"Conway, it's Rooke."
"Really? I thought it was Gessler."
"Yes, of course. You know all those weeks ago when I gave you that fun series of jobs that consisted of breaking windows with your face to steal things from my own company?"
"(Lie) No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. You're a terrible liar."
"Damn. What gave me away?"
"Firstly, the CCTV footage I have of you stealing the things, and secondly, the fact that you wrote (Lie) before that message."
"OK, fine. What do you want?"
"One of my company buildings is being demolished, but someone didn't collect all the important files from the database."
"Well, that's a surprise."
"Yeah, every job you get revolves around going to a computer terminal and stealing some info."
"How did you know?"
"You wrote it on your blog. Anyway, you interested?"
"Sure. How much are you paying?"
"I'm not paying you with money."
"So are you paying me with hats?"
"This isn't Team Fortress 2. I'm paying you with a device we're testing. With any luck, it should allow for interdimensional travel."
"..."
"So?"
"...Melanie, are you high?"
Rooke has ended the call.
The rain pattered down on Conway's hat and jacket as he stood outside the building in question. It was like absolutely every Rooke Firearms building in the city, in that it was made of brick, had a ton of windows, and as far as he could tell, guards. Why Melanie insisted on guarding every building, even buildings that are due to be destroyed, Conway would never understand. But, luckily, the terminal he was aiming for was on the bottom floor, and also near a subway on the other side of the building, so it would be quite a quick and simple task to upload the files to a USB and replace it with kitten pictures.
Before he began his work, he pulled out his Crosslink from his pocket, and began to look over all the circuits in the building. To his pleasant surprise, which was concealed by his hat, everything was on the same circuit, meaning that he could wire lightswitches to doors, handscanners to lights, and guns to CCTV cameras. This also meant that it would be the easiest job he'd done for a while, despite the fact that he was being paid in an imaginary device that would let him be a Dimension Hopper.
The sound of smooth jazz playing on a loop in his head, he crouched down, and readied his Bullfrog Hyper-Trousers. Then, he checked the windows he could smash through. There was a top one, and a bottom one. Or, there was a front door, which was most likely the best choice. So, with the least effort and care for his personal safety, Richard released the energy pent up in the legs of his trousers and soared high into the air, before landing on his face a few metres away from the door, and where he was stood originally. Much classier than walking, that was for certain. Richard picked himself up, dusted himself off quickly, and stood by the doorway. Inside, he could hear footsteps patrolling the lobby, and they were rather heavy-set, which meant it would likely be an Enforcer.
Enforcers can't be knocked down, which meant jumping at the guard quickly and hoping that his trigger finger wasn't faster would be unavailable. But, since everybody else in the building didn't seem to hear a loud smash when he booted down doors, he checked his Crosslink to see if he wouldn't have to waste time hiding the (hopefully) unconcious man and the dislodged door. Thankfully, he wouldn't need to spend time doing that, because there were a few things about this room that could help him. First, there was a motion sensor that the guard passed through at least once a minute. That was linked to nothing, but a bit of Crosslinking by Conway meant it would turn off the lights, and open the front door. Next, there was a lightswitch with a power outlet right beneath it. So, his best and most obvious choice there was to link the switch to the outlet, so when it was pressed, whoever pressed it would be electrocuted to the floor and given the 'shock' of their life. Conway didn't really bother with talking to himself, or laughing on the job, or anything of the sort, so to a passer-by, he would look like a man in a trenchcoat and hat texting his wife.
But, here's the trick: he wasn't a man texting his wife. Bam. Classic international super-spy tactic.
So, when Richard was done, he put his 'phone' away and waited. Sure enough, the door clicked open. Moments later, there was a grunt of pain from inside. Hands in his pocket, Conway shuffled inside. The wooden walls and obvious style implementation of a rack of guns on a wall seemed to be the Rooke Firearms choice of decors, and Conway didn't question it. The only thing out of place was a man on the floor, who was sleeping, and not, say, unconcious due to the administration of a few thousand volts into the leg of his trousers. Conway simply stood over the man and stared at nothing in particular, with his hands in his coat pockets. Just then, to his surprise, his phone buzzed.
