's eyes glowed green and then suddenly he transformed back into Chrysalis. "Ahahaha, I had you going for a minute didn't I?"
Dan took a step back. "What was that? How did you-"
"I'm a changling," Chrysalis said. "Using my magic, I can transform into any creature I want. It's a complex spell and only changlings can use it."
"Magic? You can do magic?"
"Of course," she replied and raised an eyebrow. "You're not from around here, are you?"
"No... I'm not. I'm from Earth. And I'm not even sure how far away that is."
"I see. When I saw you fall out of the sky, I was pretty sure you weren't from the Everfree Forest. Then again, we don't see very many dragons around here anyway."
"Wait," Dan stopped her. "I'm not a dragon; I'm a human. Didn't you listen to the song?"
Chrysalis' eyes dropped looked away. "I kinda tried not to..."
"I am a HUMAN," Dan spelled it out for her. "I'm from Earth where ponies DON'T talk, DON'T use magic and CAN'T fly."
Fluffle Puff 'pbbthed' a response to that.
"Do you know how you got here?" Chrysalis asked.
"No idea at all. I suppose I'm happy to be alive but... I have no idea what this place is."
"We should take you to see Twilight. She'll know what to do."
"Okay... but if you're going to change into me again, at least get the shirt right."
Chrysalis turned to him. "What? What was wrong with it?"
"You got the logo backwards. It's JERK not KREJ."
"Oh... drat. I always have trouble with transforming into bipeds."
With that, Dan allowed the pink puff ball and slender morphing creature to lead him through the town of colorful buildings. Every house looked like it was made out of gingerbread or candy. The pastel-colored walls created a rainbow of structures on either side of the street. Each house was unique in its own way and Dan got the odd feeling like he was walking through an amusement park or a studio backlot.
"I haven't been here long myself," Chrysalis said as they walked. "Not long ago, I was somewhat of an outcast. I've had my problems with some of the residents in the past and I did a few things I'm not really proud of. But then I found Fluffle Puff and soon after that, the two of us were found by Twilight Sparkle and her friends. While we did have some history before, she invited us to live with her. And we've been here in Ponyville ever since."
"And you think this Twilight will be able to help me?" Dan asked.
"She's very gifted with magic. If anypony can help you out, Twilight can."
"So, we're essentially off to see some wizard?"
"Unicorn," Chrysalis corrected.
"Whatever," Dan replied.
Eventually, the reached a large circle just off the center of town where the rows of buildings parted and formed a ring. In the center was a single, enormous tree. As they got closer to it, Dan realized the tree had been built on and into, like a house had been made out of it where it stood.
Chrysalis approached and opened the door without knocking. "Hello? We're home, is anyone else here?"
The three stepped inside. Dan could immediately tell whoever lived here liked books; there were shelves of tomes lining most of the walls. A small purple creature on two legs walked over to them.
"Hey guys, oh, is someone with you?"
"Yes, this is a new visitor to Ponyville. His name is Dan."
"Oh, well, hello Dan," the purple creature greeted him in a male voice. "It's nice to meet another dragon."
Dan stared down at the lizard-like animal. "I'm a human. From Earth," he corrected.
"What kind of a dragon is a human?" Spike asked with a claw to his chin.
"I'm NOT a dragon," Dan said, getting annoyed. "I'm a human being. I don't do magic, I don't fly and I don't know why I'm here."
"Wow... well, Twilight can probably help you. But she's out right now; Rainbow Dash came by and they went to the Everfree Forest looking for some kind of creature that fell out of the sky."
Dan practically facepalmed. "I AM that creature. What they're looking for is me."
"OH," Spike said, understanding. "So, how were you flying without wings or magic?"
"Simple: I wasn't."
"What?"
Dan walked further into the living room to orate. "You know what happens between the time you jump off some place high and land at the bottom?"
"Falling?"
"Exactly." Why was that so hard for these creatures to understand?
Just then, the door opened and Twilight entered.
"Hi everyone, we're back," the purple unicorn said as she entered. Rainbow Dash flew in alongside her and Fluffle Puff gasped and ran over to hug them both as they stepped inside.
"We're back, too," Chrysalis said. "And we brought company."
"Hey! It's you! You're the one that was trying to fly!" Rainbow Dash said, pointing at Dan.
"I wasn't TRYING to fly; I was..." Dan stopped. He looked around at the unfamiliar faces surrounding him, the strangers he'd tried telling his predicament to. "You know what? I'll tell you later." He'd tried explaining this so many times in the last hour or so, he was tired of it. Now that he was inside a house, he could feel a huge amount of jetlag setting in.
"So, you're Twilight Sparkle?" Dan asked.
