//------------------------------// // Of Apples and Altruism (Episode four) // Story: Oh, No! Not Another Dusk Shine Story! // by Nyxian //------------------------------// It was my mistake really, I should have known something bad was going to happen, the signs were there, writ plain for all to see. First, I had woken up with a crick in my neck so bad I actually saw stars when I stretched it out, then Spike’s box of gemstones had fallen apart when I went to get it for him and I had been deluged with rocks, and to cap it off I had actually fallen down the stairs to the library as a result of my morning haze. Clearly, it was going to be another one of those days. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. So, what did I decide to do? Go grocery shopping. Could I have waited another day? Yes. Did I? No. I followed my schedule, and Tuesday has always been grocery day. I always have enough food on hoof to last for an extra week or two, just in case, but if I start eating that then I have to replace it on my next grocery trip or I’ll get all twitchy and nervous until I know that all of my food stores are in order. So a shopping I did go…Which is how I found myself, strapped to a pair of heavily-laden saddlebags, facing down a stampede. The rumbling had been quiet at first, as you’d expect, and nopony paid it much attention, but it quickly grew louder and louder until it was unignorable. Then someone up above (Rainbow Dash I think) yelled the magic word and panic set in. Brilliant, just bucking brilliant. Ponyville square instantly descended into chaos as everypony tried to run in conflicting directions and got tangled up. I found myself at the foot of the bridge that the stampede would quickly be crossing over, assessing my options. Running was out, the square was a mass of confused ponies and I’d get trampled if I tried to go that way, which was (of course) the only way out. I could attempt to use combat magic to turn the incoming cows into cow pulp, but anything I used that had the kind of widespread destructive power necessary to do that would probably cause a fire, a localized seismic event, or give off a disconcerting amount of radiation and/or eldritch energy, and I’m pretty sure Celestia wouldn’t want me to turn Ponyville into Everfree Forest lite. Besides, I liked cows. They’ve always treated me better than most ponies do. I could try whipping up a wall, though that would end up killing a lot of them too, the sheer numbers in the stampede contained combined with the lack of rational thought (and ability to brake) would guarantee a few of them couldn’t stop in time and, well...cow pulp. I started charging my horn with an elastic barrier spell I learned from my brother, the least potentially lethal option I could think of, and was preparing to use it when suddenly, much to my shock, who should come running in to save the day but Applejack. I heard her distinctive rebel yell and I saw her running alongside the rampaging heifers with a small dog in tow. I couldn’t see the details perfectly at the distance I was at but there was definitely a lariat involved. Regardless of how she did it, she was successful. The cows were diverted from the town square, which avoided a potentially messy incident in more ways than one given that non-pony rights are a hot-button issue in Canterlot right now and half of Parliament were sweating in their fancy suits because they stood to lose a lot of money if the new equal rights bill gets passed into law. The other half, of course, stood to profit from it passing, so there was a deadlock. I watched Applejack have a word with the lead cow distractedly, making a mental note to ask her what caused the stampede. If there was foul play involved Celestia needs to know, and depending on the circumstances and how they were spun when the story was reported by the media it could be used to help push the equal rights bill through. If not, well, at least nopony was hurt. A general cheer went up as the crowd of cows dispersed peacefully, ambling slowly back to the land they control (but don’t own) just beyond Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack didn’t come into town to bask in the adulation of the crowd, probably going back to her farm work. That responsibility and humility is something I like about Applejack very much, maybe it’s because I grew up in a city where not shouting your every accomplishment to the heavens is a guarantee that the credit will be stolen by somepony with less moral fiber, but I’ve found that the ponies in this quaint little hamlet are much more, well, likeable than the vast majority of Canterlot...granted, saying that somepony was more likeable than your average Canterlot resident was like saying that one kind of food is better than swallowing red hot iron pellets and washing them down with isopropyl alcohol, but the point was still valid I caught a glimpse of Rarity and Mayor Mare in the corner of my eye and ambled over, intent on asking the Mayor about the state of local cow-pony relations, and perhaps making a few cow puns while I was at it. It may be in poor taste, but I’m no saint. “Why, Applejack was just…just…” I overheard the Mayor saying. I was about to interject, but Pinkie got there first. “Appletastic!” Pinkie blurted so enthusiastically she actually knocked herself off her hooves. Pinkie is the only pony I knew who could actually overbalance herself just by talking. “Yes, exactly.” Mayor Mare said indulgently, giving Pinkie an almost maternal glance. “We simply must do something to reward Applejack for single-hoofedly saving the town.” “Ooh! I know!” Burbled Pinkie from her place on the ground. Anypony who has spent more than five minutes around her knows exactly what’s coming next. “A party!” A general chorus of assent was voiced by the remaining ponies who had been listening in. After all, Pinkie is Ponyville’s resident Party Pony for a reason, any party she had a hoof in was practically guaranteed to be good…and besides, Sugar Cube Corner caters almost all of Pinkie’s parties. Hay, they use them as test platforms for potential new product, with the partygoers as the willing test subjects. The Mayor was visibly amused, but agreed to formally sponsor a party in Applejack’s honor, which got a small cheer. Pinkie Party ™ plus government funding equals fun times for all…well, and a few cases of diabetes too, but who’s counting? I waited for the most basic of plans were made and a date and time were set by the Mayor and Pinkie, and then I approached the grey-maned pony myself, before she could be accosted by other townsponies. “Ah, excuse me ma’am?” She turned to face me as she walked and smiled kindly. “Oh come now Dusk Shine, there’s no need to be so formal, not after you saved the town from Nightmare Moon.” “That was a group effort if I recall correctly.” I said, grinning back. “And as I am a Spec Six Commissioned Officer in Her Majesty’s Royal Army I am mandated to show proper respect to recipients of the Solar Emblem of Valor.” I said, throwing her a quick salute as we walked. ‘Specialist Sixth Class’ meant that I was just a civilian consultant with a security clearancec absolutely no authority to order any soldiers about, and my only function was to serve (if Celestia wishes it) as her eyes and ears at a military outpost and pitch in on military Research and Development projects from time to time, I did still have to follow certain rules though. “It’s been a long time since I retired from the military.” She replied, her voice less cheerful than usual. She was looking me over intently. “And I’ve never seen a Spec Six actually obeying regulations. How did you find out and why mention it now?” “Brigadier General Iron Hide has a picture of you on his desk and still tells stories about you after he’s had a glass or two. I had the…opportunity, to interview him for a personal project. I recognized your face, it just took me a while to be sure, it’s an old picture.” She had angled our path away from prying ears. “Mmph, Iron Hide was always sentimental deep down, regardless of what his troops think. But you didn’t answer my question, why mention it now?” She said, beginning to look suspicious. I grinned at her. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to blow the whistle, you obviously don’t want the publicity and I can’t say I blame you. I just want you to know that I know, and inform you that in my capacity as an officer I am at your disposal should you need to send sensitive information to Celestia if the need should arise.” She quirked an eyebrow at me. “Just what kind of information do you think I have? The blueprints for the Diamond Dogs’ dens? This is Ponyville, the quietest, quaintest little bit of the realm, hay, that’s why I retired here.” “You never know when something might come up, and Celestia often uses me and Spike as a way to move important information around fast. So if you’re sitting in your office one day and a scroll that smells like brimstone magically appears on your desk, it’s important.” Spike can send and receive scrolls from anypony anywhere, not just Celesia in the castle, a fact that Celestia has and does use rather frequently. “Besides,” I added. “We’ve had schematics of the Diamond Dogs’ dens for years. Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, I was wondering if you could tell me what the state of cow-pony relations in the region.” “Looking to investigate the stampede?” She asked, obviously happy to have changed the subject. I nodded. “Yes, Celestia is pushing the equal rights bill through parliament, and once news of this reaches Canterlot it could…cause problems.” Giving her that information, technically classified, was an olive branch, extending some trust her way...and something Celestia told me to do when I wrote her to tell her I knew Mayor Mare’s actual identity. I knew politics in the broad sense, I could look at an action and tell you how it is likely to play out, but that’s only because I’ve studied history and sociology, on a pony-to-pony basis I was…out of my depth. “We’ve never had problems that I can remember.” She said assuredly. “In fact the whole town is downright friendly with the local cows, and they’re friendly back. You can tell that by the milk prices in the market, cheapest in the realm.” “That’s good. I can give that to Celestia, she’ll be able to use that to help push the bill through…granted the stampede was caused by an accident on the cows’ end and not some idiot who wanted a cheap thrill or somepony deliberately trying to sabotage the state of inter-species relations in the region.” “Anypony ever tell you that you’re paranoid and cynical?” “Thirteen different ponies counting you, Spike, Princess Cadence, the Griphon ambassador and a mule.” I recited, chuckling. “Both are life skills in Canterlot.” “I suppose they are.” We were now back on the main thoroughfare, and the town hall was in sight, though the crowd was still a bit thin around here, not that I minded. “I forget what it’s like there, been a while since I’ve had to go. Not that I’m complaining mind you." “Anypony who seriously wants to stay in Canterlot is touched in the head. Anyway, thank you for the information Ma’am.” I was about to make my (semi) graceful exit there, but she stopped me unexpectedly. “Hold on a second Dusk.” I dutifully stopped in my tracks and looked at her attentively. “I want you to give a speech at Applejack’s party.” “Why me?” I asked, confused. She gave me an odd look. “Because of all the ponies that I could get to give the speech you’re the most articulate.” Well, okay then. “Is that a compliment or an insult?” “You’re the smart one, you figure it out.” And with that she mounted the steps to the town hall and left me standing on the street with a chagrined look on my face. Oh well, at least something good came of this almost-disaster. I meant to go talk to applejack about the stampede right after I got my groceries put away, but unfortunately I was interrupted by one of the teenage ponies who thinks it’s funny to vandalize the library. I caught the little bucker carving…risqué, images and innuendos into my bookshelves. We had a chat. The chat devolved into a disagreement. The disagreement devolved into a tiff. The tiff pushed him far enough to take a swing at me, which is when I lost my patience and threw him out of the library with what could possibly be defined as ‘excessive force’, but I prefer the term ‘firm insistence’. After all, if I really wanted to be forceful I could have used any number of painful and potentially amusing gravity manipulations that I’ve mastered over the years. Having evicted the ruffian out of my library I went back to my normal duties, which in a larger town or city with a university would have involved quite a lot of public interfacing, but in Ponyville I was largely symbolic, at least during the day. After the library closes I have to go through the books that have been returned and do all the recordkeeping and re-shelving, though since Spike can do the re-shelving most of the time (with a little help from a moveable ladder) I mostly end up doing the paperwork and taking care of the registry. It was a pretty good gig really, I got to spend most of my day reading and furthering my studies and I can also help the residents of Ponyville discover what it’s like to truly lose yourself in a good book. I already had a few projects planned to bring in some more ponies, first and foremost being a story time for foals. Start young after all. After I get my hooves on some decent foal’s books I’ll look for a few ponies willing to do the actual reading (I’m not good with foals and reading foal books would drive me insane) I'd have talk to the teacher of the elementary school not too far from here. Maybe I'd go to Applejack and get information on the cows at the same time, two birds with one stone. By the time I finished putting my groceries away and pondering my plans for other initiatives for the library (Weekly author and book recommendations being the first step, along with free book giveaways) I was in a pretty good mood. Then two of the town guards showed up with the ruffian who dared deface my library in tow. The young snot immediately began bleating and whining about how I treated him and generally made an annoyance of himself. The guards, unfortunately, seemed to think his sniveling had some merit because they actually started investigating me. I showed them the tasteless additions the vandal had made to the library and informed them that I was perfectly within my rights to throw somepony out of the library if they did such things and that it was, in fact, my job to do so. They seemed to agree with my point in theory, but they apparently had a problem with my execution. When I asked for clarification the guardspony gave me a very strange look and said that if you’re going to throw somepony out of a building, you’re supposed to open the door first. Hunh, well, I guess you learn something new every day. As far as I was concerned, anypony who thinks that it’s okay to vandalize something as sacrosanct as a library shouldn’t complain when they get tossed through a door, and hay, I’m the one who had to fix the hinges. Regardless, I ended up talking to them for a good hour before they left with the little jerk, with promises to be back the next day with a few of their colleagues. Oh joy. Ah well, I’m in the right, it’ll just take a little while for me to convince them that. Besides, I have bookshelves to fix, and these are made of oak, real hardwood. I’ll have to be very careful not to damage them when I do the repair job and even more careful if I want the repair job to look good. So off I went to find the catalyst I’d need to do the delicate bit of magic that would revive the wood of the bookshelf just enough for it to be able to grow into and fill in the vandalized bits without it running rampant and eating up the local magical field in order to grow into a giant tree. It's happened to me once, and it’s not something I ever want to deal with again, the splinters were unimaginable. Later on, after a close call with magically induced wood rampancy, about which I was sure there were a million crude jokes to be made, I closed down the library and made a quick dinner. During the course of the meal I casually informed Spike of my little encounter with the guard earlier, to my surprise, he took it pretty seriously. “You what?!” “I threw him out.” I repeated myself, confused, as we lounged around on the couch in the living room. Despite how much Celestia has tried to make me ‘civilized’ over the years, there are still some things I find patently ridiculous, the dinner table for instance. I mean, why would you want to sit down and talk while you’re eating? The whole point of eating is to, well, eat. The couch is more comfortable anyway. “He was carving phallic symbols all over my bookshelves, he should be happy I didn’t pitch him out a second floor window.” “Dusk, what you did was practically assault!” He insisted, his big eyes worried. He’s afraid of anypony in the military or the civilian militias that police the smaller towns in the kingdom. It stems from an incidents years ago in Canterlot involving members of the guard who ignored his protected status and tried to go after him anyway. The attack was foiled by my brother, who happened to be with him at the time, and the ponies were dishonorably dismissed from the Guard and are still serving out prison terms, but the incident left its mark. “What I did was my job.” I corrected. “They can’t get me for anything serious and since he was dumb enough to carve those symbols into shelves in the foals’ books section he’s going to look like a pedophile when I give my report to the Guards tomorrow, and one thing about the Guards that I can wholeheartedly support is how zealously they go after foal molesters. Trust me Spike, once they have that report any bruises I may have given him will be the last thing on their minds.” “I don’t know Dusk…if you threw him out with enough force to bend the hinges as bad as you said…” “If I knew for a fact he was a foal molester I would have thrown him through a wall.” I said dryly. “I’m pretty sure he’s not, but I could be wrong and either way he’s going to have the Guard breathing down his neck for the foreseeable future.” “I still think they’re going to go after you for assault and battery.” Spike insisted. “And whatever happened to magic not being a tool to win arguments?” He finished by quoting one of Celestia’s major tenets of magical education. “In this case it was a tool for me to do my job. Hoof to hoof combat isn’t my specialty, if it was I would have bucked him out the door. Plain fact of the matter is that in a purely physical fight it would have taken me a long time to put him down if I could do it at all. Using magic the way I did was the most expedient and least harmful route to take. Don’t worry about it Spike, everything will be fine.” “Famous last words.” Spike returned ominously. I can’t believe I actually said that. I should’ve known the instant I let those four damned words out of my mouth I was in for it. I handed the report over to the guard alright, but they didn’t go after the little bucker as fervently as I’d hoped. He got off with community service and I got fined. Unbelievable. I got fined for doing my job. Ugh, I’ll never understand how they expect me to throw somepony out of someplace without, you know, throwing him out. My friends weren’t much help either. Rainbow Dash just fell over laughing when I told her about it and had only the slightest sympathy