//------------------------------// // A Noteworthy Situation // Story: The Neighanderthal // by Mr. Grimm //------------------------------// One end of a small, flimsy branch hovered apprehensively over the banana-caked face of the unconscious changeling. The end was firmly grasped by the claws of a curious dragon. The small reptile slowly brought the stick forward, pushing it against the chitinous left cheek of the captive. The changeling’s head slowly turned, the fruity mush squelching beneath the right side of his face. The dragon carefully drew his arm back, pulling the stick away from the creature’s ugly continence. Moments later it once again made contact with the changeling, this time prodding at one of the long, thick eyebrows that snaked across the creature’s forehead. While Spike monitored the captured changeling, Twilight Sparkle was talking to Trixie and Tarpan in an effort to understand the events leading up to the current situation. “So, you found him in Whitetail Woods?” the librarian asked. “That is correct,” Trixie replied with a vaguely prideful smile, “He was half dead, trapped at the bottom of a mud pit. Had Trixie not been there in time, he would surely have perished in the next minute or so.” Twilight raised a skeptical brow as she glanced over at the Neighanderthal. The relic met her gaze and nodded sheepishly. “Well…Thank you,” the mare said, smiling as she turned back to the azure magician. “You’re most welcome,” grinned Trixie, “Now then, Twilight, what’s this about Tarpan being a ‘Neighanderthal’?” The mare’s smile lessened when her question went unanswered. “Hold on a moment,” said Twilight, “Tarpan, what were you doing last night?” The stallion took a few moments to respond, his brow furrowing as he searched for the right words. “Ai… Cood nought sleep lahst night,” said the relic, stumbling over each syllable, “Ai…lepht to explohre…how yew say, markkit?” He grimaced, face wrought with uncertainty as he spoke. Just as it had taken him a few moments to speak, it took few moments for Twilight to decipher his sentence. “Oh…You went out to the town square?” Tarpan nodded, bits of dried mud falling from his mane onto the street. “Yus,” he replied, “Yus, I went to toughn squarr.” The stallion paused, pointing a hoof at their captive. “I saugh bug-pony fligh ohvar, try to git into pony-dwelling.” Twilight’s eyes widened with oncoming concern. “The…changeling tried to get into somepony’s home?” she muttered, the words laced with a dreadful nervousness. “Ai stohpped him,” said Tarpan, “Ai chased him ouht of Ponyville, but fell into mud-pit.” He looked over to the azure magician. “Trixie cahme and saved me at sunrhyse.” Twilight’s tensed frown relaxed, but only a little. She bit her lip and glanced down at the street, the cogs of her mind hard at work as they sifted through the information supplied by the magician and the relic. “Could you show us which home he tried to break into?” she said at last. ****** In the ten minutes time it took them to find the house, Trixie’s mind felt as if it had gone through a lifetime’s worth of thoughts. Granted, most of them were simply questions she had concerning the appearance of what she understood to be a prehistoric pony in modern day Equestria. The mare tried to hide her amazement as best she could, refraining from staring at what she had first taken for a wild-stallion. Now that she knew what he truly was, everything about his curious appearance made sense. His oddly robust physique, his thick fur, the broad, square muzzle… Now that she thought about it, she wondered how she had ever mistaken him for a modern stallion. Despite her vast and resourceful knowledge that she often bragged about, the show-mare didn’t know much about ‘Neighanderthals’. All she really did know was that they had existed a very long time ago, gone extinct, and that when shown alongside that of a modern equine, their skeletons looked funny. These three facts she had learned when glancing through a dated science magazine article while in the waiting room of her last visit to the doctor’s office. But as she watched him cantering alongside Twilight, the changeling slung over his back like a bruised bag of potatoes, the show-mare began to wonder more about ‘Tarpan’. Her most pressing question concerned how he had ended up in Ponyville, and why he and Twilight appeared to know each other. The possibility of spells dealing with time travel crossed her mind several times. While they seemed likely, Trixie dismissed them on the fact that not even Twilight Sparkle could master such speculative and unproven magic. But whatever the cause, Trixie was more or less focused on the result. A living, breathing member of an extinct race was walking only a few feet in front of her. Just the fact that he was there was amazing. Sensational, even. The mare’s eyes glimmered with thoughtfulness as she contemplated all the attention he could draw if he were presented to the right crowd. Trixie supposed that Canterlot, which was home to many prominent intellectuals and dusty professors would likely be the preferred venue. She could already see the astounded look of the audience, the glint of monocles as they fell from the gaping faces of skeptical aristocrats and flabbergasted doctors. Before she knew it, the Trixie was indulging in a grand fantasy borne of her ponderings. There she was, standing on the main stage of Cornegie Hall, the chairs filled with ponies dressed in their Sunday