"Yes. I'm a student of Princes-"
"Great," Dan interrupted. "Would you mind if I stayed here a couple days?"
Twilight was unsure. "I, well, I guess so-"
"Thanks," Dan replied. A glazed smile spread over the young man's face and slowly, Dan's body began to lean forward. In one motion, he slammed fast-first onto the floor of Twilight's living room. The others moved in closer to him to see if he was all right. A steady stream of 'z's informed them that their guest was already fast asleep.
"Wow," Spike said. "What a weird... guy."
"He fell out of the sky, he's not from around here and he's from a place where ponies don't talk," Chrysalis explained.
"You're sure he's not a dragon?" Twilight asked.
"No, I don't think so. Dragons don't sing like that."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike quirked an eyebrow.
"We'll let him sleep for now," Twilight said, looking at the strange creature sleeping in front of her. "I'm sure he'll tell us eventually."
Dan concluded his story by pacing over to the spot where he'd collapsed in Twilight's living room. "...and that's pretty much it." He looked over to his audience who were all speechless. Because they had apparently all dozed off during the story. Fluffle Puff was asleep with her mouth open while Spike and Chrysalis were snuggled up on the fluffy pony's pink body asleep as well. Twilight poked the three with a hoof, rousing them.
"Uh... great story, Dan," Spike yawned.
"So, this is what you meant when you said you'd tell me later?" Twilight asked.
"Um... yes," Dan replied, trying not to sound guilty. "I must've forgot because YOU didn't remind me. It's like I don't even exist to you sometimes!"
"Okay, Dan," Twilight said, smiling, "If you want to be more involved with me and my friends, I'd be happy to have you join us the next time we're doing something." Sometimes it was better for Twilight to just let the little things go. Especially when Dan certainly didn't.
"Thank you," Dan said, stressfully. "That's all I really wanted."
Twilight walked over to him. "It's no problem, Dan. That's what the magic of friendship is all about," she said, reaching up to put a hoof on his shoulder. Dan looked back at Twilight Sparkle, now an alicorn and a princess and thought of how lucky he was to have her hospitality. How lucky he was to have found a friend. For a moment, the room was silent and Dan smiled.
The door to Twilight's house burst open. "Hey everypony!" Pinkie Pie shouted inside. "We just got back to Ponyville today!"
Twilight giggled. "Yes, Pinkie, we know."
"That's not the point, Twilight! We just got back in town and we still haven't had a party!"
"Don't you think it's a little late for a party, Pinkie?" Twilight asked.
Pinkie shook her head. "How else do you expect to have a 'we just got back to Ponyville today' party? You have to do it while the 'just' is still fresh!"
"She has a point," Spike thought aloud.
"I'm up for some fun," Chrysalis added.
Twilight giggled again. "All right, Pinkie, I guess we're in."
Dan rose his hand out to the others. "Hey, are you going to-" he was about to ask if they were going to invite him.
"Come on, everypony! Let's go party!!" Pinkie Pie shouted, leaving the door open as she bolted into the night. Twilight, Chrysalis, Fluffle Puff and Spike ran out to follow her leaving Dan behind in midsentence.
He stood in the center of the living room with his mouth hanging open. Silence answered his half-question and slowly, the wind blew the door closed leaving him alone.
Dan's eye twitched. They'd left him behind. AGAIN. They'd forgotten about him. AGAIN. They'd gone off to have a party in the middle of the night without him. AGAIN. Anger boiled inside of him. His entire body shook with rage.
Teeth gritted, fists balled up and face burning red, Dan threw his arms up to the ceiling and shouted, "MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!"
Just then, the door to the house opened again. Twilight's head poked in from the outside. "Hey Dan, would you like to come party with us?" she asked.
Dan lowered his arms and calmly looked back to Twilight. "Nah, I'm gonna go play Skyrim," he turned around and headed to the stairs. Twilight shook her head and closed the door, leaving her friend to join them when he wanted to.
Fim-fin
And coming soon on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship...
More Dan Vs. Drama
"But Dan, this is really important!"
"I don't care! I'm not anyone's special somepony!"
Dan Vs. Danger
"You put the engine in backwards!"
"I just don't know what went-"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Dan Vs. Discord?
"Just act natural."
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr..."
"Why are you growling at me?"
"Because it's natural for me to despise you!"
Dan Vs. Customer Service
"Hi, welcome to Chili's. Your problems are relevant to me for the next fifteen seconds."
And Dan Vs. Destiny..."
"You have a destiny in Equestria."
All this and more in the first season of Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!
It's more Dan than you can han...dle.
Only available on FIMFiction.net.