The human walked silently through the library in the dead of night, glancing at each section of books as he went. Periodically he would take one, flip through it, sigh, and then place it back where he had found it, continuing his search.
As he placed yet another book back, a few things returned briefly to his memory, namely why he was doing what he was currently doing.
Reading, eating, reading, speaking briefly with Twilight, more reading, playing with Nightmare until she fell asleep, and even more reading until he went to bed.
This was how the recently dubbed 'Eis' kept himself busy for the first several weeks of his time at the library. He could count the number of times he had left the library during the day on one hand. He just simply didn't need to do anything else, what with the one pony he had ever sworn fealty to being gone, he had nothing more to do with his time than study up on magic and Equestrian history.
Specifically the history of the last thousand years.
Not much had actually happened, as far as the books he had found contained. The Crystal Kingdom was still gone, Discord appeared again very recently, and Nightmare Moon had returned a year or two ago. Just as he suspected had happened.
Strangely, there did not seem to be many books on her return. The one he had been reading was snatched up by Twilight long before he could find out how the whole ordeal ended, and he let it slide.
He was staying in her home for free after all. Better to comply with the person who keeps a roof over your head at the moment. Besides, he could just read it again when no one was around.
If he could just find the damn thing.
Apparently the ways libraries stored their books had changed somewhat in the last millennium. It was not anywhere near books of a similar nature. He could not understand how Twilight or her assistant could possibly find anything in a library so apparently disorganized.
Thinking of Twilight brought a frown to his usually stoic face. He had remembered something unpleasant. Specifically something that happened when the baby dragon, Spike, pointed out that he was basically freeloading and mooching off of them. Twilight had agreed with Spike, and attempted to lecture him on some nonsense he didn't pay too much attention to.
When questioned about his apparent freeloading, he offered another one of the strange gems he had on him when he was freed from his stone prison, which Twilight had turned down. Saying something about how just paying for it would defeat the purpose of what she was trying to do.
He knew what she was trying to do, of course. She was trying to get him to go outside and socialize with the ponies in town. Outside. In the sunlight. He informed her exactly where her princess could stuff her accursed light.
...What?
It was a legitimate thought! If she stored it in a certain magical gemstone, it could be used in more quantities at night as nightlights and flashlights. He still didn't understand why she had stormed off before he could explain his meaning.
She had pressured him into going outside more after that little talk, and he was close to just caving in and doing as she wished.
So it was with great annoyance that he finally stepped outside of the library during the day voluntarily.
He walked around town a bit, his robe back at the library. Leaving him with just his long-sleeved shirt and pants. He got the occasional stare, but apparently the party a couple of weeks back had ruined the novelty of seeing a human
Except for the mint green mare he still couldn't remember the name of. She always just stared at him as he passed by. On more than one occasion she had attempted to follow him, only to be stopped by a mare with two different mane colors.
It was this first time out in weeks that he came across one of the most interesting sights he had ever seen in recent memory.
Not saying a lot since his memory for the past millennium mainly consisted of staring at the same wall.
He had noticed a crowd gathering in town, and followed the noise to the source.
It was a yellow filly with a red mane. She had...multiple cutie marks, and was attempting to do everything they represented all at once.
His first instinct was that she had gotten a bunch of fake ones painted on, but that theory was thrown right out when she did all of the activities on her cutie marks. All at the same time.
The rest of the day was a blur after that. He remembered something about lying and truths coming out, but other than that he had decided to put the whole thing behind him.
What happened the week after that he definitely remembered. Twilight had recommended he go and visit one of her friends, as he literally knew them the best out of everyone in Ponyville, just by knowing their names. He had not learned another pony's name since the party, and those he did know he had barely spoken to. She made a recommendation as to which one he should visit.
“So I should visit Shutter Flutter because she's the best with exotic species?” He asked, more curious than angry. It made sense when one ignored that she was most likely good with non-sapient species instead of creatures on the same mental level as a pony.
