//------------------------------// // Side Battle: Twilight Sparkle's Rivals and Their Bling // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you. … If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here. … Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and geekladd. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 2 (?) Hold on a minute. I thought this was a side battle. Why am I not seeing F and N here? Many fictional artifacts have incredible powers. Often these powers are abused by the reoccurring antagonists. Jewelry: the devil’s plan to wipe out all wallets of men in love. *static* Wait, what’s that? *static* ---Death Battle--- Oh, there they are. I wonder what that was about. You know, I’m really getting tired of watching villains use Deus Ex jewelry to boost their powers. If they’re so powerful, why don’t they just rely on their own strength? Beats me. In any case, we’ll be pitting together two powerful magic users that abuse the artifacts that they have acquired. *static* What the *eff* is going on? *static* Hold on to something! *static* I don’t like the look of this! *static* … What the…? I… they… but they… what? Why are there two extra chairs in this room and why are there two ponies sitting on them? Wait a minute… F looks at his own hoof. No, I’m still in Equestria, kind of. So how are there other people that haven’t been turned into ponies here? Hang on. Let me check something real quick. Papers are shuffled. Huh, how about that? It seems that the canon of the combatants is questionable. N is also looking at a piece of paper. So they’re having all of the hosts commentate about the facts… … in the possibility that this battle is between canon and/or fanon characters. Well… This is awkward. Let’s do this! The Alicorn Amulet shall fight alongside its wielder: the Great and Powerful Trixie. The Princess Crown will be worn by Equestria Girls’ antagonist: Sunset Shimmer. He’s W and I’m B. She’s N and I’m F. And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills. To find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Trixie w/ the Alicorn Amulet -Bearer is corrupted by evil -Red eyes and magical aura -Can cast high-level spells such as age spells, wing growth, fashion disasters, and removal of Flash animated items -Implied that a writhing in agony spell is possible -Amulet can only be removed by the one wearing it Trixie started out as a traveling performer proclaiming herself to be the most powerful unicorn in Equestria. But then an actual constellation bear came to town and made her story look like bull*ess*t. After losing her credibility and cart, she turned her life to revenge. She worked on a rock farm and saved up to buy the forbidden Alicorn Amulet from a dark alleyway merchant. Apparently, goody-two-shoes that don’t call her out or heckle her are more suitable targets for revenge than the actual critics. Why did she want revenge on Twilight and pay no mind to removing Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity from the picture? *mocking tone* Since I got upstaged by a workhorse, a weather manager, and a fashion pony, I’m going to take it out on the one person that held back and ran away from my first challenge. *sarcastic tone* Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense. Pfft. Anyway, the Alicorn Amulet holds a nearly infinite supply of magic. In the case of Trixie, it gives her the power to cast higher levels of spells that she could not perform on her own. The catch is that it makes the user completely evil and gives her a megalomaniac complex. Also, the amulet cannot be removed by anyone except the wearer. A black and red necklace that holds a menacing red eye and turns every aura red can’t possibly be evil. B, you seem a little heavy on the sarcasm today. Is something wrong? Nah, my ex-wife just walked by me yesterday. She was wearing a non-matching pair of red and black ear rings and some blood-red contact lenses. Long story short, she’s now pushing up daisies. Uh… I’m sorry? Forget about it. “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not trust wheels.” ---Death Battle--- Sunset Shimmer w/ the Princess Crown (w/ the Element of Magic gem) -Grants the wielder immense magical energy -Transformed Sunset Shimmer to more reflect her ill-intentioned heart -Can brainwash multiple people -Somehow grants the powers of all six Elements of Harmony to Twilight Sparkle and her five friends -Crown can only be removed by… anybody Sunset Shimmer was a former student of Princess Celestia. For reasons unspecified, she found it necessary to turn to the ways of evil and steal Mom’s crown. That’s kind of weird considering the Elements of Harmony are only supposed to be connected to their chosen bearers. How in the world did Sunset Shimmer know for sure that it would actually empower her? She’s apparently been in a human world for quite some time. She was crowned Princess of the Fall Formal for three years in a row at Canterlot High School. Again, how? All she does is creep around closing doors and flick new girls in the nose. Sunset has a fairly high-level of magical expertise as she is capable of brainwashing multiple students into being her slaves. Pfft. Some level. Being a unicorn means nothing when the portal to the human world transforms you into a magicless entity. Heck, the crown does more magical crap than she does. It even transformed her into a bat-winged, demon… thing. She really expected to take over the world looking like that? With