for me, which I have to admit is sort of par for the course with her. Pinkie said that even if he was being a ‘naughty vandalism-pants’ I shouldn’t have been a ‘mean meany pants’ and thrown him out physically, well, that’s what I drew from it anyway, ‘Pinkie’ is the hardest language I’ve ever tried to learn and I’m not fluent yet. Rarity thought we were both in the wrong and mildly chastised me for being so ‘uncouth’ as to resort to using physical force; and Fluttershy…I didn’t ask Fluttershy’s opinion on it because she’s so damnably nice. She’d probably murmur something about him being wrong and then trail off inaudibly. She did say she was sorry it happened to me though, which was something. Of all of them I expected Applejack to be of a mind with me given that she’s extremely moral, in her own way, and if she doesn’t always agree with me on issues of right and wrong we share an opinion on poetic justice and she probably would have gotten a chuckle or two out of the story. The problem was, I hadn’t seen her at all from the time she averted the stampede to the day of the party. That worried me a bit; normally she was in and out of town pretty much every day. Part of her absence was explained by Granny Smith and Apple Bloom taking her usual spot at the Sweet Apple Acres apple stand. Apparently Big Mac was in Canterlot seeing an orthopedic specialist, which explained why the aged matriarch of the Apple Clan was temporarily out of retirement, and accompanied by the youngest of the family (who was more than happy to get out of school for a few days, poor misguided little thing). I almost went to Sweet Apple Acres to see if she was okay, and get some information about the stampede, but with the whole mess with the vandal and the guard I had my hooves full all week and I made the stupid decision to go to cow territory to try and get the information first, but I forgot I was dealing with cows instead of ponies. You can't ask a cow a direct question, they don't think in straight lines. If you want to get any information from them you have to wait for an hour while they tell you Every. Single. Thing. that happened to their herd in the past week and read between the lines to get what you want. I spent three and a half hours talking to the head of the herd, drinking abominably strong coffee, and got absolutely nothing out of it Which was how I found myself trotting up to a podium on a stage set up in the festively decorated Ponyville square with a couple notecards floating in front of me, preparing to give a short speech on her behalf. The crowd was sizeable, and comprised most of the residents of Ponyville who could manage to wrangle some free time in the middle of the day (much to the chagrin of their co-workers no doubt), a fair amount of whom I’m sure were only attending because Sugarcube Corner was catering. Once I reached the podium, Spike riding on my back as usual (and earning a few chuckles and coos from the crowd), I neatened the stack of notecards absentmindedly as I scanned the crowd, hoping to see Applejack somewhere. Still conspicuously absent. After I’d delayed as long as I could I started my speech, ignoring the notecards, which were only for show. I had the whole speech memorized, but having them would give me something to fiddle with while I gave it. “Hello and welcome everypony, today we are gathered to celebrate a pony we can always count on in matters great and small, a pony whose contributions to-” I was nearly knocked off balance by Rainbow Dash zooming up to the microphone to add in her own two bits. “Did you see how slick Applejack was when she totally derailed that stampede?” She crowed. I gave her a chagrined look as Spike clambered back into position and I caught my drifting notecards in my telekinesis. “What an athlete! This week, she’s gonna help me with my new super-secret, super-awesome training regimen!” “Yes.” I said insistently, moving back into position. “I’m sure that will be spectacular Rainbow. As I was saying-” “This week I get to run Sugarcube Corner by myself for the first time!” Pinkie blurted, popping up in front of me in that impossibly abrupt way only she can. Ignoring her apparently magicless use of teleportation her statement confused me. Pinkie may be scatterbrained, but she’s not selfish enough to interrupt a speech about another pony to blurt out something like that. Knowing her though, she was assuming that everyone was following her own incomprehensible logic. “What does that have to do with Applejack?” I asked, drawing an explanation from her. “Oh, well, Applejack is like one of the best bakers of all time and she’s gonna help!” Pinkie burbled. Interesting, Applejack’s mentioned cooking meals a few times before, and it hardly surprises me that she’s an accomplished baker (those mind-blowingly, tongue-numbingly, pancreas-meltingly good fritters have to come from somewhere after all, and Granny Smith alone couldn’t be making all of them), but she hasn’t to my knowledge done any baking for someone besides her family or the apple cart before. “Oh, well, that’s fantastic. The diabetes rate in town is probably about to quadruple, but it’ll be worth it.” Whoops, that slipped out before I thought about it. Thankfully it got a chuckle from the crowd instead of insulted stares. “Anyway, if I could make a point without being-” I felt a tiny tap on my shoulder and saw pink mane and pale yellow fur in my peripheral vision. “Interrupted…yes Fluttershy?” “Oh, um, I’m so sorry Dusk,” She said, giving me that small little smile that makes everypony that’s ever known her want to give her a big hug and go ‘aww’. “But I just wanted to say that Applejack has volunteered to help me with the annual bunny census this season.” “Thank you Fluttershy.” I said, reigning in my annoyance. Fluttershy’s tear ducts were set on a perpetual hair-trigger, and sad Fluttershy is a weapon of mass conscience destruction. I didn’t need that kind of guilt. “Does anypony else have anything they’d like to share?” I asked the crowd. “Anypony?” Still no answer, good. “Alright then, as I was saying.” “Ahem.” Oh for buck’s sake. “I hereby bequeath the podium to Mayor Mare.” I said, walking off the stage. I couldn’t help but notice a certain semi-malicious twinkle in the old General’s eyes as she smiled at me. “Thank you Dusk Shine. Now, it is my pleasure to bestow the Prized Pony of Ponyville award to our guest of honor. A pony whose trustworthiness, reliability and integrity are entirely without question, Ponyville’s most dependable friend, Applejack!” The crowd cheered appropriately and the curtains on stage retracted dramatically to reveal…nothing. No Applejack. The cheering died off almost immediately and faded into a horribly awkward silence. My brow furrowed as the worry that had been percolating on a back burner in my mind suddenly leapt to a full, rolling boil. Applejack had apparently had contact with Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy sometime in the past week, but from some of their comments earlier it was towards the beginning of the week, not long after the stampede. Years of Canterlot-born paranoia started whispering in my ears. The Equal Rights Ammendment had very fervent opposition, ponies who wouldn’t think twice about abductions or worse. Applejack single-hoofedly averted a stampede that could have been a valuable arrow in the quiver of the Anti-Reformation party, add to that her status as a Bearer and she’s a prime target for- “Ah’m here!” Came Applejack’s voice suddenly, from behind the curtains. My legs went a bit wobbly with relief, the fear that had started to gather abruptly vanishing…only to be replaced by an entirely new set of worries once I got a good look at Applejack herself. She wasn’t moving with the same solid ease that she normally did, she stumbled up the stairs clumsily and if I hadn’t known any better I would have said she was drunk when she walked by me, but there was no alcohol on her breath despite all evidence to the contrary. Her eyes were bloodshot to a degree that I could only describe as horrific, and they had more bags than your average grocery store. What’s more, her normally frizzy mane and tail were even more disorderly than usual, and her back hooves had some serious cracks in them that were liable to get extremely problematic if she wasn’t careful. That’s very unlike her, she may have no patience for anything ‘frou-frou’, but she’s careful to take care of herself. “Wow Dusk, she looks like you after one of your week-long studying binges in the Canterlot library.” Spike mumbled, concern evident in his voice. I ignored what Mayor Mare said next, focusing on Applejack. She was yawning frequently and I noticed that her eyes didn’t seem to be able to focus quite right. She was obviously sleep deprived to a dangerous degree. Even more worrying, her right forehoof was currently canted at an angle that had to be painful due to the broken board she was standing on, but she didn’t seem to notice. Either she was so sleep deprived she was becoming delusional or sompony drugged her. Suddenly I became aware that I was expected to say something. Fumbling for something on the spot I stepped forward and blurted the first thing that came to mind. “Thank you Applejack, for saving us from that stampede.” She yawned so widely that her jaw cracked before she responded. “Well, ah do like helpin’ the pony folks and stuff…” She yawned again and apparently fell asleep on her hooves for a second. Okay, yeah, Applejack needs a quick trip to Ponyville General. Even if this is just massive sleep deprivation; she’s clearly gotten to the point that she’s a danger to herself. She started awake after an awkward moment and seemed to realize where she was and what she was doing. A blush appeared on her cheeks and she chuckled