He later learned why she had gone from happy to depressed in five seconds flat at the mention of her friend's name. He had better learn them before he offended any of them, as far as she had said.
So Twilight sent him on his way over to Flutter Butter's cottage just outside of Ponyville, right next the forest that had not been there when he was imprisoned.
As he approached the cottage, he became aware of two distinctive things happening. One, people...er, ponies, were singing. It was the yellow one with the pink mane, Snicker Nutter, or something. And the rainbow maned one. He didn't remember her name either. Rainbow something. Rainbow Blast? Whatever.
Two, he walked in the middle of said song, apparently announcing himself as a candidate for the title of the rainbow maned pony's pet. Him being an exotic creature and his ability to use magic had allowed him to advance along in the competition simply by saying “Fuck you.” and freezing whatever they wanted him to do.
That was somehow cool enough for the rainbow-maned one.
He hadn't expected that. Hadn't expected that at all.
And then they wanted him to participate in a race, against flying creatures. Including the rainbow maned pegasus, whom had identified herself as an extremely fast flier.
That was where he found himself that day, at the start of said race, standing perfectly still with his arms folded in front of him. Glaring daggers at everything that looked at him. Animals were all around him, in poses to indicate they were going to give it their all. And when the race started, he simply said “Fuck this.” and non-lethally froze all of the flying-based ones where they stood, walking leisurely past every other pet candidate, as they were too afraid to run passed him now, and found the rainbow maned pegasus with her wing under some rocks.
He helped her out simply because the only other creature coming was a tortoise, which he severely doubted had the strength to get the athletic pony out of something she herself could not move. And just leaving her there would probably get him sent back into his stone prison.
When it became obvious that she wasn't flying anywhere, he froze the ground around and in front of them, gave her a solid push, and skated along behind her, freezing the ground directly in her path.
That was how he was declared the rainbow maned one's pet, and also the day the ponies of Ponyville learned a few new expletives that made them all blush.
All of the ponies involved had accepted that he had never wanted to be apart of it, except for Pinkie, one of the few he could actually remember the name of. She was all set to have him be the rainbow maned one's pet.
The tortoise seemed disappointed, but it would probably be happier with Blupper Putter. Or whatever her name was.
This became another reason why he avoided going outside for a while, the birds he had frozen still held a grudge. And had perfect aim. It took some serious scrubbing to get the brown and white stains out of his robe.
'Rise and Fall of the Crystal Empire' No. He knew the story of this. Hell, it had happened shortly before his master had come to her senses in regards to how others saw her and her night. And from what he had learned from one of the nurses at that hospital earlier, there was a new princess. She would have been the princess of the Crystal Empire, if not for the whole it being gone thing.
He had respected Sombra somewhat. Especially that dark magic of his.
Dark magic...That was something he rarely thought about. The name itself was appealing, but also misleading. Regular magic wasn't called “light” magic, and this was for good reason. Regular magic could be used for both good, and evil. It didn't have to be either, it wasn't like chaos magic.
Chaos magic was the only truly neutral magic after all. And he didn't even know where to begin listing the problems with attempting to learn it. The best reason being that he wouldn't even know where to start, if it were possible.
Dark magic on the other hand, was fueled by negative emotion. It didn't take an evil, or even a dark, person to use dark magic. He was certain Celestia herself could use it if she so desired, and even he had to admit she was far from evil. Or dark. Those that could use it that weren't evil, tended to only be able to use it during times where they would be...not thinking of less extreme measures. It would be very easy to give into rage and use it for harmful purposes, if one were enraged enough.
And so, dark magic had likely received a bad reputation simply because it was only used by evil people, or in situations where committing an evil or violent act was almost guaranteed.
Or it actually was evil and influenced minds. He didn't know for sure either way.