His phone never buzzed, unless it was Melanie or a client. The client was usually Melanie. Pulling the small device out, he checked it with some curiosity.
Unknown Caller
Identity Encrypted
He stared blankly at it. Then, blank expression not leaving his face, he answered.
"Hello."
"Mr Conway?" a female voice on the other end asked.
"How do you know my name?" he asked.
"You put it on your blog. But that's irrelevant. I have a job for you, that may determine the fate of an entire kingdom. Are you interested?"
"Well, all I had planned for this evening was not getting killed, then going home and watching a marathon of Terminator, so I haven't got anything better to do. Plus, I'm already doing a job for a friend that will supposedly earn me Dimension Hopping powers, so I guess a job of saving a magical kingdom won't be the weirdest thing I've done for a while." The voice on the other end chuckled.
"As it turns out, I already know about that device, and that you'll be the one receiving it, so that's why I called you. I also know that you'll most likely fall asleep whilst watching Terminator Salvation. Don't worry, I don't really like that film either. But whatever. I require your help in 'sorting out' a monarch. He's gotten too big for his ho-erm, boots, and I think we need a good old fashioned scandal to sort him out. From what I can tell, you seem to be good at this sort of thing. Once you have the device in your possession, call me again, and I'll tell you how it's operated."
"Got it."
Then, the other person disconnected, because that's how it normally happens. Richard put the phone away, put his hand in his other pocket, and pulled out his Crosslink. He had some work to do before Melanie paid him, and he could hear that woman's ridiculously sexy voice again.
"Do you have it?"
"Yep."
"Well, you certainly haven't lost any skill. Swap bags with the man on the bench at 24th street. Your payment is in there."
"Alright, thanks. This device isn't a joke to get free services from me?"
"Nope. I'm not that cheap. Plus, even if it was, I wouldn't be able to sit in my office without the window being smashed open and you coming barreling in."
"Hmm. Well, OK. I suppose that makes sense. Thanks, Rooke."
"Indeed."
Rooke has disconnected.
"Well, I have the...thingy." Richard sighed down the phone, staring inquisitively at the small watch-like device around his wrist. It had two small tesla-coil like rods protruding from the top, and the main watch face was dominated by a small keypad. Above, there was a small screen, presumably for seeing what you've typed. "What do I do now?"
"OK, good." replied the ludicrously attractive voice. "You can probably see a small keypad. You'll want to enter the following 100 digit number..." Richard sighed, and prepared himself for typing in all 100 digits.
"...that should be it." the woman sighed. "You're ready to go. A few things you should remember though; one, the guards don't know you're here, so try to keep hidden. Two, most of the circuitry in the castle runs on 4 different lines, so you'll want to set up a few Wirejacks on those. Three, don't panic when you see me. We clear?"
"So I do what I normally do?" Conway asked. "Ooh, sounds difficult."
"Whatever. Now: press the button on the side to start your wonderful adventure." Conway nodded, hung up, and hovered his hand over the button. He paused, and looked around his apartment. It was possibly the last time he'd see the place. DVDs littered the desk, his laptop was lying broken on the couch from when he'd dropped it the other day, and the window had been replaced from his first test of the Bullfrog Hyper-Trousers. He smiled slightly, but then remembered that he had something more fun to do. Pressing the button, the Tesla-rods on the side of the device began to crackle with energy, and he felt a sharp jolt of something inbetween pleasure and being thrown out of a seven story window. He was used to the latter, so basically it felt like pleasure. For about 3 seconds.
Then, his entire world went black, and the last thing he remembered seeing was the wooden roof of his apartment changing to a red roof of velvet.
Conway awoke in a dark place. He had no idea where he was, but all he knew was that he was pretty much alone.