nervously. “Eh heh…well, thanks everypony…” Then she grabbed the trophy in her teeth and started dragging it offstage. Nopony said anything until she was out of sight. It was easily one of the most awkward minutes of my life. When she was gone the crowd dispersed and I drifted over to Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, who were all staring at Sweet Apple Acres, just like me. “Is it just me, or did Applejack seem…” I trailed off. “Tired?” Rainbow volunteered. “Dizzy?” Was Fluttershy’s contribution. “Dirty?” We all glanced at Rarity, who looked affronted. “What? Didn’t you see her mane?” “She seemed fine to me!” Pinkie proclaimed, bouncing into view from…somewhere. It might be a good idea to pay a visit to Sweet Apple Acres. The trot to Sweet Apple Acres wasn’t a very long one, but it was plenty long enough to get me good and worried. Applejack was, without a doubt, the sturdiest pony I know physically speaking. Rainbow Dash is a hay of an athlete, but strength wise nopony I know beats Applejack. The sheer amount of physical labor she puts in on a daily basis would run any Canterlot Special Forces operative ragged, and yet she still somehow has energy left over to hang out with the rest of us at the end of the day. Seeing her in the state she was in genuinely scared me. I didn’t feel any better after seeing her in action once I got there either. I found her in the middle of one of the orchards, attempting to go about applebucking. Attempting being the key word. In the thirty seconds or so that I observed her before getting close enough to talk she bucked the same tree four times before realizing that she’d already harvested it. When I was walking over to her, she had her head bent over a spilled tub of apples (overturned when she mistook it for a tree apparently). “Hey, Applejack?” I ventured, trying to inspect her condition without being too obvious about it. “Applejack?” No response. “Applejack!” “Huh? What? Oh, howdy Dusk. Sorry, cain’t talk. Ah’m applebuckin’.” She said after starting awake. She was slurring a bit, not a comforting sign. “I can see that.” I said, following her as she unsteadily made her way to a laden apple tree. “Are you doing all this alone?” “Big Mac done hurt hisself.” She explained, telling me something I already knew. “Ah gotta get these apples off ta market.” “Isn’t there anypony that could help you? Like your multitudinous aunts, uncles and cousins?” “What’d you say about mah family?!” She rounded on me angrily. I sighed and facehooved. “Multitudinous Applejack. It means ‘many’. You have an extended family roughly the size of Canterlot, couldn’t you call for a helping hoof from them?” “Oh…well, they were only in town fer the Apple Family Reunion, they’re gone now. Busy with their own fields.” She said, apparently taking my explanation of multitudinous at face value, for which I was thankful. The first time I described her little sister as cherubic it took me ten minutes and a dictionary to convince her I hadn’t insulted Applebloom. “Which means Ah really should get back to work...hint hint.” I cocked an eyebrow at that. “Really?” I asked, unable to stop myself. “Normally I would expect Rarity to fall into the trap of spouting conversational clichés, not you.” “Ah haven’t fallen into nuthin, and Ah really gotta get back to it Dusk. Could you please step aside.” I wasn’t standing in her way. “Applejack, I’m standing off to your right.” I said; worry bleeding through into my voice. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’re not looking too good. I think you might need to see a doctor, the rest of us can help-” “Ah don’t need no help!” She snarled suddenly, taking me aback. “And Ah don’t need no doctor neither! Now if you’ll excuse me, Ah’ve got Apples to buck!” She got right into my face and growled the last part. My ears flattened and my own (impressive) temper flared in instinctive response, but I suppressed it. She was clearly not thinking straight, but I couldn’t exactly subdue her and drag her off to the hospital. “Alright, alright.” I placated, taking a few steps back. She snorted angrily and tried to whirl around smartly and walk away but ended up tripping over her own legs in a fashion not dissimilar to Ponyville’s resident walleyed mailmare. I chose not to comment on that in the interest of keeping her somewhat calm and walked away, resolving to keep an eye on her and take action as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I was unable to keep an eye on Applejack much for the next day and a half. As much as I would have liked to haunt her every step until she inevitably collapsed from exhaustion and then carted her off to Ponyville General, the Civic Guard Legion takes a dim view of such behavior, to say nothing of Applejack’s response if she discovered me, so I was limited to remote observation. The problem with that is Sweet Apple Acres is a big place, and just finding Applejack was a problem. So much so that I didn’t see her at all until she had her appointment with Rainbow… I should have known Rainbow Dash was involved immediately when I saw the stupid thing in the town square, but I foolishly held out hope otherwise. Nopony else would go through the trouble of building a diving board and seesaw in the town commons. The rickety disaster-waiting-to-happen looked like it had been constructed in a hurry and wasn’t something I wanted to get within fifty feet of, but since I saw two familiar ponies next to it I felt it my duty to intervene before someone ended up in the hospital. So, leaving Spike to take over library duties, I marched on out. “Uh, Rainbow?” I began, noting with great trepidation the manic look in her eyes that I’ve come to equate with one of her fits of suicidal overconfidence. “Great! Dusk! You’re here! Now you can watch me try out my greatest, most awesome trick ever! It works by-” “You standing on that seesaw and Applejack jumping onto the other end.” I finished for her. “I have eyes Rainbow, I also a working knowledge of physics, which is why I can tell you that this isn’t going to work.” “What? Of course it will! Applejack’ll land on that side and I’ll get launched-” “As high as the platform she jumped from. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less, depending on your mass relative to hers. It’s basic physics Rainbow. The laws of conservation of mass and momentum.” I pointed out. How could somepony go through flight camp without knowledge of basic physics? “Unless Applejack is made of dark matter and somehow managed to conceal that fact from everypony, you’re not going to get more than a few inches above that platform and even that’s doubtful.” “Ha! Watch and learn egghead! Go ahead Applejack!” She called excitedly. I rolled my eyes and waited for the laws of physics to work. They did not disappoint. Applejack jumped off the platform and (surprisingly) landed dead center on her end of the seesaw. From there physics took over and Rainbow Dash was propelled…right into the platform. She had launched and angled her flight expecting a much greater amount of initial thrust, and when she didn’t get the thrust she needed to do whatever alliterative trick she had dreamed up this time she ended up plowing through the platform skull first with rather spectacular results. I casually trotted over to the wreckage after making sure Applejack wasn’t injured. Rainbow is probably the only pony I know who’s accrued more head trauma than me, but her skull is harder than your average boulder, so I wasn’t that worried. Besides, the ricketiness of the platform actually played to her favor, instead of holding together and seriously damaging her it just sort of ablated the instant she hit it, sending a comical amount of debris all over the place. I found a confused Rainbow lying face up in a pile of debris and quirked an eyebrow at her. “So, how was your flight?” I asked brightly, breaking into a smile when she scowled at me and insinuated something that would have had Fluttershy blushing redder than Big Mac. “Aww, come now, colossal failure is no reason to cast aspersions of that sort upon my family line. Besides, the badger would never have stood for it. Everything in one piece or should I call Life Flight? I’m pretty sure they know you by sight by now.” “Buck off egghead.” She grumbled. Her language got much more colorful when she wasn’t around the rest of us. Granted, I’m the last pony who should talk about foul language, but I still find it amusing. “So that’s a ‘no’ then. Alright, in that case I’m going to go see about Applejack.” “Is she okay?” Rainbow asked, suddenly serious. “She seemed a bit off when she showed up and I may have been…uh…” “Too enamored with your new stunt to see it?” I filled in for her. “No, to be frank she’s not. She’s apparently trying to harvest the whole of Sweet Apple Acres’ apple crop all by herself.” “What? Is she nuts? There’s like…a billion trees!” Rainbow said, neatly summing up the problem. “Crazy, no. Sleep deprived and stubborn, yes. If this goes on much more I might end up calling Life Flight for her.” I replied, looking Rainbow in the eye. “I’m trying to convince her to get some help, but she’s not hearing any of it.” “Do you want me to tell Pinkie and Fluttershy? They’d pitch in in a heartbeat.” I considered it for a second before sighing. “No, I don’t think we should. If they cancel on her she’s bound to question why and get angry, and even if Pinkie could deflect her, which is doubtful, Fluttershy can’t stand up to an angry and irrational Applejack. I’ll keep an eye on her and keep trying to convince her to get some help.” “I could keep an eye on her too!” Rainbow said hotly. I grinned. She wasn’t the element of loyalty for nothing. “Yes, you could, but I can teleport her to the hospital if worst comes to worst.” I was struck, mid-sentence by an idea. “You could talk to Carrot Top though, she hires freelance workers to help her with the harvest occasionally, she might know a few ponies who could be hired on to help Applejack.” “Could the Apples afford it?” Rainbow asked doubtfully. My brow wrinkled and I grumbled a curse, she had a point. Sweet Apple Acres, despite its size, isn’t nearly as profitable an institution as many residents of Ponyville like to think. It seems like Applejack is always worrying about the financial status of her family business, and occasionally when we all go out together the way she attacks the hard cider hints at escapism. “No, probably not. Damn it…where’d she go?