He wasn't too keen on trying out dark magic, he might just be able to produce the emotion required for it, but he didn't actually know anything about it. And that was one thing every intelligent mage steered clear from. Attempting to use magic you didn't understand was a quick way to wind up insane, killed, or imprisoned.
'101 Easy Steps for the Aspiring Cook' Definitely not. He didn't even bother touching that one. Or using telekinetic magic to lift it like most unicorns would have done. Though he wasn't most unicorns. Or even a unicorn at all for that matter. He had hands, and he was perfectly willing to use them. Oh sure, he could use the spell, it was a basic and simple one, one of the first ones taught to those who could use magic. But it wasn't one he used as often as most unicorns, and so he wasn't as skilled at it. He could move things around, but it would require too much concentration on actually moving it to do anything requiring being more delicate than that.
He preferred using his hands anyway.
'Tale of a Thousand Moons' Ooh, he hadn't seen this book in a while. It was definitely an old copy, maybe even a first edition copy. It was a story about a knight and his journey to recover the lost...something or other. It had taken him exactly a thousand days and nights to complete his quest, and the quest had been given to him by princess Luna herself. Hence the title.
It had been a long time since he had read it, back even before the idea of an eternal night had been presented as a possibility. Back before he had even met the Equestrian royalty. My, did that bring back memories. He took this book from its place on the shelf, and sat down in the corner of the library with it. He read the first few pages, and visibly shuddered at the chill that went down his spine as he remembered. He remembered the past.
I was a teenager back then. I was around the age of...oh, fifteen or so, when I arrived in Equestria. I'm not too sure on how I came to this place, I still blame Celestia and my stone imprisonment for these gaps in my memory, but they should return in time. Anyway, that's not important.
The very first pony I ever met was an earth pony. His name was...it had something to do with bronze, I think. Bronze Shield, or something along those lines. By earth pony, I mean earth pony guard. And by met, I mean being bucked in the face. Looking back on it now, I know why I was attacked. I was a strange creature in the castle of their princesses. I don't remember why I was there, and it probably doesn't even matter now. I was a strange creature taller than it, and I was likely panicking. So he did the only logical thing. Subdue me.
This was incidentally when I found out that humans could use magic. And what kind of magic suited me the most. One moment, I was being attacked by what I thought was an animal, and the next he was suspended in the air, frozen in place and held there by more and more ice. Everything in the room was covered in frost.
When other guards appeared to see what was going on, I was taken to the dungeons. My stay there wasn't long, all things considered, but it was long enough so that once I had calmed down, I got curious. And so I explored my little cell. One of the last prisoners must have secretly taken a few books in with him, as that's what I found, hidden away underneath a removable stone in the wall. Books. And one of them had been 'Tale of a Thousand Moons.' It had given me comfort in that time, very little all things considered, but it had helped.
It was two days before they brought in ponies to find out exactly what the hell I was. And when I told them I was a human, they flat out refused to believe it. They wouldn't elaborate, and when I refused to change my story, they brought in their best negotiator. Or more like, their best negotiator took it upon herself to find out what the hell was going on. Princess Celestia.
Now by this point I hadn't washed in days, I didn't know where I was, I hadn't eaten, as they didn't know what to feed me, and I was scared out of my mind. I had attacked one of their own with some weird powers I didn't know I had. So my first meeting with what I didn't know at the time was the most powerful person I had ever met up to that point didn't go as either of us had planned.
I was a sobbing wreck.
And I just wouldn't shut up.
She just smiled, and asked me who I was in that damned kind voice of hers.
I cracked instantly and broke down right there. I told her everything I knew, about my home, about myself, about what had happened, about everything. And I fucking cried while doing it. Thinking back on it still brings a rush of shame. I broke down and exposed my weak state to the one that would eventually become the one pony I despised above all others.
I was released soon after that, the guard hadn't suffered any permanent damage, and I was a sentient, sapient child. Well, a child in the eyes of the law. What I didn't know at the time is that humans had existed in this place at some point, though none were still around. It had been a long time, and even Celestia herself had never personally met one before that day.
