Gnomes Are Evil!
The gnome was still hanging from the stove, completely unmoving, yet he dominated the room with his foul presence. If anypony else were to walk in, there could be a delicious apple pie venting it’s seductive fumes, and still your attention would be forced upon the creepy little statue.
He sat there quietly for a while longer as Twilight stared in disbelief at him. He just glared at her with his glowing eyes, grinning. Then he spoke again. His voice seemed to originate from inside the statue, as his face was still as well.
“Why ya just standing there, I’m I really that gorgeous?”
Hearing that finally broke Twilight out of her stupor. “What are you, and just what is it you’re doing in my kitchen? Why did you scare Spike?”
“Ohh, I’m sorry. Did I just offend your dog?’
Realizing the gnome was referring to Spike, Twilight’s anger grew. “What is the meaning of this? How did you even get here?”
“This place is so nice and peaceful, what’s the matter. Are your people too lazy to have fun?”
“That’s it, you’re going down!” Twilight ignited her horn, and fired a combat spell at the little creep.
The beam hit the gnome with full force. When the dust cleared however, the gnome was still there, grinning at her. “Ha, ha ha. That tickles, do it AGAIN!”
She fired, three more times, and was just met with an onslaught of creepy giggles. The unicorn was left dumbfounded. Giving up, she simply resigned herself to eating breakfast, despite the gnome’s antics.
“I see this is some kind of library. Cheerio.”
Twilight looked up at him incredulously. “Seriously? You read, you’re looking for books?”
“Actually I was looking for some kindling!”
The librarian unicorn had heard enough. Flipping her plate of toast in a fit of rage, she reared up on the table. In one swift movement, she bucked the gnome with her hind legs.
They hit home with enough force to rival even Applejack’s, and the gnome shattered. “Aw.. Bugger!” Was the last thing the little man said before he finally disappeared. There was now a rubble pile all over the stove.
That was of no concern to Twilight, however. It would seem there was an effective way to actually dispose of gnomes. She wiped her brow with a foreleg in relief. Finally, peace and quiet.
Suddenly, there was a commotion outside, loud commotion. Twilight growled, her ears flat against her head, and her face set in a scowl. She trotted to the front door to see what the issue was.
A crowd of startled ponies were rushing away from Sugar Cube Corner. Before she could go over to investigate, she heard yet another gnome, this time from somewhere outside.
“Start each day with a healthy breakfast.” The gnome said, in a casual as-a-matter-of-fact voice.
Twilight got the impression that the gnome was mocking her. “Where are you! Show yourself, so I can banish you back to wherever in Tartarus you’re from!” The unicorn demanded.
There was no response, until a few seconds later. “Sure is a beautiful day... Except where you’re standing!”
With a groan of frustration, Twilight broke into a gallop as she went over to Sugar Cube Corner, where her friend Pinkie lived and worked.
Inside, the shop was a mess. The patrons had overturned tables and chairs in their haste to get out. Over behind the main counter, Mr. and Mrs. Cake were staring at something fearfully in the corner.
“What’s the matter here?” Twilight inquired. Mr. Cake merely pointed a shaking hoof at the corner they were looking at. Turning around, Twilight was greeted by a bizarre sight. There was Pinkie Pie, bouncing up and down in the corner. She was looking up at a shelf with the trademark smile of hers. Sure enough, perched on the shelf was the source of the customers’ woes.
Yet another gnome, evidently the third one today, grinned down at everypony. This one was sitting down and had his little hands clasped on his lap, as if he were interviewing somepony.
“We could be best friends, if I liked people with an arse for a face!”
Pinkie Pie merely giggled at the gnome, he was still grinning back at her. “I don’t know what an arse is, but you’re funny. I like you!”
“Oh you are sweet. Like a bloody great TART!”
Apparently Pinkie Pie didn’t get the insult, as she continued bouncing up and down. “So, ya want to be friends? We could throw a party!”
The gnome just kept grinning. “Ohh, I don’t know. I can’t decide if I like your looks or your personality better. It’s like comparing mud, to sewage!”
By some stretch of the imagination, Pinkie still wasn’t insulted. She just kept giggling and bouncing around. “We really should hang out! With my knack for parties, and your jokes, we’ll be UNSTOPPABLE!” She exclaimed.
“Sure, It’d be grand to work with you... After I’ve beaten my head senseless, you bloody wanker!”
Pinkie Pie was still unfazed, and even began rambling to the gnome like she usually did with everypony else. Twilight watched the whole scene with incomprehension. After five minutes of putting up with the party pony’s rambling, the gnome had reached his breaking point, literally.
Still grinning, he shouted, “I’m going to haunt you’re nightmares, and when you wake up shaking, I’ll be there to KILL YOU!” At that, the lawn ornament shattered all by itself. Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing, and looked at the powdery mess with a sad frown. “Hey? Where did the pointy hatted guy go?”
Twilight approached her friend. “Pinkie Pie, thank goodness you got rid of that thing! I found one in my kitchen, and I think they are starting to appear all over Ponyville! This has to be the third one today.”
Pinkie’s eyes widened in joy. “Oh, you mean there’s more of them!”
“Pinkie Pie, this isn’t something to be excited about, I saw at least fifty of the creeps in my nightmares. I’m almost convinced that they might be a threat to everypony.”
The pink earth pony waved a hoof at her. “Twilight, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! How could something with such an adorable little hat be dangerous?”
That statement caught Twilight off guard, who rubbed one foreleg with the other, shrugging. “Well, I mean... they haven’t hurt anypony.. Yet. But in my dream, everything just seemed so, well, ominous! And plus every other thing they say, is not only socially unacceptable, it’s outright provocative!”
“So what, they have colorful vocabularies. They’re just being themselves. Maybe they’re simply misunderstood.” Pinkie Pie replied. Before Twilight could respond, unbelievably, another gnome’s voice appeared.
“It’s a great day to be alive, and a better day to kill!”
The fourth gnome was in the windowsill, in a similar posture as the third one had been.
Twilight looked to Pinkie with a ‘now do you see my point?’ expression. Pinkie Pie just grinned stupidly at her. The unicorn face-hoofed and turned back to the gnome, but it had disappeared.