an army of anorexic teenagers? I mean come on. That makes even less sense than shrouding the world in eternal night. N looks at him funny. N-not that I’m calling death by a sunless cold a senseless plan. That actually had some deep, hidden consequences in store. Anyway, the crown isn’t exactly tight-fit like the Alicorn Amulet. In fact, it seems like it can be removed from the wearer’s head by just about any pony. Or anyone. Still, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you should never underestimate people and ponies like Diamond Tiara. Just when you think they’ve done the worst possible thing to you, they come up with something worse. Wait, I thought we were talking about Sunset Shimmer. Yes, I was just referring to how similar she is to Diamond Tiara. You mean she also has Snips and Snails as her b*****s? Never mind. “You want to be a princess here? Puh-lease.” ---Death Battle--- All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all. It’s time for a Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- A lightning bolt crashes. It briefly lights up the battlefield. A crowd of ponies watch from conveniently placed bleachers on the sidelines. On the right, a unicorn pushes back her hood and her eyes briefly glow red. On the left, an oppositely colored unicorn levitates a crown to her head. A huge column of eerie energy swirls around the second unicorn. When it finally clears, sparks dance around her new form. It looks like a weird cross between a demon and a hell spawned changeling. I think I’m going to puke. “FIGHT!” Trixie’s horn glows crimson red as a cart behind her does the same. She sends the cart hurtling toward her opponent. Sunset Shimmer is hardly impressed. An aquamarine glow from her own horn sends the flying cart off course and crashing to the side. Trixie alters her casting slightly in order to pile up the storm clouds that are already overhead. In less than one second, Sunset and the ground within her immediate area are covered in snow. A pair of bat wings pop out of the snow and lift the rest of their owner out. Sunset takes to the sky and casts a spell at the crowd. Their eyes all glow in an expressionless light. In a very slow fashion, the ponies start climbing out of their seats and wander lazily toward Trixie. … This is… really slow. … Bathroom break! 2 minutes later Man, they’re still going. I’m so excited that I forgot to cheer. Come on! Move faster! It appears that Trixie’s patience runs out just as mine does. She casts a red spell that swirls around all the incoming mind-controlled ponies. They all rise into the air before falling again. Some of the ponies now resemble Granny Smith’s age. The others look no older than Pound and Pumpkin Cake. Either way, the crowd is now incapable of any forward movement. Trixie then turns her attention to Sunset Shimmer directly. The latter barely dodges two of the former’s red spell bolts. A third magical arc, however, goes right into Sunset’s body. She lets out a scream so loud that even a banshee would cover their ears. Sunset is slowly brought down to the ground on her knees, still screaming in agony. Distracted by her own searing pain, Sunset doesn’t notice when Trixie teleports over and smacks the crown off her head. Without the extra magic, Sunset returns to her original, wingless self. An evil thought runs through Trixie’s mind. She uses her magic to take hold of a piece of the smashed cart from earlier. She uses the sharp end to stab her enemy thirty-seven times. Sunset collapses and is no longer breathing. Trixie lets out a clichéd, villainous laugh. “K.O.!” ---Death Battle--- Mom! Trixie’s turned evil again! “I’m on it,” replies Twilight with several wheels in tow. Sheesh, the knock-off villain beat the movie villain. Dude, what are you talking about? The Great and Powerful Trixie is not a mere knock-off villain! She’s the best villain that ever lived! Uh, guys? So the pyromaniac is trying to tell me that this wannabe rival to Twilight is a more legit villain than any other bad guy in any other form of media? Guys? Who are you calling a pyromaniac, Mr. Shotgun? You want to come over here and make something of it? Don’t mind if I do! *Sounds of shotgun pellets and fiery explosions can be heard somewhere.* All… right then. Moving on, this battle had to be decided on a relatively fair playing field. Since we didn’t see any of Trixie’s actual abilities in the movie, we had to move them to an existence in which both of them had known powers. Since Sunset Shimmer was a student of Princess Celestia, we could safely assume that she at least had the usual abilities of a unicorn while in Equestria. As for the items themselves, there was one distinct advantage in terms of removability. The Alicorn Amulet could only be removed by its wearer. So, there was no chance that Trixie could lose it in the middle of the battle. In contrast, the Princess Crown does not fuse with its wielder and can be taken off by external forces. Combined with Trixie’s more versatile array of spells, Sunset Shimmer didn’t stand a chance. My crown’s off to you. Hee hee. That was a pretty good line, W. The winner is the Alicorn Amulet with Trixie. ---Death Battle--- Next time on Death Battle… Awoooo... “I know it’s just a trifle, but it would mean a lot if I could see you again.” … “Hup! Ha! Sayaa!” … “You get to start a new life there. Whether it’s happy or sad is up to you.” … “You must use your courage to seek power… and find it you must.” ---Death Battle---