best. All would be looking on at her with their usual reserved stuffiness, not quite certain if the whole affair was worth their time. The lights would dim, save for a solid spotlight that was focused on the azure mare poised on center stage. All would remain quite for a minute while she absorbed their attention. A collective gasp would sound throughout the auditorium as a brilliant explosion of white light and blue smoke detonated beside her. As the plumes thinned, everypony would be able to see a strangely-shaped stallion step out into the open. A Neighanderthal. The world’s only Neighanderthal. Assisting the world’s most amazing, most spectacular, most great and powerful magician before Canterlot’s elite. With such a scientific curiosity in her act, her floundering career could rebound to heights she had never known-- “YEAAGHH!” Trixie’s glazed-over eyes became clear as a sharp screech exploded in her ears. She glanced around wildly looking for the source of the scream before finally spotted the displeased glare of a purple dragon only inches away from her face. “Trixie…” the reptile muttered through gritted teeth. “Yes?” “You’re standing on my tail.” The magician glanced down to see that she was indeed standing on his tail “Oh…” she murmured as she lifted her hoof off of the dragon’s spinal extension. “My apologies, Spork.” “It’s Spike.” “Ah, well…” The magician found it hard to say more as he continued to leer at her, a stern frown stretching beneath his skeptical gaze. She was very relieved when Twilight Sparkle spoke, drawing Spike’s attention away from her. ****** “Is this it?” Twilight’s question was answered via a nod on Tarpan’s part. The mare found herself looking upon a two-story house, its wooden siding painted a soft midnight blue. On the door hung a curious knocker. It was cast from brass, apparently meant to mimic the shape of a saxophone. This tipped her off right away as to who lived there, as there were only two ponies in town who could play saxophone. One was Pinkie Pie, and the other was a local street musician known as Noteworthy. Twilight had some idea of what the changeling had done to the real Noteworthy--assuming he hadn’t always been the original Noteworthy. In either case, she needed to get to the bottom of the situation as soon as possible. The mare reached out with her telekinesis and grasped the doorknob. A sharp click emanated from its inner works as she tried turning it. Though she had expected it to be locked, the mare sighed all the same. She glanced downward to see if there was any place Noteworthy might have hidden a spare key when somepony nudged her to the side. “Don’t trouble yourself,” came the complacent voice of a certain magician, “There hasn’t been a lock made that can stand against Trixie’s magic.” Twilight said nothing, and instead watched as the knob glowed a vivid magenta. Something rattled fiercely within the lock in a way that made the librarian cringe. Trixie, however, seemed not to notice the unhealthy effect her magic had on the doorknob, and looked quite pleased with herself as she finished her spell. “Voila,” the magician said with a typical arrogant smirk as she stepped aside, “It’s all yours, Twilight.” The purple unicorn rolled her eyes and once again took hold of the knob with her magic. It refused to budge in either direction. Twilight turned and shot a halfhearted glare over her shoulder at the magician, who looked genuinely surprised that the door hadn’t opened. The librarian sighed, placing a hoof across her forehead. She was just about to suggest they head over to the locksmith when Tarpan reached over and clamped his jaws around the doorknob. Several noises followed, but in such rapid succession that they seemed like one big crunch. The first was the screech of brass as Tarpan’s teeth sunk into the doorknob. The second was the shattering of wood as the prongs of the lock were yanked out through the trim. The third was the tearing of the screws as they were ripped out of the doorway. The fourth and final sound was the clunk of the door as it fell against the street. These noises were subsequently followed by a stunned silence as Twilight, Trixie, and Spike gaped at the Neighanderthal. What so utterly amazed them about the feat wasn’t that he had torn a door with it’s hinges off of a wall with his teeth. It was that he had displayed almost no effort whatsoever while doing so. The door offered no resistance, snapping out of place like a twig. Even to Twilight, who had seen the stallion bring down a Lybbarde, the display of strength was still astounding, and even a little frightening. “Uh…Thank you, Tarpan,” she muttered, slowly stepping through the now-open doorway. There was a sickening squelch as the unicorn’s hoof touched the floor of Noteworthy’s home. She immediately drew back as she felt herself step in something as cold as ice, its consistency similar to a mixture of glue and old cottage cheese. The smell that came wafting into her nostrils was equally as unpleasant. Twilight wrinkled her nose in disgust as she peered into the poorly lit parlor that lay before her. Her eyes widened as they adjusted to the dimness, allowing her to see a crooked trail of glistening green slime stretching from the doorway to the stairwell. ****** “Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi! Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi! Ho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho! Ho-de-ho-de-ho-de-ho! He-de-he-de-he-de-he! He-de-he-de-he-de-he! Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-ho! Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-ho!” Noteworthy finished the chorus and once again looked out from the cocoon. His room appeared distorted and green from within the fluid-filled membrane. Though most ponies in his position would normally have been panicking, or halfway to insanity by that point, Noteworthy was actually taking the situation pretty well. Sure, he found it strange to wake up floating inside a cocoon, but he knew for certain that there were worse things in the world. Though he’d tried to get out upon first coming to, he quickly discovered that escape was impossible, at least from the inside. Noteworthy was curious as to how this predicament had befallen him. He did not recall falling asleep inside of the cocoon. In fact, he didn’t actually remember coming home last night. Arriving at the conclusion that he must have been partying really, really hard, Noteworthy had spent the first hour or so of the morning trying to remember what he had done the previous night. When he grew bored with this, he took to singing some of his favorite songs. Having finished singing his twentieth consecutive song, the stallion took a break to rest his voice. While resting, he began to think which song to sing next. For someone as knowledgeable about music as he was, it wasn’t so much a problem of thinking of a song to sing, it was deciding upon one. Just as he was trying to determine whether or not to sing ‘Hit the Road Jack’ or ’Zoot Suit Riot’, something caught his attention. Through the warped shell of his cocoon, Noteworthy saw the door swing open. His eyes widened as he saw three ponies and a dragon standing in the doorway. The stallion was both relieved and surprised that somepony had found him. He didn’t recall inviting anyone over. But he wasn’t one to turn away visitors. “Hey! Nice of ya to drop by!” he called, even though he knew that they couldn’t hear him. They must have noticed something, however, as all four of them were staring at the cocoon. Noteworthy could see their mouths moving as they spoke to each other, stepping closer to his bed. ****** Trixie sneered in disgust as she looked at the pulsating, glistening cocoon that lay before her, anchored to the bed by the means of green, web-like tendrils. The magician could hardly bear to look at the pod, much less rescue the pony inside it. Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the cocoon was that the stallion’s face was still visible within the fluid-filled sac. He appeared to be conscious, as his eyes were moving as if looking at herself and the others. “…Wut…iss that?” Trixie looked over to see Tarpan pointing a hoof at the cocoon, his face in a nauseated grimace. “That’s a cocoon,” said Twilight, not taking her eyes off the afore mentioned object, “The changeling trapped Noteworthy in it to…” She paused as the pod rustled. “…assume his shape without interference.” “Well…How do we go about rescuing him?” Trixie muttered, hoping the answer did not require her to touch the shell. “We bust it open,” Spike said as he pushed his way to the front of the group, “Like we did at the wedding.” Everypony watched with a horrified look as the dragon nonchalantly strode up to the bed, his index claw extended toward the cocoon. Moments before he could touch it, his hand was enveloped in a pinkish aura. The dragon rolled his eyes as Twilight appeared next to him. “You never let me have any fun.” “Sorry, it’s just I’d prefer not to get any more slime in my mane today,” replied the librarian. She turned her attention to the cocoon, levitating the dragon’s claw to one end of it, carefully piercing the membrane. With surgical precision, she guided Spike’s hand down the length of the pod. Green liquid seeped out of the aperture, sliding down the oily skin of the cocoon and dripping onto the floor. Spike and Twilight stepped back the moment there was movement from inside. More of the slime spilled out as the stallion within sat up, tearing his way out of the ruptured case. The liberated pony let out a relieved sigh as he turned to his rescuers. “Aw man, I can’t thank ya guys enough,” he said, wiping away the sticky fluid from his eyes, “I thought I was gonna be stuck in there forever.” Noteworthy began crawling out of the cocoon, stumbling awkwardly as he did so. Twilight rushed forward and grabbed his shoulder as he stepped out on to the floor. Trixie reluctantly followed her example and halfheartedly held out a hoof to support his other side. “Noteworthy,” Twilight said, brushing gunk away from his ear, “Are you alright? When did this happen? What was the last thing you remember?” “Whoa, whoa, slow down a second,” replied the stallion, “I’m fine, I just…” He paused, raising an eyebrow. “You just what?” “I can’t feel my legs,” he shrugged, flopping down to the floor. ****** Nurse Redheart glanced up from her desk as the doors swung open, revealing two unicorn mares. Between them they carried an earth-pony stallion who was coated from head to hoof in a thick, goopy green slime, who stumbled about as if he were unsure how to work his legs. Next came something that looked like a wild-stallion carrying a crumpled changeling on his back, flanked by a young dragon. Everyone except the slimed stallion was splattered in what appeared to be banana paste. Redheart stoically set down her clipboard and sighed. It must have been Wednesday.