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder and noticing a pointed lack of orange pony by the remains of the seesaw. “I dunno, I thought you were watching her with your magic or something!” Rainbow said, hopping up off the ground and floating a few feet upwards, rubbernecking all the while. “I can’t do that Dash, it’s illegal. I’d need either the express permission of the Canterlot High Court or a black market version of a military surveillance construct, and I only have three of those left after the last one crashed into Everfree a week ago. Okay, could you go and see if she went back to Sweet Apple Acres? I’ll look around town.” “Check with Pinkie and Fluttershy, AJ had plans with them.” And with that, she went streaking off towards Sweet Apple Acres, kicking up some dust with the speed of her flight. I didn’t know the timeframe of Applejack’s plans, but trying to wrangle any usable information out of Pinkie Pie was an exercise in frustration, so I headed out to Fluttershy’s cottage figuring even if I was wrong and Applejack wasn’t there I’d be able to get the information I wanted faster. “Oh, I’m so sorry Dusk, but Applejack isn’t due here for another hour or so.” Fluttershy had been distracted by her bunny census thing when I came, but when she heard about Applejack she’d been more than willing to listen. “You don’t need to apologize.” I sighed. In all honesty, it’s better that Fluttershy hasn’t had to deal with Applejack in her current state. This rabbit thing had been stressing her out enough recently and she’s not exactly the type of pony who deals with stress well. “Just be aware that-” I was cut off by Rainbow Dash skidding to a halt a few feet away. Fluttershy squeaked and jumped out of her skin at the sudden ruckus, I settled for wincing and taking a step back. I hate it when she does that. What’s wrong with a quiet, sedate, normal greeting? “Dusk, we got a problem.” Rainbow said urgently, pressing her face into mine and twitching with nervous energy. “Applejack related I take it?” I pushed her back with a hoof to reclaim my personal space. “Her plans with Pinkie came first and it’s a disaster!” Rainbow shouted practically right into my ear. “She said she was helping run Sugarcube Corner…” Chains of logic cascaded through my brain and I hit a fairly frightening conclusion. “Oh horseapples.” “That’s what I said!” Rainbow replied. “Nurse Redheart set up a clinic right outside the building and-” “I’ll go there and see if I can get anything out of Pinkie. You fly back to Sweet Apple Acres and try and find her. If you do, do not engage her, just circle overhead and keep an eye on her, if she’s anything like she was when I last saw her she might try to fight and if that happens…well let’s just hope it doesn’t. I’ll find you after I’m done in town.” I snapped out the order the same way my brother used to snap orders at me and teleported into town before Rainbow could talk back. The clinic wasn’t hard to find. A huge tent had been set up right beside Sugarcube Corner and the sounds I could hear emanating from the poor unfortunate souls inside were enough to start turning my stomach. Nurse Redheart was pacing to and fro out front and barking out orders to her underlings who were, by and large, ferrying buckets full of…emissions, off to be disposed of. Seeing no point in waiting I trotted over to her and got her attention. “How bad is it?” I asked in lieu of greeting. The harried nurse shot me a disgruntled look before giving me what I wanted. “Food poisoning, real bad. I don’t know what went into those muffins but I’ve had to pump a few stomachs already and I’m going to have to do more before this is all said and done.” She growled, eyeing a foul smelling bucked being carried by a disgusted assistant with utmost distaste. “If this was somepony’s idea of a joke I won’t be treating them once the crowd finds them out.” “I doubt this was deliberate, though whether that makes it more or less frightening is a matter of personal perspective.” I mumbled as my stomach did a quadruple gainer. “You think you know who did this?” She asked sharply. “Think, yes, know, no.” A large Applejack’s financial livelihood depended on her baking, and this incident was going to bite her in the plot with the quickness, but I wasn’t going to start that particular train wreck. “Look, is Pinkie Pie in there? I need to talk to her.” “Not a chance, she’s sick like the rest of them.” “If I can talk to her I can find out who caused this-” Just as I was about to finish, an assistant fumbled a bucket and splashed no less than three of his colleagues in half digested food and stomach fluid. This being the metaphorical straw that broke the Mareabian Camel’s back, caused a chain reaction of such horrific proportions that I was sure it would go down in Ponyville history. “Mess.” “Celestia’s radiant flank!” Spat Redheart. “Scalpel, start cleaning that bucking mess up, Pipette, get a few of the nurses inside to come out here and take over bucket duty, the rest of you just…go clean up and get back here in five minutes. Five bucking minutes, you hear me? If you’re one feathering minute late I’ll have your hides! Go!” Something told me Redheart had done a stint in the Army. “Can I go in and talk to Pinkie now?” “If you can find out who did this you can go bugger the Griffon ambassador for all I care.” She snarled, stalking off to start the unenviable task of cleaning up after her assistants, who all looked equally disgusted and terrified. Not wasting any time I trotted over to the tent and, after taking a moment to gird myself, walked in. The tableau I saw was nothing less than nightmarish. Ponies were stretched out on folding cots, occasionally rolling partway over to vomit energetically into buckets placed near each cot. They all looked understandably miserable and some of the younger ones were openly crying. The older ponies generally restricted themselves to moaning or cursing, though Derpy had tears streaming down her muzzle and was mumbling about feeling betrayed. The smell, trapped as it was by the tent, reached dizzying heights and I retched a few times before I got my traitorous gut under control. Once I was reasonably sure I wasn’t about to add to the problem I located Pinkie and went over to try and get Applejack’s itinerary out of her. “Pinkie?” I was trying to breathe as little as possible, which made my voice rather quiet. “Pinkie? You awake?” “Huh?” She asked weakly. She was sprawled out on a cot, looking as green as a pony with her coat color could possibly be. Judging by the numerous ring shaped divots in the dirt she’d thrown up frequently. “Pinkie, it’s me, Dusk. Was Applejack with you when you made the baked goods for the giveaway today?” “They weren’t baked goods, they were baked bads.” She emphasized the last word strongly. Then, before she could say anything else, she made an uncomfortably wet burping noise. Her face twisted into a grimace and she rolled over, tilting her head over the side of the bed. “Oh no oh no oh no. No no no no no. Not again. Please not-” She didn’t get to finish. She started filling the bucket noisily and, judging by her expression, painfully. I stood, watching in morbid fascination, for a second before feeling very awkward. I had no idea what to do in this situation, so after a second of deliberation I fell back on what Celestia had done with me when I was sick as a foal. Walking behind her as she continued to vomit I ran a hoof up and down her back, murmuring to her as I did and hoping it wasn’t as awkward as I felt it was. “It’ll be okay Pinkie, don’t fight it. You’ll be okay.” Somehow Celestia was much better at this than I was. “It’ll be over soon…” When she finally stopped expelling liquid she dry heaved a few times before flopping back to the cot with exhausted tears running down her face. “What are mister and missus cake gonna think? I run Sugarcube Corner for one day and I get everypony sick…” She lamented, holding her belly. “This wasn’t your fault Pinkie.” Well, there was a chance Pinkie had messed up the baking, but given Applejack’s involvement and her own prodigious skills I highly doubted it. “Here, wash out your mouth.” I levitated the water out of the glass that had been left by her cot and broke it into amorphous blobs. After cleaning her mouth with the first mouthful I fed her she drank the rest and flopped back down listlessly. Mimicking Celestia again I tucked the blankets around her gently and fluffed her pillow. “I’ll be back later okay? I gotta go find Applejack.” Once I was out of the vomit scented air of the tent and far enough away that I couldn’t hear constant retching I took a few deep breaths and formulated my next move. If Applejack was done here odds are she would be at Sweet Apple Acres, but Rainbow hadn’t come to find me so she was either in transit or hadn’t arrived yet. Damn it, how can one pony be so bucking hard to find? “Son of a nag Applejack.” I growled as I seriously contemplated breaking out a surveillance construct to find her. I was only able to stop myself by imagining that awful disappointed look Celestia gives me when I use black market