I was put up into a new prison instead, one not as hard or cold. I had decent power behind me, if what I did to the guard was any indication. They couldn't just set me loose on the world without making sure I was safe to be around.
So I learned about magic, about Equestria, and about the world I was in. Even back then I did not enjoy being around other people that much, so I rarely spoke to anyone outside of what was required. It wasn't hard, I have always enjoyed the time that it is dark over daytime. So I was up when most of Equestria was asleep.
I spoke to the princesses on occasion, and they were both nicer than I could have ever expected them to be towards me. Well, they were like that to every creature they met that didn't directly pose a threat to their subjects.
It was three years later that my chosen nocturnal nature finally came to the attention of the one who ruled over the night. Princess Luna. I did not vocalize my preferences much, if at all. And it was pure luck that she had been walking by when I was speaking with Shining Emerald, one of the few ponies that I spoke to almost regularly, and explained why I was not out during the day.
Simply because I was asleep.
And so she became interested in the strange creature that was similar to her in ways her normal subjects weren't. We spoke sometimes after that. Sometimes we would meet in a hallway, or she would spot me out at night while her ponies were asleep.
When we spoke, we spoke for lengthy amounts of time.
Even I could see it coming. Her bitterness growing towards an Equestria that shunned her and her night, and a bitterness towards her sister for being what her subjects wanted.
I understood, I sympathized every step of the way, and I may have even subtly encouraged her bitterness. It was grossly unjust what was happening to her. And so when that dam finally broke, when she finally let it all out, I was one of the first creatures she spoke to about what she wanted to do. She asked me, a creature who sympathized with her cause, who preferred her night over her sister's day, to join her in creating an eternal night.
Even after seeing her bitterness twist both her form, her mind, her everything. As she became Nightmare Moon.
I agreed.
And I don't regret any of it.
What does this story have to do with that book? Simple, that had become my favorite book, I read it often. It was likely the spark that fueled my respect for the princess of the night passed what it would have been otherwise.
So without it, I probably wouldn't have joined her cause.
And I would be dead today.
With a sigh, he closed the book, having finished it already. He tucked the book under his arm, and went about looking for the information he had been looking for earlier. When he found nothing more, he started up the edge of the stairs, turning only slightly back as he stopped a few steps up.
“I regret nothing about what I did.” He spoke to the empty library, meaning every word he said. He continued up the stairs and back to his room. He ignored the tears that were streaming down his face.
Today was a rare day. He had woken up in the middle of the day.
He had been trying to reset his sleep cycle to being nocturnal again, he would stay up until daylight whenever he could help it, and he had even successfully turned Nightmare, his pet bunny, to being nocturnal. She seemed to prefer it anyway, which was good in his book.
He had largely been successful in doing it to himself. Until today. He had thought that he should have stayed in bed and found a way to fall back asleep.
The noise outside put a stop to that. There was a lot of commotion going on by what sounded like a mob of ponies.
He grumbled some curses that would make small children cry and old ladies faint in shock, and then he considered putting on his robe, but decided against it. So he walked outside in normal clothes to investigate what all of the commotion was bout.
He found out when he stumbled across a large group of ponies, just the everyday citizens of Ponyville, in a circle around...the rainbow maned Element of harmony. This was also where he finally learned her name, as it was being repeated by the mob. Cheering Rainbow Dash on.
He could still hear it for days afterward, the chanting of her name. The temperature of the room he occupied at the time was also coincidentally a few degrees less than that of the rest of the library. No one said anything on the matter, as no one really noticed.
Anyway, they had been cheering her on because she was apparently the local hero, if the information he had gotten from one of the ponies in the crowd indicated.
By gotten, he of course meant “threatened out of” when it became clear she wouldn't stop hyperventilating at the sight of him. This was also the day he learned that ponies were still just as ignorant on non-pony sentients as they were a thousand years ago. This idea was later confirmed when he heard about what they did to a zebra that lived in the Everfree Forest, the forest that contained the location of his old prison.