"Oh." he said loudly, standing up and dusting himself off. "Shit." He gazed about with his hands in his pockets. There was nothing about him, except what seemed to be a small formation of stars flowing in the darkness. "Ah. Stars. I'm in space now. Great: this'll totally make sense on my gravestone. 'Here lies Richard Conway; Hat Fancier, Freelance Spy, and Space Adventurer'."
"Actually," a voice replied suddenly, from the direction of the stars, "You're not in space. But, you'll have your own soon." Out of the shadows, much to Richard's confusion, stepped (or trotted) a blue horse, with a unicorn horn and Pegasus wings. It had a small crown, little collar, and it had a mane that flowed freely in a wind that he couldn't feel. He stared blankly at this new thing.
"...what." he asked finally. "You're a horse."
"No, I'm a pony. There's a difference." snorted the pony, rolling her eyes, and approaching further. Conway simply backed away, ecouraging the pony to smirk. "Are you genuinely scared of me? I'm your size, I'm furry, and by my country's standards, adorable. How can you be so terrified?" Instead of replying, he fell over backwards, and shuffled away even more.
Suddenly, he hit an invisible wall, and was forced to cower from this new creature.
"...meeehhh...?" he whimpered, lowering his hat over his eyes.
"Would you feel safer if I introduced myself?" asked the pony, before reaching out a hoof. Conway instinctively reeled back. "Princess Luna, Co-Ruler of Equestria, sister of your client." At the word 'client', Conway immediately serioused up. He stood up, dusted himself off, and shook the hoof firmly, with his other hand in his pocket.
"Richard Conway, Hat Fancier, Window Smasher, Freelance Spy." he said calmly. "And absolutely not terrified about the fact that I'm working for some adorable ponies." Luna smiled at him and removed her hoof from his grasp.
"Well, thank you."
"For what?"
"For already agreeing that I'm adorable. I take that as a compliment."
"I take that as a good thing."
"It is. Now, at the moment, you're unconcious, but you're in my sister's chambers, on her bed. She told me to greet you, and ask you a question: Pony or no?" Conway thought about the question. What was she implying? He decided to ask her.
"What are you implying?" he asked. Luna smirked, and her horn ignited. Conway looked confused, before suddenly being tugged to the floor. Restrained, he was HIGHLY concerned about what she was planning, and the grin she had on, and desperately began to struggle against the bindings. Instead of bothering to tell him to 'stop struggling', Luna decided to use some kind of magic. The kind of magic that apparently made Conway furry, small, and a pony. He didn't even feel the process; he was just a pony. No tingling, burning, or pain: just pony. He stood up, dusted himself off, but couldn't put his hooves in his pockets.
"What the hell...?" he muttered, staring himself over. He still had his ever-beloved trench coat, his amazing hat, the Gatecrahers, and his hyper-trousers. Inside his coat, he could feel something was now a different shape. He already guessed that his Resolver handgun, Crosslinker, and Wirejack were now also ponified. It was incredible! Smirking, and pulling his hat down, he could feel that he had a horn, and that he saw that his fur was brown. "Huh." he murmured, staring at his hoof. "Well...erm...I'd have to get used to this, Princess." He looked up at the blue alicorn, and noticed that she seemed to be drooling. At him. "Are you alright? Princess? Hello? Am I gonna have to Gatecrash you?"
Luna was giving a half-lidded look at the confused stallion, smiling slightly, almost seductively, before she shook her head. "...I...oh...what? Sorry, I...blanked?" She stuttered, blushing. "Well, um, ok, yes. Erm, if you want to fit in here, you'll need a new name. Usually, Equestrian names are related to what a pony does. For instance, I raise the moon, so I'm called Luna. My sister raises the sun, so she's called Celestia. The Captain of the guard is called Shining Armor, and so forth. For you, probably something 'Spy-ish'." Conway thought for a moment. Then, finally, he smirked at his idea.
"What about..." he said, smirking, "...Cross-Linker."