military equipment to spy on civilians. “If you weren’t so feathering stubborn…” Underneath the copious anger I was getting increasingly worried for her. The fallout from this incident was going to be nothing short of catastrophic and it wasn’t going to help Sweet Apple Acres any. Despite the numerous farms the Apple clan held across the country their profit margins couldn’t be as high as other farms because of their borderline egomaniacal refusal to incorporate new technology into their farming methods. I could, academically, appreciate the appeal of sticking to traditional values but the extent to which they took it boggled me. The last thing they needed was bad publicity. This needed to stop, as soon as possible, before any more harm could come to anypony. I started trotting down the lane that would take me to the distant farm but I was distracted by screams from the closest residential area. I changed course and bolted toward the source of the screaming, dodged a carrot cart, made a right turn down Craft Lane, through the town square, cut across the lawn of the Ponyville bank, and into the middle class neighborhood I went only to find… “Rabbits?” The square was full of rabbits and, apparently, unconscious ponies. Roseluck was the closest, and the most coherent looking, so I approached her. “All this fuss over rabbits?” “It’s a disaster!” She wailed with enough melodrama to make Rarity blush. “Our gardens are ruined! Every petal devoured!” “All this fuss…over rabbits?” I repeated, annoyed. “Ah, Dusk Shine, I hope you aren’t responsible for this.” Mayor Mare said from behind me, nearly scaring my coat grey in the process. I turned to find her, looking thoroughly unamused, flanked by two town guardsponies. “I’ve heard that summoning animals is a common prank in Celestia’s Academy, but I assure you it isn’t regarded so highly out here.” “I did not summon these rabbits.” I returned evenly, though I was offended that she assumed it was me. “In fact, unless I’m gravely mistaken it was-” “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness I’m so sorry miss Mayor ma’am!” Fluttershy appeared from behind a nearby house, frantically trying to herd recalcitrant rabbits ahead of her and failing miserably. “I was trying to take the bunny census and they just got out. By the time I got here they’d-oh please stop little bunnies, those aren’t your flowers!-they’d already started eating town property. I’m so so sorry, I promise I’ll get them rounded up in a second.” The yellow mare was quivering in near panic and the Mayor’s visible unhappiness with the situation wasn’t helping. “Was Applejack, perchance, helping you take the census when the great escape occurred?” I asked. The consequences for this would be unpleasant, but if it was a choice between Fluttershy getting undeserved blame and Applejack getting punished for what she did do it was an easy choice to make, however uncomfortable. “Yes she was-please stop mister bunny!-I’m so sorry Mayor!” “Is something wrong with Applejack?” Mayor Mare asked, displaying memory and a level of genre savvy that I rarely saw in ponies. “Besides a skull harder than thundersteel plate?” I couldn’t keep all the irritation out of my voice. “Yeah, she got it into her head that she could harvest the whole apple crop by herself while keeping her promises to help out various ponies around town. She’s been at it non-stop with little to no sleep. Last time we talked her vision and motor function were noticeably impaired, to say nothing of her mental state.” “Mmph. Damn. Earth ponies are tough, but even we’ve got our limits…relax Fluttershy, no one is angry with you.” Even the Mayor’s military-trained disapproval couldn’t hold up against upset Fluttershy. “Just work on rounding up the rabbits, nothing too valuable was destroyed.” She said, sparing a derisive glance and snort at the fainted ponies. “I’m going to go find Applejack.” I informed the Mayor. “Please do, I’ll need to have words with her.” The former general confirmed icily before turning to her subordinates. “Now, you two, help Fluttershy. I’m going to Sugarcube corner to see if Redheart needs anything. Bring her in quick Dusk Shine, it would be...awkward if I had to send the guards after a pony I just gave an award to, but if I have to...” Not waiting to hear any more I charged my horn and teleported to the entrance of Sweet Apple Acres. As soon as I popped into the third dimension again I saw Rainbow hurtling towards me. Before I could react she was skidding to a halt in front of me and kicking up a cloud of dust. “She’s off that way.” Rainbow pointed a hoof westward and followed me as I started walking in that direction. “I think she got lost on her way here or something since I didn’t see her come onto the farm. I tried to talk to her but she got real mad and started yelling at me. She didn’t make any sense Dusk, I think something’s wrong. She keeps trying to buck the same trees over and over again and she’s doing it wrong.” “Doing it wrong? How?” “She’s not kicking right, if you do it the right way you absorb most of the impact in your muscles, the way she’s doing it she’s gonna break something.” Trust Rainbow to recognize bad athletic performance. “She’s not thinking straight Rainbow. She caused a rabbit stampede in town. Mayor Mare’s furious. We have to get her to stop or the Mayor’s going to have the town guards do it.” “What?! That’s crazy!” Rainbow’s voice nearly popped my eardrums for the second time in the day. Ow. “She gave over two dozen ponies severe food poisoning and the rabbits she antagonized are eating town property, Fluttershy’s beside herself. The only reason we get a chance to do this is because the Mayor doesn’t want to arrest a pony she just had an award ceremony for.” “But-” “Either we do this or the guards do Rainbow.” I interrupted. “Will you help me or not?” “I’ll help.” She said uncomfortably. “But how are we gonna get her to go in?” “We ask first, and if that fails you get her attention for a second so I can bind her.” The thought of turning my magic on Applejack made my insides hurt, but there was nothing for it. “Didn’t you say she could hurt herself if you do that? Couldn’t you just put her to sleep or something? She needs to sleep, why can’t you just do that?” She implored. The same part of my brain that was planning how to magically assault Applejack noticed Rainbow’s behavior and contemplated that her sense of loyalty might lead her to take Applejack’s side if it came down to a confrontation, especially if I had to use magic. Then that same part started contemplating how to subdue Rainbow as well. I stopped myself before it went too far though, just the knowledge that I was capable of planning that sickened me a bit. “Sleeping spells are dangerous at the best of times, but using them on somepony whose gone without sleep long enough to act like this? I could put her into a sleep she’d never wake up from. It’s too risky. Look, hopefully it won’t come to that. Let me start and…and if things go south, then just get her attention for a second and I’ll take care of the rest.” “Okay…” Rainbow was still obviously not convinced, but arguing with her would only make things worse, so I shut my mouth and grimly trotted on. After a minute of walking I caught a glimpse of orange fur and yellow mane through the neatly ordered trees and angled towards it. Rainbow made a nervous sort of sound in her throat and bit her lip worriedly. It was very telling that Applejack didn’t notice us until we were two body lengths away. “Applejack?” No response. I looked her over and found her in even worse condition than the last time I’d seen her. Her mane was in complete disarray, her eyes were horrifically bloodshot, the cracks in her hooves were much more pronounced, some of them had blood seeping into the cracks, and she was having trouble walking in a straight line. “Applejack!” “Huh? What?” Her head whipped towards me and she stumbled, nearly falling into a dry creek bed/irrigation channel that served as a dividing line between the apple orchard and hay fields. “Whozere?” “It’s us AJ, Rainbow and Dusk.” Rainbow looked like she was about to do something stupid, like grab Applejack and fly away. “Oh, why’re y’all here? I gotta finish applebuckin’.” Her speech was slurred and she couldn’t even focus on us. Her legs were trembling with fatigue. Forget going home to rest, she needed to get to the hospital. “The Mayor needs to talk to you Applejack. It’s important.” I lied, stepping partially in front of Rainbow just in case. “Why?” Her red rimmed eyes narrowed in suspicion, or sleep depravation, hard to tell. “Because you ruined Pinkie’s thing and caused a bunny stampede!” Dammit Rainbow. Now is not the time for brutal honesty. “Ah helped!” Applejack snarled, anger stealing across her features. “Ah made a promise and Ah kept it! Like always!” “The Mayor needs to talk to you, after that you can go right back to applebucking, I promise.” I placated, or tried to. The shocked look Rainbow shot me didn’t help matters any. “Ah’m not goin’ nowhere, not until Ah’m done! Now git outa here! Go!” “But the Mayor told us AJ!” “It was a direct order Applejack.” I stood my ground under her baleful glare, which didn't seem to please her. “Wait a pony pickin’ minute…yer lyin’ ta me!” Of all the bucking times for the feathering element of Honesty to rear its bucking head it just had to choose now. Of bucking course. “Whoa, easy AJ, we just need you to talk to the Mayor.” Rainbow took a few (wise) steps back, holding a hoof up defensively as Applejack stalked wrathfully forward. "She told-" “Ah cain’t believe it! Y’all’re lyin, ta me!” I backed up along with Rainbow and started charging up a binding that would hopefully paralyze her before she could do anything drastic. Unfortunately she