It kind of reminded him of what humans had done to those of a darker skin color at one point. He hadn't yet gotten to the subject of racism with Twilight, though that subject was soon to come. He was currently in what was called the “Dark Ages” of human history. And while racism and the like has been apart of human history, he was saving it until it was completely necessary to mention.
That aside, he had already spoken on the earliest human societies he knew of. And he had also yet to speak about religion.
Boy would that be an uncomfortable conversation, especially when he inevitably lost his temper and compared Celestia and the way ponies almost worshiped her like a goddess to the way cults in human society worked. He could just imagine her face as he said...
Actually, he decided right then to do just that, just to see Twilight's reaction. As an anti-social bookworm who knew no one outside of a very small group of acquaintances and one mortal enemy, he had only one thing to say about her. The girl needed to lighten up more.
There he went again, off on another tangent about nothing. Almost like exposition in a fictional story. Maybe he was reading too much fiction and not enough non-fiction?
Back to reality, the he looked off to the side to see why they were chanting her name. Apparently she had saved a group of older ponies from falling with a broken balcony.
Looking back, he could see that she was reveling in the attention she was getting.
Hm...
Good for her then. She did something good, and others were rewarding her for doing so. Even he reveled in the recognition he received.
That is if he received recognition for all he did a thousand years ago. And guessing by the side he himself was on had lost, he probably wasn't going to be recognized for it in a positive way.
Unless there were Nightmare Moon cults.
Huh, if there were, he would probably be seen as a member of importance to them.
Damn it! He was getting off track again. He looked over and saw the Elements of Harmony standing off to the side by themselves. He briefly walked over to them, before deciding against it and turned to go somewhere else. As he was turning, he caught a bit of what they were discussing, and they apparently disapproved on how Rainbow Dash was reveling in the hero worship she was receiving.
Meh, he didn't exactly see why they didn't like it, but then he didn't know any of them that well. Maybe Rainbow Dash acted this way all the time and they were just getting sick of it.
Or maybe they were jealous jerks. He didn't know them that well enough to say for sure.
As he made his way around Ponyville, he waved at a few of the ponies who gave nervous glances his way, and outright ignored the ones who tried to ignore him as well. He had yet to form a map of the town in his head, but he was sure he could find the library again if he needed to. What with it being a giant tree that towered over the other buildings.
It was a little while of walking that he started to recognize an area of the town, this was the location of that building that looked as if it were made of candy and sweets.
Sugarcube Corner was the name of the establishment, if the sign was correct. And based on the name, and appearance of the building, it probably sold food.
He looked ahead and saw the same buildings he had been seeing for the past hour or so, decided “What the hell.” and opened the door to go in.
The mob of ponies from before had apparently migrated to this spot, probably following Rainbow Dash. She was recounting the story of what happened earlier, and another story of heroism by her as well. Her name was apparently Rainbow “Danger” Dash, but it was probably just her bragging.
He saw the other Element bearers off to the side again, frowning at their friend, as they were doing back wherever they had been before. He probably couldn't find that place again without a map.
He walked over and overheard the orange, stetson wearing pony speak.
“Awesomely heroic that day, and awesomely arrogant ever since.“ She spoke quietly, which made her sound quite bitter as well. Pinkie and Twilight agreed with her.
He watched as Rainbow Dash came down from her improvised podium to grab the orange Element bearer, apparently named Applejack, with her hoof.
“Hey Applejack. How'd you like to be immortalized as my friend?” She spoke with that same grin she had used when she introduced herself on the train. He supposed he had better get used to seeing it. Applejack just seemed confused.
“Immorta-what?” She asked, before being blinded by ponies taking photographs. When Twilight, the smart one of their group, didn't speak up, he decided to.
