Big Macintosh was in awe of the lavish carriage that he and A Pimp Named Spikeback were riding in. He looked around at the shag carpet floor and roof, the disco ball hanging from the roof, the gold patterns running throughout the wall, and everything else about the fancy carriage. A Pimp Named Spikeback smirked as he saw how Big Mac was at a loss for words, but it was time to get down to business.
"Alright Mr. Big Mac, if I'm going to help you with my pimp wisdom, I first need to know how bad your situation is," the purple suit wearing dragon told Big Macintosh. Big Mac stopped observing the carriage they were in and turned to face A Pimp Named Spikeback.
"Ok, well where do you reckon I should start?" Big Macintosh asked the baby dragon.
"Why don't you start at the beginning Big Mac. How did you and your mare become an item?" A Pimp Named Spikeback asked the red colt.
"Hmm, well our relationship started this past Hearts and Hooves Day," Big Mac started describing to A Pimp Named Spikeback. "My little sister Apple Bloom and her two friends decided that I would be the perfect very special somepony for their teacher Cheerilee. To tell you the truth, the first time they tried to get us together, the awkwardness of the situation led nowhere, and we just went on back home. But my sister and her friends weren't done, and the very next day they tricked us into drinking a love potion to make us fall in love."
"Thing is, it wasn't actually a love potion. It was a love poison. Me and Cheerilee were acting like plum fools, and we wouldn't stay away from each other. Apple Bloom and her friends were luckily able to make us all better just in the nick of time, and Cheerilee and I decided to go on a picnic to tease the girls after the long day, and also to enjoy a nice dinner as friends." Big Macintosh paused as he happily reminisced.
"That's when it started. We just talked and talked all night, and the more we talked the more we found out about all the things we have in common. We liked the same kind of music, same kind of food, same kind of hobbies. Shoot, I can't remember hardly anything we didn't have much in common about. We decided to actually give dating a chance after that night, and for 4 amazing months, everything was going perfect." Big Macintosh paused again, this time with his expression turning into a frown as he continued remembering.
"That is, everything was going perfect until the week leading up to Applebucking Season. Things didn't seem right. Every time I would ask her about spending time together, she didn't seem interested. She just wanted to head on home, and told me maybe later. But later wouldn't come, because I kept asking her and she kept telling me she couldn't. Near the end of the week I finally went to her house and asked her why she was ignoring me so much and why she didn't want to spend time with me. She told me that there wasn't anything wrong, and that she just couldn't spend time with me at the moment. I was worried, so I asked her if there was somepony else that she was more interested in spending time with than me. I know that was mighty stupid of me to ask, but I did, and she was angry. She yelled at me and told me that I was being unbelievable and she shut the door on me. I went on back to Sweet Apple Acres, and I haven't heard from her since. "
Big Macintosh hung his head in sadness as he finished his story. A Pimp Named Spikeback sat and contemplated on where to begin after listening to Big Mac's tale.
"Well Big Mac, if my calculations are correct, and they always are, you suffer from what we in the pimp business call Mare Dependency," the baby dragon calmly told Big Macintosh.
"Mare Dependency?" a confused Big Macintosh asked in response.
"That's right, Mare Dependency. You have found yourself so in love with this mare, that you have lost control of your life and are now addicted to her. By having this Mare Dependency, not only can it mess with you, but also your life and those around you. Addiction to a mare isn't healthy Big Mac. Your situation is worse than I feared," A Pimp Named Spikeback explained to the red colt.
"With all due respect A Pimp Named Spikeback, I don't think I am 'addicted,' and I certainly don't think I have anything called Mare Dependency," Big Mac told A Pimp Named Spikeback with a small laugh as he ended his sentence.
"Big Mac, Mare Dependency is no laughing matter. Rest assured that I am not lying to you about this. As a matter of fact, scientists now believe that some colts are born with a genetic free disposition to Mare Dependency. It's a disease Big Mac," A Pimp Named Spikeback explained.
"Well even if I did have some sort of addiction to Cheerilee, what exactly to you reckon I should do about it?" Big Macintosh asked A Pimp Named Spikeback.
"Well Big Mac, from what you've told me, it would seem that your mare may have lost some interest in her relationship with you. You see, mares enjoy excitement in a relationship," A Pimp Named Spikeback replied.
"So what you're going to do is teach me how to give her excitement?" a confused Big Macintosh asked back.
"Hell no, if that bitch wants excitement then she can take her ass to a Wonderbolts show!" A Pimp Named Spikeback sternly said is response.
Big Macintosh's jaw dropped as A Pimp Named Spikeback said this.
"What did you just say?" Big Mac asked with a surprised look still on his face.
"I can see you're surprised by the name I just called you mare, but Big Mac after what she has done to you, and after how much she has messed with your life, not calling her a bitch would be an insult to you, and Big Mac I do not want to insult you," the baby dragon explained to Big Mac.
Big Macintosh said nothing, still shocked from what A Pimp Named Spikeback had called Cheerilee.
"Anyway, what I am going to teach you, Mr. Big Mac, is how to make your bitch behave," A Pimp Named Spikeback continued. "What you need to work on is asserting yourself and being in control. If you're not in control then your Mare Dependency will just grow worse. You need to let your bitch know that you are the colt in charge and that you will not be disrespected by her. If she continues to misbehave, then that's when you got to slap a bitch."
Just as Big Macintosh had finished picking up his jaw, it dropped once more, as Big Mac was in even greater shock from what he had just heard.
"Did you just say you want me to slap my marefriend?" a very shocked Big Mac finally managed to ask the calm dragon.
"Yes Big Mac, studies show that in a situation such as yours, slapping the bitch is the only way for you to make a bitch behave," A Pimp Named Spikeback replied.
"A Pimp Named Spikeback, I am not gonna slap Cheerilee. I'm not slapping any mare for that matter. I could never harm someone like that. How would slapping her solve anything anyway?" Big Mac asked.
"Well answer me this Big Mac, has NOT slapping the bitch worked? Scientifically speaking, has not slapping the bitch achieved the desired results? Are you not in a troubled position in your relationship now when you have not slapped the bitch?" the dragon pimp asked back.
"Well, yes.....but I'm not slapping Cheerilee A Pimp Named Spikeback. I could never hurt her. I don't have it in me," Big Macintosh replied.
"We'll see Big Mac, we will see," A Pimp Named Spikeback said as he looked out of the window in the carriage. "It would appear that we have finally arrived at my mansion."
Big Macintosh also looked out of the window and saw that A Pimp Named Spikeback was correct. They were indeed at the dragon king of swag's mansion. The size of it was impressive, with a length stretching out as long as at least 10 of the barns from Sweet Apple Acres. In front of the mansion were 2 giant fountains, shooting out beautiful streams of water. The massive building was impressive down to every last detail, including the entrance gate that they were beside. Across the gate were the gold encrusted letters A.P.N.S.B. in a fancy looking font.
"Well then, it's time for you to get a real lesson in how to deal with Mare Dependency Big Mac," A Pimp Named Spikeback told the red colt. "Let's head on inside."
A Pimp Named Spikeback and Big Macintosh stepped out of the carriage and A Pimp Named Spikeback then opened the gate. They walked up to the door of the mansion, and entered the large building.