somehow noticed it and changed targets from Rainbow to me, whirling around with shocking celerity for a pony clearly on her last legs. Then she stepped on a loose stone and fell into the creek bed. Her benumbed brain didn’t even register surprise before the loose earth collapsed out from under her hooves. If she had been well-rested she would have been fine, but in her state she didn’t have the reflexes to save herself. Rainbow and I both lunged forward to try and save her, but we’d both backed up too far and all we could do was watch her fall. Once, twice, three times she bounced down the steep slope of the ditch, tumbling wildly and flailing her hooves in a desperate attempt to regain control. The impacts only served to send her into a wild spin that whirled her around and brought her skull into contact with a knobby rock with terrifying momentum and a sharp crack that sent a jolt of sympathetic pain and fear through me. She didn’t move. She didn’t make a sound. Slowly, a trickle of red spread out onto the rock as Rainbow and I stood, rooted in place with horror. “Applejack!” Rainbow shrieked and attempted to jump down but I grabbed her out of the air with telekinesis before she could. “Oof, What the buck Dusk?! We need to get her!” She struggled wildly, trying to escape the bands of force I’d netted her with. “We can’t! She’s got a head wound!” “That’s why we’ve got to save her!” “If we move her we’ll only make it worse, now stop struggling so I can call Life Flight dammit!” I bellowed. She reluctantly stopped struggling, stood still, staring at Applejack’s motionless form and grinding her teeth audibly. My heart was pounding and I could hear blood rushing in my ears, but I didn’t let that distract me. I poured energy into my horn and shot up a gargantuan bolt of cobalt energy that detonated with a concussive boom and lingered in the sky above our position, the universal emergency signal. It’s the first official spell every Unicorn learns to use and it would bring a Pegasus paramedic to the scene of an emergency at any time of day or night. It took just less than three minutes for three winged forms to appear spearing through the sky towards us, but it was easily one of the longest collection of miserable seconds I’d ever had to live through. All I could do was alternately watch the pool of blood under Applejack's unmoving head expand slowly and Rainbow dancing on her hooves in futile desperation. My gorge rose as I found it increasingly difficult not to stare at the blood and I had to work to keep my breakfast down. Rainbow's eyes constantly darted up to the sky, searching for the medics on the way about once every five seconds. When the paramedics finally arrived Rainbow noticed them first. She launched into the sky with a sound somewhere between a sob and a shout, and the Pegasi instantly oriented on her. What came next was a textbook Life Flight air lift to Ponyville General. Rainbow refused to leave Applejack, which left me to go back to town to inform the Mayor…and find Apple Bloom and Granny Smith. All in all, it took three days before all of the Elements could be reunited again. Applejack sustained a severe concussion and a mild skull fracture, but nothing worse than that from the fall, but her overexertion was another story altogether. Extensive hoof damage, stress fractures in both hind legs, muscle tears, ligament damage, tendon damage, dehydration and clinical exhaustion. It wasn’t until two days after her fall that she regained consciousness, surrounded by an extremely distraught sister and grandmother. Big Mac, I heard, was on his way back from Canterlot and had been in the hospital there receiving osteoregenerative treatments for similar injuries. Treatments which Applejack would have to undergo in the near future. which partially explained how the whole mess started. In Applejack's desperation to bring in enough bits to keep the farm afloat in the wake of her brother's medical bills she pushed herself beyond her limits, and refused to (as she had said many a time) 'make a liar of mahself' by not fulfilling any promises she had made. Rainbow's offhoof comment about the Apples not being able to afford hired help, unfortunately, turned out to be true, and the reason Applejack had been so zealously determined. Their finances were going to be tight enough as it was and I seriously doubted any of the Apples would ever have applied for a loan, they had too much of the Earth Pony independent streak in them and the the concept of debt was anathema to many earth ponies who (however subconsciously) recalled the bad old times when they had been kept as indentured servants to the more militaristic Pegasi or manipulative Unicorn noble houses and kept in line by a vicious cycle of owed money and insufficient pay. By the time we got in to see her the news of her condition had spread through the town rumor mill, though Mayor Mare had prevented any truly scandalous stories by giving the masses a (slightly edited) version of the truth, leaving out some of the more personal details. The old general also had her promised ‘talk’ with Applejack, though I was sure she wasn’t as harsh as she originally intended to be. It was only after the Mayor and her family were done visiting her that the rest of us got to go in, just a few minutes before the end of visiting hours. Walking into any hospital room is always uncomfortable, just knowing that somepony you care about is badly injured or sick is enough to make anypony feel bad, and this was no exception. While the room was well lit by a south facing window, the white tile floor and identically colored walls gave the impression of sterility and clinical detachment instead of any sort of warmth or hope. Similarly, Applejack’s cream bedding made her coat and mane look sallow and unhealthy, to say nothing of the bandages swathed around her head. What was even worse though, was Applejack herself. After having the Mayor and her family have a go at her for her actions, which I had no doubt they did, she was still obviously smarting. She wouldn’t, or couldn’t, look any of us in the eye when we came in and I could see wet spots on her pillow. Spike, who was riding on my back as usual, tightened his grip on me but said nothing “We came as soon as we could get in. How are you feeling?” Fluttershy was, predictably, the first to try and console her. Applejack said nothing, though her face tightened noticeably and fresh tears sparkled in her eyes. A long, horribly awkward pause followed. “I brought you some flowers darling.” Rarity announced with forced cheer, adding them to a small collection of similar arrangements on her nightstand, mostly from family. “Just in case you get hungry later. Hospital food is notoriously dreadful after all!” “Thanks.” Applejack’s voice was toneless, but only because she fought hard to make it that way. The tears built. “We’re not mad at you AJ.” Rainvow said awkwardly, rubbing her mane with a hoof. “We came to see how you were feeling.” “Ah feel stupid.” She scrubbed at her eyes with and sniffed. “Ah wrote a check mah legs couldn’t cash and Ah got other ponies hurt. All ‘cause Ah was too featherin’ stubborn to accept help.” “It’s okay Applejack, we aren’t mad at you.” Fluttershy found herself face to face with somepony who needed nurturing and her natural instincts took over, she walked up to Applejack quite unabashedly, giving her a soft nuzzle and adjusted the blankets to cover her more completely. “Don’t feel bad.” “Yeah, no one got hurt like for serious.” Worry had reduced Pinkie to a mere shadow of her normal perky self, but she was still quick to jump in. “Everypony’s better now and they’re still buying stuff from your cart, so you don’t have to be a sad mopey dopey poney anymore!” The cheer in Pinkie’s voice only seemed to make Applejack feel even worse. "Look, mister and missus Cake had me bring this!" How Pinkie produced the (large) arrangement of flowers, complete with heavy duty vase, was beyond me, but I wasn't in the mood to question it. “Ah’m sorry.” Applejack rasped. “To all of ya, Ah’m really sorry.” “It’s okay Applejack.” Fluttershy said instantly, nuzzling Applejack again. Pinkie didn’t waste time with words, she just hopped over and gathered Applejack into a hug. The physical contact was what finally opened the floodgates and before long Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity were clumped up in a watery group hug. Rainbow and I stood off to the side awkwardly for a few moments before joining the others as best we could with the limited space available. Spike had to hop off my back and carefully crawl over Rarity to join in. We all politely ignored the tears falling from Applejack’s eyes and the quivering, labored breaths she took kept silent until she got herself under control again and we broke apart. Except for Fluttershy who, being Fluttershy and thus unable to not nurture anything that needed nurturing, kept close to her. Spike looked like he wanted to stay but apparently thought better of it and clambered back on top of me. “Thanks. Ah…Ah needed that.” Her muzzle was wet with tears and her eyes were almost as bloodshot as they had been when I had seen her in the orchard, but she sounded infinitely better for the catharsis. “Don’t worry about it.” I said, eager to change the subject for her sake as well as everypony else’s. “So, how long are you going to stay in here?” “The doctor says he wants me ta stay for anuther two days, and Ah won’t be able to go applebuckin’ fer at least a month.” The anxiety in her voice was obvious. “And with Big Mac’s legs just the same way there’s no way the apples are gonna be harvested on time.” The way she blurted that out convinced me that she’d been brooding over it for a while and needed to vent. Fortunately, her family had seen