“Immortalized.” He spoke with a monotone, causing them to whirl around and see him. He continued nonetheless. “As in, to be remembered forever.” There may have been more than one meaning to the word, but that was how Rainbow Dash had meant it.
They seemed surprised to see him. He understood why, of course. The last time he had seen most of them was back when...Shutter Flupped? When the yellow, quiet one put him into the competition to be Rainbow Dash's pet.
“Well well well, even Eis had to come out and see the great Rainbow Dash!” Once again, he almost asked who the bloody hell Eis was. Which was weird, as he wasn't English like that at all. In fact, he spoke with a slight southern accent. Nowhere near as noticeable as Applejack's, but it could be noticed if one listened hard enough.
“Actually, I was just stopping by to get something to eat.” He lied smoothly. Best not let them know he had been lost. “But I did see the mob from earlier after you saved those older ponies. Good job.” He congratulated.
He never noticed how Applejack gave him a weird look for a moment after he lied, before she turned her attention back to Rainbow Dash. He stood there in silence as Rainbow Dash pulled him into the show of the next round of pictures along with Applejack, he gave his best glare to go along with it.
He could see the headlines now. “Local Hero Befriends Ancient Monster.”
His tangent was interrupted before it even had a chance to begin as he heard Twilight speak to Spike, her dragon assistant...
What?
He remembered his name because Spike was the one who apparently made all of the food in the library. Don't piss off the people who make your food. Though he hadn't really spoken to him all that much.
“Are you taking notes?” She asked, looking over Spike's shoulders. That's when he got his first real look at what he was wearing. A pretty pimping hat, a tench-coat, and a white shirt with a tie?
Huh, he didn't even know ponies wore clothes like that. And with Spike being the only biped he'd seen in Ponyville, he had better ask where he could also get clothes like that. A nice suit and tie could be useful.
“Yep! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself. To write her autobiography.” Before he could cut in with what was wrong with that situation, Twilight did so.
“Um, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.” ...Did she just?
“Seriously?” He spoke with venom. “Hoof-picked I could understand, as you're directly talking about someone with hooves. But “written by the pony they are about.”? That's such a generic line that it could be about any creature. I know you equines control the world, but that's...that's pretty bad.“ He spoke, with less venom than before. He simply shook his head as if he were disappointed in them, only to look up and find that they hadn't been listening to him, at all.
Rainbow Dash had said something, and as the hero of the town, they paid all of their attention to her when she spoke.
“Ah! Spike's a ghost!” And there went Pinkie. What the hell did Rainbow Dash say?
The ponies of Ponyville were apparently used to such antics, as they just turned their attention right back to Rainbow Dash, who shook off what just happened in seconds.
“Aaanyway. Spike here writes down everything I say. Don't you Spike?” Spike demonstrated just how much he was, in fact, writing everything she was saying.
“Don't. You. Spike? Got it!” And went right back to writing silently again.
Rainbow Dash walked into a circle of her fans, some of whom were actually wearing Rainbow Dash wigs, and continued speaking. “This way, I can stay focused on performing those acts of bravery that nopony else has the guts to perform. Yep, takes guts.” And there it was again. God was that going to annoy him to no end.
“But it also takes brains. And sometimes a big lunch and a nap.” She then preceded to take a picture with each of said fans in rapid succession.
“Being a hero is surely not for everypony. But I'm up for the challenge.”
He glanced at the other Element bearers, sans Rainbow and Pinkie, and found three of them looking at each other and Rainbow Dash worriedly.
Twilight was giving her friends very strange looks. An almost sultry, “come hither” look...Twilight had a strange thinking face.
And then she looked at him with that face. He involuntarily shuddered.
He was later approached by Twilight, just to speak. So he agreed.
“Listen, you saw how full of herself Rainbow Dash was today, right?” He nodded. “Me and my friends are working on a plan to bring her down a peg and teach her to be humble.”