fit to acquire some additional help though I was surprised they hadn’t mentioned it to her. “Uh…AJ, the apples are all harvested.” Rainbow said, looking worried. “Are you sure your head’s okay?” “Rainbow!” Rarity hissed, tossing her an indignant glare. “What?” The ever astute Pegasus replied eloquently. “What Rainbow means is that we harvested the apples.” I informed a stunned looking Applejack. “But…how did…there was still so much left to do…” “You’d be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it darling.” Rarity said, patting her gently. “Why, with the five of us working together and your magnificent brother directing us we were able to harvest the apples in a trice!” “Wait a minute, yer tellin’ me that Big Mac taught y’all how ta applebuck?” “Well yeah, duh.” Pinkie said, bouncing happily now that Applejack wasn’t looking so gloomy anymore, and I could swear her mane got...poofier for a second. “It’s not that hard. Rainbow cleared, like, a bazillion trees, and so did Dusk! Big Mac said it was the fastest applebuck season ever!” She reared and waved her hooves excitedly nearly overbalancing herself. "Y-y'all did that fer...fer me?" Her voice got tremulous again. "Of course darling, we could never just leave you hanging, so to speak, and if you ever need any help in the future you simply must tell us! We will always be there for you!" For once I appreaciated Rarity's flare for the melodramatic, as it seemed to be exactly what Applejack needed at the moment. "Thank 'ya." She sniffed, smiling widely. "Ah...Ah appreciate that more than Ah can say." "No problemo!" Pinkie said with a wink. "Just make sure ya tell us before things get out of hoof again okay AJ?" "Ah promise." "Good." Fluttershy said. "Oh, yes, I almost forgot, I brought you some egg noodle soup to help you get better." "I brought you some stuff too!" Rainbow's memory was apparently spurred by Fluttershy's contribution of several containers of soup (which, combined, took up all of the remaining space on the small bedside table.) and she reached into her own Pegasi modified saddlebags and pulled out a red plastic jar with a screw top lid and giant striped Haysian jungle cats liberally printed on it. "I use this stuff when I'm done working out, it burns like hay, but your muscles feel at least thirty five percent more awesome after that!" "Dusk and I brought stuff too!" Spike was all to eager to reach into my saddlebags and remove the envelope I had carefully packed away earlier. Once he had fished it out he hopped down and presented it to a slightly confused Applejack. "Passes to the University of Canterlot arboretum." I explained. "I heard that you're going to have to visit the Canterlot Orthopedics Clinic and I figured you'd want something to do while you waited for the late train back to Ponyville." "The arboretum is huge!" Spike gushed. "It's got all kinds of fruit trees there and sometimes they even let you pick some of it!" "I'm pretty sure they only let you do that because you gave our tour guide puppy eyes while your stomach growled." I pointed out. Spike had one of the best begging faces I'd ever seen. It took a hard pony to say no to him when he looked up at you with those big, bright, hopeful eyes of his. "Anyway, there are four season passes in there so you could bring Big Mac, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith along if you want." "Thanks Dusk, that was mighty kind a' ya." She said, allowing Fluttershy to place the envelope on the table where it wouldn't get sodden from spilled water. "Ah almost expected 'ya ta bring me a book." "Uh..." I froze in the middle of pulling out a copy of History of Comparative Agriculture from my saddlebag. "Bahahaha! Only you egghead!" Rainbow laughed, joined by everypony else much to my chagrin. "Oi, I thought it was very appropriate." I sniffed, my ears canting back. "Here, it's not a completely thorough treatise, but it what it lacks in breadth it makes up for in depth. I highly doubt Mareabian farming techniques would be very effective around here anyway." "Thanks Dusk, Ah'll read it on the train to Canterlot." She accepted my gift with mirth in her voice and a sparkle in her eye, which was a win. "I told you Dusk." Spike said smugly. I shot him a repressive glare and returned my attention to Applejack. "Anyway, ignoring the peanut gallery." Another laugh from the peanut gallery was summarily ignored. "Can I ask you about the stampede the other week?" I'd been waiting to ask about this since it happened, and Celestia was if not impatient then...eager, to know the details. "Uh, sure, what do ya want to know?" "I saw you talking to the head cow, did you ask what caused it? I tried to get through to the herd but they're..." I struggled to come up with the proper word to describe trying to have a succinct conversation with a cow. "They're cows, so they flapped their gums for hours and didn't tell ya a thing." Applejack finished for me knowingly. "Yeah. It was...an experience." One that I would never repeat if I could help it. I like cows, but they can get wearisome. "So what caused it?" "One of them saw a snake." "...A snake." "Eeyup." "Ugh, of course. Oh well, at least it won't do any major damage in the long run." "What?" Applejack, and everypony besides Spike, was understandably confused, and I would've elaborated, but I was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Excuse me," Said Nurse Redheart, poking her head in. "But visiting hours are over. I'm afraid you all will have to leave and give the patient time to rest." Her tone was professional, but the way she looked at Applejack lead me to believe she hadn't forgiven her for the mess at Sugarcube Corner. "What? Can't we just-" "No, miss Dash, you can't." Yes, Nurse Redheart had most definitely served in the military at some point. You don't learn to glare like that anywhere else. "Ugh, fine." Rainbow grumbled, eyeing the nurse mutinously. "It's alright y'all. A nap sounds pretty good actually." Applejack said. "Okay, we'll come back to see you tomorrow." Fluttershy nuzzled Applejack again, unable to fight her urge to nurture. "Yes, oh! I can bring my hooficure kit and-" "Not a chance Rares." Applejack deadpanned, much to my amusement. "See you tomorrow AJ! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Pinkie promised, making a ridiculous hoof gesture. "Yeah, see ya tomorrow." Rainbow took her turn. I tried to follow her up, but something rose unbidden from the depths of my subconscious and I aborted before I could begin. A brief but vicious war waged in my mind and my face screwed up as I debated fiercely. Apparently the others noticed, because they gave me some odd looks. Spike just covered his face with a paw. "Oh just get them out of your system Dusk." He grumbled. "Get what out of-" "So Applejack," I interrupted, grinning painfully wide, her before she could finish her question. "Yes?" She said warily. "About that stampede." "Yeah?" "It's a good thing you were able to steer it clear of Ponyville." Dead silence. "Uh...Ah suppose?" "I bet that, after all that running you had to do, your calves were burning something awful." I snickered to myself and Pinkie broke out into peals of laughter. "Haven't Ah suffered enough?" She groaned, covering her face with her hooves "The newspaper really milked the story for all its worth." "Really Dusk, I thought better of you." Rarity glowered at me. "This is not the time for-" "What? Do you think my jokes are cheesy? "Ugh, that's like, anti-awesome Dusk." Rainbow said, wrinkling her nose. "I read an account of what happened in the Ponyville Post, it was a very moooving story!" I laughed until Applejack's pillow collided with my face. "Git! Git outta here!" "Oh come on now Applejack, what's your beef with me?" Pinkie was writhing on the floor at that point. "Ah said Git!" At that point Redheart came back to glare at us and we all walked out, me and Pinkie still laughing. "I hope you're proud of yourself." Spike grumbled as he followed me. "Of course I am!" I picked him up telekinetically and plonked him down on my back, feeling happier than I had since the stampede. "I've been waiting to use those for over a week now!" "You're a bad pony." he said assuredly. "I know!" I replied gleefully. "Now come, we have a report to compose!" Dear Princess Celestia, I finally have the information you wanted about the cow stampede: one of the cows saw a snake and they panicked. Yes, seriously, that's what happened. Applejack told me herself and while it is entirely possible that there were ulterior motives on the part of the cows or one of the Parliamentary families in this case I'm willing to take Applejack's word. She's like a walking lie detector, if the cows lied to her she would have known. Besides, the cows here are about as friendly as friendly can be, hay, some of the foals go and play with the calves after school. Speaking of Applejack, she's doing fine. She's healing fast now that she's getting proper food and sleep. She'll be feeling the effects of her overexertion for a while, but there won't be any permanent harm done. In a way I suppose it will be a good lesson for her to learn, to accept help when she needs it I mean, but I wish she had been able to learn it without fracturing her skull. That's all I have to report for now, but if you need more information about the stampede just tell me and I'll see what I can dig up. Your faithful student, Dusk Shine. PS- I talked to Mayor Mare like you said I should. She's still noticeably...military, though she hides it from the regular townsponies. PPS- Also enclosed is a list of cow puns I came up with when I was dealing with this whole mess, I thought you and Luna might like them! PPPS- I removed the cow puns before I sent this, they were abominable, you can thank me later.-Spike.