She then proceeded to explain her plan to him. She and her friends would create a costumed superhero, so they could all wear it and save the day in ways that Rainbow couldn't. They could utilize Applejack's strength, Twilight's magic, Rarity's ability to make clothes, Pinkie's ability to be Pinkie, and Fluttershy so the hero could fly. To teach her a lesson. He spoke the second thing to come to his mind, as the first was at how mean-spirited the entire thing was, but it wasn't his place to question their natures.
“Won't she assume it's an alicorn? There are only two that I know of. And I'm probably more knowledgeable on the subject than her.” Three if he counted his master, but that was probably the wrong thing to say while under his probation.
“T...two?” Twilight suddenly looked very surprised.
“Yeah, Celestia and that...other one? The one that would rule the Crystal Empire if it were still around?”
“Oh, Cadence!” And now she looked very happy.
“Her name is Cadence?” Well that broke the flow of things. Celestia referred to a celestial body, which is what the sun is. And Luna referred to the moon. What the hell could “Cadence” be a reference to?
“Actually her full title is...well...” She seemed stumped, and briefly summoned a book, flipped through it, and finally came upon the answer she was looking for.
“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. She's my old foal-sitter.” Ah, her old baby sitter. Made sense that she only knew her by a nickname then...But...wait...
“Her name is My Love Cadence?” He asked, and Twilight nodded, smiling.
He stared at her for a few long moments as she smiled obliviously, not seeing what he was seeing. This went on until he couldn't take the silence anymore.
“Twilight?” He asked.
“Yes?” She asked.
“You ponies are weird.” He deadpanned.
She sputtered for a bit, before settling on glaring at him. But then the glare dropped as she seemed to realize something.
“How did we get so off topic?” She asked, he simply shrugged.
“I came here to ask you to help us with the plan, but now we're talking about my old foal-sitter, who I haven't even thought about in years.” She stated incredulously.
“My brain is still in the process of waking up with no new stimuli for a thousand years. My thoughts tend to drag on. It was unintentional, so you didn't notice me trying to change the subject or anything.” He explained, and she seemed to take that as an acceptable answer.
“So, will you help with the plan?”
He glanced out the window, and saw that if he went to sleep now, he wouldn't wake up until well after dawn the next day, as he tended not to be able to take naps, once he was out, he was out for the night. Or day, as he was trying to establish. So he couldn't just go to bed. He could either read, or do Twilight this favor.
He honestly just wanted to read, but he could also see how staying on the good side of your enemy's personal student could benefit him in the long run, so he decided to help. And so he asked exactly what he would need to do.
He wasn't that interested in the the beginning phases of the plan, he wouldn't even see the suit until it was time for him to do what he had been asked to do, but that didn't stop him from hearing about the new mysterious “Mare Do Well.” Which was a stupid name for a super hero, he had to admit.
It was only a few hours later that he found himself over at the Ponyville dam. Which he hadn't even known existed until he had been told of what he needed to do, but it was impressive he supposed.
He was supposed to stay near Ponyville and watch for any ponies approaching the dam that had an obvious, giant crack in it, and freeze any water that might hurt innocent ponies not involved with the plan. Which also added as a bonus “Even non-superheroes can help those in need.” moment.
His service was completely unneeded, as the water never reached any living thing other than Rainbow Dash, so he just went back to Sugarcube Corner, assuming it would be empty enough for him to actually get something to eat this time.
It took a little while to get there again, what with him having no idea where to go, but it wasn't too long. But then it happened as soon as he opened the door. He realized he wasn't even carrying any bits.
And while he may have been willing to give away those seemingly rare gems, of which he had quite a collection of as he had found out, he wasn't going to spend them on pastries.
Before he turned to leave, he spotted the Elements of Harmony inside, Rainbow Dash as well, looking, well, grumpy. Just a bit curious as to how the plan was going, he stepped in as well. He sat down away from them and listened as they complimented “Mare Do Well” on very, very specific things.
Specific things that made it quite obvious that they were the ones behind “Mare Do Well.”
And Rainbow Dash didn't catch on for even a moment of it.
What the hell.
How could she not see it? If he hadn't been in on the plan, even he would have seen it as soon as he found out that this “Mare Do Well” had both a horn, and wings. But never both at the same time. Just...how could nobody else see it?
“-that I'm a better hero than Mare Do Well!” And then she flew out of the building. He looked up, startled at how he had apparently missed an important conversation, before turning his attention back to the Element bearers, who simply shrugged.
He returned to the library without buying anything, and opened up a random book to pass the time.
He would later find out from Twilight that the plan worked, Rainbow Dash learned a valuable lesson, and everything worked out as she intended it.
“So, let me get this straight.” He spoke in a deadpan monotone. “You didn't like how Rainbow Dash was acting because the town was worshiping her for her attempts at protecting the town.”
“Mhmmm.” She hummed, nodding.
“So in response, you created a superhero to out-stage and humiliate her, to teach her a valuable lesson in humility.”
“Yes.” She continued, grinning proudly.
“So instead of stopping when your friend was hurt and humiliated, you continued and reveled in the hero worship you guys were receiving just like she did, only you did it outside of the public view so no one could judge you like you did to her?”
“Yep!” She continued, not quite realizing what he had said. He responded by turning around and walking up the stairs in silence. He made it up halfway before she finally caught on.
“Hey, wait, that's not what I meant!” She shouted, following him up the stairs.
He mentally decided to start his explanation on religion and his comparisons of Celestia and cult worship the next time they spoke of humans. It was becoming very amusing to mess with Twilight.
It was later that Twilight approached him with a question, Spike in tow behind her, and knocked in his door. She started speaking as soon as he opened it.
“For my report on your probation, I feel I should include your opinion on events like what happened today. Anything you've learned, how you feel the situation started. Anything to give a gauge at your state of mind.” She explained.
“I don't see why not. So, just, what I learned from all of this?” He asked, she nodded.
“Heroes are stupid.” He stated, before taking a step back and closing the door.
Twilight used her magic to open the door again before he could lock it.
“I can't tell princess Celestia that! There's gotta be more you've learned than that.” She said, quite annoyed at him.
He glanced at her horn, the door, and then finally looked at her properly.
“I learned that people are willing to be delusional about their own actions, and will adamantly judge others without realizing that doing so makes them a hypocrite.”
“That one is quite acceptable. That's the lesson Rainbow Dash learned as well.” She stated happily, Spike adding his quote to her letter behind her.
“I highly doubt that.” He commented, looking away.
“What do you mean? It's almost exactly what she learned. She was going too far, and judged Mare Do Well without realizing that doing so makes her a hypocrite.” She explained.
“I was talking about Mare Do Well.” He spoke, looking at her again.
"Good day, Twilight." While she was distracted, he pushed her out of the room, closed the door, locked it, and froze the handle. He stepped passed the sleeping form of Nightmare, his pet bunny, and climbed into his own bed.
“What?” Twilight questioned after her brain recovered from the meltdown it had just received.
“Me and my friends were hypocrites and suff...suffered...did the same thing as Rainbow Dash without realizing it.” Spike spoke, finishing the letter. Writing that down as well, with an innocent smile he sent the letter to princess Celestia right then and there. And then went off to go eat a few emeralds he had been saving.
“What?” Twilight questioned again, staring at Spike's retreating form in shock, before her eyes widened at what had just occurred.
“What!?”
In her private study room, princess Celestia was quite surprised to receive another letter from her most faithful student so soon after the last one.
“What could it be, I wonder?” She asked to herself, relishing the fact that she could speak out without worry of others overhearing. “Has she decided to keep up this “Mare Do Well” persona and become Ponyville's resident superhero?” She asked herself with a chuckle. After scanning the letter a few times to make sure she didn't miss anything, she found only one word that could possibly describe how she felt at the moment.
“...what?”